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Underground eXperts United File 519
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ In The Western World ] [ By Laurence Overmire ]
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By Laurence Overmire
In the Western World
You will be judged.
For good or for evil, to win or to lose
One or the other
There is no other
In everything you do
We black and white you with our tongues
Lash you to the stake of our
Burning inadequacies
Guilt that must be flogged
Flames rising
To star our sleepless nights
Feed the demons who sit across
The Dinner Table
Making nonsensical conversations
We like to call "quality time."
Don't think you can escape
Be bigger than a sea that
Covers the bones of a mythic Atlantis
We carry the ark of a covenant
With a damning God
Jealous Creator of all men (and sometimes
Women) in His own image
Flawed, sinful, needing to be
Saved from His own unholy
Desires.
In the Western World
You will be judged.
Daily.
By every man, woman and child.
For good or for evil.
Winners and losers.
That's who we are.
Skulldoggerel
Slam my black ass
You white suckermothers
Screw me with your laser lips
Unjob me till my face turns blue
Make my living hell your heaven and
Moon me with your starry skies.
Then when you got me where you want me
Hit me hard, down and dirty
With that big, broad smile of your
Christian love.
Do it like you mean it, brother.
Then maybe I'll forgive you
When I get down off of this cross.
"Good Morning, Class"
Today's topic is
"Building a Human Body."
When creating anything, of course,
It's important to have lots of raw materials to choose from.
Let's see what we have here.
Ah, yes,
Saturated fats, fatty acids,
Packaged chemically altered dehydrated food stuffs,
Processed sugars, assorted oils,
A few waxy vegetables,
Lots of animal products and chemical fillers.
Wonderful.
So let's build this body from the ground up starting with the feet.
How about cereal feet, sugar sweet Cocoa Crunchy feet?
Good.
Now we need some ankles and calves on those feetà
Let's use veal.
Veal Oscar calves attached to
Sausage knees.
Now we need something substantial for the thighsà
Triple-scoop hot fudge sundaes with candied cherries, sprinklies and
salted nuts with Whipped cream.
Oooh, that's thunderous!
Uh oh, now this area here, the loinsà
Well, we'd really rather not make the loins.
They always have to be covered up anyway.
So let's just pretend they're not there.
Now, the buttocks is loads of fun to make!
It's a good place to put all these pork rinds, bacon drippings, ham
hocks,
And Aunt Millie's Old-Fashioned Peanut Butter Fudge.
There, now that's what I call a butt!
Okay, moving up to the waistlineà
Let's use this 10-topping double-cheese stuffed-crust pizza and
jumbo-sized soda pop.
That's good for a start.
Trowel please.
Thank you.
Now let's lay on some potato chips, french fries, mashed potatoes with
lots of gravy,
Careful, don't spill,
Some candy bars, pretzels,
And let's not forget this ice-cold twelve-pack of beer.
Good, good, good.
The torso's next.
We need meat, lots of meat
T-Bone, porterhouse, sirloinà
"This little piggy had roast beef, chicken wings and barbecue ribs!"
Isn't this fun!
There!
Oh, while we're up in this area,
We need a heart of some kind.
Dairy products are always good:
Fresh creamery butter, milk, cheese,
And for health reasons
Let's use lots of this salad dressing with a dash of lettuce.
Splendid!
Okay, the arms.
Spaghetti and tacos ought to do the trick.
Now finally, class,
We must top off our specimen with what?
You guessed it, a head.
That's why we saved all this hamburger.
We can scoop it and shape it any way we want.
Look how handsome our specimen is.
And we can pour on lots of ketchup and mustard
And piping hot chili sauce.
See, what a colorful character we have.
All done! We now present, our Human Body!
Why don't we give him a name?
Yes, you in the first row?
Hamburger Head, that's good.
Pardon me? A brain?
Yes, it's true that a normal human body would have a brain.
But we really don't have anything suitable to build one with.
But you know what?
Won't life be much simpler for our Hamburger Head if he doesn't have to
think?
Oops, time's up.
Class dismissed.
A Rainbow Has Blue in It
She had to live in a world with lots of bright colors
Yellows and oranges and rosy pinks
Where everyone smiled and said,
"Hello, how are you today?"
"Just fine, thank you. And you?"
"Oh, couldn't be better."
In her world, it never rained.
There weren't even any clouds.
Winter was banned, and summer was always moderately cool.
People didn't sweat or smell or say
Bad words.
Life was just peachy.
On the day of her funeral, there was a terrible thunderstorm.
Several tornadoes touched down and blew away
The pink and yellow flowers
And a big tree was ripped out by the roots
And fell right on top of her casket.
But then the sun came out.
Birds were singing.
And people say they even heard her son and daughter
Laugh out loud
For the first time in years.
Dowdy Won't Doody
She looks radiant today
What is it
I mean
Let's be honest she's had the
Dowdy, frumpy look for quite awhile
But
What is it that's different
A new hairdo? new lipstick?
It couldn't be a face-lift, could it?
No.
But I don't get it. She looks terrific!
What do you think it is?
I think they call it self-esteem.
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Laurence's biography: http://www.uXu.org/overmire.htm
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uXu #519 Underground eXperts United 1999 uXu #519
http://www.uXu.org/
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