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Pork Issue 04
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. .. m i s f i t ' s p O r k .. i s s u e # 4 .. .
∞ ---(oh wow)----------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
pOrk numbah four, in the house. uhm, yeah. w0rd. hmm... that always confuses
me. why do people (white, black, yellow, monkey vomit green, whatever) say
shit like that? 'w0rd'.. what the hell is that? okay, here's your basic odd
little homey g conversation :
homey 1 : what up niggah? (even if they're white).
homey 2 : i's just illin' yo. sup wit j00?
homey 1 : same wit me yo. yo, what up wit y0 bitch yo?
homey 2 : whaz up wit dat shit? you frontin?
homey 1 : wha, you wanna go a round?
homey 2 : nah, nah, man. i aint throwin down.
homey 1 : damn straight. i'da bust some caps yo.
homey 2 : w0rd.
and now the translation, for the homey-impaired :
homey 1 : how's it going man?
homey 2 : pretty good, and you?
homey 1 : same here. say, how's your bitch?
homey 2 : bitch!? just what exactly are you insinuating?
homey 1 : do you want to fight or something?
homey 2 : not at all. i have no wish to instigate a violent conflict.
homey 1 : good, because i could have beaten you rather badly.
homey 2 : golly.
ahem. well.. that was pointless. anyway, welcome to pOrk four.
∞ ---(w0rd)------------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
hey, do you remember when you were younger, and you and your older brother
would perch over the family throne and play lightsabers with your urine?
me neither.
∞ ---(w00h00)----------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
damn, this is shaping up to be the most pointless issue of pOrk yet. welp..
lets talk about the whole 'zine scene. i don't know much about it (besides
what i pick up on y0lknet :) but it seems pretty cool. i think probably the
best mag out there right now is doomed to obscurity. it just rocks... some
other ones out there now that are pretty good are y0lk, pOrk (girlish laugh)
jonas, and klunk. they're all fairly well written (most of the time :), and
i actually enjoy reading them.. anyway.. this paragraph is pretty boring.
∞ ---(yessiriebob)------------------------------------------------------------ ∞
don't you hate when you're sitting on the can, and you finish voiding your
bowels, except there's a little piece of crap hanging from one of your butt
hairs? you usually have to kinda bounce up and down, swing your ass back and
forth, and finally resort to yanking the offending foulage off with a piece
of toilet paper. damn that's annoying.
∞ ---(happens to me all the time)--------------------------------------------- ∞
things that scare me : death, clowns, ansi artists, necropheliacs, diarrhea,
men with breasts, shaved eyebrows, the word 'sherbert', fat chicks, siamese
twins, michael jackson, vanilla ice, people wierder than me, being drugless,
locker rooms, jocks, rap music, that channel on tv that always broadcasts
old people dancin to polka music, racists, facists, elephantitus, girls with
penis envy, the smell of my grandmothers house, the smell of my grandmother,
and people who put so much hairspray in their hair you could bend it.
∞ ---(yikes)------------------------------------------------------------------ ∞
hey, let's be trend-copiers and list all the cd's that i listen to while im
writing pOrk :
L7 "hungry for stink"
violent femmes "add it up"
sonic youth "daydream nation"
hole "live through this"
beck "loser"
tori amos "under the pink"
they might be giants "flood"
dead milkmen "eat your paisley"
the crow soundtrack
mudhoney "piece of cake"
nine inch nails "broken"
my new barney singalong
am i boring you yet? :)
∞ ---(poetry time)------------------------------------------------------------ ∞
"ode to masturbation"
- by misfit
sometimes
when i'm alone in my room
and baywatch just ended
and there's nothing else on
and i'm feeling winded
i lay on the bed
and imagine the show
there's pamela lee
and i start to go
jennie mccarthy
and maybe my teacher
that chick from e.r.
and sometimes my preacher
i know what you're thinking
that i'm really zany
but remember this poem
when you can't get any
∞ ---(just kidding children)-------------------------------------------------- ∞
w00h00.. that was a barrel of monkeys. anyway, on that note, i believe i'll
start winding this issue up.
∞ ---(da pOrk member list thingie)-------------------------------------------- ∞
people who have done shit for pOrk :
misfit head pOrk guy
cypher hex contributing pOrk dork
scribble contributing pOrk dork
trip contributing pOrk dork
wanna write/draw for pOrk? good. feel the urge to express your most inner
angst ridden feelings? not good. you're only in your mid teens (most of you
anyway), how angst ridden can you be? i don't want any of that shit here. i
do want any articles, poems, stories, whatever, that are funny (key word).
you can find me on alderaan or evil intentions, or mucking around in one of
the art channel on irc as either <misfit_> or <fUCKbUNNY>. or, call my voice
mail box at 800-256-6269 box 7543 and tell me how much you love me :).
∞ ---(okeedokee)-------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
anyway, thas about it. trip tells me he's gonna write next issue, so fear it
a lot. also, the next couple issues should have more contributers (i.e., you
won't have to read so much of my crap :) so keep an eye out for it.
shouts out to trip, ellisdee, belial, nootropic, creed, hooch (!), and all u
weird fuckers who actually look forward to each and every issue of pOrk :).
∞ ---(l8a)-------------------------------------------------------------------- ∞
buh-bye.
(eof)SAUCE00pOrk fOur whOre! pOrk hombres 19951117I P°
