Underground eXperts United File 040

eZine lover (@eZine)

Published in 

Underground eXperts United

 · 5 years ago

  

 
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                         Underground eXperts United 

                                 Presents... 

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         [  Depression  ]                             [  By The GNN  ] 

 
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                                 DEPRESSION 
                             by THE GNN/DC/uXu 

 
  It's 2.10 in the morning. I'm looking at the screen. My hands are typing. 

 
                       DON'T READ THIS FILE! 
                      ----------------------- 

  This file doesn't contain anything interesting! It was written because 
i'm so fucking bored at the moment. I had to do something. And I did 
this, yes, this, another file, completely uninteresting. Just a journey 
through the deepest boredom found on planet earth... 

  How bad can life get? School begins tomorrow after the x-mas holiday... 
The Chief is gone for a whole year and closes Info Addict during that 
time... My phone bill is rated "roof buster" and will send my modem to 
hell when my parents sees it... I can't get rid of my ugly girlfriend... 
I live in a small town in the middle of Sweden a long way from any 
kind of civilization... 

 (etc etc) 

    CAN LIFE GET ANY WORSE? 

                            (no) 
   
  Sometimes I think of start smoking...just to have something to do. 
Or why not build an unstable explosive? Just to feel that i'm alive. 
If i had a gun I'd place one bullet inside it and play russian roulette. 

  JUST TO FEEL THAT I'M STILL ALIVE! 
                             
However. 

  I don't know if anyone is reading this. I write files, I send them to 
The Chief and he sends them to the other side of the Atlantic. And? 
Of course, he tells me now and then that they are being dowloaded but 
so what? That doesn't mean that anyone is reading this file. 

  Do You believe in "god"? 

  I don't. But sometimes I think of it. Just to have something to do. 
Freud once said the the biggest sickness of the human race was that he  
preferred to believe in non-existing things. To feel safe. 

  I believe in Freud. 
  I believe in myself. 

 
  I think of spraying myself with tear-gas.  

  I don't know why. 

  I think of throwing acid into my face. 

  Oh, if society only was ruled by anarchy! Then I would be free. 
You say "Idiot, doesn't he understand that democracy is the ultimate 
freedom!". Is it? I mean, we are forced to go to school. We are forced 
to get a job. We live and we die. But what do we do? 

  NOTHING! 

  We do as we are told all the time! You think you are free, free to  
"plan" your life. Wrong! You don't choose to go to school. You don't 
choose to get a job. You just do it because that's what everybody else 
is doing and that must be the right way in life! (?)  

  End of this crap. I hate politics. Especially when people think I'm 
talking about it. I am not! I am talking about anarchy - a life WITHOUT 
any politics, no democracy, no left, no right... just plain life. 

  Well...I suddenly remember something nice. Phearless is opening his 
board later this week. Could be interesting to see what will happen. 
Will he be raided by the police the first day or will they wait until 
he feel secure? You never know. Ha-ha. (low budget humor, another proof 
of extreme depression). 

  I'm looking at my modem. Maybe it's time to upload this file now and go 
to bed and sleep? No...then time would fly. I must take care of these 
few golden hours before school starts again. 

  Or maybe...maybe I just should clear this file and forget all about it? 

  But I remember. I remember once when a drunk old man asked me what I  
did "in mah schpare ti-time?". I said "I write".  

  He looked at me and continued "Ah...scho you are writing...writing a 
...book (hic!)? That's interesting!" 

  "No. I'm just writing..." 

  "Ah...", he said. I walked past him and away. But he turned around and 
talked to me again.  

  "But kid! Remember to schow people (hic!) what you write! It's not 
healthy to write things and then hi-hide it!" 

  I think he was right. Always remember: 

       "It's not healthy to write things and then hide it" 

                                          
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         XXX  ONLY OPEN ON WEEKENDS FROM JAN 10 -> DEC 24 1992  XXX 
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