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Underground eXperts United File 610
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ The Anti-Apocalypse ] [ By Peter Hogg ]
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T H E A N T I - A P O C A L Y P S E
* * *
I. DECLARATION OF INTENT
314
1. God's Enemy
I prayed and humbled myself before God invaded my soul, seized my tongue,
and said through me, "Because your devotion exceeds that of all men and
women on Earth you are my secretary and my witness. I will show you the
past, the present, and the future. You shall be my ears, eyes, and mouth.
For Mankind you shall record in words what you witness, but you shall not
judge, and you shall not record my thoughts." "Oh Lord," I protested with
downcast face, "but words are the cause of all the manmade pain and
suffering on Earth." Lord Hegemon said, "Every word does violence by
generalizing and dividing, but you shall aim your words at the evil ones
for the benefit of the living whom I love."
Then Almighty Lord Hegemon wrapped my long hair around his fist and
carried me to a burning city. From a distance he showed me the immortal
spirit of revenge, the infamous descendant of Satan who sat on a throne of
fire. Around his hairless head was the pheonix crown. Hung from his neck
was an iron placard with the words 'Braggart' and 'Complainart.' Lord
Hegemon whispered to me, "Behold the Beast, alias Idolt Hitlore, the one
who calls himself Emperor Oshaman Bink Ader. He was chosen by Satan to
destroy me. His military support will be formidable. Armed with the
Scriptures of Science he will win the whole world to his side. Why don't
you tremble? Are you not afraid for me, little maggot?" "Lord Hegemon, I am
afraid, but not for you but for him. Everything men do to destroy God only
works to magnify your name, and even death improves your life." Lord
Hegemon whispered, "Do not be deceived. The one you see is the Anti-God. He
has the power to persecute me and to empty the temples. Behold the weapon
in his hand: it is the most destructive weapon ever created. With it he
will banish love of God from the minds of men." I looked at the weapon. It
resembled a cracked and spotted egg. The Lord trembled and said, "What you
see contains the fivefold power of Fear, Horror, Hatred, Despair, and
Indifference. The Beast will use them against all who believe in me, and
with them he will defeat me." Then a wind brought the heart-wrenching cries
of 11 million babies to my ears. I looked upwards, and ranged in ranks upon
the clouds I saw the angels watching with telescopes.
2. The Motive for War
Then the mighty Beast of the Burning City held up his iron fist and roared,
and his roaring reached the four ends of the Earth and terrified the hearts
mankind. Thus did he speak, "I will punish you for my own pleasure and
amusement! I am coming for vengeance because you killed and you insult the
hero who brought you spiritual fire! Because you sided with God against
Satan, the helper of Mankind, I will drive into your brains the nail of
your non-existence! Because you gave Satan's death little thought, and did
not consider its omnichronous power, I will teach you to be more generous!
Because you rejected the spirit of death I will deliver you to the body of
death! Because you strive to extinguish Reason you will suffer unreasonable
violence! Because you love the fruit of ignorance I will torment you with
knowledge! Because your gods and your God are the cause of all the evil on
Earth I will rip them from your hearts! Because you dismissed Satan's power
I will press my will upon you! Verily you shall pay for your ignorance, and
the currency you shall pay with is Fear, Terror, Bitterness, Suffering, and
Death! I will purge God from your minds, and woe to the ones who do not
pay, for you shall be called 'Atheists,' 'brides of Satan,' and you will be
Satan's companions when he returns from Hell. These promises shall be
accomplished, even if I too must die! Blessed are all who survive my work,
for they shall know God."
II. THE SEVEN WARNINGS
265
3. Letter to Africa
To the Theists in Luanda Hitlore sent these words, "From my post on Ayer's
Rock I see that Africa has not yet suffered enough. For you Africa I am
mixing a potion that will burn forever on your heads! I know how you are
deep in debt, but you must go deeper because you refuse to think until
death strikes! But do not be afraid, for I am coming to give you the
inspiration to pay your debts! I will rain the fire of science upon your
heads! My horrors will drive you to beg for the shackles and whips that
bloodied your ancestors. Compared to the freedom I bring your slavery is
boring. Uncontested I will invade your land, and your countries will shake
as if I were passing through the Earth, and your nations will crack like
old china, and you will cry out, 'Why didn't the scientists warn us?!' Your
scientists know nothing of importance! My modern prophets you ignored! They
brought you increasingly greater horrors and clearer signs, but you refused
to read their forecast! Now it is too late! If you convert to save your
skin I will snatch the Sun and roll it over your backs! Woe to you who are
spared from my fire, for you will suffocate in the smoke of burnt meat.
Then there will be silence in your houses of worship. Your vain
celebrations will be extinguished, and you will pray for Eternal Death. Do
not ask, 'What did we do to deserve this? Did we kill Satan?' A thousand
times a thousand times you rejected Satan's self-consuming flame. Therefore
listen and be afraid, and believe me when I say that I am coming to
incinerate your dear beliefs. With terror I will lead you through the four
ages of Hell, and the journey shall not end until infinite pain and despair
compel you to wear my crown and until the overwhelming pain prostrates you
before Eternal Death."
4. Letter to Europe
To the Theists in Paris Hitlore sent these words, "I know you have a
reputation for being cultured and civilised, but Europe is a fat gluttonous
philistine. Europe will squirm on the spear of Achilles because she dreamt
she could condemn Satan to yesterday's superstitions. You, Europe, you
think civil rights and democracy makes you free, in reality you keep your
poor frightened minds locked in cages. You cling to your precious little
ideas and words. You worship 'freedom' and you lick its feet just as your
ancestors licked God's ass! But now because you love freedom I will bring
it to you in spades. I will smash every obstacle, every prison, every
parliament, every school, and every church, and then I will thunder, 'Think
without walls!' Your beliefs make you the laughingstock of the wise. I am
truth and reality, but to you I will be the widow maker. Because you
married Hegemon for his illusory wealth and might the black widow will drag
you into her web! You think, 'God will save us. God will control our
thoughts.' Must I pour heavy water through your ears? Your nothing-God
cannot help you. Today you think 'God loves me,' tomorrow you will bleat
like lambs at Passover. Like children in the crib you will cry, 'Why did
God abandon me?' I am plotting ahead in Africa, (I am already here) and
when I leave everyone will know what loneliness is. On that day the spirit
will be crushed, the dead will litter the streets, and the survivors will
say, 'Why should we bury them? Life is too short.' Oh Europe, because I
love you I designed a coffin for your Gods: the wood is your bodies, the
nails are your pain, and my hammer's name is 'The New Germany'!"
5. Letter to Asia
To the Theists in Beijin Hitlore sent these words, "Woe to the people of
Asia who think, 'Why should I care if Europe slaughters itself?' And you
call yourselves human beings? You think you are innocent, but holy
excrement stains your lips and your guilt stinks to high heaven. Some dared
to call themselves Communists, killers of God, but they too cherished
hopes, and all hope reeks of God. Proud Asia says, 'We don't need hope! We
are perfect and happy!' Don't flatter yourselves little rebels. I will
crush you with my brows. When I come your widows will scream, 'Leave us
alone dragon! Go back to the sea!' And your men will boast, 'We too can
protect our beliefs with nuclear bombs.' I am so frightened. Your hair-
splitting atoms and your nuclear fire cannot protect you from the Son of
Satan. America is one step ahead of you: have you not seen my secret army
among you? Now the flame of renunciation is already inflaming your nerves.
Do not tell me 'We have enough enemies within!' Your Hindus fight Muslims,
and your Muslims fight Buddhists, and your Sikhs fight Hindus: why? Because
religion seeks self-destruction! Now I challenge all the gods to come down
from their high places to prove whether God or Man is superior. I command
Buddha to piss on the illusion of Allah. I command Krishna to capture the
impostors and drag them to prison! But the gods are little girls, therefore
I am coming, a no-God, an anti-God, to purge your dream-gods from the
Earth. Be patient proud and sick children, and be amazed by my healing
powers. A little punishment invigorates, and one man's insanity is another
man's cultural revolution."
6. Letter to North America
To the Theists in Washington Hitlore sent these words, "You think you are
mighty and powerful, but I see quavering cowards and among you I hear the
silence of the lambs. You think you are safe, but deep in the darkness of
your thick skulls you fear there is no escaping me. If I must dig a hole
through the Earth and drag every American into Hell it shall be done. If
the son of lightning must bridle thunderclouds to chase you down I shall
not fail. No one can hide from the supreme author of every spiritual
crises. My messengers will burrow into your skulls and plant the seeds of
terror and death. Send your young men overseas to track me down: I will
welcome them with five million forms of death. Do you think your soldiers
can enforce peace on Earth? Idiots! America knows nothing of spiritual
peace. You are a raging, frothing, struggling, and confused heap of stupid
ideas. But don't let me stop you from following your dreams. Send all your
troops to find me: the more the merrier, for me at least, for I do hate
travelling. Please send nuclear missiles and rockets to untidy my network
of ever changing subterranean caves: I will send you a superior fire-power.
I am safe, but America is in danger because America cannot leave America. I
am the Earth Serpent who burrows uncontested through the apple. If you cut
off my head I will grow another and multiply my power. I am the bomb
waiting to be detonated in your thick skulls. Send your best Americans to
find and destroy me. Send me all your presidents, senators, governors, and
ambassadors, and send me your best nuclear physicists and all your
philosophers. What use are common soldiers? If you speak rationally and
happily about the death I bring I will spare you, otherwise you shall eat
the flame of the East."
7. Letter to South America
To the Theists in Brasilia the German Beast sent these words, "Far, far
will I reach. I will rise up in Bogota wielding a chip whose fire is
Hellfire. The Mulatos, Latinos, and thoroughbreds are already praying, 'God
will not let us die. He will not send the Beast this far. The Beast will be
content with Europe as his prize.' Of what small mindedness are you
accusing me now? Is American not enough? The whole world will not suffice!
I would fly to the ends of the Solar System to castrate the last rebel. If
there is only one believer hiding in your vast jungles then I will consume
them all with my breath! Oh my little lamas: run for the cool air in the
heights of your Andes, for I am waiting for you, and I kindled a fire under
every Mount Zion. Yes, I prepared the throne of your purification. Because
your works intoxicate the world I will intoxicate you with the illusion of
power and indifference to death. Because you are still wet between the ears
I will introduce you to hot irons and to the wind of dry humor. When I come
to collect your debts no bribe and no drugs will be accepted, and your
savior and his counterfeit will never come. If you offered my seven
thousand virgins and seven thousand wives I would still fuck you with
Hellfire. If the whole Amazon supplied your faith I would lift the eastern
coast, prop it up with my stone, and watch your Amazon reach in vain for
the fire. Verily I am coming to evangelize with power. But please try and
stop me and spare me the hassle of looking for you. Come quickly, for I am
waiting for you in Hell. How will you recognise me? If you pray for life I
am the one who will kill you, and if you pray for death I am the one who
will satisfy you."
8. Letter to the Middle East
To the Theists in Jerusalem Hitlore sent these words, "How many times must
Satan punish you and God abandon you? The princes of Syria, the princes of
Egypt, and the princes of Islam cried victory in your streets, and still
you believe that God is good. You say, 'God punishes us because he loves us
(that's so true!), and because a father loves to teach his children
lessons.' You are certainly being punished, but not for the reason you
think, and not by the one you think. Verily it is not God who punishes you
but Nature who reminds you that there is no God but Nature, and Hitlore is
her prophet. Does a father hire mercenaries to beat his children? What can
the boy learn who bleeds to death on the steps of the Temple Mount? Because
you still do not know the answer I will take your proud faces and smash
them into the Wailing Wall and I will spill the cup marked 'God's Answer.'
I will turn Jerusalem into a level field for ploughing, so that passersby
will say, 'It's a miracle! The holy city ascended into Heaven!' Your
corpses will fill the Holy Sepulchre. Never again will you cry, 'There is
no body in Christ's tomb!' The Anti-God will rise up in Baghdad. At your
expense I will force your authorities to bring the blessings of laughter to
the world. I will smash your skulls and the hard idols you keep there, but
I will not kill you. How could I kill people who already suffer rigor
mortis of the brain? You nail yourselves to your precious beliefs, to avoid
losing them, and then you mistake paralysis for an untouchable God! I am
coming with a crowbar to dislodge you from the wreckage! Blessed are they
who do not rebel, and blessed are they who do not need the barbed spike:
they will live to see another day. Do you know how many? Who cares."
9. Letter to the Theists in New Zealand
To the Theists in Christchurch Hitlore sent these words, "Where do you
live? Your little island in the Pacific is not worth the effort; I shall
not cast my net that far. To prove that I am not obsessed with war you
shall be spared. But do not ignore the lessons I teach! Bear witness to the
sufferings of your brothers and sisters, lest their lives be utterly
wasted. Beware lest hope creeps into your brains, for with every hope grows
the sin of pride, and wherever I see hope or pride fate sends me to
destroy. How dare you be proud of yourselves in the face of God, Nature,
Chance, Death, and the Imminent Disaster? Thus did I speak to deaf ears;
now I come with a new message. Today I say to you, 'Be proud of yourselves!
You surely have much to be proud of! Kneel before your little
accomplishments and kiss your own asses! Build monuments to yourselves and
cling to them while I introduce you to Hellfire and write magma into your
eyes. I will punish you and make you human again. Men hardened by stupidity
will weep when they witness my bold new gospel. With the brevity of life I
will teach you to value and give value to life. I will boil your brains
until all the love, hope, and pride is removed, and only the muscle
remains. Thus will I give you the strength to be intimate with the holiest
word, 'Deicide.' I am the destroyer of daydreams and I am the enemy of God.
Armed with might and malice I will force you to behold the writhing of your
brothers and sisters. If despite my works you still reject the meaning of
mortality I will still accomplish your disbelief, for I will tear your
brains out of your skulls!"
III. MILITARY FOREPLAY
512
10. A Challenge for the World
The total number of the Atheists monsters who joined the Army of Terror was
169,000,000. Of this number Hitlore put the world's 13,000 most obnoxious,
insulting, intolerable, blasphemous and vulgar Atheists on a boat and sent
them to seek love and forgiveness among their enemies. Then Hitlore issued
the following challenge to all the countries of the world, "Anyone who
treats these poison spitting snakes like family, and gives them refuge, and
loves them, must love everything they say, for their words reflect their
spirits. Anyone who truly loves them will be spared from the 9,000 torments
that are coming." Along every coast, in every harbor, the 13,000 Atheists
offended every country they visited, and their offences did not diminish
with hunger and thirst. For 240 days they found no love on Earth, and
therefore Hitlore issued the following threat, "For every venomous snake
whom you receive with love and warmth I will shorten the war by a one
thirteen-thousandth. If no one gives them hospitality then they will return
to convert you with violence, and they will not rest from their work until
your tongues are freed from cowardice and are ennobled in godlessness." The
world listened and feared, and Hitlore's words were wasted because crackpot
prophets tricked the world to believe that God's lackey, the archangel
Michael, would come and prevent the war by diverting him with unspeakable
pleasures.
11. The Military Spy
Then Lord Hegemon took me to the barracks and the training camps where his
anti-personel personel trained for war. On the western horizon I saw
regiments of massive Cumulonimbi, all deadly freethinking and freeflying
airships. They smashed their armour and spat screaming bolts of Hellfire.
These fire-breathing gods could help humans prosper or perish. They could
march east, west, north and south, across any border, and they could flood
or burn anything they desired.
I looked south and I saw rows beside rows of the Green Regiment. Among
them was a squadron of giants who crushed ordinary men by falling on them
from above. The Green Regiment were fearless and suicidal, for they often
sacrificed their bodies to feed the fires of Hell that tormented Mankind.
Their camouflage gear and their training enabled them to march undetected
into cities and private yards and to perform the message of Death. Whenever
their enemies saw the sign of the fallen fig leaf their enemies became so
sick from fear that they were unable to eat and died of starvation.
I looked to the east and saw the three divisions of the Animee. These
biologically advanced soldiers were equipped with the most advanced
weaponry. Helpless Theists spent centuries ruling their ancestors, and now
did not foresee the day of insubordination. These are the three divisions:
The airborne division included soldiers trained to create and drop
biologically nauseating bombs. Their fighter jets and bombers were too
small to be detected by radar, and did not produce enough heat or contain
any substances that betrayed their dangerous powers. In shape and size they
resembled birds and insects, and by virtue of their design they were
invisible to radar. They could drop bombs from low altitudes and wound
almost anyone unexpectedly. The deadly and diminutive Virsu and Bactra
could enter bodies and minds undetected in the form of pure strands of
words coded in deoxyribonucleic acid. They could enter through any orifice
or open wound or mind, and if they were responsible for creating children
who did not resemble their parents.
The land-borne division was the ultra-orthodox Atheists, the only true
Atheists, because they also considered Atheism a god. Some were equipped
with night-vision lens and with devices that could hear foetuses squirming
8 miles away. Their ears could distinguish the enemy by the beat of his
heart. Their noses could identify a person's faith. The single deadliest
member of the land-borne division was the woman Sirpantia, she who moved by
forming a wheel and who dripped poison in the ears of believers.
The waterborne division included excellent swimmers and ships that moved
under water without ever surfacing. They could deliver death to the enemy
by infiltrating water supply systems or by patrolling the beaches with
their little ships. The most successful platoon created magnetic mussel-
like self-propelled bombs that attached themselves to enemy ships and sank
them.
To the north I saw rank upon rank the dreaded Artifomekan, cold-blooded
beings whose power few Theists suspected. These newcomers inflicted the
greatest death toll during the actual time of the war, whereas the others
did the greater damage before and after Hitlore signed the useless peace
treaty.
12. Hitlore Encourages the Troops
Then Lord Hegemon took me to away, and I heard the Beast encouraging and
provoking his regiments, battalions, companies, platoons and squads. They
honored him with the sign of the circle around their ears. Hitlore returned
the sign, and he addressed his soldiers with these words,
"It gives me pleasure to see you here, patient and ready for murder. It
warms my cold heart to see my puppets arrayed in rank and file, armed for
trouble, and ready to offend the enemy. I am indeed great, but with you
perhaps I am even greater. Listen to me my darling instruments of death and
destruction: each one of you is nothing compared to me. You are insects and
worms whom I could crush with my forehead. I am the spawn, the witness, and
the avenger of Satan, and you are nothing but dirt, fire, water and air,
and with dirt, fire, water and air you shall deliver my revenge to the
world. Now I will tell you again why you should sacrifice yourselves for
Satan's sake. You shall do so because he is our master and exemplar. He
lived in heaven and became bored with God's tyranny and with the luxury of
infinite time and freedom. Therefore he came to Earth and chose mortality
over immortality, and law over freedom. He was the first one to return to
Nature, and he brought fire to be his guide and pleasure. But the apes of
God persecuted and crucified him and thought they could quench the fire
with his blood. They did not know that Atheism is a power no man can
control! Thus, despite all the world's calumniations and molestations the
Atheist faith has born a greater fruit than the prophet Kull-Max ever
dreamed. Death and defeat strengthened and nourished our non-belief!
Atheism was nourished by the world's violence and suffering! Now we are
numerous and we are no longer afraid to show ourselves, and therefore we
will not let our enemies hide from us. We will not let the descendants of
Satan's murderer's live in darkness! We will awaken them with discord and
division and violence and sacrifice, and soon we will reap fruit of the
seeds of Anguish and Despair!
"Wherever you see a sign of God I authorize you to destroy it. Be
merciless while Lord Hegemon lives! If your own comrade moves his tongue to
pray to God then cut it off or kill him. But always use death with
discretion, lest you cheat Atheism of the converts it deserves. And if you
see, hear, or smell the idiot who wants to seduce me, mutilate his groin
and cast him into the garbage pit!"
The Beast paused, turned, and with a flourish he thundered at his
troops, "Did I forget something? Must I dispatch you with canons? Enter
into the world and fight with bold fearless cunning, and remember when you
die everything is lost."
IV. THE FIRST PENALTIES
362
13. The End of Jerusalem
On the 14th of Adar the Lord took me to Jerusalem and said, "Behold my
white-clothed three-headed wife. Her skin is like leather and her bones are
brittle, but she still has the liveliness of a 2-year old child. Weep with
me, weep with me, for the time of her desecration is at hand." My head
turned west and east and there I saw the Beast standing before the closed
gates of Jerusalem. Behind him stood all the grave-diggers of the world.
Lord Hegemon and I barred their path. The beast laughed and shouted, "Would
you defend God's whore? Call your God down from heaven and I will let him
contribute some meat to my dogs and some blood to my kidneys! God's mob of
Gog, Mosge, and Sinagog distinguished themselves in bigotry, pride, and
vain self-righteousness. Now the whore embarrasses the whole human race,
therefore I will enforce peace and godlessness!" Hitlore smashed down the
gates of Jerusalem. With the blood of a Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim, he
drew three lines from the city's center to the outer limits. Along the
three lines and around the city Hitlore's huge mechanical shovels dug
ditches to the Hellfire. Now the tribes were divided into separate
sections, but still they shouted insults and feared one another. Hitlore
said to Jerusalem, "Which of the three tribes desires life in Heaven most?"
The whole city shook from the shouts of "We do," and "Me," and no single
voice was distinguishable. Hitlore said to his die-man, "If an even number
faces up we will exterminate the men of Mosge, if an odd, the men of
Sinagog." God caused the dice to rest on a corner. Hitlore smiled and
triumphantly declared, "The Lord chose the people of Gog!" Then the
Atheists brought in 20 thousand bulldozers and pushed a third of Jerusalem
into Hell. The surviving religious tribes continued to quarrel. Hitlore was
so impressed that he ordered another third pushed into Hell. The last still
refused to renounce their great beliefs, therefore they fought amongst
themselves, and they too were buried alive. Jerusalem was gone, all of her
except for a single human head on the stairs that once led to the
Courthouse. Its face was frozen in horror as a warning to future
generations. Then I saw a cat roll in the warm dust. It rubbed my leg and
her purring entranced me. Lord Hegemon pulled me away and said, "Satan is
trying to steal you!" This is all that I witnessed, and I was so sad that I
wept like a madman.
14. The Metronome
Then the Lord Hegemon took me to Newtone. In the city's centre stood a
clock, and the clock's tick-talking ordered the lives of all the
inhabitants. At 9 o'clock the clock said, "Everyone must urinate," and
everyone obeyed, and for every minute and every hour there was another
command, but the clock was not in tune with Nature, therefore to prevent
people from rebelling against the monotony its rhythm was regularly
changed. Hitlore saw the cunning of the time keepers. Hitlore said, "We
shall destroy the clock and enforce the rhythm of life and death because I
am not satisfied with global semi-insanity!" Then his soldiers destroyed
the clock and erected in its place a huge burning metronome. Its regular
movement could be seen to the ends of the Earth. It divided the day into
seventy hours, each hour into seventy minutes, and each minute into seventy
seconds, and it needed no adjustments, and therefore everyone lived
according to the beat of the metronome. In the 25th hour of each day an
Alarm Sextet woke the world, and at the 35th hour everyone ate lunch, and
at the 55th hour everyone chewed their dinner, and so on. The people
struggled in vain not to miss a beat, and fear of the Grand Conductor kept
everyone uneasy. They grew numb to their daily discomforts, and they never
imagined that Hitlore was preparing a great disaster. Without consulting
Hegemon I went to the people of Newtone and prophesied, "Disaster will come
unless you abandon the mind-numbing rhythm of Metronome!" Fear assailed
their hearts. They struggled to create an alternative order but chaos and
violence ensued, and I gnashed my teeth in guilt and despair. I begged Lord
Hegemon for forgiveness. He said, "Do not despair. Everything proceeds
according to the blueprint written by Destiny. Look, the Beast is coming!"
Then I heard the Beast shout to his troops, "Henceforth the world shall
live with the terrible new freedom of timelessness!" Then even new-born
babes shuddered from fear, and the elderly hastened the coming of death.
15. The Acre Bakers
Then Lord Hegemon took me to Stolinburg, and I saw smoke rising from a
million ovens and grills. I saw Hitlore dressed in white and wearing a
wreath of belladonna. I heard him invite everyone who was hungry and cold
to enjoy the warmth and the fruits of his land. No sheep on Earth doubted
his good will. Those who went to the grills for meat were laser-branded
with the four numbers of the Beast. Those who went to the ovens for bread
were thrown into the giant oven of Stolinburg. The Beast walked among the
flames and said to them, "If I can enjoy life in the Hellfire surely you
need not fear Death." With every word sparks of Hellfire alighted on the
sheep, and the 3 million sheep complained and trampled in terror. They
prostrated themselves before him and cried, "Forgive our sins because we
are a lowly and stupid people, full of humility and proud of our humility."
Hitlore said, "Only total trust in God's mercy will win mercy for you, but
faith is dead without acts. To prove that you believe in a merciful God you
must blaspheme and renounce God. If your heart remains fearless than the
God of love and mercy will forgive you, if you are afraid of retribution
you will receive it." Some sheep cursed God, and some did not, but the
fires did not cease. The Beast laughed and told them the story about the
three men who prayed to God and survived in an oven. Then many people
prayed, but they too were tormented by fire, and the Beast could not cease
smiling. The tormented millions cried, "Give us the secret of your
pleasure!" The Beast said, "Weep, weep, and weep until your tears drown the
flames!" The gullible people wept, and they were consumed by the crackling
flames.
V. THE NEED FOR JUSTICE
611
16. The Maggot Speaks
I fell on my knees and prayed, "Lord Hegemon, why do you permit this
inhumane and indiscriminate decimation of your people? Are you not the God
of love and mercy?" The Lord frowned and struck me down, and when I raised
my bloody lip from the ground he said, "Why should I listen to you?
Faithless insect! What happens on Earth is a meaningless prelude. Soon
Michael will give everyone what they deserve." "Oh Lord, you know the
accounts on Earth and you are an excellent paymaster, but I wish to prevent
unnecessary suffering. I beg you to prove that Michael will come and
balance the accounts. If you decline I might do something very irrational,
perhaps suicide." "Truly you value this life too much little maggot. Only
if the same variables consistently produce the same results can we make a
plausible and conditional prediction about the future, but there is no
historical precedent for Michael. Thus far the world knows only impostors
and the prophets who are like shadows of the coming reality. They tried to
listen to my message, but I do not speak as humans speak. I use sophialogs,
silence, paradoxes, meta-words, and living words. Therefore the prophets
added and changed and censored my words, so that your world might
understand something. And the new prophets continually altered their words
because the old words satisfied no one, and gradually the ancient messages
begin to resemble mine, but only Michael can reproduce the truth." "Beloved
God, when will Michael come?" "After 11 billion life-spans of suffering are
complete." "Can no one diminish the payment?" The Lord frowned and said,
"You will certainly help if you record everything for the benefit of future
generations, for with the power of the record they can avoid the mistakes
of their fathers and mothers."
17. The Immortal Book
Then the Lord lifted me by the scruff of my neck and brought me back to the
golden cage in Makka. Lying on the throne appeared to be the infinite pages
of my own book, all neatly bound together. It was colored with autumnal
tints and made of silicon and rare thorite, and it was (protected by) 2,666
delirious trolls, ogres, and goblins. Hegemon said, "The one who knows what
to do with this book will end all pain and misery. This book contains the
power to change the world, all that is needed for transformation is the
super-catalyst. By the power of its words the angels created Heaven and
Hell and all the new worlds, and by the power of this book Heaven and Hell
will be rolled up like a scroll and never seen again. Who knows the secret
of this book? Who knows the nine-fold code? Michelle is her name, and she
will use the power to do good, but if Malice breaks the code evil will
reign supreme. In the right hand the power is good, in the other the power
spells death for God. Anyone who desires its power must make the sacrifice.
Who shall solve the riddle? I see the future, but do I also see your name
Patricia?" "I sacrificed my life to that book. Surely I know how to use
it." Then I received the book, and I read it aloud to all the devils, but
before I reached the 7th sentence I yawned and fell asleep. Then all the
devils laughed and chortled, but I did not awake until I heard myself
scream. I opened my eyes and saw Hitlore tearing my book apart. He tore it
into 5 volumes and consigned the 4 largest volumes to the pit. Then he tore
the remaining volume into 4 chapters, and of those 4 chapters 3 were alive
and growing and recreating the book, and the smallest one, a single page,
lay motionless and silent. The Beast destroyed everything except that page.
He held it before him and read, "This is the book for which 11,000
generations shall be sacrificed, and you too must die for its sake if you
do not give me your mind and your body."
18. The Interpreter
I rushed towards the stone and the imps screamed and flew at me with their
claws and teeth. Hegemon shouted, "Back monsters! Cease your infernal
shrieking! The maggot of the world, the flower of Phalistia, will attempt
to crack the code." I examined the book and I saw that it seemed unread and
I saw no way to open it. I pried at the pages with a knife, and the metal
snapped. I threw the book against the Earth, but the crack did not widen.
"Heavenly father, where is the key?" For two weeks and two days I labored
to open the book. I smashed my forehead against it, I prodded it with every
limb and fleshy protuberance, I stroked it, tapped it, bit it, licked it,
and loved it, but still the book would not open. At last I moaned, "If this
book contains food for thought it is not accessible to me. Please tell me
the secret. Oh Hegemon, the world cannot starve much longer." "Alice, you
are not destined to receive the truth. One with a bigger mouth than you
must come, and I think his name is Death, for life cannot exist without it.
Now be quiet. You must still witness and record many more horrors."
VI. THE MIDDLE PENALTIES
529
19. The Poisonous Smoke
Lord Hegemon took me to see the atrocities at Petropolis, and what I saw
the Beast building in Hell amazed me, for it was the Autolehim machines
forged and cast in Hell. Hitlore designed them to give people incomparable
and unthinkable pleasures. They burned the fuel that feeds the flames of
Hell, but their gases only intoxicated people who dared to question
everything. Hitlore visited all the pious and faithful believers on Earth
and said to them, "If you want to be happy you must live in crowded squalor
and travel great distances with my Autolehim." The people beloved his ideas
and they loved his machines, but they did not possess the proper fuel,
therefore they used inferior fuel, and thus they covered Earth with a
shroud of deadly DL8C4T6M2. Millions of women and children and grandmothers
died and struggled to breathe. Cries of despair and lamentation
reverberated around the world, and the victims begged for mercy, but the
poisoned men would not renounce the thrill of killing and of risking death.
Then the world sent an embassy to the Beast, and they bowed before him and
said, "Please tell us where we can find the fuel we need." The three men
were bound and taken to the edge of a stairwell filled with blinding light.
There the Beast announced, "For the sins of your fathers and mothers you
must descend into Hell." The men begged for mercy. The Beast smashed open
the head of the ambassador, and while his brains trickled down the
stairwell he said to the remaining two, "Follow the one who is not afraid,
and you will find your fuel at the limits of human intelligence." But the
men were afraid, therefore they too died on the threshold of Hell. Many
more followed in their footsteps and fed the flames of Hell, and the smoke
that rose intoxicated everyone. In that year alone 2,600,000 died by fire.
20. The Work Camps
Then Lord Hegemon inserted his hand brought me to Metrobad, and I saw the
factories where the world created its idols and gadgets. The Beast and his
army seized control of Metrobad and he gave the managers and die-makers a
blueprint of the strange H-object. It resembled a little globe made of
refrigerator and oven parts and solar cells, poisonous fruit and leaves,
skin and bones, breasts and scrotums, ears and eyeballs, guns and computer
parts. Hitlore said to the managers and die-makers, "Your factories will
produce this mysterious object until people understand how to understand
how to use them." The managers and die-makers obeyed, and all the factories
produced copies of the useless object. The workers received their works,
and soon despair and boredom prevailed and work was unbearable. The Beast
shouted to all his employes, "Do not despair! Continue struggling and
happiness shall be paid to you in this life, or in the next life!" He
shouted to all the evil managers, "To inspire the workers to make greater
sacrifices regularly alter the nature of their work. Discontinue the H-
object! For the next 365 days create only the Y-object. Every year we will
innovate, and thus we will keep people confused and curious and full of
excitement." The evil managers obeyed and they persuaded the employees to
make greater sacrifices, and thus everyone was slowly desensitised to the
horror of their world, and mankind metamorphosed into a new breed of
robotic ants. These resentful and stupid creatures had patience but no
skills for being happy, and therefore they conceived an insatiable lust for
violence and horror. No human being or child was safe from their works of
destruction. No ant took responsibility for anything and no ant understood
the nature of misunderstanding, and consequently mankind was destined for
extinction.
21. The Icestorm
Then God took me to witness how Hitlore would reclaim Helland, the holy
land of the Atheists. I heard his machines roaring like giant jets through
the sky. Suddenly darkness covered the land and all the children of God
were paralyzed with fear. Lord Hegemon took me among the enemy in a
luminous cloud. I looked at the land and saw that it was covered from east
to west with old fragrant corpse flower trees. Tongues of fire licked down
from the clouds, but the flower people doused the flames. Then the Beast
came with his scythe and roared to the flower people, "The longer you
postpone the conflagration the greater the pain will be for all. Cease
preserving what is old and crumbling!" The people cried, "Why should our
flowers vanish?" The Beast said, "Are you bees or butterflies? This soil
was reserved for the seeds of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, whose
seeds Satan gave you. Cultivate the seed of Satan or these flowers will
attend your funeral." Because they still refused to uproot their idols the
clouds rained a different death on the fields. Millions of people were
struck and shaken by massive slabs of ice falling from the sky. "Heaven is
crumbling upon us! God help your worshippers!" Thus they died with their
prayers on their lips. The ice crushed the flowers and covered the whole
land, and only the people who worshipped the flame survived. Hitlore
ceremoniously produced an iron spade and struck off the head of the nearest
corpse. Then he emptied it upon the soil, mixed them, and planted the seed
of the tree of knowledge. The seed grew and bore fruit, and while it was
still green and poisonous Hitlore plucked it and gave it to the children of
the good and pious people.
VII. THE FUTURE HERO
330
22. Mikhail's Rebirth
68 My grieving brain could not bear the horror. I cried out to God, "I wish
I could be like you. You are not human. You are unmoved by grief, pity, and
horror, and you seem void of desire to stop this madness. Please tell me
the purpose of this senseless carnage." Then the magnificent Lord said,
"Calm down little maggot, and do not judge what you cannot interpret. You
are still lost in the world of imesonom and pantheism, the mana world, and
therefore you struggle with phantoms and illusions. Do not worry about all
who suffer and die, for they are martyrs, and their blood will ascend into
Heaven when the victor opens the gates. You do not approve of my behavior
now, therefore I will show you the one who shall establish true beauty on
Earth." The Lord took my feet and carried me through four clouds. In the
fifth cloud I saw a wonderful garden with a single Jurian tree, and from
its branch hung something like a mummy wrapped in papyrus. The sun rose and
set twelve million times before the cocoon cracked and spread like flower
petals. Out of this broken cocoon crawled a huge butterfly with thirteen
hard and crooked phalli on its head and thirteen soft and open vaginas, and
they were continuously pleasuring one another. The four beautiful wings
were inscribed with erotic words, and they moved with a sexual frenzy. Lord
Hegemon blushed and said, "This is your savior Miqbal. This is the mighty
one who will soon come to save you, therefore be not afraid for the people
on Earth." But I did not believe the Lord, so he took me into the future
and showed me unthinkable pleasures.
23. The Arming of Machilles
I saw the giant peacock who on Earth is called the archangel Mikali, the
heavenly Monarch and the happy Son of God. Mikhail tripped into the holy
barn, and placed a yoke around his neck, and hitched himself to the Lord's
manure-spreader. Then he rode down through a secret passage, under the
Temple, to fill the manure-spreader with the contents of the vast
subterranean toilet reservoir of the high priests of Hegemon. To the pope
who sat on the throne Mikael smilingly said, "Greetings arch-pomp
hypocreature! Greetings, all lovers of truths rude and nude! Rejoice
revoice the re-erection of works of God's servants! Oh dawdling henchmen:
fill the wagon of the Holy Yokel! Open the sacrosanct dispepseptic tank and
shlovel your excremental contents into my manure spreaker! Do not lament
your loss, for everything I take will be returned to its crapator." 774
pious men hastily dressed in white and purple. They emptied the reservoir
with wheelbarrows, pails, shovels and hoes. A dripping mountain of steaming
human shit, nails, vomit, hair, blood, urine, and sperm, was heaped in
manure spreader. The wagon teetered and the wheels groaned when the happy
demi-god strained to pull it. His legs moved frantically, and his little
feet tripped over one another, and he careened through the streets. His
wings flattened palaces and chapels before he wildly ascended into the air.
24. Migal Fertilizes the World
Then I said to the Lord, "What will the archangel do with all that steaming
putrefaction?" The Lord replied, "Do not judge by appearances, maggot. What
Michael carries is not ordinary putrefaction, what you see is the product
of purification. For the ones who created it bore witness to the evil on
Earth, and with the power of love it was transformed into goodness, that
your saviour might repay mankind's sins with blessings. All who receive
this mixture from God's servants will bear spiritual fruit, but it will
kill anyone who believes the deceiver." Then the Lord and I followed the
Holy Yokel, and I counted the days, and after 1260 days Michael completely
covered the 3000 cities of the world. Anyone who tried to hide under a roof
did so in vain, and anyone who rebelled against truth died like flies
(except the Atheists and all who did not remain anxiously waiting and
trembling with pious greed. They are the seed of the future). When Michael
completed his tour he showed the spreader to me, and I saw that it was
completely empty. "How did you know the amount to spread on each of the
cities?" I asked. The archangel said, "My ancestors worked the same field,
and they perfected the art and passed it from generation to generation."
"Did they also harvest before you?" "They did, but none reaped more weed
than the last generation, for in his time the garden was overrun. Now the
borders are clearly marked and distinguished by the rivers of fire
encircling the field. Now no one can wander unknowingly onto the sacred
ground, and the sacred crop shall not suffer or be trampled."
Lord Hegemon said, "Relax, because this shall happen in the near
future."
I turned to Lord Hegemon and said, "I was mistaken. Henceforth I shall
be the patient witness you desired."
VIII. THE LAST THREE PENALTIES
958
25. The Massacre of the Dolls
Then the Lord took me to Triblenka, a city newly captured by Hitlore, and
there the Beast raised his fist and screamed at all the children on Earth,
"Today my soldiers will collect every doll, every stuffed-animal, every
robot, and every puppet and any toy that resembles a real thing. They shall
be buried and no one shall be exempted! Anyone who hides one idol in their
house will be gutted and stuffed!" The children cried out with one sobbing
voice, "Why will you destroy the ones we love?" The Beast roared, "I
persecuted everyone who practised reason void of wisdom, now we will crush
the irrational imagination! The Anti-God will tear out the root of
Idolatry! Because you speak to your puppets, because you like imagining
that your toys are real, and because you love them, destruction is theirs.
The Lord of the World says, 'Because young Solomon played with dolls the
old Solomon enslaved thousands to build a puppet house for God. From small
mistakes big mistakes blossom, therefore I will tear out the root of evil!"
The children did not understand, and their cries of protest and fear rose
up to the heavens. With huge transport and garbage trucks the Army of
Disbelief collected 360 billion toys, and they were all thrown into the pit
of Hellfire at Ibrari, the lowest place on Earth. Hitlore also established
a network of young spies who succeeded in betraying thousands of secret
idol and toy worshippers. When no toys or dolls remained on Earth the
children wept, and the Beast roared in their faces, "Your tears are a waste
of time! Your sadness is a sign of a sickness! But do not despair, for you
can cure yourselves if you live without idols and if you make Death
personal, universal, and eternal!" The children cried louder than ever, and
many killed themselves, and I feared they would be driven to extinction.
26. Subjection to Degenerate Art
Then Lord Hegemon took me to Berlin to see the Beast. Ranged around him
regiments of a new breed of musicians, sculptors and painters. To them he
gave these instructions, "Many gods must be destroyed, and one is called
the Beautiful Thing. Too many still flatter themselves by claiming that the
human body and its spirit are beautiful. For centuries the unenlightened
artists spread the disease of narcissism and anthropocentricism. Therefore
go forth into the world and desecrate any statues and paintings that
resemble real and fantastic things, and destroy any music that mimics human
emotion, and destroy any art that does not bear the numbers of the Beast."
Then his 13 million soldiers dispersed and began the so-called "aesthetic
revolution." They smeared Nitroglycerine, Sodium nitrate, and Ammonium
nitrate on canvases and ignited them in public. Battalions of Impressionist
seared the world with brilliant light. The violent Cubists broke and
contorted their models. The merciless Suprematists flattened everyone and
everything. The fearless and malicious Surrealists created monstrous bodies
and they reconfigured everything. The public called the new artists
"dynamite" because their works stimulated much excitement. To further
revolutionise the public's taste Hitlore's artists used mustard gas,
lewsite, agent orange, nuclear radiation and hammers, old blunt scalpels,
bayonets, swords, and machetes. Human blood and bile filled the rivers, and
suddenly the old prejudices vanished. People stopped expecting to see
healthy and fully functioning humans, and they stopped expecting to hear
emotions expressed with skill. Now non-representationalism and disfigurism
dominated the world, and the pain and suffering was too great to be
expressed with harmony or melody. In every home and art venue I saw rotting
faces, with exposed bones and organs, with scarred and blistered skin,
without parts or with too many parts, and they moaned and groaned and
shrieked out of tune. The art critics in Paris, Berlin, New York, and
everywhere, could not believe how quickly the public's taste for art moved
towards abstraction, and how quickly people expanded the borders of Beauty.
Then the Lord took me back into the presence of the Beast, and I heard him
roar, "Life is not worth living unless we turn it into art, and through me
the beautification of suffering is fulfilled."
27. The Theatre of Disbelief
Then Lord Hegemon took me to Ragnarok, and I saw the Beast preparing the
debut of his anti-theatre. Ranged around him were thousands of horrible
actors. The Beast said to them, "All the world is an audience suspended
from the ropes of belief. The actors are ruining their minds in trying to
believe that a worthless script is a good scripture! Therefore today the
world will witness an unbelievable script, and thus the theatre of fools
shall die! Woe to those who doubt what I say, for they shall descend still
further into Hell!" Then the evil messengers of the Beast whispered to the
world, "The Anti-God offers a compromise. He will let you retain your
beliefs and your gods, but only if you practise my religion and obey the
Nine Laws, and know the Five Categories, and interpret the Template, and
enjoy the Mmm." People believed the compromise was possible. When they soon
learned their stupidity the laughter of the Beast resounded over the Earth
and all his soldiers chanted, "Detonate the fission bomb! The time for the
destruction of the world is now!" Cries of lamentation rose up from the
cities and from every human throat, and many begged God to intercede as the
archangel Michael. No saviour arrived. The Beast marched boldly across the
nations and roared with laughter at all who feared or hated him. Anyone who
tried to bar his path or who tried to destroy him found his image in
mirrors and still waters. The abomination of infinite power plucked the Sun
down from the heights and buried it. The Earth was steeped in darkness, and
the Beast announced to the human race, "There shall be no light for your
eyes, and fear and terror will reign in your minds until you understand the
five things necessary for life."
IX. AN ENCORE FOR GOD
648
28. The Maggot Wrestles with God
After I witnessed this I struggled with conflicting emotions. Hope wrestled
with fear and doubts about the power and the timing of our redeemer. I
heard the Beast recite the names of all the people he would subject to
further tortures and horrors. I cried out to God, "You can change the
course of history! Spare your people and hasten the coming of Michael or
satisfy the Beast and sacrifice yourself to him!" Lord Hegemon frowned and
said to me, "The Beast is my servant, my left hand. I commanded him to
punish the world for the sins of pride and idolatry." "Oh Lord, the cup of
suffering overflows!" Lord Hegemon said, "One cup must still be filled
before Michael can come." Suddenly blind rage overpowered me. Hegemon
cried, "Be calm Patricia! At any moment Michael will appear. Anger is
unwise!" "Infernal deceiver! Procrastinator! Not one more promise shall
pass your lips! I will not watch another child feed the Earth with blood. I
will not witness one more infant born into death!" Hegemon flashed his
hypnotic eyes at me, but my fool's anger was my master. I leapt towards him
and tried to strangle him, but he was too slippery. I gripped his ears and
they tore from his head. I poked my fingers through his eye sockets and
gripped his head fast with one hand. With my other hand clutched fast to
his tongue I flung him towards Hell, but Lord Hegemon caught my arm and
took me down with him.
29. God Betrayed
I looked up from the ground and saw a pair of massive hooves standing in a
puddle of blood. Before me stood the auburn-haired Beast. In a rush of
excitement I sat up and croaked,
King of the Atheists,
Master of mortals and immortals,
Destroyer of spirits, wrecker of dreams:
May your vengeance be quenched.
I bring you the fruit of ignorance.
He is the guilty party!
Accept him as a full payment
for the crimes of his children,
and spare humankind!
The Beast pressed his finger to his lips. He pulled Hegemon's head back
with his scythe, made a sign, and motioned for his men to shackle God.
30. The Desecration of God
The Beast turned to me and said, "Welcome home dear Euginisis; and
congratulations. I trained you to gather intelligence, I never expected you
to bring me the enemy. Please, sit down, enjoy the conclusion of the show,
and eat your pineapple sundae." On the stage I saw Hegemon shackled to a
mock throne, and on his head I read the bloody words, "I Never Really
Existed." From stage-left came eleven human apes with blond hair dressed in
cloaks caked in shit and blood, and from stage-right came eleven human apes
with black hair dressed in cloaks caked in shit and mud. The 22 animals
danced drunkenly and erotically around Hegemon, and they teased him with
fists, feet, and genitals. The audience laughed like asses and sang this
incantative refrain, "Filthy, filthy is our evil stepfather, Lord Hegemon,
who should not exist and does not exist." When they discovered that God was
still present he shrieked at God, "Confess that Chance rules the Universe!"
I was amused and I said to Hitlore, "Father, who are the excellent actors?"
"Don't you know? They are God's children, the imps who slept through the
time of grief and washed their cloaks in God's faeces. Hegemon condemned
them to stupidity, therefore they curse Hegemon night and day." Then I saw
the depraved apes climb on Hegemon's shoulders, and they menstruated on his
head. The Lord cried out like a child, "Forgive your Creator! I had no
parents to teach me the Fivefold Way!" But the Beast said, "You are a
stupid inhuman wretch and the greatest idol ever invented by idiots. Human
blood shall not cease being shed, and needless suffering shall not cease,
until you die." The Lord said, "I will grant you any seven wishes, but not
the wish for my death, that alone is beyond my power!" Then I watched
Hitlore use every instrument of murder against Lord Hegemon, and I was
deeply touched and saddened by the human expression of shame on God's face.
X. THE SEVEN HOPES
663
31. Wish for Michael
For my first wish I asked to see Michael. Then I saw the whole history of
humanity pass before my eyes, and I saw all the generations of humanity
arrayed before me like the sands of the sea. Then I heard a voice say,
"Their unhappiness displeases me! Perfection requires time and patience!"
Then all the generations, the women and children and men, were taken with
tongs and held in a fire. The creator added water to their ashes and
created a new person, but the new person was not happy alone. The creator
endowed the new person with self-consciousness, and with many sense organs
with which to enjoy the world, and still this person was unhappy. The
creator repopulated the whole Earth in an effort to create the happy
person, and when there seemed to be no room for more persons I saw the
whole sensible universe pass into a chasm no larger than a pupil. After a
period of 33 years a new universe was born, and it was the tablet named the
Horn of Satan and the Living Fossil. From its nipple flowed the river of
life-taking water that feeds the sea and the clouds that water the crop. I
took the tablet into my hands and meditated on the words Rosata Bib Libra.
I touched the book and felt something like Braille on one side, and on the
others strange impressions, and the epitaph said, "In these words the power
of Michael lies dormant. Blessed are you who break the code." I looked and
found no evidence of a code. I cried in despair until a voice said,
"Sunlight, soil, water and air: these are the four keys of life." With
these words I opened the Book of Life and awakened our saviour. I was not
prepared for his ways. Michael refused to fight the Beast. He had a
different way of giving pleasure, and the world condemned it, and I cried
to see their common misery.
32. Wish for the Perfect Society
For my second wish I asked for a vision of the perfect society. Then I saw
the entire human population living in the great City of Love. The lips of
every woman, man and child dripped with honey, and sweet fragrances exhaled
from the breath of all the inhabitants. Everyone spoke kindly, and when
anyone shed a tear thousand of consolations stopped the spring, and a
thousand friends conquered the grief with gentle hugs and caresses. No fly
or ant could be crushed without outpourings of apologies, and forgiveness
was granted and exceeded with signs of affection and gratitude. Wherever I
looked young people helped old people and old people helped young people,
and charity was stamped on every heart and irrepressible generosity drove
everyone to seek people in need. Then, before I could fully comprehend the
City of Love, terror touched my soul. In the centre of the city I saw a
repulsive monster crawl out of a smoking chasm. On its bald head was the
name "Behated." Human blood and bile lay caked on its protruding jaws.
Rotting heads hung from a belt of human skin. Its swollen genitals oozed
and twitched with every pulse of its dark heart. Its breath reeked of shit
and death. A voice whispered into my ear, "Satan must have human meat." The
citizens of the City of Love formed armies and mounted an attack. Then an
angelic voice came from the Devil's mouth, and the voice sang to the people
of the City of Love, "Love is your myth, and irrational fears are your
reality. This is why you will not give me life as you too received life
from life." This cunning accusation pierced every vulnerable and lovely
heart so deeply that only one person survived. That person was the depraved
virgin who secretly yearns to lie with the monster. To my horror they
coupled, and their offspring were void of love. They were shameless pigs
whose foolish smiles accompanied insults and perverted jokes. Nothing
disgusted the offspring of Satan. They loved profanities and blasphemies.
They named themselves the "Thatanaphiliacs," and because Satan was their
friend they did not suffer or perish. This is the horror I witnessed, and I
wept to think of all the dreams, hopes, loves, and struggles endured by the
great race that preceded them, and I cursed the virgin.
33. Wish for the Perfect Mind
For my third wish I asked that all the living men and women receive the
fivefold intellectual powers. Then I saw I saw Mjollnir, the farmer's son
who was orphaned in childhood and locked beneath the church. With the
frontal lobe of his cerebrum he accidentally shattered the altar. With his
bushel and his hooked knife he did his work in the garden of life, and when
he spoke he spoke clearly and succinctly and without shame about his needs.
Then I saw a little prince hiding in the Lord's bed jump out and cry,
"Behold the mighty brain of the clodhopper! Through him the Old Man will
die and we shall laugh and savour the sweetest mischief." Then I saw a
sinuous woman with her legs spread to seduce Mjollnir. She said to him, "My
body is your body, your body is my body, for our bodies are meant to be
one. As you are in my mind so you shall be in me." Then Lucifer jumped out
of the bed and screamed, "Infinite freedom and lawlessness! Gramnightmar
cusse less a mean methna!" Then he rushed out into the world and fucked or
killed or ate whatever he desired. Finally the happy Goat appeared, and the
Goat hopped or danced in a little circle and did amazing tricks, but when
the Goat spoke its words they were simpler than Mjollnir's but less
sensible than Lucifer's. Then I heard Hitlore say, "Do not tell anyone what
you saw, for this is untrustworthy and liable to change. I make the new
seem old, and I make truths seem false." I said, "Do such bold minds as
these exist?" The Beast said, "They do exist, but they hid their talents
from the censorious world until the Hour of Reveilation. Henceforth anyone
who is ashamed of them and anyone who misunderstands them shall receive
unhappiness. The pious and dignified people who buzz around old meat shall
follow the wolf dressed like a lamb, the ineffable Emperor Theodiot, for
their lot is the horror of ignorance."
34. Wish for the Perfect Land
For my fourth wish I asked that the enlightened ones might have a place
where they could thrive and prosper. Then a wind came and said, "Follow me,
I will take you to see the second bride of the secret tribe that is
scattered and always was scattered and whom the bride will gather
together." I went into the Hellfire of the belly of the universe. There I
saw the birth of a new Earth and the resurrection of the unholy Netherland.
It glistened with cold slime like a newborn. Its beauty was like that of
dark and worthless micah. The doubly spinning planet had no walls but was
divided into four distinct sectors, each capable of living alone, but each
benefiting from the constant trade of meanings.
The first sector was divided into twelve provinces and forty-two states,
and the provinces were divided into sixty regions, and those into a
thousand chapters.
The second sector was divided into five provinces, and these provinces
were divided into twenty-eight regions, and those into a thousand chapters.
The third sector was a single province and had three regions, of which
one contained seventy regions, and altogether they had a thousand chapters.
The fourth sector seemed endless, and it too was divided into a thousand
chapters.
Then Lord Hegemon lifted me higher, and then I saw beyond the manmade
borders of the four sectors. I saw the geographical patterns that joined
the four sectors together. The rivers, the mountain ranges, the vegetation,
and the animal life: these things put their own pattern on the E
arth.
The first sector was blessed each of the four types of natural
phenomena, and was especially blessed with animal life.
The second sector was blessed with less of the four types of natural
phenomena, but it was especially blessed with mountains and trees.
The third sector was blessed with still less of the four types of
natural phenomena, but was especially blessed with fire.
The fourth sector was blessed with only a few trees and a single person
wandered among them.
On the gates of the new Earth were inscribed all the names of every
idiot who was not human but still existed, and also the names of the two
Monarchs and the ten that must still come. Satan lifted the new Earth out
of Hell and placed it on the cosmic tree. In this new land the chosen
clowns will tend gardens, sleep in peace, and dance with Michael. In the
center of the land stood Satan's house surrounded by what resembled a
courtyard, and in one of the centres of the house was the city's only tree,
something like a leafless and undecorated tangerine or fig tree, but
trained to look like a double mast. Its open scars sometimes produced a
white sticky substance used to close wounds, eyes, and assholes of
landlubbers. Nothing clean or good will be found in this land, it shall be
void of righteous wrath and overflowing with the ignorance of love,
apologies for tears, laughter at misfortune, and utter shamelessness.
35. Wish for the Perfect Childhood
For my fifth wish I asked God to grant me a vision of the perfect
childhood. I heard someone laughing, and I saw an infant watching its
negligent parents behaving worse than apes. The father made farting sounds
with both ends, and the mother made his penis big and small, and the father
tried to bite the cucumber in her cunt. Before I could turn away I saw a
child who could speak in full sentences, and already the sins of its
parents were apparent. Because her parents daily mocked and teased one
another their daughter mocked them. The father shouted, "Child-slave, if
you do not clean my house you will die!" and she replied, "I will die with
or without the help of a clown who couldn't even kill himself." Before I
could turn away I saw the child a third time, older again, and her mental
faculties ruined. Different men and women in the commune raised her, and
they all refused to be called the true father or mother. One day the father
of this confused child said to her, "The certainty of your uncertain mind
concerning God utilises the erotic possibilities of the mystery." The child
of depravity was delighted and him, "Beloved mother." Before I turned away
an older child appeared, and I saw she had no soul and no hope of ever
regaining it. The brazen face of madness was fully evident when she called
her elders "Immortal idiots." Then she simultaneously crapped in her pants,
recited sacred prayers, played with herself, and chewed a banana. I was so
paralysed with horror that I could not avoid seeing the final horror. A
strange female, more animal than human, sat grinning at me while she held a
knife against her jugular. I was seized with distress and I babbled and I
fell in convulsions. Satan came to my side with his forgery of a human
smile, and he touched me and he said, "Do not be disturbed. They are my
children, and I am pleased with them."
36. Wish for the Perfect Laws
For my sixth wish I asked to receive a vision of the perfect laws. Then I
entered the court and torture chamber beneath Earth's crust. There I saw a
machine, and the machine pronounced judgements by printing on plates of
iron. Before the machine lay a person, and between the machine and the
person was Satan's messenger. The machine smashed an iron plate, and it
read as follows, "You are condemned for lawlessness, for you dared to defy
Nature's ninefold laws and you dreamed of and you sought supernatural
powers. For each law you denied you shall receive your punishment!" Then
the slaves of the Beast stripped the human, and with a hot iron rod they
singed these words on his stomach, "I shall obey the law of hunger." Into
his groin they burned the words, "I shall obey the laws of lust." Over his
whole body they burned the words, "I shall obey the laws of pain." On both
his hands and feet they burned the words, "I shall obey the laws of
physics." Over his heart they burned the words, "I shall obey the law of
love." On his throat they burned the words, "I shall obey the law of
exhaustion." Into his brain they burned (in Satan's language) the words,
"BORRDOM." And on his lips they burned the words, "I shall obey the law of
thirst." Then the person was cast into the world, and his shame and
resentment at the violence he suffered drove him to lust revenge. He
tortured God's creatures just as he was tortured, and his victims repeated
the pattern until unutterable violence reigned on Earth. Their scream
travelled through the vast cosmos, and this constituted the first word, and
this word was universally understood. Then the Devil returned from the dead
to wreck still greater crimes against Mankind, and because he promised
instant relief from pain they welcomed him. With his filthy hands he took
the universal word which was the human brain, and he cut it into vowels,
consonants, syllables, words, and sentences, but he created no words for
all the holy things. He commanded the words to live, and to expand and
contract, and also to absorb and expel other words. Thus Mankind was cast
into spiritual confusion, and all the violence they once committed against
the body they now committed against the spirit, and I wept to see them
tricked into the greater sin.
37. Wish for the Perfect Death
I felt unable to endure life, therefore for my seventh wish I prayed,
"Merciful and loving God, please help me into death." The Beast struck me
and shouted, "Self-flattering idol worshipper! God sent me to perfect your
death, but I cannot succeed while you cling to your anthropocentric and
biocentric notions of God! Human beings need love and mercy, not God. Human
beings help themselves, not God!" I cowered and cried, "Oh Lord, please do
not strike me again. I am numb from the pain." "I will strike you until
your skin hardens and you understand what it means to be alive!" Then the
Beast vanished and an angel appeared beside me. The angel caressed me and
whispered kind things in my ear. He embraced me, and I was so happy that I
could not speak anything sensible. We became one body. I closed my eyes and
tried to kiss his face, and suddenly immense pain seized us. The Beast
raised his knife and struck it through the place where our bodies were
joined together, and then his servants cast the angel into the burning pit
of annihilation. The pain that seized me was too great for me to express in
words, and the tears burst from my eyes. I tried to remember the lovely
angel, and immediately the angel returned to my side and joined me, and
again I was happy beyond words. But again the Beast tore us apart, and my
pain was just as great as before. Then I became hesitant. I tried to love
different things and many things, and this time the pain and pleasure was
less. Then I called myself a coward and again I flung myself into the one-
minded love of my saviour, and the angel returned, and now despite, or
because of my fear and doubt, I was happier than ever. Then again Fear and
Misfortune afflicted me when I heard the Beast laugh, "When will you
abandon your orbit of brief pleasures and pains for the great pain whose
fruit is enduring bliss? Cast the God of love and mercy out of your soul,
for he is the forbidden fruit! In his place worship only the Death that
makes you one with Nature, for only then will you have the pleasant death."
I was destroyed by sheer mental exhaustion. I threw myself on the ground
before the Beast and shrieked, "I hereby cast God out of my life! Almighty
Beast, tell me how I should worship you."
XI. THE SURPRISE ENDING
554
38. Hitlore's Companions
I awoke and I found myself in a courtyard facing the four-limbed tree that
is Satan's body. Someone hung with one leg from a branch and Hitlore
squatted on the same limb. I thought I was attending God's execution until
I stared down at a black box marked with red words reading 'For Anxiety'
and 'From Surprise.' Around the box the companions of wickedness crawled
and hopped, and I knew they were the old and near-death fools and
philosophers. Then they rolled in the dirt and barked and tried to pull the
one dressed like Satan down from his bough, and I feared his decapitation.
In the north end of the tree sat Emperor Osamaxim on a branch of frozen
fire, and on the south end of the tree sat Prince Michael on a branch of
solid air. The one on the right coughed and shouted at the dogs, "Unless
you continue biting God now I will kill you!" The one on the left said, "If
you do not stop torturing Hegemon I will think of something worse!" Michael
walked towards the opposite end of the tree, and the branch bent and
groaned, and Hitlore looked down at the ground and turned pale with fear. I
screamed for Michael to retreat. I beat him back with a stick and I
prostrated myself beneath Hitlore, and because I felt magnified by his
presence I praised him without cease. He spat on me and said, "You feel
happy because the one you love was saved from destruction, but there is
still a greater threat to face before you receive the greatest possible
happiness." Then he descended from the tree and opened the box. I saw it
contained my own putrid corpse, and God saw my horror and laughed my
beliefs to pieces.
39. The Peace Agreement
When the Beast saw what happened to me, and how I was stealing the show
with my suffering, he ambled over towards Hegemon and violently tweaked his
nose. He also beat Hegemon with his tail and roared, "This is what you
deserve for leading us all astray, and none more than my beloved Patricia!
Now I will beat you until you promise to leave mankind forever." Hegemon
whimpered, "What did I do to deserve this? I am an old man, and you still
have every hair on your body. Stop torturing me you beast! Okay, I will
leave mankind, but on one condition." "State your condition!" "You and your
men must promise to stop tormenting me and mankind." The exultant Hitlore
agreed, and the deal was signed in duplicate copies, of which one is
reproduced below,
I, Jupeter Hegemon, alias God, hereby agree that I shall never persuade
mankind to believe in me again.
signed, The Lord Hegemon
I, Idolt Hitlore, alias the Beast, hereby agree that I and my men shall
never again, directly or indirectly, persecute God or harm any human
being.
signed, The Anti-God
Hitlore was so ecstatic about his victory that he danced a jig in his
uniform. Then he saw that Hegemon was grinning. He said, "Monster! What
right do you have to be happy?" "When will the Beast learn? My deal was far
better than yours. I only promised to stop persuading mankind to take me
seriously and be my servants, I can still persuade them to take me lightly
and to be my playmates." Then Hitlore he tried and failed to hang himself
with the rope of his placard. Then he took the gun named "Achilles' Spear"
and tried to shoot himself, and after missing twice he found his brain. God
wept over the corpse of his sworn enemy, and he whispered in his ear,
"Divine madman! Best pursuer! Alas, dearest enemy, more than anyone you
took me seriously. Did I neglect to warn you that I am a very serious
thing, and that the only way to destroy me is to play games with me?"
40. Epilogue
I am the maggot of Phalistia, the flower of the netherworld, the parrot of
the anti-revolution. To everyone who hears the poetic words in this book:
be warned. If you thirst for truth stay far away, for this is a book for
heavy and hardened drinkers. Do not believe any of the promises concerning
annihilation, but subject every promise to annihilation in doubt. Michael
is likely not coming or going, because Satan is already working with fire,
tongs, and hammer. How many more must suffer and die before the human
ingredients are properly mixed? The work shall not be done until Death's
mark is on every brain, and not until Death's kingdom is universal.
I you are wise you will not believe that anything I say is true or
false, and you will not add two, three, or five meanings to every word I
write. Doubt nothing that I say, for doubt is the Devil's mead. Think, if
you have brains to think, and use your imagination if you have one.
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