Impulse Reality 041

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Impulse Reality

 · 5 years ago

  

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         ____  ____  ____ 
  _I_R_ |    ||    |\    \ 
   M E  |    ||    |/____/       Charlie the Disgruntled Deer 
   P A  |    ||    |\    \       ir file number 041 
   U L  |____||____| |____|      released 09.30.00 
   L I  |    ||    |\|    |      by Good Byte 
   S T  |____||____| |____|      we're just fucking with your mind. 
   E Y   even_god_reads_it 

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This piece takes place in the middle of the woods, at a male deer bonding  
retreat. The characters and events are in no way related to actual people,  
any similarity is purely coincidental. 

*    *    *    * 

Charlie:   well, um uh, hi everyone, I guess I should start by telling you  
all my name. Well its Charlie, yep Charlie. Well to be totally honest I feel  
a little strange here, I mean this is my first time getting in touch with my  
inner "fawn". Anyway where to start, where to start. Ok I know my name! Well  
I didn't pick it and my mother, god rest her soul, didn't pick. Nope it was a 
hunter still in a haze from his Vietnam days, who saw me yelled "There's  
Charlie" and fired on me. That how this antler was chipped. (Shows the  
crowd). Well anyway since then my friends haven't given it a rest, yo Charlie 
and hey Charlie, I hate that name, but most of all I hate them. No really, if 
I had a handgun and hands to go with it I'd cap them all. 'Charlie huh  
Charlie?' BANG  BANG "take that you piece of white tailed trash." 
    
	 My wife, if you could even call her that, I mean we only had one  
fawn, the runt. 

And I have my doubts; yeah lately this buck with really big antlers has been  
coming around to take Bambi out frolicking. Uhhh (shivers) I REALLY hate her. 
She gets so damn naggy sometimes always bitching like '"you were eating  
catnip again Charlie, weren't you? That's the third time this week, and you  
always yell. And you scare Bambi" Nag, Nag, Nag. I wish that car would have  
hit her two nights ago, granted I did push her in front. The human was quick, 
but on the flip she's still in shock from it. Really she hasn't said a word  
since then, and she just stares into the distance. Maybe it was the  
headlights, errrrr I don't know. 

	  The youngen is ok though, him and that freak rabbit. I think you  
have all seen him around the forest, the one with the tick in his foot,  
thump, thump, thump. Yep I'd shoot him too. 

	  You know life's not too bad, I am the leader, I get to rub my  
antlers on the finest trees, I GET RESPECT!!! It's good being a deer in  
America (my country ti's of thee plays), land of the free, home of the  
brave... Bob I think it's your turn. (Whimpering leaves stage) 

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    Copyright (c) 2000 IMPULSE REALITY PRESS - http://phonelosers.net/ir 
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