Pure Bollocks Issue 22_061

Published in

· 5 years ago

  

 
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         *  F  I  C  T  I  O  N  A  L  *  R  A  M  B  L  I  N  G  S  * 

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               PHOWARD EN=TRANCIFER HYPERGEN PRO=GRESS PHOREVER 

 
                       (or just simply THE "MR C" SONG) 

 
A little rap ditty to be done in the voice of a jokey little cockney prick,with 
occasional nasally- based singing of some  Edinburgh  twerp.  Oh and if you can 
get a decent singer along  as  well,   otherwise  settling for the ramblings of 
some old person that's currently in vogue  with New Age  Hippies. Music just to 
be a  standard  "DUM...DUM...  DUM...  DUM...  DUM...  DUM...etc."  with   some 
unidentifiable notes from crappy fuzzy gated electric guitar strumming. 

 
ANGUS:  PHOWARD EN=TRANCIFER HYPERGEN PRO=GRESS PHOREVER, YEA- HEY! etc., etc. 

MR C:   Wanna know about this guy who really makes me sick? 
        It's cause he thinks he is a cool one but really is a prick. 
        His friends call him C-zer, he's a really shit geeza, 
        He raps like a madman, and he's thick as a brick. 
        A forwards and a backwards, all around and back down, 
        Mr C raps and moves like he wantsa put down. 
        But since he's also a member of the Shamen, 
        That's why he can move any mountain! 

        Mr C, Mr C, get out of this house! 
        Mr C, Mr C, are you a man or a mouse? 
        Mr C, Mr C, you ain't got no class! 
        Mr C, Mr C, you're a pain in the arse! 

        HAS ANYONE GOT A  RECORD CONTRACT?.... LAAAAAAVLY! 

ANGUS:  PHOWARD EN=TRANCIFER HYPERGEN PRO=GRESS PHOREVER, YEA- HEY! etc., etc. 

PHILOSPHER: 
        Relax and drift into the blue cloud until you can see the Green Crystal 
        of Truth, then pick it up,  and  then  drift  into the purple cloud and 
        deposit it at the turqoise  Temple  of Thought. For extra bonus points, 
        you can slay the Dragon of Synergy at  the back of  the Temple with the 
        Sword of Energy, but you don't have to do this finish Level 2. 

MR C:   Mr C looks like he's completely on E's, know what I mean? 
        (Sid James laugh). 
        He created a vibe- 
        Crowd think "Chuck this nutter over the fence". 
        Ooh, it's comin' on like a seventh sense! 
        Mysterious goon, this Mr C loon, 
        His eye's are so black he looks like a racoon! 
        If he ever see's yah, make sure you scream and 
        Run into a crowd and they'll shout out loud: 

        Mr C, Mr C, get out of this house! 
        Mr C, Mr C, are you a man or a mouse? 
        Mr C, Mr C, you ain't got no class! 
        Mr C, Mr C, you're a pain in the arse! 

ANGUS:  PHOWARD EN=TRANCIFER HYPERGEN PRO=GRESS PHOREVER, YEA- HEY! etc., etc. 

CROWD:  C's no good, C's no good- we'd rather take E's, we would! 
        C's no good, C's no good- we'd rather take E's, we would! 
        C's no good, C's no good- we'd rather take E's, we would! 

         ... 

to fade... 

 
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