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Pork Issue 07
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pOrk numero 7, written by news@iquest.net, captured from alt.binaries.pictures.-erotica by trip. ph34r the header by whodini of trank.
[i know, i didnt write this, but this was too funny to not share with the world.you can thank me later. -trip]
Subject: Make Penis Fast!!!!!!!
Sender: news@iquest.net (News Admin)
Date: Mon, 20 Nov 1995 06:48:14 GMT
GOOD OPPORTUNITY PLEASE READ!
If you don't believe this can work... Read the letters after the
intructions!
MAKE PENIS FAST!!!
INSTRUCTIONS
Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 20 to 60 days you will have
received well over 50,000 inches of penis, all yours. This program has
remained successful because of the inadequacy and vanity of the
participants. Please continue its success by carefully adhering to the
instructions.
Welcome to the world of Mail Order Penis Enlargement! This little
business is a little different than most cosmetic surgery. Your product
is not solid (sic) and tangible, but rather a service. You are in the
business of extending penii. Many small of endowment are happy to pay big
bucks for this service.
(The money made from the penis enlargement is secondary to the
income which is made from people like yourself requesting
that they be included in that list.)
1) Immediately cut off your penis at the base.
2) Cut off the head of your penis, and pack it in ice.
3) Take the remaining midsection of your penis, and cut it
into 5 pieces of equal length.
4) Immediately mail each piece to the first 5 names listed
below starting at number 1 through number 5. Send penis only
please (total investment your penis). Enclose a note with each
piece stating: "Please add my name to your mailing list."
(This is a legitimate service that you
are requesting and you are paying your penis
for this service).
2) Remove the name that appears number 1 on the list.
Move the other 9 names up one position. (Number 2 will
become number 1 and number 3 will become number 2, etc.)
Place your name, address and zip code in the number 10
position.
3) Post the new letter with your name in the number 10
position into 10 (Ten) separate newsgroups.
4) Within 60 days you will receive over 50,000 inches of
PENIS. Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can
use it again and again whenever you need penis enlargement.
As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically
in the mail order business and people are sending you their penis
to be placed on your mailing list. This list can then be rented to
a reconstructive cosmetic surgeon that can be found in the Yellow
Pages for additional income on a regular basis. The list will become
more valuable as it grows in size. This is a service. This is
perfectly legal. If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18,
Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the postal lottery laws.
NOTE: Make sure you retain EVERY Name and Address sent
to you, either on computer or hard copy, but do not
discard the names and notes they send you. This is
PROOF that you are truly providing a service and
should the AMA, FDA, or some other Government Agency
question you, you can provide them with this proof!
Remember as each post is downloaded and the instructions
carefully followed, five members will be reimbursed for
their participation as a Penis Enlarger with one inch of penis
each. Your name will move up the list geometrically so that
when your name reaches the number five position you will be
receiving thousands of inches in penis.
1. Daniel J. Karnes 6394-B Tawney Bloom
Mogi Donuts, MD
21045
2. Emil T. Chuck 6394-A Tawney Bloom
Mogi Donuts, MD
21045
3. Charles Whealton 7690 Karnesville Road
Phobic, MI
48348
4. William Davenant 8295 Hiding Closet Rd
Clarkston, MI
48348
5. Peter Ruckman 14805 Rivercrest
Sterling Hts., MI
48312
6. Steven Crisp 3718 Kings Point
Troy, MI
48083
7. Mark Gengler 5748 Patterson
Troy, MI
48098
8. Pat Robertson 666 God's Little Homophobe Road
Anti-Christ Hills, VA
48307
9. Fred Phelps 14-U Our Saviour of the Closet Lane
Orchard Lake, MI
48323
10. Jesse Helms 20840 Tobacco Mercenary Street
Lung Cancer Hacks., VA
48038
Dear Friend,
My name is Daniel J. Karnes. In September 1988 my life was repressed
and the bible thumpers were hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was
never laid and my mental disability checks had run out. The only escape I
had from the pressure of failure was my Apple computer and my bible. I
longed to turn my fixation into my vocation.
This January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day cruise to the
tropics. I bought a Double-Wide Trailer with CASH in Feburary 1989. I am
currently building a Self-Worship Temple on the West Coast of Florida,
with a private S/M Dungeon with room for all of my closeted friends, and a
beautiful view of the bay from my women's shoes closet and wardrobe. I
will never be underendowed again. Today I am equipped! I have over
400,000 inches of penis (33,333 feet and 4 inches! ) to date and will
become a million-incher within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same.
This penis enlargement making program works perfectly every time, 100% of
the time. I have NEVER failed to earn 50,000 inches or more whenever I
wanted. Best of all you never have to leave home except to go to your
mailbox or reconstructive surgeon.
In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail telling me how I
could earn 50,000 inches of penis or more whenever I wanted. I was
naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my
computer. It's funny though, when you are desparately underendowed, backed
into a corner, your mind does crazy things. I spent a frustating day
looking through the want ads for a wife who didn't need sexual
fulfillment. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to
unwind by booting up my Apple computer and calling several gay bulletin
boards. I read several of the message posts and then glanced at the
letter next to the computer. All at once it came to me, I now had the key
to my dreams.
I realized that with the power of the computer I could expand and
enhance this penis making formula into the most unbelievable penis
enlargement generator that has ever been created. I substituted the
computer bulletion boards in place of the post office and electronically
did by computer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a few
letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded
to other bulletin boards throughout the world. If you believe that
someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all your
life, simply follow the easy instructions below. Your dreams will come
true.
Sincerely yours,
Daniel J. Karnes
-- Why doesn't Wenchell's
-- Serve Mogi Donuts?
About six months ago I received the enclosed post in letter form. I
ignored it. I received about five more of the same letter withn the next
two weeks. I ignored them also. Of course, I was tempted to follow
through and dreamed of making thousands of inches, but I was convinced it
was just another gimmick and could not possibly work. I was wrong! About
three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a local bulletion board
in Montreal. I liked the idea of giving it a try with my computer. I
didn't expect much because I figured, if other people were as skeptical as
I, they wouldn't be too quick to part with their penis. But, I buy
lottery tickets weekly in my province and have nothing to show for it but
ticket stubs. This week I decided to look at this as my weekly lottery
purchase. I addressed the envelopes and mailed out one piece of my penis
in each as directed. Two weeks went by and I didn't recieve anything in
the mail. The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what
happened! I can't say I received 50,000 inches, but it was definitely
well over 35,000! For the first time in all my years, I was adequately
endowed. It was great. Of course, it didn't take me long to feel
inadequate again so I am using this excellent penis enlargement
opportunity once again. Follow the instructions and get ready to enjoy.
Please send a copy of this letter along with the enclosed letter so
together we can convince people who are skeptical that it really works!
Good Luck,
Charles R. Whealton
St Agathe Que.
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To find out more about penis enlargement, contact DJKarnes@netcom.com.
This document is an attempt at humor. Anyone who flames me will be
ignored as a humorless twit, who's indignation is without meaning.
Yes I left that in there to give credit where credit is due..
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SAUCE00pOrk #7. aww jeah. trip pork 19951209à(P›
