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Pork Issue 09
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| :::::::::::. | misfit..
volume 1, number 9 | ::::::::::::::: |
(c) 1995 Pork Incorporated. or not. +-----------------+
∞ ---(spiff)------------------------------------------------------------------ ∞
oh damn. pOrk nine. ph34r it. a lot. damn, it's been a long time since i've
written an issue of pOrk ('i' being me, misfit, your not-so-humble editor).
i wanna take this opportunity to thank trip for keeping pOrk around when i
probably would've let it die, so, um..thanks trip :). anyway, on to the mag.
this is the special christmas day issue (well, sorta.. it's 12:43 a.m., so i
guess it's december 26th now, huh. fuck.)... yeah. well, it's the 'christmas
is over and i'll be drunk till new years day' issue. enjoy..
∞ ---(bedlam has big gums)---------------------------------------------------- ∞
hehe.. actually, i don't know if he does or not, but that's what i hear.
∞ ---(w00p)------------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
things i wanted for christmas :
- a life.
- gangsta bitch barbie with bullet riddled ken inaction figure.
- trip to take me in from behind (and he will.. oh yes. he will).
- every sonic youth, L7, mudhoney, violent femmes, hole, nirvana,
nine inch nails, butthole surfers, dead milkmen, they might be
giants, and rancid cd ever made.
- a big tarp.
- for it not to hurt when i pee.
- big gums.
- a cure for sweaty balls.
- no more boner shame.
- every issue of milk & cheese.
- every issue of the fabulous furry freak brothers.
- every issue of madman.
- every issue of playboy.
- an action figure of scooter, the go-bot.
- another nipple (you can never have enough).
- for me to be able to wipe that image from my mind of my parents
having sex (it's horrid, and yet.. oddly compelling).
- a box of 'ribbed-on-the-inside-for-his-pleasure' brand condoms.
- elephantitus.
- leprosy (all the chicks dig lepers).
- a frame for my scab collection.
∞ ---(peachy)----------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
things i got for christmas :
- socks.
∞ ---(yawn)------------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
well, this is a hoot. tomorrow's new year's eve (yes, i skipped a few days
before writing some more), and i'm gonna be busy, so i figured i better
finish up this issue now, or its not gonna get done till like the 5th. hmm..
i just got finished reading the new issue of jonas (14 i think), i loved the
phone sex story. it got me all hot and bothered. really.
∞ ---(dummercon!)------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
i was talking to mogel yesterday on irc about stuff, and the topic of dummer
con came up. what is dummercon? basically, its a little get-together in
philadelphia, where all the zine scene geeks converge on black francis and
mogel and in-breed. i hear last year's was a mild success (they *did* rape
tut, so it wasn't a complete failure :). anyway, i assume its gonna happen
again this year and, as it turns out, i only live about 2 hours from m0g, so
i'm probably gonna go. i hope eerie goes again. i always wanted to meet that
guy. he sounds funny on the phone, anyway ;). more info as it becomes avail-
able.
∞ ---(peachy)----------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
geez.. i'm already 88 lines into this thing and i don't even have any real
content yet. what a gimp i turned out to be.
∞ ---(pork baby)-------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
hmm.. a lot of people seem to have the wrong idea about pork, and i'm afraid
i'm the idiot who gave it to 'em. y'see, when i started this thing, i wanted
it to be sort of a mutant hybrid art mag/intelligent zine (hey, it seemed a
sound idea at the time), but i realized that the two just don't go all that
well together. i dunno where i'm going with this, so nevermind.. point is,
i'm gonna hafta choose one or the other, i just haven't made up my mind as
to which one.
∞ ---(grafique musique)------------------------------------------------------- ∞
hey, let's do some quickie cd reviews..
group : L7
album title : 'bricks are heavy'
this is a great cd. i first heard it at a friends house like 3 years ago and
i *just* got a copy of it myself (it seems not many music stores in central
pennsylvania sell decent music). every song on this thing rocks, but without
having the cd right in front of me, a few songs stand out in my mind, like
'pretend we're dead' and 'shitlist'. if you get a chance, get this disc. if
anyone out there has a list of all the cd's L7 has appeared on, let me know.
i've only got a few, like 'hungry for stink' and the tank girl and natural
born killers soundtranks.
group : sonic youth
album title : 'washing machine'
for like a year, i never knew what the big deal was whenever i'd see eerie
rave on about sonic youth. i just figured they were another cheap-ass grunge
band with more angst than they know what to do with. holy shit was i wrong.
i've been on a sonic youth tear lately, buying daydream nation, bad moon
rising, evol, washing machine, and dirty. washing machine rocks. they all do.
the only reason i picked washing machine is because, due to the airplay that
'diamond sea' is getting, you'll probably have an easier time finding it. go
buy sonic youth albums.
group : hootie & the blowfish
album title : who gives a fuck.
i hate this band. it annoys the fuck outta me. if you own a hootie album,
take a sharp pair of pliers to it.
okay, shit. i'm bored. i'd review more but its late and i'm tired. to sum
things up, whenever you haul your country bumpkin ass into a music place,
skip over all the hootie and better than ezra and joan osborne crap, and
buy shit like sonic youth, L7, mudhoney, violent femmes, pink floyd, they
might be giants, dead milkmen, god lives underwater, beck, etc.. trust me.
if you think about it, where are all your green day and bush cd's gonna be
in a year? out in a box at the family garage sale, thats where.
∞ ---(anyway.. )-------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
yeah, i'm tired, my eyes are glazed over, and starting to get cynical, and i
can't really focus on the computer screen anymore. i'm going to bed. buh bye
bay bee.
∞ ---(one more thing)--------------------------------------------------------- ∞
oh yeah.. the pOrk whq is *finally* up. poo. 602-589-0791. the software's
still a bit screwy but we're working on it. we're trying to get a big zine
section going, so if you run a zine, call and upload all the issues you've
done so far. maybe i'll talk about em in a future issue of pork, and i know
you'd love that :). also, these (and i'm sure a few others) boards carry
all the latest issues of pork : avalon
alderaan
lan's laughter (i think)
mogel's board (dunno the name)
...
shit. i think that's it :).
∞ ---(l8a all)---------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
till next time.. may all your ups and downs be in bed (huh huh. i made a
funny.) god i'm tired.
(eof)SAUCE00it me 19951230õ"P®
