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Cult of the Dead Cow 139
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...presents... Bert: The Poem
by Racer X
>>> a cDc publication.......1990 <<<
-cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
______________________________________________________________________________
This file is dedicated to the late Jim Henson, a man who always managed to
entertain both children and adults. He was best known as the creator of the
Muppets (R) and Sesame Street (R) and for giving life to such characters as
Kermit the Frog (R), Rowlf (R), Waldorf (R), Dr. Teeth (R) and Ernie (R).
Jim died on the morning of Wednesday, May 16, 1990 of a severe infection due to
an overlooked case of pneumonia. Thanks for all the laughs, Jim....
--Racer X
"It ain't easy bein' green."
______________________________________________________________________________
He creeps down the hallway
Monobrow
Head like pineapple
Mind chock full o' vengeance
Body of foam
He lurks
and lurks
and lurks
Dew forms 'tween his turtleneck and skin
He clenches two fists of animosity
He arrives at the door - a murderous courier
and mutters to himself
"This is it.
I have to do it."
With
a
slow
sweep
His foot pushes the door
gently ajar
The soft hallway light frolics
across the face of his prey
The delicate orange sponge
covered only by a sheet
Innocence
The prowler contemplates
and conceives
a multitude of homicidal acts
in his already damaged brain
"How can I lynch this criminal?
I could play butcher and then play doctor
Heh
Heh
Heh
I could just knife 'im a few hundred times
Poison, nah...
I'll choke him
No
Suffocation
Asphyxiation
I'll cut his damn head off
Crucify him
Crucify him for HIS sins
Electrocution. Quick. Painless.
Wait, I want the sucker to feel it.
I could burn the son of a bitch
Set his goddamned bed ablaze
Make him suffer
Suffer
Colombian necktie
I'll ring tears from his plastic eyes
Never sorry before
You'll be sorry now."
The nightstalker freezes
Orange eyelids expose unconscious eyes
Blurr blurr
Coned silhouette in doorway
The sleeper asks,
"Who is it?
' Somebody there?"
A violent leap
Yellow meets orange in a clash
The life-burglar darts atop the sleeper
pinning him to the warm bed
Yellow foam hands squeeze into fists
"Bert, what are you doing?!
Are you crazy?!"
The hammers are raised
The killer reminisces his motives
"This is for everything you've ever done to me!"
POUND
"This is for the time you filled our apartment up with water
because you left the bath running!"
STRIKE
"Remember my purple hand?
Here's one for that!"
BEAT
"Remember when you played tag with an involuntary me?!
Now you're it!"
WACK
"You're it!"
THWACK
"And this one's for Rubber-Ducky!"
SMACK
"I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!
I hate you!"
Endless streak of death blows
Pulverization
Arms at work like piledrivers
Drive drive drive
Fists like anvils
Sponge to styrofoam noodles
Final blow
"I'm sorry (sob).
I had no idea (sob sob)."
"It's too damn late for apologies."
"Please
(gasp)
stop this.
I'll never bother you again."
Yellow digs deep into a polyester pocket
Paper clips surface
A
wild
chain
of
paper-
clips
"What? Your paper clip collection?"
Like lightning
The paper clips are yanked around the helpless puppet's neck
Gasps for breath
Choke choke choke
The wire digs holes in the orange neck
"I
can't
breathe."
Convulsion
Sudden peace
The body ends its hopeless struggle
The courier climbs down from the corpse
and watches
and watches
and watches
An open window
The sounds of a restless city rush in
with a flock of city birds
"My pigeons,
My beautiful pigeons.
You hate him as much as I do.
He's all yours."
Peck
Peck
Peck
Midnight snack
An audible siren
Slamming car doors
Knock
Knock
Knock
"Open up! It's the police!"
The murderer
h e s i t a t e s
Pushes the window
anxiously higher
l
o
o
k
s
d
o
w
n
and leaps
wondering
just
how
the
sleeper
always
managed
to
be
so
innocent
when
always
guilty
--Racer X, 10:39 PM, Monday, 10/23/89
_ _ ____________________________________________________________________
/((___))\|The Dead Zone........214/522-5321|Demon Roach Undrgrnd..806/794-4362|
[ x x ] |NIHILISM.............415/285-9453|The People Farm.......916/673-8412|
\ / |Tequila Willy's GSC..209/526-3194|The Bombay............714/897-0412|
(' ') |Lunatic Labs.........213/655-0691|The Works.............617/861-8976|
(U) |====================================================================|
.ooM |(c)1990 cDc communications by Racer X. 06/21/90-#139|
\_______/|All Rights Pissed Away. |
