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Impulse Reality 279
s$
.d""b. impulse reality press no. 279 - shake your hips!
[-- $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------------------ --]
$$ $$ "financial advice"
$$ $$ written by linear
$$ $$ released 9/6/04
[-- $$ $$ ------ ------------------------------------------------------ --]
[slightly adapted from a now defunct website i used to write for]
For a little over a year now, i've been working at a rather large
and well-known bank, despite the given fact that i generally hate banks,
have horrible basic math skills, and no background in finances. anyway, i'm
a phone banker, meaning i get to listen to people like yourself bitch all
day long about your own stupid mistakes. since my employer likes to refer to
us bankers as "financial educators," i thought i'd take this time to solve
all of your financial worries right here, so i never have to explain this to
you over the phone at the bank:
-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
STOP MAKING PURCHASES AND WRITING CHECKS
FOR SHIT YOU DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY FOR
-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-
Here is a little example...
_______
/ $ \
/_________\
| BIGBANK |
|---------|
| $4.32 |
|AVAILABLE| <-- AVAILABLE FUNDS
|_________|
////
[IDIOT] (o o) OMG I WANTS TO BY A
( ^ ) -- PIMPED OUT AUTOMOBILE!
~ DO YOU'S GOT ONE?
.aaaaa.
[SALESMAN] c8888888b
j8fffff8Y
) e e p
| (_) . WHY YES! THIS ONE
`. - / --- RIGHT HERE! IT'S THE
`-=-' PIMPMOBILE FOR YOU!
_..-------++._
_.-'/ | _|| \"--._
__.--'`._/_\j_____/_||___\ `----.
_.--'_____ | \ _____ /
_j /,---.\ | =o | /,---.\ |_
[__]==// .-. \\==`===========/==// .-. \\=[__]
`-._|\ `-' /|___\_________/___|\ `-' /|_.'
`---' `---'
////
[IDIOT] (o o) GOD YESSSSS!
( ^ ) -- I WILL TAKE IT LIKE WHOA!
~ HERE'S A CHECK!
.-----------------------------------------------.
| JOHN L IDIOT 1041 |
| 123 MORON ST DATE: 9/6/2004 |
| QUARTZITE, AZ |
| |
|pay to the |
|order of ___POOFY HAIRED SALESMAN____[$1000000]|
|______ONE MILLION AND 00/100___________DOLLARS |
| |
| BIGBANK, N.A. |
| $ TEXAS |
| 1-800-BIGBANK |
| |
| memo __FOR CAR__ signature ___JL IDIOT___ |
`-----------------------------------------------'
_________
/ $ \
/___________\
| BIGBANK |
|-----------|
|$-999995.68|
| AVAILABLE | <-- AVAILABLE FUNDS
|___________|
it's pathetic how many people call asking why their account is overdrawn
and why they were consequentially assessed fees for being overdrawn simply
because they were too dumb to just not spend money they don't have.
making lame ascii drawings like this is how i pass the time at work.
please kill me.
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