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Anada 010
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A A N N A A D D A A
A A N N N A A D D A A
A A N N N A A D D A A
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A "Eternal Autumn" aNAda #10 A
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A by Effy 02/08/00 A
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I.
The sun is sneering, sniveling through the clouds now;
Silent but despotic, it hovers;
There are times when I feel this way about you.
Yes, there are many times.
It is not enough however
To squeeze everything we have into a ball
And throw it away;
But I am ill at ease
With your self-proclaimed sagacity;
With the wise ones I adore came humility also.
Where is the humbleness the sun has
For my knowledge of its ways?
But like some omniscient frontal pseudo-sage
There is no appreciation
For my time and studies;
Everything acquired and worked for
Is pushed aside,
Almost as if I'd prepared a dessert
You do not wish to eat.
Am I just supposed to be reticent and appreciative
As you wow unknowing bystanders?
Yes love;
I am the silent, brooding, dark princess
You dreamed of
But I can no longer be silent;
I brood for a reason--
Many reasons;
You being one of them.
Your ways are freakishly being,
Becoming,
Turning opposite of the season;
Old, dead, cold.
Is it from lines of truth
Or is independence infuriating to control?
Can it be concluded
That this is just something to learn from?
Yet I do love you
In a way that may be inalienable,
With time.
Unwishing to trample on your heart,
Though mine is blackened around the edges.
I don't wish to dream anymore if what I want
Is never going to come.
Drawn to that which is lurid
Accept a lonely destiny
Prefer to be alone
Walking among dried leaves
In an Eternal Autumn;
But I fear this not happening.
Yes, I have spoken.
I fear the inevitable--
Not death
Sickness
Or Depression.
I fear love,
Your love,
My love.
II.
He came at a time
When I felt you slip through my fingers.
Now I am what I've always despised.
(These are just thoughts.)
III.
Winter almost seems to be
Regressing back to Autumn
As are these broken memories--
Dreams that haunt my nights--
As they return in flocks
The weather grows milder;
The moon grows heavier;
And I wish I could share these
Days in reverence with you
Substitutes with no additives
Grip my feet, yanking--
Now I'm standing still.
This is the castle of shattered dreams;
They love me so much;
They won't let me in;
To my savior--
The prince with no face
Beckons silently.
As they hold me in their arms--
Let us hide in the tower.
If you were real--
I would grow cruel I fear--
And slay these wondrous beasts.
Therein lies the oppression
Of Royalty.
This could be my ruin:
To be the ruin of another
But since he's disappeared--
Only a short while--
Since he realized his mistake--
He has stolen my sleep
And knows not how to give it back.
If I could paint a picture--
A portrait of dying leaves
I would walk among musty gravestones
Searching for his or yours
Rising to meet the dead
Rain falling in my disenchanted eyes
Everything perfect
I've lost him--
I've found him.
The essence of all I want to live for
But like the existence and proof of time,
That will never be.
No, it will never be
I shall wander in Eternity
Endless questions
No answers
Never becoming, never to be--
Flowing with the hands
I will wander, hand in hand
With Eternity.
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{ (c)2000 aNAda e'zine * * aNAda010 * by Effy }
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