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Impulse Reality 081
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____ ____ ____
_I_R_ | || |\ \
M E | || |/____/ nawleed Revisited
P A | || |\ \ ir file number 081
U L |____||____| |____| released 12.09.00
L I | || |\| | by linear
S T |____||____| |____| we're just fucking with your mind.
E Y even_god_reads_it
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Because I felt so bad about the last time I tried to interview
nawleed, I thought I should give him a chance to redeem himself by trying
once again to interview him. This is what happened. I've learned my lesson.
its linear: hey ass face!
nawleed: Hello it is good to be here!
its linear: So what have you been up to in the WaCkY world of Impulse
Reality lately?
nawleed: Abso-freakin'-lutely nothing, baby!
its linear: That sounds interesting! What's the direction of IR these
days?
nawleed: Dammit, you're trying to interview me again, aren't you?
its linear: Why, of course not! So, how do you view the texfile scene?
Is it a positive community?
nawleed: If you want to interview me, I'd prefer if you sent me
questions, so as to allow me more time to formulate my
responses.
nawleed: Sent me questions by e-mail, that is.
its linear: Okay, fine sir, that will be done. Now, please rub your
clammy hands over my nipples!
nawleed: - rubs clammy hands over nipples -
---- Responses to emailed questions ----
1] What the hell are you doing in the textfile scene?
Whorin' my way to the top, baby. (Seriously though, I don't consider myself a
part of the "textfile scene." I'm not even sure I know what the "textfile
scene" is. Sorry.)
2] Do you really think you're all that important? Do you?
Listen: I don't care what any of you wall street nancy boys say. As a self-
proclaimed tap dancing folk slinger I feel it is my duty to advise you on the
subject of importance with regard to people. We're all important (really). If
even one person who is here now wasn't the world would be different in
immesurable ways. Perhaps for a person uncomfortable with his/her situation
in life this would be ideal but I am quite secure but thank you for your
concern.
3] Well, you're not, what do you think of THAT?
It doesn't make sense. Refer to my previous answer.
4] Oh yea?
I think you meant to write "yeah" but that sentence is grammatically
incorrect. But anyway it doesn't matter and in answer to your question "YEAH."
5] I'm sorry. I really do love you. It's just that you get me so ANGRY
sometimes. Anyway, who's your favorite t-file arthur?
My favorite t-file Arthur would have to be Arthur "The Jigga" Lowe. His
improvisational comedy stylings ignite a fire in my loins.
6] But WHY? All his files totally suck ass!
It would be funny if you accidentally wrote "flies" instead of "files." I
would uh get a kick out of it.
I don't think he writes textfiles. In fact, I've never met him. Like most of
your questions, I have no answer to this. I'm sorry.
Hey, what if my favorite textfile Arthur had been a female? That question is
uh politically incorrect. You uh are a bad person. yeah
7] Are you trying to be funny?
Yeah, but look, I know I'm not succeeding, so don't bother pointing that out.
THANKS.
8] What do you think of this question?
I don't know.
9] Really?
Yeah. Well, maybe. Ask me later.
10] Was it as good for you as it was for me?
No, actually I hated it. I spent too much time trying (AND FAILING!!!) to be
clever, and you spent too much time asking me awkward questions. I really
don't see why you would want to interview me, anyway. What did you even
expect? It seems to me as if you set me up. All paths in this interview led
to me making a fool of myself.
Which I did, of course. I'm such a bastard.
:(
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Copyright (c) 2000 IMPULSE REALITY PRESS - http://ir.phonelosers.net
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