Impulse Reality 089

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Impulse Reality

 · 5 years ago

  

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  _I_R_ |    ||    |\    \ 
   M E  |    ||    |/____/       Ralph Nader Disrupts A School Process. 
   P A  |    ||    |\    \       ir file number 089 
   U L  |____||____| |____|      released 12.09.00 
   L I  |    ||    |\|    |      by linear 
   S T  |____||____| |____|      we're just fucking with your mind. 
   E Y   even_god_reads_it 

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	A few weeks ago I was suppose to take the ASVAB test here at my  
school in the auditorium. The ASVAB test is an aptitude test provided by the 
military. Some of you might be familiar with my atitude towards the  
military - I hate it. With a passion, I might add. So as soon as I read that 
this test could be used for "recruiting purposes," I decided nuh-uh, there's 
no way in hell I'm taking this test. 

	FORESHADOW NOTE!@#%$ - The military can't take a joke. 

	When I was told to bubble in my name on their neato test, I simply 
bubbled in "RALPH NADER". Problem solved. Without my real name, they can't 
get my contact info from the school. So now they won't be able to use my test 
for "recruiting purposes". 

	So, as instructed, we turn in that cover/information sheet, mine  
reading "Ralph Nader" with an added bubble under ethnicity for "Human". Then 
they hand out our test booklets and read us the inrtuctions. We are to begin. 
Just as I'm about to bubble in my first answer, they announce on their little 
loud speaker (so as to be loud enough for all us Juniors taking their FUN 
aptitude test to hear) that "Oh, we have a 'funny-maker'. Who is Mr. 'Ralph 
Nader'?" There's a few chuckles. So I thought, okay, fuck it, if I stand up 
and admit to it, I'll get out of taking this stupid test. So I do just that 
(though most people already knew it was me, because I'm the one of the only 
people on this pathetic campus who tends to be a big "political" dumbass). I 
stand up, and a proctor rushes over to me. As I'm escorted out, I get bad  
looks from some military goons, loud cheers from the students, and even more 
laughter. 

	I am escorted down to the discipline office. Here I sit around for 
about 45 minutes, waiting for them to say SOMETHING to me. Finally, an  
administrator comes out and says "Okay, Mr. Nader, come with me..." I follow 
her to her office. She asks me what happened. I explain to her that since,  
by law, I have the choice not to take this ASVAB test, and that I'm not  
interested in having anything to do with the military, I refused to put my  
name on the test. They tell me that what I just did was "disrupting the  
school process," and I am imediately put in On-Campus Suspension for the rest 
of the day. Great, not even through 2nd period yet, and I have to spend the 
day in some office starring at a wall. 

	That's right, I got suspended for not taking an unrequired test. And 
they called my parents to tell them what a hoodlum of a son they have. They 
explain to my parents why my school record will have a little note on it to 
let people know that I "Disrupted a school process". 

	Oh yea, and they took away my "Exploited - Punk's Not Dead" shirt and 
made me wear a "UHS - Discipline" shirt. My shirt, you see, is inappropriate. 
Apparently, punk IS dead, I guess. 

	My dad blows up. He demands to know why I'm being disciplined for 
standing up for my right not to take the test. And then asks how they figure 
I disrupted the school process when it was them that announced it on the loud 
speaker and made a big deal out of it. They hangup on my dad. 

	My dad didn't appreciate that much. 

	So after my dad demands all sorts of conferences and sends a few 
threatening letters and what not, he manages to get everything off my record 
(not that I'm worried about my already pathetic record), and several  
insincere apologies. 

	I also get to wear my shirt again. 

	But the finale, you see, came a week or two later, when  
administration sent a memo to all Junior teachers about the ASVAB test. It 
was a nice note thanking them for letting students take the test. My teacher 
read this memo aloud to the class (because he's a weirdo). I have an  
interesting excerpt from that memo for you (I got a copy of the memo from my 
teacher, because I'm an even bigger weirdo than he)... 

	"First, thank you so much for your support and cooperation during the 
ASVAB testing. Overall the students were great; one student identified  
himself as Ralph Nadar [sic], which created a bit of a disruption however 
after that the group settled down into a positive testing enviroment." 

	Oh, that WaCkY administration. 

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