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Impulse Reality 188
s$
.d""b. impulse reality press no. 188
[-- $$ $$ $$ -- ------------------------------------------------------ --]
$$ $$ "Shitty Movie"
$$ $$ written by darude-sandstorm
$$ $$ released 5/27/02
[-- $$ $$ ------ ------------------------------------------------------ --]
Okay, a little intro, this is a script in progress, you figure it out.
-darude-sandstorm
clock reads 11:59 PM
"a lot of people say i'll never be a filmmaker, yeah, thats true.
Me, laying in bed, looking at the ceiling.
"so, thats what this is about."
Main Titles
Buses pulling into a high school, letting kids off, entering bulding, kids
walking in hallway
Voice Over: "I want to go to film school, but for right now, i gotta deal
with this. This is the hell that is Easton High" "Our setting is the year of
2001, and our place is Easton PA" "The first day of school, oh boy, i cant
wait" "Another year of the same boring people and the same bullshit classes"
Interior, school lobby
Girl (Natasha) walks up: Hey Graem.
Graem: Hey Tasha. Ready for another year of this shit?
Tasha: Unfortunatly, anyway, hows the writing going?
Graem: Fuck you, i didn't sleep last night.
Tasha: Another late night? Writing your little masterpiece?
Graem: Hey, when I'm on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, and winning 3
Independant Spirit awards, you'll see.
Tasha: Uh huh, and until then, you'll just have to be another Kevin Smith
wannabe.
Graem: Use His name in vein again, and i'll smack the shit out of you.
Tasha: Do something.
They continue to walk down the hall, met by hispanic kid (Bladimir) and
Mokawked white kid (Andrew)
Blad: Look at these moreose motherfuckers right here.
Graem: Lay off, Jay.
Tasha: No shit, you need to cut your hair.
Andrew: Me or him?
Graem: Quit trying to steal the scene, asshole.
Andrew: What, like this is a movie or something?
Tasha, Graem, Blad and Andrew look at the camera a la J&SBSB
Graem: Anyway, I'm almost done with my fuckin script.
Black kids (Jakata, Brandon and John) walk past the group, one pushes Graem.
Black Kid 1: Watch where you going bitch.
Graem: Hey fuck you!
Black kid 2: Who are you swearing at?
Tasha: Jakata, back the hell off of him.
Jakata: Fuckin bitch, watch yo self.
Graem throws up the "westside" sign at them as they leave.
Blad: Fuck it, lets go to homeroom.
Cut to classroom, kids milling around, reading schedules, chatting, tasha and
graem are near the back.
Tasha: This sucks, why do we always have to start so late, we always seem to
get out about June 17th.
Graem: I agree, why do we have start in september.
Tasha: the 11th no less.
Graem: Yeah, if we...
Cut off by a tall mullato kid (Mike Myers)
Mike: Shut the hell up, channel one is on.
most of the class sits mesmerized by the telvision spewing birtney spears
pepsi commericals and anti drug ads.
Tasha: So, remind me again. what is your movie about?
Graem: Its about a guy who travels to red bank NJ to kill his idol, kevin
smith.
Tasha: if he is his idol, why does he kill him?
Graem: cause he is seriously demented
Tasha: is this autobiographical?
Graem: No, I'm not that crazy.
Tasha: Yeah you are, psychoboy. Anyway. what did you do last night?
Cut to: Graem sitting at his computer, frozen.
Cut back to classroom
Graem: nothing.
Tasha: Ooooook
Bell rings
Camera moves fast thru crowded hallways and people walking ,standing talking.
Camera goes into classroom, teacher talking
camera speed adjusts, normal speed now.
Shot of Teacher
Teacher: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah
shot of graem, blank stare on face.
camera view, topdown, looking at students desks with noetbook paper on it,
all students have something written on it. pan over to graem's, its says
nothing but "blah blah blah blah"
Voice Over: When will this fucking day end?!
Cut to teacher: blah, blah, blah
Voice over: LORD TAKE ME NOW!!!
Cut to Graem, passed out, drool coming from mouth.
Voice over: somehow I made it thru that hellish period, the first day of
school and he makes us take fucking notes. what kind of fuckin person would
make a person do that.
Camera moving behind graem, normal speed, people are talking to teachers,
watching TV, talking amonst themselves. Tasha approches Graem.
Graem: What the hell is going on?
Tasha: Didnt you hear?
Graem: Hear what?
Tasha: The fuckin twin towers mahn, someone flew a plane into it.
Graem: Shut the fuck up.
Tasha: Come here...
Tasha leads graem, camera into adjacent classroom, where the TV is blasting
MSNBC (Twin towers attacked, pentagon attacked, stc...)
Graem: hoooooolllllyyyyy shiiiiit
Tasha: I know, this is damn crazy
Cut to:
Black screen with white lettering spelling: Meanwhile...
fade to airplane interior
Arab Man 1: (in arabic accent) WE HAVE A BOMB! EVERYONE STAY AWAY!
camera shows rows of frigented passengers, staring in disbelif as they are
being hijacked.
Arab Man 2: IF ANYONE TRIES TO TOUCH US THEY WILL DIE NOW!
Cut to exterior, new york WTC 1 on fire, WTC 2 intact, plane swooping up,
Cut back to airplane interior, cockpit.
Arab man is flying plane, swooping up into WTC 2.
Arab man 3: speaks arabic (Yellow subtitles: What the hell have I done with
my life? ALLAH!!!)
Fire engulfs interior of plane.
Cut to: Exterior of WTC 2, plane smashing into it.
Fade to black
Fade up to Graem and Hispanic kids (Nick and Carlos) and white kid (E.T.)
Graem: I just cant fucking belive this
Carlos: Belive it mahn, this is THE turning point in our generation.
Graem: I know, but, do you think it was terrorism?
Carlos: Of course its fuckin terrorism, who the hell else would do this?
Anyway, hows the movie coming along.
GraeM: fine
Carlos: you sound fuckin happy today.
GraeM: (grunts) sleeeeeepppppyyyy
Carlos laughs.
Nick: Whats with the camera crew?
Carlos: What?
Nick: Yeah, theres the sound guy and a camera operator.
Camera pulls back to reveal a sound guy, director's chair (empty) and camera
operator.
Carlos: This isnt a movie, did you get a hold of some cheep drugs or
someting?
Nick: Now who is being naive?
Graem: OKAY! Enought with the breaking of the 3rd wall. We already did that
once.
Carlos: What the fuck are you talking about? Anyway, I hope they fly a plane
into the Sears Tower, heh.
Nick: Why the hell would you ever say something like that?
Carlos: Watch this...
Carlos jumps up on table, and screams:
Carlos: I HAVE GUN!!! YOUR ALL GONNA DIE! LONG LIVE PALESTINE, THERE IS NO
GOD BUT ALLAH!!!! OSAMA YO MAMA!!!!
Lunchroom erupts in laughter, Carlos gets taken off table by teacher, and led
away.
Graem: Dumbass mahn.
E.T.: Shut the fuck up.
Graem looks hurt.
Graem leaves table, camera follows behind, moves up to a table where hispanic
girl and jewish kid sit.
Graem: Hey Sin, Hey Matt, did you hear what happened.
Sin: Yeah, this is sooo fucked up.
Matt: I agree, this is really bad, this is the worst attack on the U.S. since
Pearl Harbor...
At that moment, in slow motion, the two kids bust in the lunchroom with
automatic weapons and proceed to shoot up the place, many people shot:
close up on tall, black kid, bullet flies thru his head, blood, skull
fragments fly everywhere, he drops his food and falls, he falls in it.
As they continue to shoot up the place: Voice Over (Sin): Graem! Graem!!
Cut to: Graem's face, camera moves around to sin and matt.
Graem: Don't ask...
Sin laughs
Sin: So, how was your shrink appointment last night?
Graem: He says im a psycho.
Cut to:
Screen split into 4
in screen 1: graem talking to psych. he gets up and starts beating him in the
head with a club.
in screen 2: graem throwing around a small cat, and then jumping on the
kitten.
in screen 3: graem railing some girl in the ass
in screen 4: graem shooting people in school.
Sin: really?
Graem: yeah.
Bell rings.
Sin: come on, take me to my next class.
Cut to:
Sin and Graem walking around the hallway, they walk past the payphone and a
kid (Linear) is redboxing, sin hangs the phone up on him, keeps on walking.
Linear: BITCH!!
Sin (over her shoulder): STOP STEALING FROM AT&T!!!
Graem laughs
Linear: FUCK YOU!
Sin: FUCK YOU TOO PHREAK!
Linear continues to redbox
Graem: Ill see you later, i gotta talk to Jared.
Graem walks over to Linear aka Jared.
Graem: Hey, uh, Jared, can you explain to me how to redbox?
Linear: No.
Graem: Okay, let me start again, can you tell me how to BUILD a redbox?
Linear: No.
Graem: pleaaaaaaase? Ill give you some Boca Burgers...
Linear: weeeeelllll, okay. This is how it works.
Camera goes into coin slot, and a quarter falls down it, it triggers off a
few sparks and shit.
Linear continues as a voice over:
Linear: you put your coin in the payphone and it makes thru a series on
tsters to see if its a real quarter or not, and then, it falls thru a slot
and there, the magic happens
coin passes thru slot and you here a tone.
the coin is recognized by the payphone as money, and you are free to make
your call.
cut to: Lin and Graem by the payphone, camera facing them.
Graem: so how does a redbox come into play?
Linear: The redbox just mimics the tones the payphone makes. A redbox is just
a Rat Shack tone dialer with a few con-verts.
Graem: hmmmmm.
Linear: Youre not a FED are you?
Graem laughs
Linear: Okay, now where is my boca burger?
Graem: tomorrow, tomorrow.
Linear: If you dont give me my boca, i will fuckin send out the 31337 task
force and then you will be nutrilized.
Graem: Whatever, later.
Linear: mmhmm...
camera on linear, he continues to redbox
cut to graem walking away, down the hallway.
He walks into a classroom, camera follows him, he takes a seat at the nearest
desk to him.
puts his head down.
Cut to: Black screen, with white letters saying "meanwhile"
Cut to: people working in an office building, you hear a jet engine
screeming,
and then you see an explosion, and people runing and screaming, a jet comes
into the office.
Camera moves down thru floors, people looking up at their ceiling, seeing it
shake, then collapse.
Cut to: Graem walking into his science class.
He sees Natasha and Linear, giving wach other mean looks.
He walks over to them.
Graem: okay, no rumbling today.
Natasha: tell that stupid-ass white boy to stop looking at me.
Linear: I just want peace.
Natasta: FUCK YOU VEGAN BITCH!
Linear: DO SOMETHING!
Graem: Both of you shut the hell up, damn.
They all sit down, graem in the middle, seperating Lin and Tasha.
Teacher starts talking.
Teacher: Hello class, I'm Mr. Anderson.
Graem and Linear laugh, Tasha just looks at them funny.
Mr. Anderson: I know Kung Fu.
The class laughs.
Linear: Show me...
Mr. Anderson: what was that, Mr... (He looks at his class sheet) Dobias?
Linear: nothing, sir.
Mr. Anderson: Anyway, this is physics 2, here we will learn how to fight kung
fu, and spin around REALLLLL FAST, dodge bullets, and how this relates to
physics. Not to mention, at the end of the year, we will view "the matrix"
The class gives a general cheer.
Mr. Anderson: Whoa...
Cut to: Graem, passed out once again.
OFF CAMERA:
Linear: Graem, Graem, WAKE UP YOU FILTHY FUCK!!!!
Graem: BAHHHH ITS NOT MY RED BOX OFFICER!!!
Linear: No, its MY redbox
Graem: How long have i been out?
Linear: long enough, its time to go.
Graem: whoa...
Okay, if you like this, please email me: darude-sandstorm@lycos.com
If you hated it, you can fuck off...
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the clever thing to do here would be to put some sort of copyright. no.
http://www.phonelosers.net/ir
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