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Anada 056
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## ## ### I S S U E # 0 5 6 0 5 - 1 3 - 0 0 ### ####
### # ### #######
#### ### "Frank, the Glorious Hot Dog" ###
####### by Effy
####
The anal psycho Nazi scientist Homer Rapemich grinned sadistically as
he poured some more chemicals onto his new, revolutionary creation. As a
cloud of steam arose, a frighteningly loud explosion rocked the laboratory.
Out of the cloud walked the deadliest, most vile, most malicious, most
psychotic compound of flesh on the face of the earth. There was no being
that was comparably close to the capability of destruction this creature
possessed, except for perhaps, the dark lord Beelzebub himself.
It was Frank, the vicious Frankfurter. Flames seethed and crackled
out of his charbroiled ass.
Homer screamed with joy. "With this thing," he declared, "I will
conquer all of Germany! I have created the strongest army of all, the
fourth reich, Hitler's dream, the epitome of intolerance and mass
destruction!"
Frank, who was created to think quite intelligently, peered up at
this Homer Rapemich, the gears in his brain creaking and shifting, creating
waves of mad, juicy thoughts. He didn't like his new master suddenly. In
fact, he didn't want a new master at all. The idea of he, the most
destructive being on the physical earth, being ruled by an anal psycho Nazi
scientist, struck him as a completely unlogical and asinine idea. Frank
wanted all of Germany for himself. In fact, he wanted the whole world to
have to kiss his crispy, flaming ass. He wanted a massive colony of his
species, a kingdom, where he, King Frank, would rule over all, and stop the
senseless slaughter and consumption of poor, defenseless hot dogs!
Boiling with suddenly inspired anger and rage, Frank jumped down the
anal psycho Nazi scientist's throat, choking him to death.
Minutes later, Frank crawled out of Homer's mouth, gagging. "Phew,"
Frank sighed, wiping saliva off his body. "That anal fuck's breath was
bad... tasted like ass! He must've had a tossed salad earlier."
After recovering from the stench of orally reversed homosexual
interplay, Frank packed a small suitcase. He decided to go to America, the
promised land. If he could conquer America, he could have the whole world!
And America just LOVED hot dogs...
The next day, Frank secretly hopped aboard a ship. He hid in a
barrel until the hustle and bustle of the crew grew quiet. Slowly, ever so
slowly, he emerged and saw that they were saily smoothly upon the water.
Frank's stomach rumbled. He hadn't had a thing to eat yet! He knew
instinctively that the only thing his kind could eat was tofu. He had
deftly jumped onto this boat, which of course, had a full supply of
soybeans. Frank slipped into the cargo room in the belly of the ship and
gorged himself upon the beans until his was so full he almost split in half.
He spent most of the ride to America in the cargo room where he could
eat and not be seen, burying himself in piles of beans during the day, and
only coming out at night. On the night before the ship was to arrive in New
York, Frank decided to slip out of the cargo room to stargaze. Frank walked
to the bow of the ship and climbed the rail. He saw the Statue of Liberty
in the distance (but very small of course) and grinned widely like there was
no tomorrow. He threw his arms into the air while the flames shot
powerfully out of his ass. "I'm the king of the world!" he shrieked, going
ape shit, and almost falling over the rail of the ship.
Early the next morning, Frank took his first step onto the shores of
Manhattan. Smiling to himself proudly, he dodged the crew and hurried
quickly to a hunting store to buy himself a gun.
The manager of the store gaped when he saw the living, breathing,
flaming weiner. He began chasing Frank with a knife, trying to slay him.
The manager was too fast for Frank, and brought down the knife and chopped
Frank in half, then laughed harshly.
"I should feed you to my dog, you little fucker!" he sneered at the
still pile of meat on the floor.
All of a sudden, the pieces of meat began to shake and regenerated
into two new Franks.
Frank stood up and smiled at his new twin, Hank. Together, they
dashed out of the store, but not before Frank could grab a bazooka and blow
off the manager's fat fucking head.
Once outside the store, Hank and Frank made a decision. They needed
to conquer America from the inside-out. They would travel west, to
Wisconsin.
A month later, the two loyal brothers settled in Milwaukee. There,
they found a hot dog stand, and suddenly Frank was struck with a wonderful
idea. He hopped over the table and stole a frankfurter. Luckily, the cook
didn't notice anything.
But Hank also tried to jump onto the table but had landed on the
grill instead. Writhing in agony, he sizzled and burned until the cook
placed him into a bun, and handed him to a hungry, wrinkled, slobbering sea
cow in a wheelchair.
Frank sadly trudged away, dragging the meat and mourning the loss of
his only brother, his only family. He suddenly realized what he would be
doing if he terrorized the whole world with his omnipotence. He suddenly
realized he had to settle down; he couldn't kill anymore. His heart
softened and his cheeks grew red and rosy with morality, and he looked to
the sky, to God, for comfort and solace, while grand fireworks shot out of
his charbroiled ass, looking more beautiful than ever before.
With his grief subsided, Frank set out to carry his fabulous idea
with the frankfurter he stole from the hot dog stand. Still grasping the
weiner, he placed a magical meat spell on it and turned it into a beautiful
female frankfurter. He named it Aleda. Together, Frank and Aleda married
and lived in Milwaukee for the rest of their long, juicy lives.
They even had seven wiener winks and three grade A Wisconsin plumpers
for children.
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# (c)2000 aNAda e'zine aNAda056 .*. by Effy #
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