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Pure Bollocks Issue 22_049
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* C O O K I N G * W I T H * J O L L Y * R O G E R *
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HI-TECH REVENGE
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All of the following docs were taken from "The Jolly Rogers Cookbook", and as
such the production team of the "Pure Bollocks" Disc magazine do not condone,
or promote any action described.
Enough bullshit: Let's Rock!
Is there someone in your life that you REALLY hate ? [DEFINATELY none of the PB
Editorial Team, I hope! -EGBSS!] Make their lives a lot more interesting by
doing a few of these nice things to them
Mr Orb
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DISKETTE BOMBS
You need:
- A disk
- Scissors
- White or blue kitchen matches (they MUST be these colors!)
- Clear nail polish
- Carefully open up the diskette (3.5" disks are best for this!)
- Remove the cotton covering from the inside.
- Scrape a lot of match powder into a bowl (use a wooden scraper, metal might
spark the matchpowder!)
- After you have a lot, spread it evenly on the disk.
- Using the nail polish, spread it over the match mixture
- Let it dry
- Carefully put the diskette back together and use the nail polish to seal it
shut on the inside (where it came apart).
- When that disk is in a drive, the drive head attempts to read the disk,
which causes a small fire (ENOUGH HEAT TO MELT THE DISK DRIVE AND FUCK THE
HEAD UP!!). Ahahahahaha! Let the fuckhead try and fix THAT!!!
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This is a guide for Anarchists and can be funny for non-believers and 12 and 13
year old runts, and can be a lexicon of deadly knowledge for True Anarchists...
Serious damage is intended to be dealt here. Do not try this stuff unless you
want to do a lot of serious Anarchy.
[Simulation]
Asshole: "Listen, you little teenager punk shit, shut the fuck up, or I'll
knock you down!"
Anarchist: "O.K.....You can't say I didn't warn you. You don't know my true
power..." (soooo casually)
Asshole: "Well, er, what do you mean? Anarchist: <demonic grin>
As you can see, the Anarchist knows something that this asshole doesn't...
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OPERATION FUCK-UP
Get a wheel barrel or two. Fill with gasoline. Get 16 rolls of toilet paper,
unroll & drench in the gasoline. Rip to shreds in gasoline. Get asbestos
gloves. Light a flare (to be punk), grab glob of saturated toilet paper (you
can ignite the glob or not). Throw either flaming or dripping glob into:
* any window (picture is the best),
* front doors,
* rough grain siding, and best of all,
* brick walls.
First of all, this bitch is near impossible to get off once dried, and is a
terror to people inside when lit! After this... during the night, get a pickup
truck, a few wheel-barrels, and a dozen friends with shovels. The pickup can be
used only for transporting people and equipment, or doing that, and carting all
the dirt. When it gets around 12:00 (after the loser goes beddie - bye), dig a
gargantuan hole in his front yard until about 3:00. You can either assign three
or four of your friends to cart the dirt ten miles away in the pickup-bed, or
bury his front door in 15' of dirt! After that is done, get three or four
buckets of tar, and coat his windows. You can make an added twist by igniting
the tar when you are all done and ready to run! That is if the loser has a
house. If he lives inside an apartment building, you must direct the attack
more toward his car, and front door.
I usually start out when he goes to work...I find out what his cheap car looks
like, and memorize it for future abuse...It is always fun to paint his front
door (apt.) hot pink with purple polka-dots, and off-neon colors in diagonal
stripes. You can also pound a few hundred or so four inch nails into his front
door (this looks like somebody really doesn't like you from the inside).
Another great is to fill his keyhole with liquid steel so that after the
bastard closes his door - the only way to get back in is to break it down. If
you can spare it, leave him an axe - that is, implanted three inches into, and
through the door!
Now, this next one is difficult, but one of the best! Get a piece of wood
siding that will more than cover his front door completely. Nail two by fours
on the edges of the siding (all except the bottom) so you have a barge - like
contraption. Make a hole at the top that will be large enough for a cement
slide.
Mix about six or seven LARGE bags of QUICK drying cement. Use the cement slide
to fill the antichamber created by the "barge" that is around his door. Use
more two by fours to brace your little cement-filled barge, and let the little
gem dry. When it is, remove the "barge" so only a stone monolith remains that
covers his door.
Use any remaining cement to make a base around this so he can't just push it
over. When I did this, he called the fire department, and they thought he meant
wood, so they brought axes. I watched with a few dozen or so other tenants, and
laughed my damn ass off! This is only his door! After he parks his car for the
night, the fun really begins...
I start out by opening up the car by jamming a very thin, but loack [Huh? -
EGBSS!] - inside and out! Then proceed to put orange-juice syrup all over the
seats, so after he gets through all the other shit that you do, he will have
the stickiest seats in the world. You can then get a few Sunday papers,
and crack one of the windows about four inches. Lightly crumple the
papers, and continue to completely fill the inside of his car with the
newspapers. A copy of the Sunday New York Times will nicely fill a Volkeswagon!
What is also quite amusing is to put his car on cinder blocks, slash his
tires at the top, and fill them with cement! Leave the cinder blocks there so
that, after he knocks the car off of them, he will get about 3 miles to the
gallon with those tires, and do 0 to 60 in about two minutes! It is even more
hilarious when he doesn't know why the hell why! Another is to open his
hood, and then run a few wires from the sparkplugs to the METAL body.
It sure is one HOT car when it is running! Now, I like to pour two pounds of
sugar down his gas tank. If this doesn't blow every gasket in his engine it
will do something called "carmelizing his engine". This is when the extreme
heat turns the sugar to carmel, and you literally must completely take the
engine out and apart, and clean each and every individual part!
Well, if this asshole does not get the message, you had better start to get
serious. [SERIOUS? -EGBSS!] If this guide was used properly & as it was
intended (no, not as kindling for the fire), this asshole will either
move far away, seek professional psychological help, commit suicide, or all
of the above!
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