Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Pure Bollocks Issue 22_025
-------------------------
* O P I N I O N *
-------------------------
ALL THOSE WHO SLAG OFF OTHER PEOPLE IN THE SCENE ARE A BUNCH OF LAME CODE
RIPPERS WHO LOOK LIKE THEY CRAWLED OUT OF A RUBBISH HEAP!
Heh heh! I thought that title would make you sit up and take notice! Yes, this
DOC is all about all this slagging that goes on between rival groups and
coders. If it's well done, it can extremely funny to read, and if it's for a
genuine reason, it can be very effective. It's also fuckin' excellent if you
want fill up diskamgs and scrollers! So I always look out for any good ol'
slagging going on, and.... well... most of it is a heap of shit. Yes, most
people can't slag to save themselves, they just trot out the usual bullshit.
Well, I've had enough of that. I can't stand seeing tired old cliched slagging
off that obviously took people ages to work out.... So if you want to use old
cliches then, read on!
EGBSS' GUIDE TO CLICHED SLAGGING
Pick someone who's not too bad, but writes scrolltext that makes them look like
a complete sadcase eg "Wait da man yo yo there is where it's at boiz, running
tings..." or "We are the best one cracker no coder one swapper crew in
Slough.." If they've write loads of crap in their scrollers, they'll respond
to slagging!
There are 3 main levels of slagging.
DEFCON1- Responding to what they say in scrolltexts or diskmags.
For scrolltexts, real classic to start with is "Why didn't you greet us
then?", which you can always follow up with "Are you lot too good to be seen
greeting us?". The reason you say this rather than "Are WE too good...." is
that the other lot will invariably reply something like "Yes, we've never
heard of you.." or even "yes, 'cause you're a bunch of lamers", in which the
slagging has already switched to DefCon 2! You can do a similar thing with
diskmag articles, like if a group talks about their demo, then you can always
say "We haven't seen your demo yet, it's not very well spread!" In fact you
can really infuriate people by pointing out spelling or grammar mistakes, that
really pisses them off!
DEFCON2 - Slagging off the code.
This is always a popular way to slag people off. You can start with "It looks
very nice but I think the 8 precalculated screens are a bit of a cheat", then
up the pressure a bit with a line like "The 3D's a bit far off in the distance
isn't it?". If you get a response to this then you can start the offensive
proper- starting using phrases like "lamer precalculated" and "crap 3D routs".
Now you can do stuff like pick out any little shortcomings of a program (eg
"The sector counter stays still! How lame! There's enough processor time for a
gigadistorter!" or "in the other crack of Street Fighter 2 by *******, there's
a RAM disk!") and then draw similarities between their program and someone
elses, so that you can call them a lame ripper next time you slag them! Don't
dwell too much on technical details of someone's code- you could be accused of
being a ripper yourself. Of course, be on the lookout for someone else doing it
though! (If you think this is a bit one-sided, then don't worry- if you've
picked your target correctly, then they'll be doing exactly the same things as
you!)
DEFCON3 - Slagging off the person.
You can carefully slip into DefCon 3, by calling your target something like a
"lame wanker". Now you can slag off their taste in music (eg "You only listen
to techno, because your brain would explode if you listened to music that
made any intellectual demands."), their clothes ("Your clothes are so out of
date that even Queen Victoria wouldn't dance with you.") and their appearance.
("We hear there's an oilslick near your area. Is this because you washed your
hair? Wooah! Don't burst that spot! You'll drown thousands!") And of course,
all slagging wars eventually get to the point of people questioning each
others sex life (eg "You're girl's a dog"), and, in particular, sexual
orientation. (ie calling the other coder a "poof") This is about as far as
remote slagging off can go, but you can always go further. For example, I hear
of a well known slagging war going to the point of actually phoning each other
and pouring torrents of abuse down the phone line!
----------------------------------------------
Putting all of this information we have together, let's look an example of a
good slagging off! DON'T let anyone take this seriously:
"... TALKING OF LAME FUCKS, HOW ABOUT ****** ? DID YOU SEE HIS SCROLLER IN THE
INTRO TO *****? WHAT A LAME WANKER! YOU SAY THAT EVERYONE GETS YOUR DISKS-
WELL, THAT'S NO SURPRISE, BECAUSE PEOPLE WOULD RATHER HAVE YOUR DISKS THAN
TALK TO YOU. SO I RECKON THE FACT THAT EVERYONE GETS YOUR DISKS MEANS THAT YOU
ARE PRETTY UNPOPULAR, WHICH IS ABOUT JUST RIGHT! WHAT A LAME INTRO AS WELL.
JUST 8 LAMER PRECALCULATED PARALLAX SCREENS, WITH A TWISTY SCROLLER ON IT. THE
ONLY GOOD BIT WAS THE MODULE AND YOU HAD TO RIP THE CODE AND MODULE OFF
SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT! AND DOESN'T THAT BACKGROUND LOOK A BIT LIKE THE THE
******** DEMO? YOU RIPPED IT OFF YOU DID! AND IT TAKES MORE TIME IN YOUR DEMO
TO PRECALCULATE THAN IN THEIR DEMO, SO YOU COULDN'T EVEN RIP IT OFF CORRECTLY!
IF THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU WANT TO BE SICK, LOOK AT THE FUCKIN' SCROLLER! YOU
SAY THAT YOU'RE GONNA GO THE ************* RAVE!!! NO WONDER YOU'RE A FUCKWIT
IF YOU LISTEN TO A LOAD OF COMPUTERS FARTING! WELL, LIKE YOU SAY AT THE END
OF YOUR SCROLLTEXT, YOU 'GOTTA CRUISE'. WELL, WE DON'T WANNA KNOW HOW YOU
GET YOUR BOYFRIENDS BUT IT DOES EXPLAIN WHY THAT HOUND YOU CLAIM TO BE YOUR
GIRLFRIEND LOOKS SO PISSED OFF......"
------------------------------------
