Illegal Issue 36
Typed in and presented by Fairlight!
Thanx to Strider/Fairlight for his great effort to save this brilliant masterpiece of valueable C-64 scene history, created by the legendary Jeff Smart ! No other magazine, published after ILLEGAL, should ever have reached the popularity of Jeff Smart's unique Fanzine again.
ILLEGAL Issue #36
Released on March 10th 1989 - Circulation: unknown
WOOSUP MAIDS!?
Geez! Thinx r terribly slown' down, almost nothin woz dun ze last weex. Awrite anyway, I try 2 get mah ass up 2 Denmark, though it's not 4 sure zat I'll cum, but we'll c. B4 I go, I just laik 2 send sum "TORKTWOYALEGHTERS" 2 mah best m8s, sum've wich r:
IKARAY (JUSTICE plus ze rest, quiet time, isn't?), DUGNUTZ (NOSAH - sum fousant milez away from hum, PUKE-DOS and SULI), X-RATED X-RAY (THE FLEED wif a lot've speet), FARELITE (STRYDAR, BACCHUZ, GOLLIE 'n wos creepin' alon' there), JCS (CHUNKLET 'n FOZZE - u shud cum more often, FOZZ!), VIZION FACZ + sum BEYONDERZ (Bookie Wooky Dookie), WORLD 'VE WUNDERZ (Randy Andie), NU BANG CORE BROSSERS (LAYZAR), HOTLANE (SLETCH, RADICK...), COMA, err COMOS (DSS, BEN BIG, TRACK ANTI, ICON...), BLUE SEC-THOR (MISTHUR ZEROWPATCH 'n ATATA), Ze old bastard USA'KAY, CONIE + ZOFFIE, WMS of EWR, ZITZ + BIER, DUG-DUG-DUGGY PITO + still the girl in Bonn (!), TAILOR + CURRY-URSOR, Baddddd boyyyyyy, FEMA, NOISE OF MANIACS, PINGA (hope u r c-ing rite 'gain, pal!), MEDAL BEETIWICKS, BEANY, ZE PIMP plus the raunchy rest, the EAGLE SOFTERS, MOM'N'DEAD, STEFFIE 'n owl 've ze livin' or dad rest I mite 've 4gotten, anyway lars, m8s 'n pals.
All ze best from me 2 u.../JEFFIE
NEWS FROM THE INNER SECTION...
Gawd! Up from the beginning of 1985 there was hardly such a quiet month as this one. February 1989. Really nothing big, or of importance happened, but AWRITE! I'm gonna try my best to give ya at least a few things...
- FAIRLIGHT BACK INTO ACTION! Yo, this was probably the best news from the last month. STRIDER seems to have reorganized a strong crew, and GOSH! He even cracked a game on the C64 after a long time (actually ACE 2088). The new FAIRLIGHT has added some former HEPTAGON members, some of which are VIPER and THE ALCHEMIST who seem to be the new main cracker and surprisingly not GOLLUM. Well the new guy (ALCHEMIST) is a very good cracker, but he has to learn writing typical FAIRLIGHT scroll texts! Anyway, great to see them going again.
- SHARKS COPYPARTY BUSTED! On March, 4th the SHARKS copyparty in southwest Germany was busted by the police. Grops like DRUIDS, DEVILS, and the SHARKS themselves have been there when the police came. Oh! Oh!
- ANOTHER PARTY. One day before the IKARI/ZARGON Party RCS 2100/CRAZY will have a meeting in Switzerland. If you are interested, write to: RCS Party, P.O Box XX, CH-XXXX Silenen, Switzerland.
- SEX'n'CRIME from G*P. GENESIS*PROJECT is pushing out a magazine on disk (I've heard about those things before...) under their "legal" lable AMOK. Well it's contents are just of minor interest, and have nothing to do with sex'n'crime, and lots of the so-called "news" are totally wrong, e.g. STRIKE FORCE are ELITE together with BEASTIE BOYS. There are surely better things to fill a disk with.
- BUSINESS now for DOMINATORS! After several members of the group NOISE joined the DOMINATORS, and now also DANISH DREAMLINE who are also (who is not?) making a fanzine called BUSINESS... That makes the DOMINATORS look like the following: MATRIX, VIKING, COSMO, BLAZE, K.KID, TRICKET, PANTHER, MAZE, MACRO NIT, DOGFRIEND, ANIMAL, SLIDER, GROOVER and WAR PACK. Quite a few, aren't they?
- Rumors about DRAGON'S LAIR getting finally cracked on Amiga, even though it was said that there was a special copy programme to copy the original, but it hasn't been spread. There was also a trainer, but only for the original.
- CEBIT: Not many souls were to be seen on so-called German PCS equivalent, just some surprise visit from the BENCOR BROTHERS (USA) and a lot of German Amiga groups... Watch out for a detailed report in the next issue...
- SHINING 8 now in SHARKS! Some members of SHINING 8 have surprisingly joined their biggest enemies... Well that doesn't change anything of the SHARKS' image... Just a few, led by dark force stay fortunately in SHINING 8...
That's already all for this month. I'm sure there'll be more things next month (hopefully). Thanx to all mates supplying the news, such as DOM, FAIRLIGHT, PIT... /JEFFIE
PS. A LITTLE BIT LATE: I have to excuse for the delay in releasing the mag this time, but my printer didn't want the way i wanted... But here we are again! /JS
NOSAH AND IGUANA, GONE WITH THE WIND?
The news got all of us like a deep shock! NOSAH, responsible for the DCS magazine "IGUANA", has to work for the British army FIVE MONTHS abroad at the FALKLAND ISLANDS (!). This does not only mean, that a good friend disappears for a while, but also a brilliant mag, which brought for about 6 issues a brighter light into the dark area of pirate-fanzines. NOSAH already said that he would probably be sent off to another country around August of this year, but it also got him like a shock. We can only hope that our NOSAH BOY will safely return in full strength around August then, and still be able and willing to push out his "IGUANA" again. Dave, I've got the BEERS and the KORN ready!!! Yours, JEFFIE!
SCOUSE IS NO MORE!?
The SCOUSE CRACKING GROUP is no more. Quite sad really, but also quite inevitable. So what now??? I believe that the C64 "cracking scene" will rapidly dissolve into a forgettable haze of insignificance. Indeed, all that remains of a once thriving, industrious hive of computer software illegality are a few flocculations of pathetic flounders who can never hope to rise above the level of mundane. Anyway, I'm lecturing, back to the subject of this - so, what actually happened to SCOUSE?
Quite simply, WEETIBIX changed his telephone number! (due to a lot of numerous annoying calls) - this marked the start of the end. No-one could phone WEETIBIX - WEETIBIX could phone no-one, nor would he reply to letters... Internal communications have broke down (only I have W'BIX's number). NO LEE = NO ORIGINALS = NO CRACKS!!! I had to leave the group for school. LEE and W'BIX then backed out of a Venlo trip (quite selfishly) into which they had been heavily committed - this severed links with German SCOUSE (JEFF + T'KAY)... Need I say more? (how much I could tell you!) WEETIBIX is off his console and into schoolwork. I will enter university at the end of this year (good luck! -ed) LEE has forsaken the C64 in favour of the Amiga, but he is no longer SCOUSE.
SCOUSE IS NO MORE! EVER! /CHUNK (BSC!) of the JCS
CE-BIT AND IKARI/ZARGON PREVIEWS
The CE-BIT in Hannover, Germany is best described as the German equivalent to the PCS. It takes place from March 8th to 15th, and some very interesting groups have announced their visit, so have the BENCOR BROTHERS from the USA, so have FAIRLIGHT from Sweden. All most important Germans will be there anyway.
IKARI-ZARGON copyparty from March 23rd to 25th in Denmark. Not only that IKARI (UK + DK) will be there, also FAIRLIGHT, X-RAY, COSMOS, DOMINATORS, ELITE, HOTLINE and a lot more have said they will come. But also the organisation seems to be much better than it was at the last party in Denmark (remember the disaster from DOMINATORS-UPFRONT-JEWELS-DANISH GOLD?!).
So the Venlo meeting on March 18th seems to come in third place this time. /JS
BKA OF RADWAR SQUEALS ON OTHERS...
BKA (Bernd) of RADWAR was caught by police a few days ago. Though the police didn't find anything at his place, he squealed on MWS and RADWAR and accused him of having sold the software over the PLK, allthough MWS has given the PLK to BKA two years ago. The only person BKA informed, was AVH of RADWAR, and he told AVH that he already informed anyone else...What he did was really unbelivable... The police had no evidence against BKA, so there was no use of accusing anyone. Hum, just some note: BKA was made to leave RADWAR a few weeks ago. /JS
INTERVIEW OF THE MONTH:
"THE LAST OF THE FAMOUS INTERNATIONAL CRACKERS" MR.ZEROPAGE
Here goes a new series! And in "The Last of the Famous International Crackers" I'm presenting you the old stars! This time I had a talk with MISTER ZEROPAGE!
- Since how many years are you going on your parents nerves?
Since 22 years. - When and how did you get your first computer?
That was just because a friend of mine had a C64 and was playing all the time, so I also wanted to have a computer, I bought it around the middle of 1984. - How did you get into cracking?
That was pure random. This friend of mine had an original of a game, that was Flight Simulator, but I couldn't copy it, though I tried it with all copyprogrammes that were available at that time. I wanted to have a copy of it, so I started having a look on it. - And you managed it?
Yes, that was the first game I ever cracked. It was beginning of 1985, there was no intro on that Flight Simulator (from Sublogic), because I wanted to get the game copied for myself. - When and why did you give up the 64?
Beginning of 1988 I got really rid of it. There was too much coming out, and I thought the Amiga had a better future. - When did you buy your Amiga?
That was around the end of 1986. - How did you get your name?
A former swap-partner of mine suggested it for me, first I didn't like it. But later on, when I needed it, I took it... - What were the hardest protections you worked on?
There was some utility called Paperback Writer which was pretty hard, but that was one of the last big challenges at the end of '87 on the 64. I think that every protection on Amiga is easy to crack! - What are you doing nowadays?
I'm doing only a little bit on the Amiga as I don't have a 64 anymore. I'm working as an electricial engineer, fixing hardware of computers. And I have much more time now, especially on the weekends when I always have a lot of fun. - Who do you regard as the best cracker?
There are quite a few guys who can crack, but I respect the old boys from THE LIGHT CIRCLE, and others like CRAKMAN or INDY. On Amiga thera are UNIT A, DEFJAM and QUADLIGHT. - How should the ideal cracker work?
He should work with conscience, that means he must be sure that his cracked game is fully working before he releases it, he must not take any protection too easy, and he must be no informer... - What are your favorite...
Games: Skyfox (Amiga+64), Matchpoint (64), and all basketball-simulations
Demos: on 64 STOAT & TIM, and on Amiga: DOC demo
Music groups: Def Leppard, Slayer, Guns 'n' roses, Metallica
Movies: Funny movies, like those with Jerry Lewis etc.
TV series: The Equalizer, Law and Harry McGraw
Food: Pastrami sandwich
Place to live: New York - Who are your best friends from the cracking circuit?
RADWAR and MR.CRUSOR. - Why aren't you rich?
Because I never sold software like HEADBANGER did. - What are your plans for the future?
I intend to programme a utility on the Amiga, I'll come to one or two meetings to say hello to the boys... And I have fun on the weekends...
WORLD OF WONDERS COPY PARTY
It was February, 26th and WORLD OF WONDERS was going to have a new party in Aachen/Germany. Well it was a pretty useless attending to the meeting, only 10 computers and 40 guys were present. Some of which were THE BAND, SPY and MIND (as the only foreign guys), and ALPHAFLIGHT, RSI, a guy from VISION FACTORY (I guess he must have been disguised, otherwise WOW wouldn't have let him in!) and some group called INDY INC (that consists of ex-SHARKS and ex-TWG members I was told). There was also some guy called TIP from PROFITS AG, and he said to made a good profit as he coded an intro for 100 DM for WOW. What was WOW doing then on their party? Well there were mainly importing things from the USA, where ORACLE is at the moment beating EAGLE SOFT INC. with 8 : 6 boards! Anyway, WOW imported some ORACLE cracks, but nothing without putting their own intro in front of the ORACLE stuff, as ususal.
The party was running from 3 o'clock up to the evening, and there was NO BEER! Another guy from WOW was occupying his Amiga, and just coding some ididotical music track the whole day, and he was playing his shit much too loud so you could hardly talk to enyone. The party was totally corrosive!, but there are more partys to come, some of which will be:
- April, 1-2 : TRILOGY and QUIVER
- April, 8 : VISION FACTORY + STEELPLUS somewhere in France
- April, 29 : PIRAHNAS copyparty in Switzerland
Hum, what's happening in RED SECTOR at this time? The stupid Danish members have been kicked out of RSI, and there is a new music demo to be released by us very soon, which will be called "MEGADEAF"... In this sense, later boys from... /IRATA of RED SECTOR INC.
FIGHT GRAFENREUTH!
A cracker's life in Germany is nowadays getting more and more hard. A lot of cool guys are caught by the police - postoffices are observed by the cops and copyparties have become almost impossible to make (MCG, MANIACS, SHARKS...) That is mainly the work of a man called V.GRAFENREUTH who is a lawyer of several software houses. At the moment V.GRAFENREUTH is doing research for ARIOLASOFT ("Yuppie's Revenge") and he is now writing letters to all police-headquaters in every city in Germany to tell every policeman not to be forebearing or indulgent with pirates.
I know that because when I was caught at the MANIACS party the policemen showed me later in the office this letter. The officer told me about a case in Hannover where a teenager sold game for profit. He has now to pay about 200,000 DM back to the software houses (nearly 7,000 GBP). Now that dirty lawyer earns a fuckin' lot by fighting us. Let's show him that he won't owercome us and FIGHT him! I hope all freaks on the net will help us here. More parties (no copy!) cost the police a lot of money, and nobody can be caught. Think about that! /ZODIAC of ASPHUXIA
PIRATE FANZINES REVIEWS!
As quite a few so-called PIRATE FANZINES have appeared on the international market, and as everybody is to make a review and a ranking of them, we from ILLEGAL take, as the first ever, the privilege to make the one and only "PIRATE FANZINES REVIEW"...
IGUANA: In the beginning IGUANA appeared under the ZENITH FLAG, but as NOSAH, editor in chief of IGUANA joined DCS, the mag now is DCS' one. Undoubtably, IGUANA features the best written English, because it, as the only one, comes directly from the UK. DCS is, of course, a famous group, and so IGUANA gets spread a lot, its news are up to date. Another important thing are their cracker charts, which are representative. Little sketches decorate the sometimes not very varied layout, but the quality of the mag is probably the best of all. Some articles are of high interest, others are not, but the good articles get the upper hand IGUANA surely is a first-class product, and it can only be recommended. LAYOUT: 78%, INFORMATION: 91%, ENTERTAINMENT: 84%, VALUE/QUALITY: 97%, OVERALL:93%.
BUSINESS: Similar to IGUANA, the editor SLIDER now joined DOMINATORS, so BUSINESS is now a DOM-magazine! Most of the contents (as the magazine is pretty short) are quite boring, apart from detailed charts. But this is probably going to change when DOM take over, but yet there is only the use of brilliant graphics to mention positively. Anyway, there is probably a change to come... LAYOUT: 69%, INFORMATION: 38%, ENTERTAINMENT: 13%, VALUE/QUALITY: 65%, OVERALL: 41%.
- NEWS: NEWS is pushed out by some DAVE E, who is actually not a member of any gang. The big disadvantage is that NEWS is only available in German, so it's not been spread in foreign countries, nevertheless its circulation is very high in Germany. This however does not mean that the mag is very good, most articles are focussed on the not so known groups. Some of the interviews are pretty interesting, and sometimes also some good comics are appearing. The layout is not the worst, but could be more varied. The 32 pages the magazine is taking, make it, as an overall, worth to be read (or even to be bought...). LAYOUT: 73%, INFORMATION: 49%, ENTERTIANMENT: 73%, VALUE/QUALITY: 65%, OVERALL: 69%.
- PIRATES: PIRATES is coming from Belgium, and it's mainly done by THE BEST COMPANY + NFC. The mag appears on big A4 pages, but printed on both sides. The layout is very weak, as it seems the whole mag is done with a normal typewriter. Anyway it covers about 9 pages, and some of the articles are pretty interesting. Well, there is probably more to come. LAYOUT: 22%, INFORMATION: 61%, ENTERTAINMENT: 35%, VALUE/QUALITY: 31%, OVERALL: 36%.
- SMASHER: Another magazine from Germany, which is produced by several guys, predominantly by ex-PWR and 711. The quality of printing, and the layout is rather good, but unfortunately the contents are extremely weak. Another big mistake the mag brings along is the very bad English they use (you can easily find a lot of mistakes in each article), which gets very irritating. Apart from that, the people making it have to use pictures of naked girls to fill up their pages (though not bad!), but the magazine remains weak. LAYOUT: 74%, INFORMATION: 18%, ENTERTAINMENT: 27%, VALUE/QUALITY: 69%, OVERALL: 36%.
- C.C.C.P.: The so-called TRANSCOMUNIST paper is comprising 3 A4 pages, printed on both sides. Though it's obviously printed with a laserwriter, the layout is very weak decorated with a few pictures (3 in the whole mag). They do not even have an own chart, they count all greetings lists together (must be a good job!). Not only that almost all articles are of NO INTEREST, they even copied the whole 37 blocks demo text from JUST ICE/IKARI about the 2nd RWE party and filled up 1 1/2 pages with it. Another thing that just shows the quality of the mag, is a particular BAD English (some people never learn it!)... Well I just wonder why they enclose a sheet of toilet-paper with the mag, when you can use the whole mag for the same purpose... LAYOUT: 12%, INFORMATION: 07%, ENTERTAINMENT: 00%, VALUE/QUANTITY: 05%, OVERALL: 06%.
If we have forgot any of the mags occuring on the circuit, please send your product in... Watch further issues for more on this subject. /JS
HOB-HOBBITS BIT
Hi fellows! BILBO's back in mighty mag! As always it won't be really of any interest for you (Hehe)! I'll just let you know I'll move my big hairy feet to cold Denmark this month. So catch HOBBIT live-on-stage at the IKARI/ZARGON party! Another important thing is that I bought an Atari ST (I know the rich people! -ed) and I can't wait to terrorize that machine as well as the others. So all Atari crackers,suppliers out there, move your ass and show me something! (address: X.XXXXX, XXX XX XXXXXXX XX, XXXX Bruxelles, Belgium) And last some HOB HOBS to my best pals around the globe!:
IKARI: JUST ICE, FLETCH and EXCELL (Get some beers ready for me dudes!!!), X-RAY (We really have a fleet of cool pirates around), ELITE (Hello to Marsha, Sonia and Claudia. Yo!), DCS, TRANSCOM (Hi pals! Merci pour la place dans la voiture!), HOTLINE (What's up?), DOMINATORS (VIKING - keep it up!).and of course all my mates in FAIRLIGHT! (Especially TONY, FRED and CHRIS! Yoghoo!)
A push and a rush and the land that we stand on is ours again! /HOBBIT of FAIRLIGHT
THE NEVER ENDING STORY OF SYSTEM FOUR!
A not answered love letter is the worst thing that could happen to anyone, I can tell... It's raining outside, I'm sitting on the bed still no answer! Not even a note, not even a gesture, NOTHING AT ALL! Well, I find out... I'm definetely born to lose (at last!) OK, OK I won't give up so soon. Hum, I'm developing a new theory: Boys with black hair have more potency, but blond boys have more girls. Shit, I thought. You can call me EINSTEIN now, or TWOSTONE, if you like. Anyway, the situation in SYSTEM FOUR meanwhile is getting close to the "critical" situation which is quite tough.
Some more "S" boys have been taken away by the occupying forces, but that's okey, because they where not happy anyway. Some other pal from the "S" division is leaving us for a good while. I myself lift my can, and wish him a safe return which is no bullshit (Tuborg actually). Our new federation also suffers of this bad situation... We all sat together, had our fun in the cellar, but we are bored. I look out of the window and as usual it's raining pretty hard. Then suddenly the RED BUTTON starts to blink: CRITICAL!
Oh,God we haven't been in that state for about 4 years. Shit, I don't have a single idea about what to do, I haven't any experience with that. I seriously think about making a journey to the 16th SYSTEM, but I drop the idea as fast as it came. I put my sunglasses on and I had to do something for school, for the first time. Beer, oh beer without you, there is no tomorrow! My letter still makes me feel ashamed, and still I have two hands, and I haven't got blond hair (yet!!!). Seems to me as if I was needing a holiday. Hum, three more weeks and I should get what I need. Do not care about girls at the mo, there seem to be more important things...
I feel like IAN CURTIS in his last days, yes, when routine bits hard...strain, take the strain - these days, we learn , they walked in line...HAVE A GOOD NIGHT! Here are the young men, a weight on their shoulders. NOOOOO!!!!! Sorry, IAN I can't follow you (yet!). I have seen too few things, and there is more to come (I hope). But the end could be tomorrow, even in this very second!!! And now you can't tell me what's going on, and that I am weak while you are strong. Dededem, dededem, OK...too much of that alcohol! Another former "A" class group seems to be right back fortunately to help me in this "critical" situation.
The button is still blinking. No answer to my letter, no IAN, no nothing... The editor of Venice in his last role, I guess there will be an end this year... I'm totally weak, perhaps the summerbreak will give me more strength...to make me return where I belong, where I belong! I got some notes from friends who escaped, but they don't tell me how to leave, and I'm glad for that. New faces, new hope, new orders, new love! Old feelings, old losses! Waiting for something to break! Nothing...Critical, people are leaving, working for the enemy occupying force and the bell rings... An answer? To be continued... /JS
SHOCK THE COPS!
Wowzers, the long awaited "COP SHOCKER" from Digital Marketing is out! Not only that it would take about 35,883 years to find the password protection (as there are 1,100,000,000 (!) different possibilities) - it also codes the filename in the directory and makes 'em disappear so that everyone thinks the disk is empty (little green mates from Mars, e.g.). It also features some nice utilities (fast format, new file copy...) and has an installed fast loader in the 10 Blocks long menu you need to decode your files (decoding takes as coding of a 202 blocks long file about 4 seconds). The program is also available in English, and even professional programmers failed in finding a way to crack the password protection of "COP SHOCKER"...
0 "HOORAY! " RWE !
10 "MENU" PRG
654BLOCKS FREE.
Can you imagine that there are about 5 new hot games on this disk? I can! /JS
GREMLIN GRAPHICS' TRICKS
Ha! Two weeks we wanted to crack MOTOR MASSACRE by GREMLIN GRAPHICS but just as it was almost finished (from tape), we luckily found out that this shit is nothing less than Road Raider from Mindscape. So Gremlin Graphics just bought the license to release the game here in Europe. We are not going to crack it, so if you are looking for this game, contact NFI, as they cracked it some good time ago. /WOLFGANG of ELITE
VISION FACTORY AND THE WEB INC COPY PARTY!
For invitations, write immediately to: PLK XXXXXX, XXXX KÖln, West Germany!. Some facts about the party: MODEM IMPORTING, LIVE CRACKS, MUSIC (Acid, Hip Hop, Funk...), DRINKS and FOOD is available! The party was thought to be only for Amiga users, but known 64 freaks are welcome, too. /WOOKIE/VF
THE DOCTOR MILLER SECTION!
Hello freaks out there, here goes my section for the first time. So all of you, if you have any problems, secret dreams, things to say, etc, let me know about them and I guarantee to help! Write to: DOCTOR MILLER, PLK XXXXXX X, XXXX X, West Germany! But now onto your mail...
Dear Dr. Miller,
I've got a real hard problem to cope with! I was in love with a very cute girl from my school, but now the damn bitch is going out with some blond ass. Now it goes that this piece of blond shit wants to have new games from me (C64), so I am thinking seriously about keeping his disks forever, or ask him for 5 pound each... Can you give a good advice?? Yours desperately, L.Over
Dear L.Over,
I would rather suggest copy all the hottest games you have on his disks, and that as fast as possible, so that your special friend will be spending all the time on the games, and no time remains for the girl. This would then be your turn!!! With friendly regards, Dr.Miller
Dear Dr.Miller,
I am that what people call a true lamer! I have bought my 64 some few weeks ago, and I really want to swap with a lot of known and famous guys. But, every time I contact one of the world famous groups, my letters are never answered. Can you give me a standard "way to the top" guide if there is one??? Yours full of hope, Charly Schmitz
Dear Charly,
Actually there is no "way to the top" guide with a guaranteed success, but if you follow an old fashion guide for swappers, you might be successful... 1st: try to start with not so famous groups. 2nd: always collect the latest things on a disk, and try to win more famous contacts with that... and so on. Well, Good luck anyway, Dr.Miller
X-RATED X-MAIDS FOR X-FUCKING X-GUNS!
Here are some tips how to jump a lady... At first call up the whole fleet of X-RATED fleet friends to organize an original-Alpine-hut-orgy!! Some items you must never forget: loads of beer, tequila, whiskey, vodka, coke, orange-juice, cigarettes, tobacco, dope, HiFi-unit, vcr + videocamera, condoms, spanish-fly, a guy who owns an alpine hut, another guy to remove all trash, and be sure you have your X-RATED guns with you (the nasty thing between your legs).
And now onto the most important items: the girls. But how to orgy-nize them???
Go to a pub and explore the ground (but only 1st class material!). Invite all to an-Alpine-hut-orgy. You will probably only get 5 out of 20 agreeing with you (try to talk to girls you haven't seen before) but be careful not to take more than one of your different girlfriends (or you're gonna get big trouble!). Pack all ingridients into a large car and drive them to the hut. Order your slave (need not be an eskimo or negro) to carry all items into the hut. Install the HiFi, video and so on. Take care about a cool music (NOT Pet Shop Boyz as TRI-DOS isn't there). Fix the first drinks, the second, the twentieth, and before all ladies start to get really drunk remove their clothes!
Lay them down wherever possible, on the bed, table, floor, TV-set (huh?). Regrettably we can't describe how to do a proper event, coz it would be too detailed. One of the boys, who hasn't drunk too much, can now start to record some video movies with the camera to show them on the next party. (If they are really horrible, send them to Lazer/NBB) Hopefully you haven't forgotten the condoms otherwise you might get x-r-aids. Get the slave to remove all girls, while you get ready for the next pub to get the next girls for the next party...
Finally we greet some guys to whom this article is especially dedicated: Jeff Smart + MWS (for the best, drink with the best), DCS (for the best - puke with the best), RAGMAN (for the best - drive with the best, BROS (for the best - roll with the best), ELITE (Hi Wolfgang!), COSMOSIS, IKARI (all IRAKIS)... C U in the next ish! /THE FLEET of X-RAY!
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE YUGOSLAVIA
This story started some good time ago (actually in August '88) when we organized a copy party at some youth club. It was done by MR.PRO (at that time in THP), COZY MC (brain damage) and me, SHIZZCAT. I know that you've never heard of these names, but they're pretty popular here in Yugoslavia. At that time we found a free telephone line and started exploiting it, so we called our friends like MAD ALL, STRIDER/FAIRLIGHT, JEDDIE, FUN FUN/TRIANGLE, MATRIX/DOM and many others, frequently every weekend from there.
The other day (February, 2nd 1989) I again walked to the youth club without anyone else this time, because nobody was at home. I got there and called JEFFIE up. A few minutes later, somebody turned on the lights in the corridor and I heard some voices. Two policemen and a janitor (sounds familiar) came in the room. The pigs wanted to examine me, but I didn't let them. But I got hit over my mouth with a police club. They took me to the station, and started all that investigation. I kept MR.PRO's name quiet, although he made 1/3 of all phone calls.
One inspector took my photos and my fingerprints. They drove me home and gave me a piece of paper which invited me for more examinations at the police office later on. The telephone bill I got made me almost getting an infarct - it was over 4,000,000 Dinars (which is something like 2000 DM or 850 GBP). So I told everything to my father, who must now pay for the whole shit. Well that was the first time I ever had problems with the police, but I think I had it in style. /SHIZZCAT of VICTORY
JEFF SMART RADIO SHOW!
Haven't tried it yet!? To get it, send; 5 DM + self-addressed envelope + A 60' tape to the usual address. (last page)
C64 GAME REVIEVS
This time only some short comments to the highlights of the month:
- ACE 2088 is a brilliant strategy and shoot'em up game from CASCADE which really deserves 88pts.
- F-16 COMBAT is an excellent flightsimulator with stunning effects in the game. Give it a try! 94pts.
- Though YUPPIE'S REVENGE is a German game, it's brilliant! 87pts.
- WEC LE MANS from OCEAN is heavy shit apart from the ending scene. 64pts.
AMIGA GAME REVIEVS
- ACTIVISION'S SUPER HANG ON is an ace conversion! Makes us hope for Afterburner! 97pts.
- INTERNATIONAL KARATE+ is also brilliant, and that makes us hope for Last Ninja! 96pts.
- ZANY GOLF is an excellent mini-golf from EOA featuring ace graphics and effects. 93pts.
- GAUNTLET II is better than its predecessor, but not the real thing yet. 71pts.
- RINGSIDE is a very well set up boxing game, and apart from the animation of the fighters it's a good start for German EAS. 84pts.
- EPYX seem to be "fucked up"! Their WINTER EDITION is total fucking crap, as it couldn't have been done worse! Graphics, sprites, sounds, animations and so on...CRAP! 14pts.
Reviews done by the one and only... /JS
CHARTS - MARCH 1989
C64 GAMES
1. MICROPROSE SOCCER (1)
2. F-16 TOMCAT (-)
3. FISH (2)
4. ACE 2088 (-)
5. PROJECT FIRESTART (3)
6. KATKIS (7)
7. GRAND PRIX CIRCUIT (6)
8. FIST+ (4)
9. YUPPIE'S REVENGE (-)
10. WEC LE MANS (-)
C64 CRACKERS
1. ELITE (1)
2. IKARI (3)
3. DOUGHNUT CRACKING SERVICE(2)
4. A TOUCH OF CLASS (4)
5. X-RAY (5)
6. FAIRLIGHT (10)
7. COSMOS (8)
8. DOMINATORS (7)
9. HOTLINE (-)
10. NO FRILLS INTERNATIONAL (-)
AMIGA GAMES
1. SUPER HANG-ON (-)
2. INTERNATIONAL KARATE+ (-)
3. ZANY GOLD (-)
4. ELITE (1)
5. DRAGON'S LAIR (2)
6. WORLD CLASS LEADERBOARD (3)
7. SPEEDBALL (6)
8. OPERATION WOLF (7)
9. GAUNTLET II (-)
10. RINGSIDE (-)
AMIGA CRACKERS
1. VISION FACTORY/BEYONDERS (1)
2. QUARTEX (2)
3. ORACLE (4)
4. WORLD OF WONDERS (3)
5. EAGLESOFT (8)
6. THE BAND (9)
7. RED SECTOR/DEFJAM (6)
8. BENCOR BROTHERS (-)
9. BAMIGA SECTOR 1 (7)
10. FAIRLIGHT/NORTHSTAR (10)
Chart comments: It was again pretty difficult to put up the charts, because only a very few games have been released. We hope for better times. Well ELITE still #1, IKARI and DCS changed places. BROS dropped out from 6 to 16, ZENITH from 10 to 15 too. For the first time NFI appears, welcome! HOTLINE after some months of absence back in the top 10! It must have been last month's shock, FAIRLIGHT is pretty active again! They are the climber of the month from 10 to 6. Great to see them working again! No major changes in the Amiga charts, welcome BENCORS! ESI and THE BAND are coming, ORACLE already on 3. WOW and BSI went down. VF/TB stays up. /JS
IMPRESSUM
ILLEGAL (c) by JEFF SMART
Issue #36 - Released on March 10th 1989 - Circulation: unknown
Editor-in-Chief: JEFF SMART
Co-Editors & Contributors: HOBBIT/FAIRLIGHT, NOSAH/DCS, THE FLEET/X-RAY, RED SECTOR, MR.0-PAGE, CHUNK/JCS, WOOKIE/VF and more...
Typed in by: STRIDER of FAIRLIGHT
(finally fortunately found in some Web-cache and saved to file by The Arrogance)
Preview of Issue #37: Interview with SLEDGEHAMMER of HOTLINE and NOSAH of IGUANA * Report from the IKARI/ZARGON party
Comments: If you have any comments, you're welcome to write to us!
Address: ILLEGAL, PLK XXXXXX X, XXXX XXXXXXX, West Germany
