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Underground eXperts United File 246
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Underground eXperts United
Presents...
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[ A Slight Miscalculation ] [ By The GNN ]
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"A SLIGHT MISCALCULATION"
by THE GNN/DualCrew-Shining/uXu
Dedicated to the nearest Pentium processor.
Winston had travelled in time. But he came back to his present time five
minutes too early. When he opened the round door to the time machine and
looked out, he saw himself.
"Fool!" Winston-outside-the-time-machine screamed to
Winston-inside-the-time-machine.
"I must have done a slight miscalculation." Winston mumbled as he
stepped out and placed his bare feet on the cold floor in the basement,
closing the door to the shiny capsule behind him.
There was a short moment of uncomfortable silence.
"Seen my shoes?" Winston-from-the-time-machine asked and looked around.
"Listen, I have only one pair of shoes! And I use them right now!"
"This complicates things..."
Winston One (the man who just came out from the machine) looked at
Winston Two (the man who used the only pair of shoes) and sighed. Then he
sat down on a nearby chair and buried his hands in the face.
"What a mess... " Winston One said.
"You are sitting on my chair!" Winston Two claimed.
"It is my chair too!"
"Whatever. Very well... you better solve this situation somehow!"
"Do not forget that you are talking to yourself." Winston One muttered,
still holding his head in his hands.
They decided to have a cup of coffee before they tried to figure out how
the embarrassing situation ought to be solved. Winston Two went to the
kitchen, and came back five minutes later with two hot cups.
"Sugar?" Winston Two asked.
Winston One did not reply. The answer was obvious.
"Oh, yeah, right... I never use sugar nor milk..." Winston Two
remembered.
They drank the black coffee, staring at each other as if they were
enemies.
"Where is my... our wife?" Winston One asked, looking at the ceiling.
"Belinda is not at home (thank god)", Winston Two said and quickly
gulped down the last drop from the cup.
"True." Winston one said and recalled that she was still at work.
The door to the capsule swung open. Winston Three stepped out, looking
around for a pair of shoes to cover his bare feet with. Then he saw the
others.
"I must have done..." Winston Three begun.
"...a SLIGHT miscalculation!" Winston One and Two concluded.
After a couple of minutes more, Winston Four arrived.
Belinda came home two hours later. She opened the door to the basement
and almost lost her mind when she was greeted by twenty-six Winstons.
"Hello sugar!" they shouted.
"Winston!" she yelled.
"Yes, love?" they all answered.
"What the (curse) have you (yet another curse) done?"
"It was not my fault!" they all replied (including the newly arrived
Winston Twenty-seven).
Violently, she closed the door to the basement. The Winstons sighed.
They had a little conference, trying to figure out what to do. Four
more Winstons arrived.. Winston Nine suggested that the machine ought to
be destroyed. Winston Twenty claimed that everyone ought to kill
themselves (except him, since he was the REAL Winston). Winston Five
agreed with Winston Twenty, but added that he was the one who ought to live
since HE for sure was the real Winston. Winston Five and Twenty started to
fight, while Winston Eleven screamed that they all ought to put themselves
to death (and he was gladly going to do it for them (he promised that he
would kill himself too, when everybody else was dead, but naturally no one
believed that obvious lie)). Winston Six raised his hand and wondered why
no one had yet pulled the plug of the machine. No one answered. Nine more
Winstons had arrived. Winston thirty-nine asked for a pair of shoes.
Winston Two turned the machine off. No more Winstons arrived.
"Good work!" Thirty-nine Winstons shouted and did thumbs-up to Winston
Two.
Suddenly Belinda carefully sneaked the door to the basement open again
and peeked inside. This time forty Winstons greeted her. With a little
shriek she quickly slammed the door shut. Winston Eight tried to make a
rush for the stairs, but was stopped by two other Winstons (Seven and
Nineteen), who taught him a little lesson with their knuckles.
"Enough!" Winston One screamed to the three fighting Winstons.
The basement was very tight. The forty Winstons almost had to stand on
each other.
"We cannot continue this ridiculous game any more!" someone said
(probably Winston Twenty-one).
"Of course not, but what the hell are we supposed to do?" Winston Nine
commented.
No one answered. That was not surprising. Of forty different people,
one might come up with a great idea that no one had thought of - but not
when the the forty people were the same individual.
After a short while, Winston Two said: "Perhaps we could just..."
He cleared his throat, indicating that he had the solution.
"Perhaps we could just forget about this intermezzo? Leave this
basement and all live normal lives in this time? That is..."
Winston Two was interrupted by laughter.
"I do not believe Belinda will fancy forty husbands." said Winston One,
Eighteen and Twenty at the same time. "Even though she has announced some
strange sexual desires lately, I can hardly think this is what she had in
mind..."
"Oh please!" Winston Thirty said, clearly annoyed.
"Not to mention our boss...", Winston Eleven continued, "would he find
it amusing to pay thirty-nine more people?"
"We are in real trouble." Winston Three muttered.
"Nay, YOU are in trouble," Winston Four said, "Because I am the real..."
Yet another fight started. This time Winston Eight, Nine and
Twenty-five attacked Winston Four. During the chaos someone accidentally
pushed Winston Thirty-six, who banged his head into the 'on' button of the
machine.
A familiar face, Winston Forty-one, immediately opened the door and
stepped out.
"Hello!" he said with a jolly voice.
"Hello..." forty tired people answered with one voice.
Winston Forty-one realized the situation.
"Oh," he grunted, "I must have done a slight..."
"Further information not necessary..." Winston One explained.
Winston Fourteen was about to turn the machine off again, but Winston
Five stopped him.
"What are you doing?" Winston Fourteen asked.
Winston Five did not answer. Instead, he climbed into the capsule.
Before he closed the door behind him, he said with a calm voice: "Turn it
off when I have left. I am tired of this mess. I am off to the beginning
of the century. I think I will like it there."
There was a humming sound from the machine, then he was gone. Winston
Fourteen grabbed the new opportunity.
"I will leave for the dark ages! Present time sucks anyway!"
Yet another humming sound. Winston Fourteen was gone too.
Half an hour later, thirty-eight Winstons had left the basement for
different, carefully chosen, parts of history. Three left; Winston One,
Two and Thirty.
"Where did you plan to go guys?" Winston One asked. "I thought
about..." He smiled and got a dreaming glance in his eyes. "...the
fifties."
"Go ahead." Winston Two said. Winston Thirty nodded.
Winston One left. Winston Two and Thirty looked at each other.
"What about Belinda?" Winston Thirty asked with a worried face.
"Do not worry. I will stay. I mean, I was the one who was here first.
Go ahead."
"Thanks! Time of misery and plague - here I come!"
Winston Thirty was gone. Winston Two quickly turned the machine off.
He felt relieved.
The door to the basement opened once again. It was of course Belinda.
"Is this darn circus over now?" she yelled.
"Yes."
"Good!" she continued, sounding like a witch from a very warm place .
"Perhaps Mister Science will take care of the (curse) garden, wash the
(even worse curse) car, clean the living room, make dinner and act like a
(incredible strong curse) NORMAL husband then!"
The door slammed shut, but opened again after two seconds.
"... and for christ sake, get that (curse) (curse) (curse) device,
machine, thing, whatever, out of MY house!"
The door violently closed again. This time it stayed shut.
Winston sighed, mostly because he had not breathed while she talked.
Then he turned the machine back on, opened the capsule and made his way
inside.
"Belinda will not miss me," he giggled, "I believe she will for sure get
enough. Ancient time, here I come!"
Then he was gone.
When Belinda returned to the basement, ready to teach her lazy husband a
hard lesson in manners, fifteen Winstons asked her if she had seen a pair
of shoes around.
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What on earth happened to a writer called Sarlo?
Someone ought to know. Meanwhile, CALL THE STASH!
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This is the final countdown.
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uXu #246 Underground eXperts United 1995 uXu #246
Call METALLAND SOUTHWEST -> +1-713-468-5802
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