Impulse Reality 030

Published in

· 5 years ago

  

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(   ____  ____  ____                                                        ) 
 ) |    ||    |\    \                                                      (  
(  |    ||    |/____/    alfred                                             ) 
 ) |    ||    |\    \    ir file number 030                                ( 
(  |____||____| |____|   released 08.27.00                                  ) 
 ) |    ||    |\|    |   by nawleed                                        ( 
(  |____||____| |____|   we're just fucking with your mind.                 ) 
 )  _impulse reality_                                                      ( 
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	alfred was fat. 
	 
	alfred was so fat, in fact, that only his closest friends, who were 
also fat, called him by his real name. other people called him "fatty" or 
"fatboy" or "lardass." 

	day after day alfred would sit alone in his room listening to NIRVANA 
and tap-tap-tapping away at his computer keyboard with his chubby little 
fingers and staring into his monitor. god only knows what he was doing. 

	probably looking at porn. 
	 
	alfred and his other fat friends would go out time and again, and as 
they walked by random people would yell obnoxiously loud and rude things at 
them. it was not uncommon for alfred and his friends to be walking down the 
street minding their own business, and hearing, all of a sudden, "AHAHAHAHA 
GET A LOAD OF THE LARDASSES!@#% HAHAHAHA HAAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHA!@#$%" 

	as you might imagine, this upset alfred a great deal, and he 
eventually asked his father, who was surprisingly underweight, for guidance. 

	"alfred, my son," his father said, "you can't blame the other kids 
for calling you fat. you _are_ fat. right?" 

	"well," alfred said, "i... i guess so." 
	 
	"you're damn right you are. lay off the cheeseburgers, fatty. anyway, 
you shouldn't be ashamed of being fat. you don't, after all, have a whole lot 
going for you. your fat is the only thing you have that other kids your age 
don't! wear it like a badge of pride!" 

	alfred, feeling somewhat better, thanked his father for the advice. 
	 
	"any time, pal. go get 'em, you fatass!" 
	 
	so alfred took his father's advice. he got a custom printed t-shirt 
that read, "I'M FAT AND YOU'RE NOT." he wore this shirt every day, to let 
people who saw him know that he had something they didn't. 

	the people who used to make fun of alfred found his new, heightened 
self-esteem charming, and befriended him. alfred stopped sitting in front of 
his computer for hours on end, and instead started hanging out with his new 
friends more often. girls were attracted to him. guys respected him. alfred 
was happy. 

	and deep down inside, alfred knew it was what he deserved. 

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