Pure Bollocks Issue 21_000

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Pure Bollocks

 · 5 years ago

  

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  \ \  \\ \ \ \ \ \ \  \\ \ \  ---\    B  O  L  L  O  C  K  S   \ 
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    \ \  \    \ --- \ \  \\ \ \  ---\        Gonads of the        \ 
     \ ---     ------- --- --- ------       Year Issue (#21)       \ 
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PURE BOLLOCKS GONADS OF THE YEAR ISSUE (#21) - MORE UNDERGROUND THAN A MOLE 
ON DOWNERS! SPREAD LIKE THE PLAGUE! ONLY TO BE SOLD BY HACKERS AND PIRATE 
STALLS! IF YOU'RE A PD STALL AND THINKING OF SELLING IT - FUCK OFF! 

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NOTE- If you thought you had selected another article then mysteriously ended 
      up here again, it may be because you pressed RETURN, which loads an 
      article NUMBER (which will be '00' if you've just started). Use SPACE 
      or MOUSE BUTTON to select articles if you're using the cursor in the 
      menu. 
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Welcome to another load of bollocks, but just any bollocks- PURE BOLLOCKS! 

You might ask: "What's the difference?" and I would say: "Well, consider the 
bollocks in some disk mags, and the bollocks in ours. Upon reflection, you 
would have to conclude the bollocks in our magazine is much more a pure 
refined visions of all things bollocky, and therefore, er... Oh just fuck 
off, you're confusing me!!" 

We have everything in this issue... Well, perhaps not. 

* We DON'T have 13 squillion boring shit interviews- only about.. um.. five. 

* We DON'T have 500K of shit bbs messages posing as 'Falcon news'. 

* We DON'T have Ruthless doing a column for us like on Toxic mag issue 2! 
  (Shame, because we want to get really contraversial now!) 

* We DON'T have crap tips on fullscreen by ST Format- we have better ways to 
  fill space than that! 

* We DON'T have dull unfunny jokes from the Mary Whitehouse Experience. Oh that 
  reminds me..... 

- MESSAGE TO ANYONE WHO FINDS THE 'MARY WHITEHOUSE EXPERIENCE' REMOTELY FUNNY - 
     "See that teaspoon over there? That's your sense of humour, that is!" 
              "Milky, Milky!" <Inexplicable riotous laughter...> 
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Ahem, anyway- what do we have? 

* We DO have loads of swearing! 

* We DO have so many flame messages, that you'll need a fireproof disk drive 
  to read them all! 

* We DO have nice incisive news on the subjects that we know something about 
  unlike the Evening Times. (Tut tut, 'MS DOS version 7' indeed!) 

* We DO have some nice features on secret networks, the Scottish scene, phone 
  phreaking, disk magazines, and all the shit you want to know about. 

* We DO have crap jokes from places other than the 'Mary Whitehouse 
  Experience'. 

** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

It's hard not to talk about the Falcon these days (cliche cliche), so we'll 
have all the latest on this amazing Atari computer which Atari still haven't 
released in bulk yet! 

And on that more serious note, I'm going to rant, so if any employees of Atari 
(especially high-up ones) are reading this mag, then here is a message to your 
company.... 

COME ON, GET OFF YOUR FUCKIN' ARSE AND RELEASE THE FALCON IN BULK OR YOU'LL BE 
FUCKED AND WE'LL ALL BE SWITCHING TO THE PC OR (GOD HELP US!) THE NEW AMIGA! 

.. 

blah blah rant rant.... 

.. 

 
Let's hope Atari do release the bloody thing in bulk soon, 
or all the speculation and Falcon news in this issue of Pure Bollocks might 
become a relic to future Commodore and PC kids on 'what might have been' - 
either they'll say 'Coo! How could that fail?' or 'Ha! Edsel of the 
computers!' 

(GENIE says: Don't hiss "TRAITOR!" at us- hiss it in the general direction 
             of Atari!) 

** 

EGB'S SMELLY SOX 

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PS 

1) Oh before I go, I must congratulate <Genie> of Network Trash for the fucking 
   excellent DOC displayer and Menu. Great work! 
2) If you're wanting to contact us.... See 'endpiece'. <PB_041.TXT> 

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** CREDITS FOR PB #21 ** 
DOC DISPLAYER & MENU - Genie of Network Trash. (Great, isn't it?) 
MAIN INTRO & MENU    - GLT (Gigantic Left Testie) 
'POWERMAN' 3D INTRO  - Flowerman 
PUTTING TOGETHER     - EGB's Smelly Sox 
ARTICLES WRITTEN BY - EGB's Smelly Sox, Rich Tea, Genie, 6025, Flowerman, 
GLT. 

Also thanks to all the people we ripped stuff off like Agrajag, Stephen 
Posthuma, Powerman of TWB, and all the people on the Fidonet especially 
Gary Spiteri, Michael Smith, ST Report and the sadcases like Chris Baillies 
and Aaron Smithies.