Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
w0ol-006
------------------[ w0ol #6: the annual collage issue ]--------------------
hello, this is nettle, and i bring you the annual collage issue of w0ol,
this w0ol is composed of several peices of "writing" in a grueling
attempt to release another w0ol on time.. please expect these annually
(annually meaning "whenever i cant write anything") ok, we will start off
with something i wrote for dto upon mogel's request, it sucks but i guess
that showed when he didnt accept it, here we go
---------------[ eye love squids ]-----------------------------------------
wow really? here is a story about one!
--------------[ y00 4r3 s0 d4mn3d 3lyt3 ]----------------------------------
it was a happy day for Trank, as she jetted through the warm tropical
water, he liked to swim by all the small fish, sometimes grabbing a few
with one of his powerful eight arms, mostly that was how he got his food
but occasionally there were barracudda around, which was a great problem
for Trank. As he swivled one of his large eyes about looking for good
prey, he noticed the glimmer of a barracudda, as Trank attempted to turn
away from it she couldnt help but notice it mimic her movements, she
began to phear it. As the barracudda approached her at great speed she
had little choice but to do the nasty: ink the water, she squeezed hard
with her ink-bladder-muscles and caused a great deal of the dark
substance to be excreted, the barracuda had no chance of finding her now,
she thought, as she swam away happily. Trank began to happily head
deeper into the warm waters towar a reef. There she found the body, she
had seen scuba divers before, but this one behaved strangely, at first
she thought it must be trying to catch her, because it didnt move at all,
then she noticed that it didnt have the large back of a scuba diver, so
she started a head to toe investagation. As she looked at the face she
noticed it was quite light colored and a bit of the skin was peeling off,
she moved down the neck to the torso and then hips, legs, and ankles,
around the ankles were some large steel links which formed a tight 8,
with one leg in each of the holes, attached to the middle of this Trank
observed a large mettalic object. As if from nowhere a small crab
jettsoned itsself from the torso of the apparent scuba diver, upon
Trank's examination the crab was holding nothing but a small peice of
carrion. Several more crabs began appearing on the body, some small,
some huge, mostly just taking bits of meat from the body. Trank wondered
how the diver could endure such torture for so long, after what seemed
like hours of pondering Trank left for her wise friend, Mr Moray. She
swam the way to his cave very quickly, but this was something she very
much desired enlightenment on so she didnt mind the hurry. When she
reached Mr Moray's cove she knocked a few times on the coral, he then
appeared.
Trank: there is a scuba diver, he isnt moving, why?
Moray: ii woooouuulddd haaaveeee toooo seeeeee hiiiiiiimmm
Trank: ok, follow me.
Trank and Mr Moray then swam off towards the body, when they got there Mr
Moray did some examining and sat back as if in deep thought. Finally
Trank piped up.
Trank: whats wrong?
Moray: HES DEAD YOU F00L!%!&*%!&$#^!%#*
Moray: HOW COULD YOU NOT SEE THAT?!&!*^#@! YOU TAKE ME OUT OF MY CAVE
JUST TO SEE SOME DEAD SHMUCK!(#^!(#&@!??
Trank: d--de---dead?
Moray: sorry, yes, he is dead
Trank: oh, how thoughtful
Moray: he was drowned, he couldnt breathe water
Trank: oh
Moray: only lamers cant breathe water, this man is a lamer.
Trank: well, uhm, i guess im going now.
Moray: bye.
Trank then swam off for quite awhile, trying to outrun the pain she felt
because of Mr Moray's attack of her stupididty. She could almost. No,
she'd never even thought of that. Yes, she had to. No, Yes, No, Yes.
Their meaning blended together in her mind, she began to swim off towards
shore like a zombie. When she reached shore she threw herself into a
wave, the wave was large and pushed her far up onto the hot sands of the
beach, as she began to fade away she heard something approaching...
Bob: hey wow, a squid!^@ dude, we gotta take it!
Dave: no way, its dying
Bob: well put it in the water
Dave: dont you see?!@ only lamers cant breathe air!@ this squid is a
lamer!&^% it must be destroyed!^*
Trank felt the foot descending on her, she felt it move from side to
side, bits of sand went into her open wounds as she moved her last muscle.
Ink went everywhere.
------------------------[ uh, i can see why he rejected it ]----------------
really? so can i. it sucks. ok, now on to a piece of school work which i
am supposed to do today, it is now rougly 4:30 in the morning, today at
school i have to present this
you dont know how k-rad you have to be to stay up till 5am every night.
-------------------[ pretty damned k-rad id supposed ]---------------------
this is an award, shh in the back.
-------------[ award ]-----------------------------------------------------
people say nobody works anymore, people say that nobody tried, people say
that nobody even cares, well today they are proven wrong by the youth of
america. hello, my name is paul mandal, but thats not important, we are
here to ocelebrate Stacy's acheivments in our special and very selective
group of goat murderers. Stacy is a very hard working young woman with a
firey passion for goat murdering, when she kills goats you know she has
prepared for hours for the occasion, she never shows up with dull knives,
she never makes a large mess, and she always removes the carcasses. Not
only has Stacy demonstrated great leadership in such things as the goat
slaughtering contest, but she also has many other qualifications. Being
a goat murderer is not easy, and Stacy has tried very hard, she has
broken many records including the Goat Massacre record where she broke
the record of 45 goats by a massive 20, not only were these goats clearly
dead, but they were killed with ease and style. Stacy also helped us
very much in a self-sacraficing manner when Bob was rammed in the face by
an unruly goat at our last festivle, she even dropped from a race to
bring him to a local hospital. In giving this goat rib, which came from
the goat she first slayed, by stabbing it in the eye with a scissor, to
Stacy, id like to say that she is a role model to all of us, and not only
a great goat slayer but one damned good leader.
---------------------[ that was uh, lame. ]--------------------------------
oh yeah? well lets see you write something bigger then a bread box. and i
also defy you to uh.. dial 911 and spit on the payphone. hmm, what else
do we have to do...uh...hmmmm holon
<tap> <tap> <tap>
-mumbling-
----------------[ irc is k-rad ]-------------------------------------------
<tao> sigh.
<crank> um. hi, w0ol SUCKS. stop offering it.
<JTKirk> don't tell that to the sheep
-------[ uh, i agree ]-----------------------------------------------------
oh yeah? eat this..uh...MOTD@!
----------------------[ m07d ]---------------------------------------------
/\ /\ /\ /\ /\
\ \ / / / /\ \ / /\ \ \ \ /\
\ \/\/ / \ \/ / \ \/ / \ \/ /
\/\/ \/ \/ \/
-------------[ w0ol: youll get no fancy logo from me!@ ]---------
------------------------------[ isnt that almost funny ]-------------------
yeah it is, ok, hmmmm, well ive written 131 amazingly calorie packed
lines and its time for me to, uh, to run dental floss through my retena
until it shatters onto my desk, im also a client.
------------------------[ ugh. ascii ]------------------------------------
hmm
let me draw you a glass of water
| |
|~~~~~~~~|
| . ' ` |
| . ` |
| ` ` ' |
| ., ' .|
\______/
eww, dirty, yuck, now ill draw the person who drank outa that
.`~'~'~'~.
| X X |
| .. |
| ----_- |
`- U -'
`----'
HAH!@!# im so damned funny, its obstrepourous. w0ol!@
hmmmmmmmm ill draw you a cute little flower
.-----.
! !
`! !'
! !
`! !'
! !
`!'
***
shit @@@@@
***
fuck the flower, its an exclamtion point!
nature is impossible to draw, take this acorn
.---'----.
`.------.'
`. .'
`..'
ok well that came out OK but still, try drawing a sloth or something,
youd have me cutting my fingers off..
hmmmm, well, i need something of great quality to make up for what i just
cut and pasted from all over the place, so ill draw you, uh, my left eye
.-.
`-' at 100m
ha ha you cant see any details!@#!
hmm
.--. .-------. .-------. .----------.
|$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$$$$|
|$$| |$$|==~~' |$$|==~~' `---.$$.---'
|$$| |$$$$$| |$$$$$| |$$|
|$$.----. |$$|=='-. |$$|=='-. |$$|
|$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$$$$$$| |$$|
`-------' `-------' `-------' `--'
w0ol: so damned leet we gotta enclose it to avoid a 'leet-spillage
ever notice how all thoes k-leet hax0rs have really lame names? not to
make them kill me or anything, but think of it, whats the first thing a
lamer does on the scene? get a lame niq, like "Death Knight" or
something, which are also used by k-rad people, its quite confusing
oh hmm... do du.. w0ol to you.. ok.. in the end id like to show you some
words not to use:
LOL
ROTFL
AOL
COMPUSERVE
IAMLAME
AOLRULES
IMHO
etc.
in closing id like to say
------------------------[ snip ]--------------------------------------------
---------------------------+ eDiToR CoMmEnT +----------------------------------
dude that sucked, im sincerely sorry for this issue, it would have been
MUCH better but 2 things prevented that: 'writers' block, and the
numbers/letters 4:00am to 4:45am.
---------------------------------+ InDeX +------------------------------------
this is so you can find them:
#1: w0ol comes from sheep! (nettle)
#2: the electric santa (nettle)
#3: gourmet food, gourmet boredom (nettle)
#4: toast some pixie stix in the hour that doesnt exist (nettle)
#5: no comprende? (nettle)
#6: the annual colage issue (nettle)
wow
-------------------------------+ people of w0ol +------------------------------
nettle
(thats all right now.. so write sumfin!#)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ email addresses _~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nettle:
nettle@novasys.com
nettle@nevermind.lag.novasys.com
nettle@nexxus.novasys.com
thats it..
-----------------------+ useless archives +----------------------------------
ftp:
nevermind.lag.novasys.com : /pub/w0ol
landslide.openix.com : /ftp/phorce/w0ol
morse code:
the top of springfield avenu, ill have a flashing light there encoding
w0ol 24/7.
if you would like to contact w0ol send email to
w0ol@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you want to have a letter displaayed
in one of our issues as a question/comment type thing, email
w0ol-2@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, if you would like me to murder your
parents email parent@nevermind.lag.novasys.com, thank you.
