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Pure Bollocks Online Vol 103
>From an18359@anon.penet.fi Fri Jan 14 16:38:07 EST 1994
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V O L U M E * 1 0 3
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Released 15th Dec 1993
=================================================================
The opinions expressed by some of the writers are not necessarily those of all
the PURE BOLLOCKS editorial team. The individual writers retain their own
copyrights. This magazine may be freely spread for non-profit purposes only.
We're not to be held responsible for how people use or mis-use the information
in this magazine.
* NOTE * IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE ODD SWEARWORD, THEN YOU'RE IN A BIT OF
TROUBLE HERE, I GUESS!
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Hello everybody, and I hope you'll like this issue of PB Online. Well, to be
honest I really couldn't care if you like it or not, because I'm doing it
anyway,so there!
My hair's still wet from earlier this afternoon. I was at a march and rally on
a day when the weather was either freezing gusts of wind or rain/sleet/snow!
What was the march/rally about that myself and another other couple of thousand
people braved the elements to attend? Yes, it's the grants and tutition fees
issue again!
If you can remember as far back as the editorial to PB Online <101>, then
you'll remember that in the budget, Kenneth Clark chopped 10% off the student
grant per annum for the next 3 years. (A cut in cash terms of 27.1%, well over
a quarter!) Now it appears that there are plans to make students who get the
grants pay tutition fees directly, rather than have them payed by the grant
authority. Add to this rumours that the grant itself will eventually be axed,
and it seems to me that the Tories don't think low-income people like me have a
right to higher education!
John Major is right- it's "back to basics" for the poor! Very basic basics!
[Just had to tell the world about this one!]
<Genie!>
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01 - WHAT ARE FAST REALLY UP TO? - EGBSS looks at the "anti-piracy"
organisation and suggests that there might be more to them than meets
the eye!
02 - ISN'T ST FORMAT A LOAD OF CRAP? - EGBSS' forthright views again!
03 - STUDENT MYTHS - Genie gets a little annoyed a this mythical image of
what a student is supposed to be like!
04 - NOTICEBOARD JOKES - Why not give it a try?
05 - APPRECIATION OF THE ORB - What were the skies like when you were young?
... "Well, they ran on forever..." etc, etc ....
06 - COMPLETE TRASH FROM NETWORK TRASH CHAPTER 1 - At last the actual story
begins! In this episode, our NT heroes begin to suspect that one of the
Computing Science servers is not what it seems!
END - Where we're at- literally! If you want to contact us, get the ST
version of PB Diskmag and/or the ASCII version, then you could do worse
than read this bit.
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OK, I expect I'll get slagged off for this, but this is my own opinion! If
you've never heard of FAST, they're an "anti-piracy" type group, and ELSPA is
the European Lesiure Software Publishing Association. -EGBSS
EGB'S SMELLY SOX SAYS..
WHAT ARE FAST -REALLY- UP TO?
Most of this article was written on a Mac in Glasgow University Computing
Science when I had met up with Genie to see the amazing Computing Science
networks. We were talking about FAST and it's methods. Of course I was already
sceptical about their "Big Brother" tactics and stuff, but when Genie told me a
couple of things he'd heard, I was really annoyed and now I'm typing my views
in, so here goes....
When I heard FAST were first launched, I immediately thought: "Oh no, sounds
like a crap software industry self-interest group!" and as the years have
gone by, I think I've been proved right! Don't believe me? Well, remember one
of their first adverts in magazines? Yes, I mean the one with the pirate
copy of "See'em, shoot 'em". The pirate copy means "6 months in prison", and
the original means "-hours- of pleasure"!!! Now, if they don't even take their
-own- games industry seriously, or their consumers seriously, how the fuck do
they expect -us- to take them seriously! The other early magazine adverts show
how out of touch they are with most normal computer users. Firstly the infamous
advert about the software pirate with an examination certficate from the
"Northern [!] Examination Board". (Note to readers outside Britain- "Northern"
means the North of England, not Scotland!) They had to apologise to the the
Northern Examination Board and to readers from the North of England in general
for that piece of shit! And who could forget the shite "comic-strip" style
adverts? Especially the one where two guys after working out in a gym see an
advert for "Software swapping" in their newspaper and conclude that it
absolutely -must- be a pirate swapper! They appear to have stopped the shite
adverts now, probably because no-one takes them seriously!
The obvious reason why lots of people copy software is because it's too
expensive. Yes, I know that's a bit obvious, but if it wasn't for the demand,
it would just be a small band of crackers who do it for fun. Bob Hay of FAST
has responded by saying that a Rolls Royce is expensive, but he wouldn't steal
it! Er, yes, dig the groovy analogy Bob! Like, -all- commercial software is
Rolls Royce standard!!??! Anyway, to continue this inappropriate analogy, even
if you can't go for a Rolls Royce, there's plently of cars that are -less-
expensive than that! You don't have so much of a choice in the computer games
industry. There's very few budget software, very little that's not a pile of
crap anyway. FAST would like to claim that if there was less piracy prices
would go down. Well, that is just bullshit. We already have an area where
until recently there was no piracy- the games console area. Did you see prices
change that much before or after it was discovered you could pirate these
games? No, I didn't either. Games prices are actually fixed at a high rate by
distributers, who want a bigger cut, as Jeff Minter found out when he tried
to do a decent budget game for the ST.
Another piece of shit is that piracy is killing the software industry. For
example the figue that a programmer only can expect to see his original on only
10% of the computers has got not much to do with piracy- once you sift out the
amount of people who wouldn't -want- to buy his software for various reasons,
including the fact that it might be a really piece of crappy software! Crap
software is killing the software industry. No wonder the ST scene is dying if
all the games are jerky platform games programmed by lamers who have just been
forced off their Amiga!
Talking of Ocean software, the reason why all the busts of the pirate
software stalls in the Barras [Glasgow market] started is because apparently
some old lady bought a "compact menu" disk which contained a game by Ocean
which didn't work, and she then sent it to Ocean and asked for a
replacement! Sounds like everyone's informing on piracy, huh! FAST apparently
get all the latest menus and cracks they (presumably off busts, because they
obviously don't get from any stalls or contacts if they're this uninformed!)
they can get to analyse what they can! Has no-one told them it's illegal?
The case against the stall where the CD came from collapsed because it was a
CD menu with software from different companies, so they would have to each
file a charge! There was also similar reasons why the cases against other
people were also dropped. However, the software seized was still siezed even
though they hadn't been found guilty of anything. Apparently when you are bust,
they can take all your stuff, equipment and and software. The police can take
all your stuff on suspicion of being a pirate stall. This applies even if
you're a PD stall! You can go to the police station and get your hardware back
the next morning, but you can't get your software... They'll still be checking
it, or at least that's the excuse! [This is a similar tactic to a lot of US
"hacker busts".]
The method use in the 'big' bust of December 1992 was that a trading
standards officer would go up to a stall, ask for a known commerical game, then
once ad a copy, he'd be able to bust the place! So he bought pirate software!
Arrest the bastard! He's enticing the stallholders to commit a crime! Even PD
places are tested like this, and there are rumours that such places are being
checked all the time to make sure they only sell PD and shareware! So not only
do FAST keep a tab on the pirate stalls, but the PD libraries as well. How nice
of them.
You'd think that FAST wouldn't be so wary of PD/Shareware. In fact, you
might have expected them to encourage it, since more intrest in PD means less
intrest in piracy. Aha, but it also means less intrest in commercial software!
So it's really no surprise to see FAST raiding a PD library because they
contain sample demos! [ie big long samples of records] You'd think that this
is really a dispute between sample demo writers and the British Phonographic
Industry, and that FAST have nothing to do with non-commercial software, but
they got involved....
However, it's more sinister than that. FASTs paymasters, ELSPA (the
European Leisure Software Publishers Association) have suddenly come up with a
proposed set of guidelines for cover disks on magazines. These mainly cover
games appearing on them. They don't want to allow full games appearing even on
the disks, even if they are years old and have appeared on budget labels since,
or have been written especially for the magazine! This seems bad enough, but
there's more.... They want to restrict the number of -PD/Shareware- games on a
cover disk to 5!! Now ELSPA, what the fuck gives you the right to control the
distribution of PD/shareware??!??! It's not your lookout so fuck right off! I'm
sure that if they get away with this, then it'll give them the thin end of the
wedge to further control PD and shareware, and get rid of more of the
competition.
They appear to be wanting to go that way already. Have you noticed how the PD
world is being told by 'persons un-named' to clean up their act? Everyone
suddenly seems to be going on about the swearing in demos and diskmags. Indeed,
Budgie UK appears to have dropped all the diskmags alledgely because of this
reason. Adding this to the bust of the PD library, and it seems that quite a
lot of people seem to be intent in implying that people in the PD are involved
with unsavoury stuff like hacking and piracy, and porno stuff! (The last one
coming, surprisingly, from "Public Domain"!) And I suppose the people who work
for software companies are totally cut off from this?!?!?! No, in fact quite a
lot of demo coders, and even crackers, actually -work- for these same
companies!
The way that all this hype has suddenly appeared from nowhere makes me
suspicious. Are a lot of these stories actually coming from FAST or ELSPA?
Don't be too quick to dismiss the idea. We've already reported them fabricating
a story for the Daily Record. They already seem to be quite good at not telling
the whole truth...
***
EGB'S SMELLY SOX
***
OTHER OPINIONS ABOUT THE PERFORMANCE OF FAST
by FLOWERMAN and GLT of PURE BOLLOCKS EDITORIAL TEAM:
Q: What did you think of the 'Big Barras Bust'?
GLT - Lies!
FLOWERMAN - THE 'BIG BARRAS BUST' WAS A BIT OF A FARCE REALLY.
Q: Did you know any of the stalls that got busted?
GLT - No! Coz they were fictitious!!
FLOWERMAN - ONLY A FEW SMALL STALLS WERE CAUGHT (IF ANY) AND ALL THE LARGER
STALL'S WERE ALERTED ABOUT IT WELL IN ADVANCE (THE BARRA'S WERE
VIRTUALLY DESERTED ON THE DAY OF THE RAID).
Q: What did you think of the false Daily Record Story? [This was a
report in a "leading" Scottish daily newspaper that a "bust" of
pirate stalls had taken place, when in fact it hadn't! It included
"statements" from FAST.]
GLT - Pure (and utter) Bollocks!!!.
FLOWERMAN - I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT THE RECORD STORY, BUT THEY WERE PROBABLY
TALKING CRAP AS USUAL. (OR THEY WERE BEING PAID BY FAST TO RUN THE
STORY!)
Q: What do you think of the performance of FAST in general? (eg over
the raids on PD place because of sample demos.)
GLT - I think they are trying to look as if they are doing something with
the money that the TAX-Payers give them!!! (And PD Companies can't
exactly hide!!!)
FLOWERMAN - FAST ARE JUST TRYING TO LOOK AS IF THEY ARE DOING SOMETHING. THEY
HAVEN'T MANAGED TO CATCH MANY OF THE PIRATE OUTLETS IN SCOTLAND,
SO THEY'VE TAKEN TO REMOVING SOFTWARE FROM PD OUTLETS JUST FOR THE
SAKE OF IT, AND TO GET PUBLICITY. ANYWAY, I'M NOT AGAINST PIRACY
(GAMES PRICE'S ARE FAR TOO HIGH).
Q: What do you think of the attempts to control the PD/shareware
world? (eg restrictions on PD/shareware games in magazines, and
diskmags being dropped by PD libraries because of 'bad language'.)
GLT - Pointless. People know what they are buying so why shouldn't they
have the choice??
FLOWERMAN - IT'S PRETTY STUPID OF THE LIBRARIES DROPPING THE MAGS BECAUSE OF
LANGUAGE ALTHOUGH IT'S ONE OF THE REASONS WHY THIS GREAT MAGAZINE
IS NOT BEING DISTRIBUTED BY PD LIBRARIES AT ALL (GREAT!). THIS IS
GREAT BECAUSE WE HAVE NO RESTRICTIONS ON WHAT WE SAY OR WRITE
ABOUT.
***
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NOTE - This was done while Andy Hutchinson was editor of ST Format. He now
edits a console magazine! Apparently he was moved because he slagged
off PC Format for slagging off the Atari Falcon!
== EGB'S SMELLY SOX SAYS: ==
ISN'T ST FORMAT A LOAD OF CRAP??
So this is the most popular magazine for the ST in Britain. Well so what, the
Sun's the most popular newspaper! [Note to readers outside Britain- The Sun's
an extremely trashy newspaper, a bit like the National Inquirer!]
Most ST users would like to think that they're reading a well-informed mag put
together by people who know what they're talking about. In reality they're
getting a magazine put together by a former Sinclair User editor with out of
date news of what's happening on the actual ST user scene, and even worse, a
load of people who like to think they know what they are doing and will not
admit otherwise even when they're pretty obviously talking bullshit!
EXAMPLE 1 - In the PD review section, Double Doozer by Chaos gets 68%, Things
Not to Do gets 91%, but that's not the top score. That's 92%- won
by a sample demo of the song 'Kinky Boots'! The reviewer was
Andy Hutchinson- now the editor of ST Format.
EXAMPLE 2 - As Hutch becomes editor, the PD review team get really up to date
with Inner Circle's Decade Demo- released over 18 months before the
review. Of course they complain about it being unoriginal!
EXAMPLE 3 - A reader asked Roger Pearson, the assembly language 'expert' how
fullscreen is done in demos on the ST. [It's usually done using
precise timing and flipping about with frequencies.] Roger then
said that a good way of making the screen bigger was to do this
listing.... Which switched the screen to 60Hz! Not only nothing to
do with fullscreen, but completely incompatible with most users
with TVs!
EXAMPLE 4 - Upon the release of the Falcon, ST Format harbour grave doubts
about it's compatibility. They blamed a sound chip error for the
fact that most of their ST software crashed on the Falcon-
including Cubase 3. Strangely enough. Sound On Sound (A MIDI
and home recording magazine) managed to run the same program
with no problems in their review of the Falcon over a half a
monthe before. Why? Dead easy- the ST Format team had forgotten
to put the Falcon in ST Hi-res video mode! But they did
manage to put yet another big black mark against the Falcon
which it didn't need!
EXAMPLE 5 - Talking of big black marks, many might have seen the big spread
"Who's got it in for the ST"! In this piece, many including
the US Gold chairman in Britain, were able to peddle the usual
crap about games not being able to be converted to the ST because
the "hardware can't handle it". No-one ever challenges this
nonsense, or points out the fact that most chairpersons of games
software companies really know fuck all about computers and are
advised on such matters by their programmers, who are usually
sadcases in their late teens who have coded on little else than
Amigas, and don't know the first thing about the STs harware
capabilities.
EXAMPLE 6 - Hutch printed a letter by a reader who asked what a 'lamer' was,
just as an excuse to slag off all demo coders and calling them
'sad anorak wearers' who 'have no social life'. Anyone could
tell you this was a load of serious crap! (And a bit rich coming
from ST Format!) When Nexxus of TWB sent a letter saying words to
that effect, Hutch said Hey, I know what I'm talking about-
I've programmed in BASIC, C and assembler!!!! Ha ha! Of course,
he didn't say it was on the Sinclair Spectrum! He then said
that demo coders 'don't do anything useful'! Well, since it's a
hobby Hutch, your point about it being pointless is itself
pointless! Anyway, where did you think 4 channel digi music and
rasters (both in use in games today) popped up from? Also, many
of these people who 'don't do anything useful' are professional
programmers!! No- one's saying that there aren't crap unoriginal
demo-coders, and those using it as an ego-trip, but these sort of
sweeping generalisations are pretty sad!
EXAMPLE 7 - Or Spot The Difference. In the PD reviews, we have two demos where
the phrase 'wibbly graphics' is used. One gets over 90%, they
other under 70%. The difference? One is An Cool's M Demo 3,
which is almost completely digi- music, the other is mainly 'manic
bleep' chip music! Next competition- spot the ex-Amiga owner!
[EXAMPLE 8- Since doing this article we have found out that their "benchtest"
of the Falcon published during the autumn of 1992, was actually
made up! They never actually got to see the Falcon, and pieced
together their feature using a few photographs of the Falcon, and a
spec sheet!]
=================================================================
OK, so what do we think should be done to improve ST Format? Well, we think one
thing is obvious- it should be written and edited by people who have a bit more
contact with the grassroots ST users, like for example user groups, who usually
have some idea of what they are talking about. There's one good example of this
and that's difference between the 'experts' in the readers query pages. One of
the people who knows what he is talking about is the STOS correspondant Billy
Alan, who some of you might know from his other name Wheee The Fibble. Yes, you
guessed it, he's one of Hutch's 'sad anorak wearers'! He also swaps regularly
with people like MUG UK and other contacts across Britain. At the other extreme
is Roger Peason, the assembler 'expert', who quite obviously doesn't know what
he's talking about most of the time, judging from the fact that he keeps
referring people to books all the time, thinks fullscreen is 60Hz, and thinks a
DBF loop with 4 CLR.Ls is the fastest way to clear the screen! Now stick a
decent demo coder in that column and...
Having an ear to the ground certainly helps. We've been getting most of the
important news before ST Format, and even some stuff it misses out! Now if it
can actually hear this news, and then can go and report on it, and actually
listen to other people's opinions, then we think it could improve in a big way!
***
EGB'S SMELLY SOX
***
Other views on ST Format by FLOWERMAN and GLT of PURE BOLLOCKS EDITORIAL TEAM:
FLOWERMAN: HO! HO! HO! WHAT A MAGAZINE! THEIR TECHNICAL STAFF REALLY KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT (HO! HO!). APART FROM BILLY ALLAN, THEY
EMPLOY COMPLETELY HOPELESS LAMERS LIKE ROGER PEARSON AND TONY
WAGSTAFF. IN ANSWER TO QUESTIONS, THEY EITHER REFER THE READER TO
SEVERAL BOOKS, AVOID THE QUESTION, COPY SOME CRAP CODE FROM SOME
BOOK, MAKE UP THEIR OWN CRAP, OR JUST WRITE COMPLETELY WRONG
ANSWERS (THE WORST ONE MUST HAVE BEEN WHEN SOMEONE ASKED ROGER
PEARSON HOW TO OPEN THE BORDERS. HE TOLD THEM TO SWITCH TO 60HZ!
(THAT'S A LAMER))
GLT: I love their 20MHZ sample demo reviews! Their coders also have the
fastest overscan routines that I've ever seen!!! (Apparently you
only have to stick your computer into 60HZ and, hey presto, full
overscan is yours. Ha Ha!). I also love their Falcon Vs. A1200
article, esp. the way that they made the Falcon out to be totally
incompatible with the ST (They DIDN'T set the Falcon properly to
ST mode!). Apart from all that, I think that compiled STOS is
faster than the routines their ASM programmer is trying to teach
folk! ( "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" )
***
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[ BTW This is a bit British! "Hooray Henries" = youth yuppie types, and
"Socialist Workers Party" = a bunch of hard left political hacks who are
usually, by a complete coincidence, also "Hooray Henries"! ]
WHAT'S ALL THIS 'STUDENT' CRAP THEN?
A personal view by
GENIE of NETWORK TRASH
I'm writing this because I'm a student. So- what image is going through your
mind when the word 'student' is mentioned. A pretty confused one, I'd guess...
There's two main images of student are either of Hooray Henries a la
Oxbridge or sad hairy specimens in strange clothes standing outside a student
union holding a bunch of papers shouting 'Socialist Worker!... Get your
Socialist Worker!....' No bloody wonder the image of students are pretty
confused!
Whether you're a student or not, you might have had a student political
hack chapping on your door at an election, asking whether you've ever
considered voting for their party. And look at how many polticians have law
degrees....
Anyway, this all a minority of students. You might not know that from the
sort of things you might see in the paper, but most of them are pretty
ordinary. The reason why this large fact is overooked is because the small
minority can be easily identified as students, while the rest of them could be,
well, -ordinary people-! Of course, they actually -are- ordinary people, as are
the easily identifiable minority!
So next time you see a young politico or someone in strange garb and you
think 'Huh! Typical bloody student!', think of how you're you're so sure it's a
student and not just a young politico or someone in strange garb!
<Genie!>
11/1/93
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New Reader's Digestive System feature:
"Cor blimey, ain't life a barrel o' laughs?"
If you want to let everybody on campus know what a wanker you are, then why not
sicken them with crappy jokes on noticeboards like the following? Yes, this
is a joke notice I put up some time ago. (So it's pretty out of date in some
ways!) See what you think....
======================================
COMPUTING BOOKS FOR SALE!
How to conquer your fear of computers.
J. Pratt. ?46
Some of my best friends are computers.
J. Pratt. ?42
How to read the Financial Times.
A. Bore. ?12
Accounting: a most exciting job!
Natlays Midloyd. ?102
How computers are used to make nice little patterns in John Menzies.
J. Menzies. ?32
How to feel more at ease with computers.
J. Pratt. ?43
Computers in accounting: even more exciting than Accounting!
Natlays Midloyd. ?102
The Apple: a year in the life of a fruit farmer.
John Hippie. 50p (on recycled paper)
The art of snazzy computer graphics: an in-depth look at the 12356777tx Texas
Instruments AND-gate.
John Midwestern. ?56
The Sirius Apricot: a year in the life of a fruit farmer in another solar
system.
John Hippie. 50p (on recycled paper)
Call 0898 *** *** [substitute the most potentially embarrassing chatline/prono-
line you can find] and ask for Leslie. Better still, if you know the song
'Where is Leslie?' by The Batchelor Pad, why not sing that as well? It won't
give you any preferential treatment, but at least you will have proved that you
have enough enough sense and taste to listen to some really crap pseudo 60's
record by a completely unknown Edinburgh indie band!
<Genie!>
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AN APPRECIATION OF "THE ORB"
============================
By Mr. Orb
==========
To fully appreciate this kind of music one must first understand it's nature.
I, myself, used to enjoy Tangerine Dream's music but found them becoming more
and more formula based, each piece more or less sounding like the last. This
was a shame as at their greatest they created wonderfully atmospheric
soundscapes in such LP's as 'Rubycon' or 'White Eagle', in comparison their
most recent work 'Rockoon' sounds shallow and clinical (or is my CD player
broken?).
Enter Alex Paterson who, in association with the KLF's Jimi Caulty created
a new style of music: 'Ambient House'. Caulty was the first to release an LP in
that style. Similar to the Orb's subsequent Ultraworld album, with it's cover
picture of Battersea power station, the KLF paid homage to Pink Floyd with a
grazing sheep, a parody to the Floyd's Atom Heart Mother.
Alex first bite of fame was as a roadie, humping gear and taking stick from
Killing Joke, who included his old school chum Youth, now transformed in the
premier re-mixer/producer and responsible for many of the groups more ambitious
tracks.
On the surface the music seems repetitive, shallow and avoiding any musical
composition: The usual well mapped structure of Verse, Chorus, Verse, Middle
Eight and Bridge is replaced in their pieces with a much longer narrative flow
taking samples from obscure sources; 'B' Movies, Radio Interviews (Little
Fluffy Clouds), Space noises, Humpback Whales, and even Hammond organ music
(The end of 'The Peel Sessions').
Most notable of The Orb's style of music is that to accommodate the almost
free-form musical experimentation tracks are rarely less than 10 minutes long.
The single 'Blue Room' which, allegedly, is dedicated to the rumoured ultra-
secret extra-terrestrial holding tank at Wright-Patterson Airforce Base in Ohio
clocks in at an impressive 40 minutes , and holds the record for longest
single. [Just 1 second under the maximum continuous running time for a single
as laid down by Gallup regulations. Apparently, it was done as a response to a
radio interview with Flowered up, who, upon the release of their 13 minute
single "Weekender, were going along the lines of: "blah blah 13 minutes blah
blah uncommercial blah blah real music blah blah..." "Weekender" never even got
near the charts, whilst "The Blue Room" made the top 10! - <Genie!>]
(An interesting aside. The Blue Room CD costs ?4.00 and contains 40 minutes
of music, simple math follows that one is paying 10p per minute. My point is,
how can record companies justify charging nearly ?15 for Beatles CD's which are
even shorter ?)
Discography:
============
(Note: This follows my collection of CD's and in no way is a full or complete
review)
The Orb's Adventures Beyond The Ultraworld. (Double LP) ?17.99
==============================================================
Tracks:
CD 1 CD 2
Little Fluffy Clouds Perpetual Dawn
Earth (Gaia) Into The Fourth Dimension
Supernova At The Edge Of The Outlands
Universe
Star 6 & 7 8 9
Backside Of The Moon A Huge Evergrowing Brain
Spanish Castles In Space That Rules From The Centre Of
The Ultraworld
Interestingly I bought this LP after hearing an excerpt of 'A Huge Evergrowing
Brain That Rules From The Centre Of The Ultraworld'. A text-book example of
ambient house: it clocks in at over 20 minutes, takes samples from almost
everywhere, and has a repetitive nature that, far from becoming tedious, is
incredibly soothing.
The album also contains the Track 'Little Fluffy Clouds' which as an
introduction to the groups music does it's job very well and introduces the
listener to this style of music.
The Orb Aubrey Mixes (Orb Remixes Geddit?) ?12.99
===========================================
Tracks
Little Fluffy Clouds: Cumulo nimbus mix
Backside of the moon: Under water deep space mix
Spanish castles in space: Castles in goa mix
[It sounds not too unlike Pink Floyd's "Saucerful of Secrets" - <Genie!>]
Outlands: Fountains of ellisha mix
A huge evergrowing pulsating brain that rules from the centre
of the ultraworld: Aubrey mix mk 11
Perpetual dawn: january mix 3
Spanish castles in space: extended youth mix
When this CD was released, as a marketing ploy it was to be deleted on the next
day. Suffice to say I was extremely pissed when I couldn't find any copies.
Several months later in a small Woolworths not only did I find it, but at
?5.99.
The Orb Perpetual Dawn (US Import) ?8.99
===================================
Tracks
Perpetual Dawn (Solar youth mix)
Perpetual Dawn (Solar flare extended)
Perpetual Dawn (Ultrabass I)
Perpetual Dawn (Ultrabass II)
Star 6 & 7 8 9 (Phase II)
The orb's very commercial effort to attain chart success in the U.S.
The Orb Peel Sessions ?8.99
=====================
Tracks
A huge evergrowing pulsating brain that rules from the centre
of the ultraworld (loving you)
Back side of the moon (tranquility lunar orbit)
Into the fourth dimension (essences in starlight)
The tracks on this CD consisted the sessions that The Orb recorded for John
Peels radio program from 3.12.89 to 2.10.90 [NOTE- As far as we at PBHQ can
tell, the version of "A Huge Evergrowing...." is more or less the ORIGINAL
version. It was recorded with Jimi Cauty and didn't even have the title when it
was first broadcast on Peel's show, and was called something like "'Loving you'
Orbital Mix" when it was first repeated- <Genie!>]
The Blue Room Cd Set (2 CD's) ?3.99 each
=============================
Tracks
CD 1 CD 2
Blue Room Blue Room (Radio)
Blue Room (Excerpt)
Towers Of Dub (Mad Professor Remix)
Between this period I was given a tape of 'Coldcut versus the Orb' recorded one
wintry October afternoon from Kiss-FM. The Orb's efforts consist of various
remixes of UF-ORB tracks (to be included in the UF-Aubrey Mixes?)
UF-ORB (or U ?12.99
====== F
ORB)
Tracks
O.o.b.e
U.f.orb
Blue Room
Towers Of Dub
Close Encounters
Majestic
Sticky End
More conventional than the original Ultraworld LP it contains some fantastic
music, notably U.f.orb which has a brilliant drum track and bass line.
Nominated for a brit award it lost to Annie Lennox's souless 'Diva' LP.
Oldfield Versus The Orb: Sentinel ?3.99
=================================
Tracks
Sentinel (nobel prize mix)
Sentinel (orbular bells)
Sentinel (seven inch mix)
Following the vapid 'Tubular Bells II' (more of a flop than a follow-up) The
Orb got hold of it and produced some cracking remixes.
The Orb: Assassin (2 CD Set) ?3.99 each
============================
Tracks
CD 1 CD 2
Assassin (The oasis of rhythms mix) Radio 7
U.F.ORB (Bandulu remix) Another live version
Chocolate hills of bohol mix
At the time of writing this constitutes The Orb's last release. [This was
written in February 1993, well before the "Orb Live 93" LP was released, and
"Little Fluffy Clouds" was re-released.]
In conclusion The Orb represent a taste of the way that conventional music will
sound in a thousand years time. I can imagine Han Solo sticking U.F.orb on the
Millennium Falcon's DCC or Minidisc player.
[FINAL THOUGHT- In January 1989, I taped a very strange piece of house music
off the John Peel show. It was just under 5 minutes long, with some guy
chanting a mantra over an acid bassline, and a strange sample of some French
guys going "Zee Roof! Zee Roof! Ze roof is on fi-errrr!". It was by some beat
combo called Mr Orb. I wonder whatever happened to them? - <Genie!>]
SOME ORB NEWS - taken from Melody Maker- The Paper That Likes To Say "Suede"
** The Orb's US tour is postponed for the moment because of a legal wrangle
between WauMrModo Records and Big Life Records. Apparently WauMrModo thinks
it's now independent from major label Big Life records, who have up until
now distributed their records, including their main act- guess who? However
Big Life don't quite agree on this, so there's a big of a legal tussle
going on.... [They've now signed to Island records.]
** There's a major campaign in Stirling University to get The Orb elected as
Honarary Presidents of their Student Representative council, and The Orb
have agreed to stand. The main points in favour of the candidates from the
Ultraworld are, according to the campaign leaflet, that:
a) They have a pet sheep called Fluff.
b) The "Huge Evergrowing Brain that Rules From The Centre of the
Ultraworld" quite obviously is a pointed reference to Stirling
university.
Methinks this campaign team must be completely Into The Fourth Dimension,
but they'll probably win, and anyway I'd rather have The Orb win the
position than some tosser like bloody Johnny Ball!!!! [Don't ask!]
== /---\ /--- =============================================================
== I I I---\ =============================================================
== \___/ \___/ =============================================================
****************************************************************************
* This file originally appeared in PURE BOLLOCKS #21, by permission of the *
* authors. This may be spread, but not published for profit. *
****************************************************************************
NOTE - Apart from the members of Network Trash, all the other names (including
"real" names) are so-called "made-uppies" ie fictional stuff. Also,
though some of the events may be inspired by real-life incidents,
they're still fictional made-uppy events here, so there.
== Complete Trash from Network Trash ==
== Chapter 1 ==
IT WAS AN average normal sort of day at Network Trash. Everyone was slagging
each other off, altering each others text files, deleting files while people
were working on them, and generally having a wonderful time.
"Who the fucks been altering my text file?" blared Satan.
"Uh-oh, honour amongst thieves and other antiquated crap." thought
Pioufgh.
Enough, thought Warlock.
"Hey, this is a pretty shite start for my book."
"That's because it's not a book, it's a serial." said Genie.
"Well, it's a pretty shite start for a serial then."
"That's because it's a load of crap."
"Then it's a pretty shite start for a load of crap."
"There's a good reason for that as well."
"That must be pretty shite as well."
"When's the fucking story going to start?" shouted Revlis. "All we're
getting is this load of shit where we're talking and you're writing the thing
down."
"Er.. where's the plot gone?" said Torg.
"Plot?" said Genie innocently.
"Yes, stop wasting space and do something for fucks sake." everybody
shouted
Satan was concerned.
"Are we at the bit yet where we go out on a Saturday night to Chicago
Meatpackers to have a drink, then go to Strathclyde Union and have no drinks,
then queue outside The Tunnel for an hour, then we're told to fuck off by a
couple of bouncers who are lucky to have a braincell between them, and then we
go to the Pancake Place, and have the most stodgy meal, thus ending a
thoroughly depressing night where a shite time is had by all?"
"No." said everybody.
"Oh this is a shite story."
"Yes, we know, that's because it's crap."
"I'm not here." said Captain Salamander.
Picturesque country passed by.
"Hey what's this picturesque country business?" said Revlis. "You don't
see picturesque country out of the fucking Boyd Orr!"
"Oh ?l?$Blx.PBc?xc{''-```vvv77789jjw{?{c BB?$PPy&&'''?v==-
'zzzzzzxzzc??t~
Sorry some bastard has deleted this! Just wait till I get my backup ready.....
.....
Almost there.....
.....
....
"Hey what's this picturesque country business?" said Revlis. "You don't
see picturesque country out of the fucking Boyd Orr!"
"Oh, I can see it pretty well" said Nun Fucker.
"That's because you're pissed." suggested everybody.
"Yes, it's funny how you get pissed when you've logged onto the Staffa
server..."
"Maybe because it's pretty mindnumbingly boring." suggested Torg.
"Hey, I haven't got to that bit yet!" shouted Genie.
"No, we're getting to the intresting bit now."
"Well, I was wanting to hold it back for coming timing."
"Fuck comic timing!" shouted Satan.
"That should be intresting to watch." thought Pioufgh.
"Hey, that's not fair! How come Pioufgh thinks all the time, but never
talks? We don't know where he is."
"Well, I don't know where the fuck he is at the moment. He never talks
anyway." answered Genie. "Just think: he's on the network somewhere..."
"Not a very nice thought." observed Revlis.
"Talking of which, I wish I could find out who's been mysteriously
deleting files."
"It looks like a mysterious type of disk error that we haven't come
across."
"But strangely enough, there seems to be some sort of strange intelligence
behind it."
"Stop nicking all the significant lines you two. I want to say something
important."
"Well, what do you think it is then?"
"Errrrmmmm..... Ummmmm..... errrrrrrr....."
"Hey, fellow satanists, come and look at this! Nun Fuckers found
something!"
They crowded round the crappy (and unfairly foisted upon anything less
than 3rd year students) Mac Plus. "Username: spacetech, password: tardis" said
Torg. "Type it in and..."
Picturesque country passed by.
"Right, Genie, I still don't get it" said Revlis.
"Just wait till I tell you that I think it could be a strange time-space
travel mechanism."
"Oh."
There was a long silence, while another few miles of picturesque landscape
undulated beneath the Boyd Orr Building.
"What, the Boyd Orr flying? Don't make me laugh!" said Nun Fucker.
"Actually, it really does appear to be flying." said Torg.
Nun Fucker laughed.
"You're not supposed to laugh." shouted everybody.
"Fuck off."
Another pause, and another few miles.
"What do you think it is?"
"Actually, I think it could be a strange time-space travel mechanism."
"Well, the Computing Science department certainly didn't tell us about
this one!" observed Torg.
"You really think we're..... LOST IN SPACE AND TIME!!!"
Everybody gasped in stunned amazement as the flight of the Boyd Orr
building continued.
"I'm not here either." said The Jynx.
<Genie!>
27/11/91
** STAY TUNED NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT IN THE SAGA! **
== I---- I\ I I---\ ======================================================
== I--- I \ I I I ======================================================
== I____ I \I I___/ ======================================================
If you have an ST system, we recommend you try the original ST binary
version of Pure Bollocks! You can obtain it from the following FTP sites:
atari.archive.umich.edu in the directory "atari/Magazines/Pb"
ftp.uni-kl.de in the directory "pub/atari/magazines"
You can also receive a copy by sending an International Reply Coupon plus the
relevant amount of disks (1 disk for PB #21, 2 each for PB #22 and PB #23) to
PB Magazine,
PO box 1083,
Glasgow G14 9DG,
Scotland,
UK.
We have compiled ASCII only versions of these, and archived them using ZIP
v2.0. Each of these fit onto a single PC format disk. Please state if you want
this version.
Write to this address for contributions, etc. You can also email us at:
an18359@anon.penet.fi
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