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Pure Bollocks Issue 22_050
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* C O O K I N G * W I T H * J O L L Y * R O G E R *
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THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO KILLING A CAR!
by The Jolly Roger
There are 1001 ways to destroy a car but I am going to cover only the ones
that are the most fun (for you), the most destructive (for them), and the
hardest to trace (for the cops).
- Place thermite on the hood, light it, and watch it burn all the way
through the pavement!
- Tape a CO2 bomb to the hood, axel, gas tank, wheel, muffler, etc.)
- Put a tampon, dirt, sugar (this one is good!), a ping pong ball, or just
about anything that will dissolve in the gas tank.
- Put potatoes, rocks, banannas, or anything that will fit, into the
tailpipe. [Exhaust to all you non-US citizens -EGBSS] Use a broom handle to
stuff 'em up into the tailpipe.
- Put a long rag into the gas tank and light it...
- Steal a key, copy it, replace it, and then steal the stereo.
- Break into the car. Cut a thin metal ruler into a shape like this:
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Slide it into the outside window and keep pulling it back up until you
catch the lock cable which should unlock the door. This device is also
called a SLIM JIM. Now get the stereo, equalizer, radar detector, etc. Now
destroy the inside. (A sharp knife does wonders on the seats!)
If you really detest someone, and I mean detest, here's a few tips on what to
do in your spare time.
- Move the windshield wiper blades, and insert and glue tacks. The tacks
make lovely designs.
- If your "friend" goes to school with you, Just before he comes out of
school. Light a lighter and then put it directly underneath his car door
handle. Wait...Leave...Listen. When you hear a loud "shit!", you know he
made it to his car in time.
- Remove his muffler and pour approximately 1 Cup of gas in it. Put the
muffler back, then wait till their car starts. Then you have a cigarette
lighter. A 30 foot long cigarette lighter.
- This one is effective, and any fool can do it. Remove the top air filter.
That's it!
- Or a oldie but goodie: sugar in the gas tank.
- Stuff rags soaked in gas up the exhaust pipe. Then you wonder why your
"friend" has trouble with his/her lungs.
- Here's one that takes time and many friends. Take his/her car then break
into their house and reassemble it, in their living or bedroom. Phun eh?
- If you're into engines, say eeni mine moe and point to something and remove
it. They wonder why something doesn't work.
There are so many others, but the real good juicy ones come by thinking hard.
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APPENDIX A - How to make a CO2 bomb
You need a CO2 cartidge out of a soda dispenser for this. You will have to use
up the cartridge first by either shooting it or whatever. With a nail, force a
hole bigger so as to allow the powder and wick to fit in easily. Fill the
cartridge with black powder and pack it in there real good by tapping the
bottom of the cartridge on a hard surface (I said TAP not SLAM!). Insert a
fuse. I recommend a good water-proof cannon fuse, or an m-80 type fuse, but
firecracker fuses work, if you can run like .... [Yes, very nice racist
analogy, Roger. Let's just say very fast! -EGBSS!] ) Now, light it and run
like hell! It does wonders for a row of mailboxes (like the ones in apartment
complexes), a car (place under the gas tank), a picture window (place on
window sill), a phone booth (place right under the phone), or any other
devious place. This thing throws shrapnel, and can make quite a mess!!
APPENDIX B - Thermite II... or A better way to make Thermite
Thermite is nasty shit. Here is a good and easy way to make it. The first step
is to get some iron-oxide (which is RUST!). Here is a good way to make large
quantities in a short time:
- Get a DC convertor like the one used on a train set. Cut the connector
off, seperate the wires, and strip them both.
- Now you need a jar of water with a tablespoon or so of sodium chloride
(which is SALT!) added to it. This makes the water conductive.
- Now insert both wires into the mixture (I am assuming you plugged the
convertor in...) and let them sit for five minutes. One of them will start
bubbling more than the other. This is the POSITIVE(+) wire. If you do not
do this test right, the final product will be the opposite (chemically) of
rust, which is RUST ACID. You have no use for this here (although it IS
useful!).
- Anyway, put the nail tied to the positive wire into the jar. Now put the
negative wire in the other end. Now let it sit overnight and in the
morning scrape the rust off of the nail & repeat until you got a bunch of
rust on the bottom of the glass. Be generous with your rust collection. If
you are going through the trouble of making thermite, you might as well
make a lot, right?
- Now remove the excess water and pour the crusty solution onto a cookie
sheet. Dry it in the sun for a few hours, or inside overnight. It should
be an orange-brown color (although I have seen it in many different
colors! Sometimes the color gets fucked up, what can I say... but it is
still iron oxide!)
- Crush the rust into a fine powder and heat it in a cast-iron pot until it
is red. Now mix the pure iron oxide with pure alluminum filinos which can
be bought or filed down by hand from an aluminum tube or bar. The ratio or
iron oxide to aluminum is 8 grams to 3 grams.
- Congrats! You have just made THERMITE! Now, to light it...
- Thermite requires a LOT of heat (more than a blow torch!) to ignite.
However, a magnesium ribbon (which is sorta hard to find.. call around)
will do the trick. It takes the heat from the burning magnesium to light
the thermite.
- Now when you see your victim's car, pour a fifty-cent sized pile onto his
hood, stick the ribbon in it, and light the ribbon with the blow torch.
Now chuckle as you watch it burn through the hood, the block, the axle,
and the pavement. BE CAREFUL! The ideal mixtures can vaporize CARBON
STEEL! Another idea is to use thermite to get into pay phone cash boxes.
HAVE FUN!! -Jolly Roger-
APPENDIX C - The easiest way to hotwire cars
Get in the car. Look under the dash. If it enclosed, forget it unless you want
to cut through it. If you do, do it near the ignition. Once you get behind or
near the ignition look for two red wires. In older cars red was the standard
color, if not, look for two matched pairs. When you find them, cross them and
take off!
APPENDIX D - Auto Exhaust Flamethrower
For this one, all you need is a car, a sparkplug, ignition wire and a switch.
Install the spark plug into the last four or five inches of the tailpipeby
drilling a hole that the plug can screw into easily. Attach the wire (this is
regular insulated wire) to one side of the switch and to the spark plug. The
other side of the switch is attached to the positive terminal on the battery.
With the car running, simply hit the switch and watch the flames fly!!! Again
be careful that no one is behind you! I have seen some of these flames go 20
feet!!!
APPENDIX E - Fuses
You would be surprised how many files are out there that use what falls under
the category of a "fuse." They assume that you just have a few lying around,
or know where to get them. Well, in some parts of the country, fuses are
extremely hard to come by... so this file tells you how to make your own. Both
fuses presented here are fairly simple to make, and are fairly reliable.
SLOW BURNING FUSE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (approx. 2 inches per minute)
Materials needed:
- Cotton string or 3 shoelaces
- Potassium Nitrate or Potassium Chlorate
- Granulated sugar
Procedure:
- Wash the cotton string or showlaces in HOT soapy water, then rinse
with fresh water
- Mix the following together in a glass bowl:
1 part potassium nitrate or potassium chlorate
1 part granulated sugar
2 parts hot water
- Soak strings or shoelaces in this solution
- Twist/braid 3 strands together and allow them to dry
- Check the burn rate to see how long it actually takes!!
FAST BURNING FUSE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (40 inches per minute)
Materials needed:
- Soft cotton string
- fine black powder (empty a few shotgun shells!)
- shallow dish or pan
Procedure:
- moisten powder to form a paste
- twist/braid 3 strands of cotton together
- rub paste into string and allow to dry
- Check the burn rate!!!
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Jolly Roger
