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Underground eXperts United File 603
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ Stained Hands ] [ By Joseph ]
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STAINED HANDS
poetry by Joseph
Stained hands that I can't wash enough
Peeing in the wrong direction
Most of the time
I close my door
And shut off the lights
Trying to make the most of it
A scent of my mother stays behind
Arguing with me
I don't care
Could not care less, to be honest
If I were to look out the window
A couple of inches to the left of me
Grey and red
A man is walking his dog
Alone
I guess I can't blame him
She was here a couple of hours ago
The scent I mentioned
Won't leave my apartment
It's beginning to make me nervous
Resting, leaning my neck against the red sofa
The stains on my hand still smells
I'm afraid I'm getting used to it
I had my doubt
There is no question about it
Though
Most of the time
There was flesh, nipples and wine
And happiness
Of course
It could have been better
It could have been worse
Of course
But still
After all these years
I see her smiling
Right back at me
And I imagine
The woman of all my nightmares
Holding my child
And smiling
Right back at me
While I was kind
Should I?
Stains left behind
Did I?
She made no sound
Had I?
I did leave some evidence
And I did leave my signature
In her
I guess I could
I guess I did
You looked at the pictures
You saw the remnants
I would not be surprised if you perceived me as vulgar
In fact
I expect nothing less.
Put face to face with some basic truths
I realised
That loneliness is in fact what I should expect
And nothing else
Coming to terms with it was not easy
Alcohol came and went
Women as well
Sometimes showing, most of the time - not
A surprised expression that daily meets me in the mirror
Perhaps more truthful than anything else
Staring back at me
With the disturbing question of:
Why and how?
I told him to shave, and he refused - of course.
Me, being disturbingly young,
was not in the position to make demands
But still
I tell myself it would have made a difference
But - I digress
While you were looking at me
I did feel a little something
I did notice
And it makes some of it worthwhile
Knowing that
You are
Watching me
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