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Underground eXperts United File 472
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ A Man And His Cat ] [ By Hedge ]
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A man and his cat
by Hedge (c) 1998
The other evening I was on my way home from work, using as always public
transportation. In this case I had ended up in an old, beaten up bus way
passed its best days. Roaring along the streets, sitting at the backmost
seat, i suddenly realized I wasn't alone there in the back. Barely visible
in the dim light of the setting sun, I saw a man sitting at very last seat,
to left of me. He wasn't alone either. Right beside of him, apparently very
relaxed, lay a cat. The cat was white, without so much as a single straw of
any other color, and posessed two very inquisitive bright yellow eyes, which
he showed of very sparingly to any of us two.
Well, I thought, goes to show that not all cats are alike. Had that been
my cat, I would have spent my journey chasing him up and down the bus, and
he would have been hysterical from the motion and noise of the bus. I found
it amazing how he had managed to find such a convinient cat to take care of,
living in a big city and all. I ended my thoughts about the strange couple,
and focused my interest on my newspaper instead.
While reading the paper, out of the corner of my eye, I realized that the
cat had started to move. It seemed like it wasn't very happy with the fact
that it had to hold on with its claws every time the bus turned. Moreover,
it seemed like it had set its mind on sleeping in the mans' lap.
"Woah!" the man hollered. "Go sleep somwhere else, cat! This is my lap,
and it is warm enough without you making it even warmer."
The cat apparently realized the logic in that,and settled once again on
the seat next to the man.
"Cats!" the man said. "Ever had one?" he asked me. Suprised by his sudden
question, I had to fumble with words for a short while before I finally
managed a "yes, yes, when I was a kid".
"Love this one", he said. "He is really clever. Even makes food for me."
Yeah, right, I thought. Another psycho cat-lover. Seen one, you've seen
'em all.
Nonetheless, there was something very odd about the man, and his cat.
Glancing to the left I started to make a small evaluation of the two. The
cat lay still now, and seem to be dreaming of somtething, paws moving and
everything. The man was another story. He smelled of beer consumed in large
quantities, he had a frayed jeans-jacket, out of which an unopened beer
bottle peered from one of the pockets. The jeans that accompanied his jacket
badly needed a wash, and his dirty sneekers had an aroma that vaugley
resembled the smell of an overcrowded dressingroom for icehockey players. He
had a distant look on his face now, seemingly thinking about nothing, and
from time to time he took a small sip from his opened beer bottle. I decided
to strike up a conversation.
"Is he always that calm?" I asked the man.
"Oh yeah", the man replied. "Going by bus doesn't bother him none."
"What if there is a dog on the bus, doesn't that stirr him up?" I
continued in my curiosity.
"Well, normally the dogs are interested, but after he tells them a little
about greek philosophy, they normally get too confused to even bother."
Now, this was getting really interesting.
"Greek philosophy?"
"Yeah, you know like 'everything floats', the words of Plato and stuff
like that", the man replied in a casual, dreamy voice.
"So," I asked, "is that in english, or?"
"Nah, he kind of speaks in a tounge of his own, but if you really listen,
you can understand him."
Apparently, the man was either delirious, or one of the many cranks that
had been denied treatment by the government in the past years. Not wanting
to let him off the hook so easily, I carried on my interrogation.
"How about you", I asked. "Are you familiar in Greek philosophy?"
The man just stared at med with unblinking eyes, slowly moving his lips.
A small drip of beer made its way down his beardstubbled cheek. At that
time, I became aware of the cat opening his eyes. He had focused on me, and
gave me a really uncomfortable stare.
As I watched the cat watching me, I suddenly heard a small, very delicate
voice in my head.
"You shouldn't bother him with questions like that. You know very well he
can't answer them", it said. "Why don't you go after someone your own mental
size instead?"
A cold chill suddenly raced down my arms, as I began to realize the fact
of being in the midst of a supernatural event. Was it the cat, or was there
something else speaking to me?
The voice interrupted me.
"It's me, the white cat-like figure in frot of you."
After a short while, convincing myself of my own sanity, I asked aloud:
"How come you are familiar with Greek philosophy?"
The cat replied: "I know all sorts of philosohy. As a matter of fact you
stumbled into us just after we had been to the university. Fascinating
lecture by the professor by the way. He brought up the discussions about
consequentialism. Really worthwile actually."
"They let you inside the lecture hall?"
"Well, you see," the cat responded, "sometimes its very handy to be a
cat. My keeper simply brings me along, and then I act up the whole registry
of nice cat-manners towards the prettiest ladies there, and that's it."
"Who does the talking? You or him?"
The cat made a small frown, and narrowed his eyes a bit.
"Him!? He doesn't even know how to take care of himself. I aquired him
just after he had been thrown out of the mental hospital. I must say he is a
real asset. Doesn't ask any questions, doesn't know what goes on at all half
the time. I run his life according to my needs, and he seems to be content
with that."
"Are there more cats like you?"
He looked at me with really friendly eyes.
"All of us. Not all are lucky enough to get such a good keeper as I have
though. If you ever wondered why feeble minded, old or indecisive people
have cats, you should understand it by now, shouldn't you?"
"I guess so", I replied. "But how come..."
"That question will have to wait", the cat interrupted me. "This is where
we get off."
All of a sudden, the cat poked the man with one of his claws. The man
looked up, and started to rise. The cat climbed up, and lay down on the
mans' left shoulder. As they made their way towards a large apartment block,
I could clearly see how the cat was pointing the way for the man.
Just before the bus closed its doors, I could see how the cat let himself
be petted by a girl. He then turned his face to me and the voice came back.
"See," he said, "it's as simple as that!"
The sun went down as the bus approached my stop. When looking at my own
reflection in the window, I realized that what I'd learned wasn't really a
surprise to me.
Somehow, I had always known.
"Funny how it all falls away..."
(Pulp)
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uXu #472 Underground eXperts United 1998 uXu #472
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