Anada 267

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Anada

 · 5 years ago

  

                              
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     '                                                                  ' 
    '   anada                "Cosmo is the Devil"                23 jan  ' 
   '     267                  by MechanicalBride                  2001    ' 
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        She had all the answers.  She knew exactly what to say and exactly 
 what to do at all the right times.  She had advice on relationships--how to 
 get one, keep one, and keep it ‘healthy’.  She warned me about weird men, 
 bad fashion choices, and important career moves.  She wanted to teach me how 
 to be a ‘fun fearless female’.  She embodied everything a woman should be. 
 YM, Seventeen, Glamour & Mademoiselle tried, but were only her brunette 
 toadies. 

        It was Cosmo who guided the teenage girl army into their futures of 
 great accessories, one night stands, and top rung parties of the social 
 ladder.  It was Cosmo whose glossy pages my young friends and I stared 
 desperately into for some sort of key or trick to making our budding 
 ‘femaleness’ a little bit easier.  It was Cosmo who encouraged us to have 
 ‘girl power’, but that it might be a little bit easier to get our point 
 across in a miniskirt.  It was Cosmo who helped us stay ‘fresh & sexy’ while 
 landing a man, scoring a promotion, and getting a great deal on leather 
 pants all in one day.  It was Cosmo who helped us develop interesting, 
 exciting personalities so that we might have something intelligent to talk 
 about with that tall dark someone. 

        It was Cosmo who designed the perfect outfit, attitude, man & mantra 
 for today’s woman.  It was Cosmo that knew ‘my man’s’ ‘hot spots’ and 
 directed me towards a perfect execution.  It was Cosmo that weighed the pros 
 & cons of plastic surgery for us.  It was Cosmo who reminded us gently that 
 with their monthly do-it-yourself makeovers we can bring out our true, hot 
 selves with just a little honey, oatmeal, and duct tape.  It was Cosmo that 
 helped me choose that ‘perfect scent’ to match my personality. 

        It was Cosmo who laid at my 14 year old feet as I stared into the 
 mirror with disgust.  It was Cosmo who was there for my friend Marie in 11th 
 grade while she threw up her dinner.  It was Cosmo who sat at the bottom of 
 Anna’s locker to remind her between classes that the reason she didn’t have 
 a date for the prom was because she needed to highlight her hair or lose 40 
 pounds or take interest in a new hobby.  It was Cosmo’s airbrushed 
 perfection and Gucci waifs that fed Sarah’s depression and Jessica’s breast 
 enlargement and Lindsey’s calorie-counting obsession. 

        It was 1998 when I realized how much damage this 300 paged shiny book 
 of instant inadequacy was having on me and almost every other girl in this 
 country.  You can have dark roots with blond hair if you want.  You can date 
 a guy who doesn’t rake in more money than you.  You can wear orange 
 eyeshadow.  You don’t have to max your credit cards trying to keep up with 
 'what's hot’.  You can call a guy the day after a date.  You can be 190 
 pounds and be happy.  You can age to 30 without having to worry about 
 finding a husband.  You don’t have to have kids.  You can eat half a gallon 
 of ice cream without feeling guilty.  You can stay home on Friday nights if 
 you want.  You don’t have to wear brand names.  You can drink regular Pepsi  
 instead of Diet.  You can be loved if even you don’t have a B/C/D cup or abs 
 of steel.  You can go to the store and not have to feel like shit because 
 you’re standing next to a magazine rack of Pamela Anderson covers. 

        There's only one thing you can’t do, and that is read Cosmo.  Not 
 even for the ‘interesting articles’.  It’s the devil, and there's nothing 
 the devil loves more than a bunch of ‘fun, faceless females’ who can’t think 
 for themselves. 

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 `   anada267   by MechanicalBride                  (c) 2001 anada e'zine   `