Underground eXperts United File 408

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Underground eXperts United

 · 5 years ago

  

 
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                         Underground eXperts United 

                                 Presents... 

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         [  Pills  ]                                 [  By The GNN  ] 

 
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Even though all technology needed is available, modern science has yet not 
been able to reduce 'emotions' to physical states in the brain with the 
clarity and precision needed for proving their objective existence. Due to 
this, we have no clear definition of the phenomenon 'emotions' and ought 
therefore (in accordance with the scientific method) conclude that they do 
not exist. This conclusion, however, does not entail a demand for apathy. 
Thanks to the latest research by the pioneer of medical chemistry at the 
uXu lab, we are proud to present to you the final solution: 

 
                               < P I L L S > 

                           invented and abused by 
                                The GNN, M.D. 
                   university of Dual Crew-Shining and uXu 

 
   <The Aware Pill>  Put this wonderful piece of chemistry into your 
   body and you will soon fully grasp the Cartesian meaning of cogito 
   ergo sum. Yes, forget the hard work of filling your tabula rasa 
   with meaningless experiences just for the sake of understanding the 
   notion of 'I'. This pill will get you down to business of seeing 
   yourself as a separate part of the world. 

 
   <The Love Pill>  For economical and social purposes it is often 
   necessary to engage in certain interpersonal relations of the 
   monogamous form. With the help of this wonderful drug, you need 
   not waste expensive time tracking down that particular person your 
   selfish genes finds acceptable as a reproduction partner. Consume 
   the Love Pill with a friend, and all your problems on this matter 
   will be solved. 

 
   <The Sex Pill>  What can be more revolting than using the sewer 
   system of your body for gruesome physical activity with your 
   equally filthy partner? (Rhetorical question, no answer expected.) 
   Nothing. But with together with this pill, you will actually 
   experience this dirty activity as 'wonderful' - believe it or not! 

 
   <The Anti-Love Pill>  For economical and social purposes it is often 
   necessary to stall certain interpersonal relations of the monogamous 
   form. Forget anxiety, depression and the seemingly endless fights 
   through the night. With this pill, you and the devil reincarnated 
   you have married can break up without actually speaking to each 
   other. 

 
   <The Work Pill>  The industrial revolution left mankind with quite 
   a bunch of tiresome, barbarous, pointless and generally quite boring 
   occupations. But now! Forget self-deception! Forget alienation! Just 
   eat this little product, and work will never be the same again. In 
   no time, empty sentences like 'I love my job', 'I have great 
   workmates' and 'I really feel that I am doing something important' 
   will flood out of your mouth whenever someone dares to question your 
   socially accepted waste of life. 

 
   <The Creativity Pill>  This magic portion will give you all the 
   inspiration you need to create works of art. Forget sleepless nights 
   trying to come up with a good short story, screenplay, novel, tune, 
   symphony, painting, poem, whatever. Just consume this little 
   medication and experience how knowledge, wit and inspiration crashes 
   into your empty mind. This is probably the most popular pill of them 
   all, believe me. I am on it right now. 

 
   <The Fun Pill>  Sometimes, we all need to let loose of our primitive 
   feelings down at some bar or discotheque. Unfortunately, this is 
   virtually impossible due to our inability to clearly define what 
   this thing called 'fun' is. But with this you-know-what, it is not 
   impossible anymore! (Please note: this pill was formerly known as 
   d-lysergic acid N,N-diethyl amide; United States Patent Office, 
   no. 2,736,728; patented February 1956; patent owned by The Albert 
   Hoffman Foundation.) 

 
   <The Final Pill>  For economical, social and genetical purposes it 
   is sooner or later necessary to put an end to all of your problems. 
   Get ready for the final ride! Throw this little thing down your 
   throat, wait a couple of minutes, and suddenly - like magic - it is 
   all over! 

 
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 uXu #408              Underground eXperts United 1997              uXu #408 
                        remember to brush your teeth 
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