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Impulse Reality 252
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.d""b. impulse reality press no. 252 - i can not compete.
[-- $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------------------ --]
$$ $$ "Probably 101 dating tips.... But who's counting?"
$$ $$ written by Neuro (lo-Tek)
$$ $$ released 8/01/04
[-- $$ $$ ------ ------------------------------------------------------ --]
(if you are, then get a life...or something)
Bring her somewhere nice....Taco Bell or Del Taco will do, but play it safe,
go with Jack in the Box.
Don't shower for a few days, or weeks even.............pharamones man,
pharamones....
Make sure that she flips the bill....then you home free.
o, and tell her to pick you up....cuz you don't wanna waste any gas.
always point out how hot "that chick" is.
Tell her that her mom is incredibly attractive.
compliment her on her clothes, but in place of "clothes", put "breasts".
Ask her if shes into things like S&M, bondage, that kind of thing.
comment on how fat the waitress, carni, or crippled kid is. and Don't drop
the subject.
compliment her on her nose job.
eat something......anything......from her plate, without asking her.
smell her hair.
be sure to tell her that your gay, confusion is always bad.
buy her a bar of soap for her birthday, x-mas, etc.
if and when you meet her parents, be sure to mention that your sure she'll
take real good care of you.
ask her if you know her from somewhere.....namely....Girls Gone Wild..
brag about the size of your cock all throughout the date.
tell her that she should wear makeup, even if she does...
smack her ass at every opportunity.
tell her that Jerry Springer is you favorite show because you can really
relate to it.
mention the fact that if she ever got pregnant you would skip the country.
some phrases to use:
"I plan to graduate one of these days"
"White Power"
"you got any rock?"
If she's kind of a bitch, ask if shes a "VAGITARIAN"
"my balls itch"
"I work in the adult entertainment industry"
"One time, at fat camp..."
"can I touch your boobs?"
"A womans place is in the kitchen"
"I think I left my bong in your car..."
"so, whats your take on anal sex?"
"you have nice lips.....">:)
"ok, ok, ok, ok, one word...Dental Dam"
"*cough* can I have a sip of that?"
"so, how many guys have you been with? any girls?"
"Johnny Bravo turns me on"
Good date ideas:
Take her trashing (unless shes into hacking/phreaking)
A Strip Club is always a good choice.
If shes a vegetarian, take her to Arbies.
kkk meeting
Starwars Convention
ask her if she'd like to watch old reruns of "Americas Funniest
Home Videos"
Invite her to do your laundry.
take her to an AA or NRA meeting.
The Library will do in a pinch.
Take her to a wrestling match and constantly comment on how cute
the outfits are.
take her to a sports bar, unless she likes sports...and being hit
on by over-the-hill plumbers and lesbians.
go for a walk in the red light district
take her hunting
take her to the SPCA, and constantly comment on how "that dog" or
"that kitty cat" will soon be dead.
funeral homes and cemetaries make for fun filled dates.
go to some random persons wedding, just show up.
Divorce Court....need I say more
-take your girlfriend to work day-
abortion clinic
psych. ward
the DMV
any fan club
your friends house
a retirement home....be sure to mock the residents and vandalize the
lobby...otherwise its pointless.
that chinese restaurant next door to PetSmart, and be sure to point
that out...(may or may not be good idea depending on whether she is
disgusted or not...if so, your set)
trailer park BBQ
wear an "All I got was this lousy t-shirt" shirt.
Mullets are in.
Tell her to bring some of her meal home.......cuz the last thing she needs
is more food...
ask her if she has a sister
Tell her that you feel sorry for her dad.....having ended up with her mom...
if possible, wear bicycle shorts on the date.
eat a lot of onions and garlic before the date.
stuff all of your pockets with condoms.
have a sling shot in your the back, right pocket of you pants, if your
wering any.
wear an aluminum foil hat, and tell her that its so the government can't
read your thoughts.
riddle your room with porn
riddle your hard drive with porn...if its not already
have an empty blow up doll box in the back of your car.
if your over 25, mention that you live with your parents.
hang deer heads all over your walls
drink a litre of kool aide just before the date.
Tell her lots of dirty jokes, if she laughs, look disgusted...
keep a lot of Harry Potter, Star Wars, and Pokemon memorabelia around.
bring your gameboy.
tell her that "that chick" gives really good head.
strike up conversations about off the wall things, like "Big Gay Al,"
Plumbing, the For Dummies books, and Martha Stewart.
burp the ABCs.
if possible, fart the ABCs.
just sit there and stare at her, blankly, and say nothing.
tell the waitress that it's her birthday even if its not.
stare at her chest. (like you can help it)
talk with a canadian accent, unless your canadian, then talk with a really
crappy American one.
constantly make fun of people.
the more she hears "Wow, shes got a huge rack!" the better.
shave everything except for your face.
wear womens underwear....make it obvious.
tell her how attractive she is........but in place of "her," put
"the Olsen Twins"
last but not least, at the end of the date, make your move and say "Give
me some sugar!"
http://www12.brinkster.com/xxlotekxx
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