Underground eXperts United File 307

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Underground eXperts United

 · 5 years ago

  

 
                                ###     ### 
                                 ###   ### 
                      ###   ####  ### ###  ###   #### 
                      ###    ###   #####   ###    ### 
                      ###    ###    ###    ###    ### 
                      ###    ###   #####   ###    ### 
                      ##########  ### ###  ########## 
                                 ###   ### 
                                ###     ### 

                         Underground eXperts United 

                                 Presents... 

         ####### ## ##      #######     # #   ####### ####### ####### 
         ##      ## ##      ##         #####  #    ## ##   ##      ## 
         ####    ## ##      ####        # #     ####  ##   ##     ## 
         ##      ## ##      ##         #####  #    ## ##   ##    ## 
         ##      ## ####### #######     # #   ####### #######   ## 

         [ Losers' Guide To Becoming A Successful... ]  [ By Joseph ] 

 
    ____________________________________________________________________ 
    ____________________________________________________________________ 

 

              Losers' guide to becoming a successful intellectual 
                                     or 
                  'why ugly guys get the fine-breasted girls' 

                              written by Joseph 

 

 
Does any of the following apply on you; 

   People consider you boring? 
   Your friends rip you off because they think you're such a looser? 
   You've never got laid? 
   Behind your back people laugh and call you a computer nerd? 
   Even your mother think you are ugly? 
   The muscles in your right hand are far more developed than in your left? 

   Uhhh - are you a geek or what?  Naaah, just kidding, please continue 
reading. Just sit back and read this guide on how to become an intellectual, 
a foolproof way to get women (read; girls).  For some years now I've been 
watching my fellow students and some of my friends' behavior at school, and 
at various bars and parties. This led me to draw some of the conclusions I'm 
about to share with you. Don't worry about your friends finding out that all 
of your sudden changes in your personality originates from reading this 
file, you're just about to give them the finger - and score a lot more than 
they *ever* did! 
   Down to some serious business.  The first and perhaps the easiest step to 
become an intellectual is to stop cutting your hair. It doesn't matter that 
much how your hair actually looks, as long as the opposite sex can see that 
your are growing it. The second is a tad bit harder: buy a guitar. No, I'm 
not turning you into some nerdy musician - trust me.  Learn to play two or 
three songs, that's enough. I'll tell you why later.  Your third step is 
to find a small cafe where girls between the age of 16-20 hang out. The 
kind of girls you're looking for is the type that hardly ever speaks in 
school, and when they do - the words coming out of her mouth is likely to 
have something to do with Sartre, Kafka or some political crap they've 
heard to be "political incorrect".  You know the type, the ones that later 
in life becomes secretaries, bored wives or leaders of the women's lib. 
   Get some books by Kafka and move to the cafe. Mingle, talk with people 
(as many as you can.) After some time you've got yourself a couple of 
friends. Now it's time to dump your old friends. Perhaps this sounds a bit 
cruel, BUT IT IS NOT! Simplest thing you can do is to stop calling them - 
you'll see that they never wanted to hang with you anyway.  Soon you'll find 
out that the only thing you have to do to get these girls in bed is to talk 
about 'how women has been mistreated through the years,' or basically just 
tell them that 'they've got a brilliant intellect' and you would *love* to 
meet them again to learn more. Ha ha. This very much resembles the usual 
picking up procedure, the difference being that it doesn't matter that much 
how big muscles you've got or if your face looks like a meatloaf.  The only 
things you have to keep in mind is to; 

       a)  Always act as if you are someone *really* special 
       b)  Only listen to classical music or to the new "British pop"-crap 
       c)  Wear the latest British pop-nerd clothes 

   Ohh. Erm... About the guitar, that's your last resort. If everything 
else fails, and the girl you are trying to pick up is not at all receptive 
to your lines - tell her that you are playing in a band or that you are 
writing some new political tunes for your guitar. I promise, she'll be all 
over you in no time. 

 
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 uXu #307              Underground eXperts United 1996              uXu #307 
                    Call SOTH'S DOMAIN -> +1-401-463-8889 
 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------