Impulse Reality 078

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Impulse Reality

 · 5 years ago

  

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         ____  ____  ____ 
  _I_R_ |    ||    |\    \ 
   M E  |    ||    |/____/       Lovable Satan 
   P A  |    ||    |\    \       ir file number 078 
   U L  |____||____| |____|      released 11.21.00 
   L I  |    ||    |\|    |      by linear 
   S T  |____||____| |____|      we're just fucking with your mind. 
   E Y   even_god_reads_it 

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	"So, Edward, what will it be," Satan asked me with great impatience. 
"Your soul for the glass of water, the ability to recite the alphabet  
backwards (even while intoxicated), or eternal happiness?" 

	I pondered over the three options I had managed to narrow down to 
out of millions. Here it all came down to these three. The glass of water 
might be nice, it was rather hot out today, and the water refresh me enough 
to make it back to my air-conditioned home. The ability to recite the  
alphabet backwards (even while intoxicated) might come in handy sometimes out 
on those wild nights on the town, but I don't drink very much. Come to think 
about it, I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life. That's wacky! Eternal 
happiness - now there was a thought. But wouldn't I get used to eternal  
happiness after a while? Kind of like when your bath water is too hot, but if 
you're in it for long enough you adapt to the heat? 

	"I think I'll go with the glass of water, Satan. It's not getting any 
cooler out, and I wouldn't want to become dehydrated." 

	And it was so. Satan pulled a nice tall glass of water for me, right 
out of thin air. It had cute little circled ice cubes, not those tacky square 
ones like most people tend to be content with. Some people have no class. But 
Satan, however, knew his stuff. 

	The glass of water was so good, I let Satan keep my soul. That's  
right, I didn't take the cliche` way out and try to con my soul back from 
good ol' Lucifer. I just let 'em have it. As he does, to this day. In fact, 
I was so impressed with the glass of water, and the quality of Satan's  
service, that I let him have my conscience as a tip. 

	God bless Satan! 

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