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Pure Bollocks Issue 22_000
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EDITORIAL STUFF & PUTTING TOGETHER: EGB's Smelly Sox
DOC DISPLAYER & MENU: Genie of Network Trash.
TEXTURE MAPPED INTRO: Flowerman
EQUINOX "BALLS" INTRO: EGB's Smelly Sox
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY: EGB's Smelly Sox, Genie, Mr Orb, Flowerman, GLT, Potsan
of Lemmings, Robo, BAT, ESP.
SOURCES: Internet, Powerman of TWB, Jolly Roger's Cookbook,
Fidonet, ST Report and Z Net online magazines, BBS's,
and a special thanks to HENSA.
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THE EDITORIAL / REAL-TIME PROGRESS REPORT
by EGB's Smelly Sox and a couple of members of Network Trash.
(A bit like ROTTSPOT, only it's the lives of people who actually do something
that's useful to somebody!)
Hello everybody- bet you're suprised that we're back! Did you think that there
would be only one issue of PURE BOLLOCKS? No way, we've just had to come back
for more! And now we're bigger and better than the last issue- which is not
very hard for fucks sake!
Improvements? You want improvements? We got an improved menu, improved DOC
displayer, improved articles (OK, we're pushing it a bit there!), improved
intros (Ha ha! Not very hard is it?), and even a RAMdisk for even quicker
loading of your favourite crap articles!
Thanks to everybody that responded to our last issue when we sent it to
them, and to those who didn't answer back- this isn't a sick joke by a bunch
of lamers, believe us! This is a genuine disk magazine! We hope you all take
it a bit more seriously this issue! Those who did respond, we'll cover some of
your expansive views in the "Letters Page". Well, at least the expansive views
of the few that actually sent us anything!
This part of the editorial is being written in the Reading Room of Glasgow
Uni on a Mac Classic! (Hee hee! No, it really is!) I'm in Glasgow Uni to hear
some of the rumours about an investigation into one of the subjects of our
last issue, Network Trash! If you want to find out more, then read the news
for all the dirt! Let's just say that whatever respect I had for Computing
Science bods is going down the pan!
I've just started typing this editorial, and Magic Rat, Banana Hand and
Davros from Network Trash have just popped in, and only Davros is not pissed
as fuck! Magic Rat really is steamied up, and Banana Hand is only slightly
more sober. If they start pissing about with the Boyd Orr computers...
------------------------------------------------------
As you can guess Genie's here as well! Hello this is the other annoying person
from Pure Bollocks, the main difference is that I'm also from Network Trash as
well. Talk about drama... Banana Hand wants to set up servers in a couple of
Computing Science labs- and while he's still reeking of booze! The reasoning
is that it'll completely fuck up the Computing Science department as they
think they know who's setting up the NT servers (They don't- they've pounced
on two completely unconnected people!) Of course, the fact that you can read
this suggests that they've not been caught! Because if they had, I would have
had to deny all knowledge, or pretend it was someone else! So it's just
myself, EGB's Smelly Sox and Davros left in the RR at the moment. I might pay
a surreptitious visit on the Boyd Orr later....
--------------------------------------------------------
EGB's Smelly Sox is back on the keyboard now with a bit of a rant- If you live
in Britain, then you'll be unlucky enough to get adverts for this 'product'
called 'Golden Crown'- they keep doing loads of expensive cartoon adverts for
it on TV with Willy Rushton doing the voice- overs. They've also gone through a
name change- they use to be called "Golden Churn"! I think that's pretty
appropriate as it's a golden hybrid margarine/butter spread that makes your
stomach churn! Now, from the amount of advertising and re-launches that this
product gets, it's obvious that the company that does it (Kraft) thinks that
'Golden Crown' doesn't sell because it isn't marketed the right way. Well, let
me tell you Kraft, the reason that people aren't buying it is because it
tastes shit, no matter how many Willy Rushton voice-overs or re- namings there
are! "You can taste the butter in Goldern Crown"- yeah, and plastic and shitty
margerine additives, and loads of E numbers- and the "two spoonfuls" of butter
can't take that away! Anyway, the butter tastes like it's been in a fridge
since the last Ice Age, and has developed it's own unique lifeform- which by a
coincidence, is a bit like the sort you get in advertising agencies!
--------------------------------------------------------
Hello, this is Genie back again. Wow, this is just like a realtime article now!
At the moment, I am repairing a Mac Classic with a fucked system. This is the
sort of thing that really annoys me. I mean spending 5 mins trying to see if
the systems go a chooser, and the bloody thing crashes every 20 seconds, then
trying to load it with a library system disk, only to find out that someone's
fucked that up as well, five minutes later I managed to copy the proper system
across from the server. This is the sort of thing that really makes we want to
shout naughty words, so here goes....(Deep breath) "NAUGHTY WORDS"!
--------------------------------------------------------
Ah UMM ER!!! Well, all's quiet on the RR front, however it's a bit iffy up on
level five of the BO. NO not smelly, uneasy. It is 8.19pm and I am sitting in
front of number 1 [I think he means Mac number 1 -EGBSS], I'm Davros by the
way, I know , a really shitty handle, but I was pissed at the time. Did
anyone get a copy of the Abyss! Being at the library until all hours at night,
I missed it! Back to that BO buisness. I don't have a scooby at what Banana
Hand and Magic Rat are trying to accomplish, but I'm sure it'll get all of us
into big smelly huge piles of rancid putrifying shit. But that's enough
about the Network Numpties (only kidding BH I don't want to be the next one
who has to pay for your next sword sharpening bill!!!!!). Oh by the way I
think that Pissed as a Rat would be a better handle for Magic Rat.
--------------------------------------------------------
EGB's Smelly Sox returns to the keyboard, BOIZ!! Sorry for sounding so much
like Powerman there, but it's all this excitement. Naaah, I don't think so! I
might pop my head in the Boyd Orr in the next five minutes (It's 8:40pm now)
to see if there's any blood on the fifth floor. So that's it from the Reading
Room for tonight!
--------------------------------------------------------
There was no blood on the floor of the Boyd Orr, but both the 2nd year and 1st
year labs were closed with the lights off!! Wooooo!
Anyway, this is the next day, and myself and Davros are logging into the Hensa
PD network in Lancashire all the way from sunny Glasgow University PAD. If you
have access to a PAD computer, then call "lancs.pdsoft" - you can enter with
the password and username "hensa"- it's all above board, since it's a PD
network. You can load loads of intresting shit off the network, and I've done
a few downloads already, and this is my first major tangle with DOS and crappy
old IBM machines. They're supposed to be from their factory just outside
Greenock (On the south of the Clyde as it nears it's estuary, less than 20
miles from Glasgow.) but they look as though they've been transported from
Silicon Valley to New York docks in a broken down cattle truck, then
transported to the mainland of Europe by an oil tanker in one of their holds,
then transported across the Sahara on a fleet of camels, then transported back
again because they've remembered that the computers are supposed to go to
Glasgow, then taken on another broken down truck which detours in Amsterdam
while the driver gets some hash, then after a couple of crashes and arrests
for reckless driving on the road to France, the truck gets torched by a load
of farmers who think that it contains English sheep, then it gets delayed at
Dover while the current driver goes through court proceedings to prove that the
IBM machines are not "economic migrants", then they are quarantined for 3
months in case they have rabies, then they are taken up to the river Clyde,
and thrown in, then a dredger picks them up from the river bed, and then....
Davros has just told me not to get too carried away!
There's one thing that really pisses me off about this Hensa. Nearly all the
stuff to download is in this UUE encode format. Talk about complete waste of
space. You have to download the .uue file, and then decode it using their UUE
decoder program. Why bother? Most archivers stick all the files into one big
archived one, so why do Hensa need this shit? Even worse, .uue files end up
longer than their uncoded versions by a big amount! It can't even be a security
measure as they tell you how to download the decoder and get it working! So,
Hensa- get rid of that shit, you're wasting space and time, and people are
wasting their phone calls download extra shit they don't need.
I'm back on my ST now. And one of the programs I've got working is the TOS 2.0
control panel, which is really nice and a bit like the Mac control panel. I
haven't even look in the MultiTOS section, but I think I will next time I log
onto lancs.pdsoft!
---------------------------------------------------------
This is the Saturday the 6th February and some of the editorial team of Pure
Bollocks have been meeting in the Barras. We've been spreading the last issue
like wildfire- we first gave a copy to a couple of stalls- one has expressed
an intrest in writing a couple of articles. We've also been spreading it to
various postal contacts. I wouldn't be surprised if MUG UK hasn't got a copy
by now! I've been announcing to everyone that I'll be releasing PB #22 on
Saturday 20th March- round about the time when the Falcon is at last getting
'consumer launched'! So the deadline for articles will be Wednesday 17th
March.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Genie again, I've been asked to write some "shit" for this article. Well,
the first bit is that I've downloaded the MINT (Oops sorry, I mean "MiNT" of
course!) stuff off lancs.pdsoft. The second is that loads of people have been
running up to me asking if I can donate some money to the SRC scholarship
fund- even when I wear the stickers! There's also a "coffee day" , so I'll
take the time to go there as well...
---------------------------------------------------------------
Well, I'm back, and I must say that the Principal of Glasgow University is a
very lucky bastard! His "Lodgings" are bigger than four copies of my house
stuck together end to end! Each room is large enough to house 6 of the rooms
you get in student halls! There were 3 living rooms dowstairs and one upstairs
holding this coffee morning as well! The Principal wasn't there, but his wife
was. She's a bit like Miss Marple on speed, and she had so many of her women
friends helping her that it looked like a Women's Circle coffee morning! There
were so many middle-aged women scurrying around that I almost got blue-rinse-
blindness! I sat down at one of the tables, and a woman came round asking me
to pass over a finished cup. I passed it over and she said "Thannnk-YOU!", the
'you' being a staccato squeak that almost drove my ears halfway into my
brain!!! I immediately got coffee even though I hadn't really asked for
anything. I quickly finished it off anyway, and it wasn't bad coffee- pretty
decent filtered stuff that doesn't form a skin if you put milk in it and leave
it for 10 seconds. I went over to a small group of the women hovering near a
coffee filter machine, and asked if they had any tea. They said they had and
immediately offered me a cake. One of they trays contained a selection of nice
looking cakes, the other contained a load of micro-sized buttered pancakes with
jam on them!!!! When I sat down again, I was in a chair facing the door. I
noticed camera flashes advancing to where I was sitting. I thought "Oh shit!
Nick Nei's found me out!" but no, it was the Lord Provost of Glasgow District
Council entering the room, and wearing a really silly looking chain of
office!!! It was really strange hearing all of these upper-class accents, and a
proper Glasgow accent amongst them! There were a couple of students in a small
room next to this room, dutifully washing the dishes. There was a whole load
of them helping out. We had the presidents of the unions washing dishes, and
the Senior Vice President of the SRC doing his butler act and opening the
door!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hello, this is EGB's Smelly Sox again on Saturday, and guess what- there's been
a big bust in the Barras! I even saw it on the news before I went into town.
There was a camera at the bust, which is probably why FAST suddenly acted
tough for them! There was some stallholder who was looking pretty annoyed at
all of this, and was a bit pissed off when a camera was pointed in his face. I
thought only Police could do search warrants though, so why were the FAST lot
doing it?
Anyway, I've got a couple of articles already, and a couple of more offers
of articles, and someone else apart from Genie is working on a disk archiver!
(It's Flowerman, as it happens.) I've now got Protext, so all the files will
look nice and justified from now on! I'm also sending DBA diskmag a couple of
disks. They did an article on diskmags, so I sent them a couple of ones they
hadn't reviewed- guess what diskmag is included! Hard, eh! I've also been nice
to them and done an interview and did a text file in answer to an opinion
article. [You can read it in this issue of PB as well!] So hopefully they'll
answer, as there has been fuck all replies from our mailings to people outside
our usual contacts. I suppose the fact that you usually collect from a PO box
less often than if you have it delivered to your door can have something to do
with any delay, but it's been over a month now! There were 3 of these
mailings, all of them to outside Britain. Since I don't have any mail contacts
outside Britain (yet), I sent them to : Mad Vision (Belgium), Toxic (France),
and UNC (Norway), since I got their addresses from their disk mags!!! Now, of
course, I didn't seriously expect them to do anything like write articles for
another diskmag!! However, I enclosed a letter asking them what they thought
of it, and if there were any helpful tips they could give, and nothing's been
posted to our top secret contact address since. If any of the guys from Mad
Vision, Toxic, or UNC are reading this, I'm not slagging you in any way, I'm
was just intrested on your views about this disk magazine. If you want to
contact us, then you know the address!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Genie's back again. This is Wednesday, and I've downloaded a big article on LZW
compression, I'm sure everyone will be interested in that! [Yes, really!....
ZzzzZZzzz... - EGBSS] There's also a whole load of bbs messages which I might
port down.
There's a FAST poster up on the wall of the with a really terrible cartoon
of some jolly little policeman from London. You can tell he's from London,
because he's got the famous "Tit-head" cap on! I quietly took it down and
traced over it, and put it back up again. I'll give it to EGB's Smelly Sox and
see what he can do with it.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the pic, Genie- hee hee hee.... I'm doing something really terrible
to it, and hopefully, you'll get it in the "clear memory" pause at the start
of this diskmag! There's been a couple of replies to our diskmag!!! Thanks to
our contact for passing them on! The first was from the ex-Tour De Force coder
Darkman, the second from Agrajag, and the third from one of our contacts Mr
Orb, with some nice articles, and a copy of the Jolly Roger's Cookbook! Thanks
very much for the stuff, it'll be very usefull! While we're at it, I might as
well say "hi" to Jolly Roger- it's some work you've done! I heard that some
people on Edinburgh were arrested for having these two disks. They were
labelled "Games Hints"!!!!! Errmmmm, anyone want the hints to "Napalm"?? How
about that great game "Killing Someone With Your Bare Hands"!!!! The Cookbook
was also spreading around some schools in the Newcastle area (I think). I
think the "Dontcha Just Hate School?" article might have had something to do
with it!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Genie is back again. This is Wednesday 3rd March 1993, and on Friday, there's
going to be an election at Glasgow University for the Rector (Currently held
by top pop star [A joke I presume- EGBSS!] Pat Kane) . I've just been to the
QM, and have had 4 leaflets thrust into my hand. They were for Yusef Abdullahi
(One of the Cardiff Three, wrongly imprisoned, and supported by the Socialist
Worker Student Society- SWSS.), Helena Kennedy (QC and supported by the Labour
Club), Liz Lochhead (Poet/Playright who lives on campus, and is supported by
the SNP club.), and Pam St Clements ("Pat Butcher" in Eastenders and supported
by the Gaysoc and Lib-Dems.). The first thing I noticed on the SWSS sticker
(Believe it or not, everyone pronounces it "swizz"- even the SWSS themselves!)
was the big "X" below Yusef's name. Not just any "X" but an "X" supsiciously
in the style of the "Malcom X" logo for the Spike Lee movie!!!! Sure enough,
there's a reference to the man: "As Malcom X said: 'By any means necessary'."
Now if that's the best quote SWSS can get from Malcom X, who did loads of
speeches during his time, then they're really desperate. I'd suggest the fact
is that they really know fuck all about Malcom X, and are just cynically using
the hype from a big blockbuster movie in a way that goes against their own
purported principles. It'll also probably backfire on them, since the "X" is
used to represent a vote for Yusef, but the actual vote for rector uses the
single transferrable vote system, so you don't put "X" against a single person,
but "1", "2", "3", etc., against your preferences. Of course, you can just
treat it like a "First-past-the-post" style election by just putting a "1"
against the only candidate you support, but you don't put an "X"- then the
paper is treated as "spoiled", and it's not counted. There's load of these
stickers around the QM, but the QM enacted a new by-law yesterday, which banned
stickers, and asked groups to clean them up or face disciplinary action! The
best you can say for the SWSS is at least they try, and don't use bully-boy
tactics.
Which is more than can be said of the Labour Club. Today, the front page of
the Glasgow Evening Times has a headline which reads "THUGGERY CLAIM IN RECTOR
BATTLE"- yes, that's entirely due to the Labour Club! Apparently, one of them
(His name is Billy Stewart and has a Roger Daltrey style hairdo.) head-butted
a member of the Pam St Clements team, and said he was "dead meat". This was
because he believed the guy was was ripping down their posters! They also sent
nasty letters to opposition candidates! Pam St Clement got a letter saying she
was going against Labour Party constitution in standing against Helena
Kennedy! They obviously didn't know she was partly supported by the Liberal
Democrat group, and she's not even a member of the Labour Party. One of the
other candidates, Mark McManus (They guy that plays "Taggart"!!) got a letter
accusing him of being supported by the Tories! He was a bit annoyed, despite
being ill and in hospital, since he was never actually put up by the Tories!!
Loads of people have been saying that the Labour club have been seen openly
ripping down posters in the middle of the day! (You usually do at night of
course!) And people have been saying this sort of thing is unprecedented- well,
apart from the posters bit (There's been no poster war yet, in fact, it's been
comparatively quiet), it's all true. But there's more- yes, we can
exclusively reveal that opposition members are being followed by Jim Sharkey
of the Labour Club! This guy is about 40 and apparently has a family, but he
spends his nights hanging around the QM following people with SNP badges on
them! I know, because Secret Agent Sharkey followed me when I popped out of the
QM bar. This guy looks like a vampire, only with designer stubble and a daft
duffle-coat. I stopped to get something out of the slot-machine on the Ground
floor, then this bastard suddenly appears out of nowhere, and accuses me of
ripping down their posters!! (It's a poster with the word "KENNEDY" on it
below a picture of Helena Kennedy that makes her look like an old woman.) I
say that I haven't, he says that he had, I said I haven't, etc., etc., then I'm
so fed up that I eventually say "Enough of this." and just walked away. He
calls afters me, saying that he's got two witnesses to say that I ripped their
posters down! I ask him if he knows my name, and that silences him, thank God!
But no, still follows me, like to check I'm not ripping down any more posters?
Fuck off Jim, I know you're just trying to intimidate me! Let everybody
reading this magazine know the facts- this guy is a WANK, and he must have a
very sad life at home if this is the sort of things he likes getting up to.
The Labour people are very quiet today, I wonder why! Anyway, I go up to
the Food Factory and guess who's at the other end of the floor, but Liz
Lochhead, doing a wee walkabout around the third floor during the middle of
lunchtime. Jim Sharkey and co are growling at the opposite end... Anyway, I
finish my pizza, and go down towards the exit, and guess who is there but Pam
St Clement, all dressed up and made up in the style of Pat Butcher from
Eastenders, even though she's actually got a bit of a posh voice. Then Liz
Lochhead and her entourage come down from the Food Factory, and they have a bit
of a blether. All that's needed to complete the star lineup in the QM ground
floor is bloody Johnny Ball! (Yes, THAT Johnny Ball, as in "Think of a Number"
is standing as well, and he's probably the favourite, worse luck!)
Phew, talk about name-dropping......
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, this is the Friday of the election, and guess who's the favourite! Well,
I'll give you a clue- there's a gigantic banner hanging out of the QM from the
top floor down it's full height, saying "JOHNNY BALL"!!! Also, there's a
Johnny Ball banner hanging down from the SRC offices. I thought the SRC was
supposed to be an impartial non-political thing, now that they've got
supposedly "independent" presidents. Well, how many independent presidents of
student bodies do you know that support card-carrying members of the
Conservative party??!?!? It's true- in fact at the hustings yesterday, he said
that Margret Thatcher was the best thing to happen to Britain for ages. Their
poster for him simply says "THINK!" Yes, well I thought, and that's why I
didn't vote for him at all. More like bloody Think Of A Womanising Tory, I'd
say.
Anyway, I went along to the Hunter Hall East to vote, on the way I almost
bumped into Pam St Clement again! And at the entrance, guess who were there,
but a whole plethora of hacks who were intent on showering me with leaflets,
one of which was headed "Labour club = thuggery"!!! Some of the Pam St
Clements team were taking the piss out of the Labour Club as well, and when
one of the Labour asked them to calm down, one of the Liz Lochhead team said
yes, it's time for some HARD-HEADED thinking! The Johnny Ball team simply
shouted "JOHNNY BAAAAALLLLLL!" and threw leaflets at me.
So I eventually managed to squeeze through, and popped into the Hunter Hall
East, where I had to find the right polling register with my name on it. The
prof that was working on the polling register was the usual type that tries to
appear "with it" whilst still wearing the old gown/robe thingy. Anyway, I got
the voting slip, and there's 8 candidates on it they are: Yusef Abdullahi,
Alex Duff (Official GUU beer bar candidate), Mark Boyle (Independent and
unemployed), Helena Kennedy, Liz Lochhead, Jonny Ball (Tory), Pam St Clements,
Russ T Sharp (Official Monster Raving Loony). The voting works like this- you
put your votes in order of preference (eg "1" for one candidate, "2" for
another, and so on..), and you can express as little as one preferemce or as
many as there candidates. For prinicple of counting, the point is that the
winner gets a "quota" of the votes - that is, 50% of the total votes cast + 1.
If the candidate with the highest votes fails to get this, then the candidate
in last place drops out, and their second preferences votes are counted, and
so on....
For example, I voted Liz Lochhead "1" , Pam St Clements "2". The reason I
did this was that I reasoned that people who voted for one woman candidate
would vote for another, and so if Liz Lochhead drops outs after a couple of
ballots, the second preference votes would go to Pam St Clements and/or Helena
Kennedy, so I decided to help maximise this change in my own little way, so
that hopefully there would be enough votes for either of the candidates to
inch ahead of Johnny Ball, who I definately didn't want to win! I put Pat St
Clements instead of Kennedy, because of, well, the Labour Club's campaign. As
you can see, there's a lot of scope in this STV system for tactical voting!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm back in the QM, and it's just after 5pm. There's a meeting of well-known
faces in the QM ground floor, what with Helena Kennedy talking to Liz
Lochhead, and Johnny Ball hanging around looking old and confused. Jim Sharkey
is trying to look less like a hardened criminal in a suit, and oh my goodness,
he's actually shaved. Though luck Jim, you still look like a complete wank.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
THE NIGHTMARE HAS BEGUN!
OFFICIAL RECTOR ELECTION RESULTS (Just spoken over the Tannoy in the QM while I
was in the bar.)
After SIX ballots, a quota was reached:
JOHNNY BALL 1806
HELENA KENNEDY 843
LIZ LOCHHEAD 841
So now we have a TORY rector! AAAAAaaaaaarrrrgggghhh!
There's a whole load of hacks hanging around the QM bar now, getting steadily
pissed, and so am I, especially at this sad news. Billy Stewart appears to be
going over to the Pat St Clements team. Is he going to headbutt one of them
again? No... It's appears he's APOLOGISING.... Well, I did hear the word
"sorry" drifing over about 5 tables to where I was sitting. The other bloke
doesn't appear to be taking it too seriously. Oh look, there's Johnny Ball,
still looking old and confused, only this time getting a pint and sitting over
with a couple of hacks, and looking old and confused. Great rector material,
eh? [Note this is being written on a piece of paper while I'm getting
completely pissed!] Helena Kennedy appears to be quietly conversing with
members of the Labour club at the far end of the bar, though they might not
be, I just can't tell, what with all this noise! I saw one of the Liz Lochhead
bunch point over to one of the Labour Club, an old guy, and the words "special
branch" were used! What? Was he bust by Special Branch, or is he in Special
branch?!?!? Pure Bollocks wants to know! The Lochhead and Pam St Clements
teams are sharing a couple of tables and talking general gossip and stuff
pretty near where I'm sitting. The general hum from the Liz Lochhead team is
that "oh we did well, considering we had fuck all campaign, we didn't expect to
get this much, etc., etc., ...." The Pam St Clement team are talking with Pam
herself. Now Liz Lochhead has come down from the candidates buffet, and I saw
Yusef Abdullahi go around the corner of the bar towards the SWSS crowd. Any
more rectorial candidates, and the first floor will collapse!
-------------------------------------------
Thanks for that in-depth rectorial campaign report, Genie! This is EGB's Smelly
Sox again, and I'm getting a whole load of great articles and shit ready.
I've also got hold of OCTALYSER, an 8 channel tracker on the STE! A few of us
were up in the Barras this weekend, and we met Major Tom- he's doing a "demo"
about the Barras bust, with sampled sound and digitised pictures! There's also
a digitised picture hanging up in a stall, of one of the FAST heavies being
interviewed on TV, and the text "WANTED" put on top of it!! Ha ha! Nice one!
Robo's also doing a couple of articles. Only he choose to tell us while we
were crossing the road and he was going the other way!! The conversation went
a bit like this...
Robo: "Oh by the way, I'm doing a couple of articles."
Others: "That's grea... AAARGH! LOOK OUT FOR THAT CAR!"
I've also got the latest ST Format, and ... Well, so fucking much for the big
feature on demos! All you lot got was a quote from one of your experts, a
quote from Douglas Little, and quote a picture and a demo from a complete
lamer who codes shite demos! And the amount of space you paid to it- about a
third of an A4 page, for fucks sake! And to cap it all, you've started yet
another shite guide to assembler by Tony Wankstain!!! And as usual, it's traps
traps traps and bug-ridden listings! So go and fuck youselves ST Format!!!!
--------------------------------------------
This is Wednesday 10th March, and I might have to the realease date back by a
week because I haven't got the PO box in time for the release date (It's gotta
be 10 days in advance, that's how long they take!), but that doesn't really
matter too mcuh seeing as Atari seem to have pushed the "consumer release"
date back as well!
Hmmm, this might actually be the longest DOC in the entire diskmag! No shit.
(Looks at "Word count" utility in MS Word 4...) Yep, 5215 words and 29347
characters so far!!!!
--------------------------------------------
I've just thought of a couple of things (And no, it didn't hurt, fuckwit!!) .
There's two adverts that really get up my nose in a big way. The first is this
toothpaste where the mum says she took her daughter to the dentist and she got
a couple of fillings then she says "I couldn't believe it. I felt so GUILTY!"
Why? Are you force-feeding her sweets or something? You feel guilty because
some twerps in advertising aim adverts for sweets directly at children?
(Probably the same lot that do this shite one I'd say.) The other one is that
Pampers advert where some woman from the North of England goes on at some
length to the camera. She probably said quite a lot really, but they just
edited it down to the likes of "My baby's happy.... when she's dry.... I
always use Pampers... because it keeps my baby dry... I once tried using other
nappies.... my baby wasn't happy..... she wasn't dry.... so I always use
Pampers.... because it keeps my baby happy.... because she's dry..." and so
on, over music which makes it sound like it's the bloody Meaning of Life!!! If
you believe this advert, this baby's happy as long as it's bum is not wet. So
how does it go to the toilet then, answer that one you smartasses in the
advertising industry!!! And if you believe the image of the mum given by this
advert (Which is probably not true anyway) then you'll expect her kid to be
grow up really psychologically fucked up and never learn to swim or go near a
bath or shower in case his or her arse gets wet!
--------------------------------------------
Wednesday 17th of March, and I still haven't got the fuckin' PO Box! I'm not
going to delay the magazine any further, though, because it may be as much as
a month now until I get enough money to get a bloody PO! But this mag's going
to get released on March 27th PO, or no PO!
It's a bit cold and rainy for the time of year, but I expect I'd better get
used to slowing down my bodily processes and saving energy, now that Norman
Lamont's going to be putting fuckin' taxes on heating fuels!!! I'm quite
pleased apart from these two problems, since I'm almost finished my intro and
I've already got a whole load of articles from other sources, so I'll just
have to start putting things together.
Another reason I'm happy is because I'm on a fuckin' Apple Mac! It's bloody
brilliant after a couple of days using shitty IBM PS/2s, which are not only
shite by themselves, but link onto the most user-unfriendly networks in
existance!! I've been reading the article that Robo gave me last Saturday, and
I've been putting it to use in a big way! There's a great Gopher in the US
called the "Whole Earth 'Lectronic Magazine" which has the initials "WELL",
don't ask me how the last "M" suddenly transforms into an "L"!!! Anyway, loads
of the sort of stuff that PB readers like: hackers, technology, reviews, views
and stuff. I just have to get it down by.... aaaahh, enough of that! I've also
had an idea of using the networks of the world to provide a sneaky contact
address if you want to send text files to... More later! Well, after I finish
this day of the editorial and save it, I'll do the article on getting PD
software off HENSA.
---------------------------------------------
OK, if you want to know about this sneaky contact address.... It's an email box
in Finland! You can send text files to this address:
an18359@anon.penet.fi
Which will relay them to me! Also, if you've never called before, then you'll
get your own anonymous ID created on this server, so you'll also be able to
have your own anonymous email address! I understand you can send binary files
by UUencoding them, at least so Robo tells me, I don't know yet how you do it.
The other good bit is that I've been able to log onto an FTP site in America
and get some Falcon stuff off it!!
Anyway, this is my last entry in this editorial on the Apple Mac. As soon
as I'm finished this, I'll convert it to a text file, and port it over to the
ST.
---------------------------------------------
This is EGBSS on the keyboards for the final bit in this editorial. Let's just
say I'm bloody tired and pissed off because the time taken to fix out the
technical problems in the diskmag programs has increased by a factor of 8!
Anyway, all the articles are finished, and I'm sticking them on disk B, so now
you can read the bloody thing..... Go on, fuck off!
***
EGB'S SMELLY SOX!
27/3/93
***
