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Pure Bollocks Issue 22_035
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F I L M * R E V I E W S
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TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III
A film review by James Berardinelli
Copyright 1993 James Berardinelli
Released: 19/3/93 in US
Length: 1:36
Rated: PG (Cartoon violence)
Starring: Elias Koteas, Paige Turco, Vivian Wu, Sab Shimono, Stuart Wilson
Director: Stuart Gillard
Producers: Thomas K. Gray, Kim Dawson, and David Chan
Screenplay: Stuart Gillard
Music: John Du Prez Released by New Line Cinema
In 1603 Japan, there is a war in progress between a great warlord (Sab
Shimono) and a band of rebels led by a beautiful young woman (Vivian Wu).
Through an odd series of events, a magical talisman of the warlord is
activated, transporting April (Paige Turco), a resident of 1993 New York City,
to feudal Japan. Following her disappearance, her four teenage mutant ninja
turtle friends decide to go after her. Using the same talisman that transported
April, the reptilian brothers cross through time and space to end up in the
middle of the battle between the warlord and the rebels.
The TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES movies are New Line Cinema's cash cow.
Ever since the unexpected success of the generally-dreadful first film, the
sequels have arrived at fairly regular intervals. Until one bombs at the box
office, they will likely continue to appear. Since they aren't costly to make,
it will require an extremely low turnout for any of these movies to run a
deficit.
Quality obviously doesn't have anything to do with the appeal of the
turtles. The first film was bad, the second worse, and the third almost
unbearable. Children under the age of thirteen will probably enjoy the movies
- they have the same appeal and intelligence level of the average Saturday
morning cartoon - but any adults accompanying them to the theater will have to
invent new and interesting ways to stay awake and interested. Not only is this
movie aimed at young children, the script could have been written by them.
It isn't necessary for a children's film to insult and bore adults. Many
of them do, but movies like Disney's ALADDIN manage to entertain people of all
ages. Not so for TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES III. The movie is supposed to
be an offbeat adventure/comedy, but the action is dull and predictable, and the
comedy, which consists of numerous hackneyed one-liners, is singularly
monotonous.
There is a lot of cartoon-style violence in this film. In fight scene
after fight scene, many of which involve guns and swords, people emerge
relatively unscathed. Death doesn't seem to be a strong reality in the world
of the mutant ninja turtles. Like in HOME ALONE 2 (and, to a lesser extent,
the original HOME ALONE), men survive getting bashed over the head with heavy
objects, beaten up, and shot at. Personally, I believe that when a movie uses
violence, it should show the unpleasant consequences. In the TEENAGE MUTANT
NINJA TURTLES movies, we get an idealized, sanitized violence where no one
really gets hurt.
The film will appeal to children. Marketing plays a big part in this,
enticing boys and girls to go out and see the newest adventures of their
favorite foursome. The PG rating lulls parents into believing that this is a
wholesome family feature. What it turns out to be is too violent for younger
viewers and unbearably tedious for older ones. Yet, despite being one of the
worst films of the year, it will probably still make a tremendous amount of
money and, as the unfortunate result, we will be subjected to TEENAGE MUTANT
NINJA TURTLES IV.
Rating: 3.0 (F+, *)
- James Berardinelli (blake7@cc.bellcore.com)
