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Twisted Young Minds Expand 022
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|| T.Y.M.E. - Twisted Young Minds Expand || #22, by vrs || 10/22/94 ||
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On the Road Again...
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Well, for the past two days, I've been working with my father. Yay. I
have been trying to pay off the phone bill my BBSing likes to rack up. So
here i am, at 5:30 in the morning, freezing my ass off, on the floor of my
grandparents living room, half out of my sleeping bag, and my grandfather
comes in cheerily and says 'Time to get up!'
(Under my breath 'bite me')
'C'mon, you and your father have a big day ahead of you!'
('Yeah, twelve and a half hours of work. Great weekend.')
So he drags my dad out of bed next, and slams out a pot of coffee in about
two minutes. Amazing. The only person I ever saw do it that fast was myself,
when my dad would wake up looking like a bear and smelling like a horse.
BAM. Out came the coffee. But anyway..
Driving to the swim meet (they start VERY early), we almost got lost once,
and then the goddamn idiots at the pool decided to lock the gate so we
couldn't get in and get our shit together. So we wait. I am staring out the
window trying NOT to fall asleep, and Dad falls asleep. SNOOOOOORE... comes
out of the lump of flesh on the seat beside me.
Car drives up. Parks next to us. TAP TAP TAP on the window I go. 'Dad!
Get up! Guys here with the key!' So we get in, set up, and of course the
entire fucking competition doesn't start until an hour afterwards. Bleh.
This world sucks. So here I am, waiting on picky people, fumbling with loose
change some godforesaken lady dropped and blamed it on me, all the while
muttering under my breath 'She ain't worth the trouble, she ain't worth the
trouble...' waiting on some chick that asks us to hang on to two hundred
bucks worth of shit, and then she comes back with two dollars and says 'This
is all my mom would give me. Argh. So i go back and put every little piece
of shit she dragged out BACK on the rack for the next 13 year old with no
tits to grab. (I swear, all these swimmers have NO tits whatsoever <Girls,
not meant to offend, just an observation.>)
So here I am, hanging swimsuits, and this lady comes up and starts yelling
at me. 'I THINK YOU OVERCHARGED MY DAUGHTER ON HER GIFT CERTIFICATE.' Who,
me? Not likely. I avoid helping people like the plague. If i do, i pretend
they have no faces. The old people make me want to puke, the little kids
make me want to pick them up and choke the shit out of them, and the hella
fine (i think there were TWO of these) chicks i tried not to stare at until
they turned around and i could see their butts. (No tits, remember?)
So i direct the whiny old bat to my father, and watch as the (poor? nah.)
man tried to cope with the shit. He totals everything up again, and finds
he DID miscount, and was a whole six cents off. At this, the damn lady takes
her stuff, says, 'oh i'm SOOO sorry. My mistake' and flounces off only to
crash into this skater chick that most likely would have bashed her face in,
except she prolly didn't want to get thrown out.
God. I get to three thirty, suriving on soda and trips to the pisser, and
then as soon as i am SO glad to get the fuck out of there, a bunch of little
six and seven year olds came barreling at the van where all are stuff was
DEMANDED i drag out the t-shirt.
SLAM (the trunk door). 'Fuck you. Come back tomorrow.' Girls go whining
off to thier coach, and fortunatly Dad peels out before the irate muther-
fukker comes back to complain about his crying swimmer who prolly won't
place in her event blah blah blah...
I'm probably gonna catch it from him tomorrow...
So we drive to Grandma and Granddad's house. Takes a half hour. Immediatly
switch cars and drive to see GREAT Grandma who had a stroke recently. So we
sit and talk and i'm happy to leave and then the FATTEST FUCKING MUTT comes
running at me and almost knocks me over. Looked like the fat fuck had
swallowed three cats. Tigers, maybe.
Get back, eat dinner, help Grandaddy set up his new USR14.4 etc. etc, and
he reveals he spent an hour with his computer genius friend trying to get it
to work. Turns out it was his friends fault for not setting up his damned
modem correctly the first time. So i talk Granddad through it, tells him
to tell the other dude, and climb into the shower.
Came back out, and started this text. Great day, huh? I bet tomorrow will
be even better. Mom is recovering from my little sister slumber party. I bet
she'll take her bad mood out on me.
I can't wait until I move out.
Day Two
God damn mutherfukking dingdong shiteatin crockpot of dogshit. I HATE
these weekends! Get up at 5:45 AGAIN. Lay there until dad comes in and flips
on the light. Don't you hate it when parents do that? You can't see with the
light on, so you leave it off and walk easily through the dark, and someone
comes in an turns on the light. Argh. So i get back up to turn on the light,
and i trip over my shoe and slam my face into the computer. Ow. So i get
dressed and step outside to meet with my dick falling off from the cold.
Get in the car. Pull out.
'Did you get the sleeping bag?'
'I thought YOU got the sleeping bag.'
Drive back, get it, waking up Grandad and pissing him off... Yay.
Get to the meet. Set up. Wait on bitchy people until i figure, 'Fuck this'
and walk outside so that i can go to the comic shop and check out more Magic
cards. (I'm back in the game, BTW..) Get back, pretend i haven't bought any-
thing and get dad to spend another twelve bucks on the game. I got chicks
staring at my hair all damn day, and a few commenting. One, the one who
holds everything and buys nothing, comes up and stares me in the eyes for a
full minute, and then walks off laughing. Damn people.
Fine chick with tits (ohmigod one has TITS) comes up and comments on my
hair. (ask power rat about that one.) Another comes up and stares me in the
face for a full minute before walking off laughing. Damn fool.
I am helping a kid figure out with fifty cents plus fifty cents equals,
and this hella fine CHICK WAS MASSIVE KNOCKERS (don't meam to be sexist or
anything, just letting out my thoughts on phosphorous) comes up and wants
to buy a swimsuit. Nice skimpy one, too. So she pulls off her sweatshirt,
revealing the competition swimsuit she has underneath, and one part comes
away from her chest at the same time. Nice View! Damn! So Dad walks up RIGHT
then and wants me to help some whiny old fart bitch who wants to buy a $70
swimsuit with a credit card! Argh. Talk about disappointments...
So I'm helping this old bat and she comes up with this to say:
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING! DON'T CHARGE ME TAX YOU ALREADY CHARGED TAX! (i had
fucked up and had to start over on the calculator) OH WAIT, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT I HAVE A GIFT CERTIFICATE! CAN I USE THIS (without waiting for an
awnser) OH GOOD WELL THEN I WILL USE THIS THEN... WHAT ARE YOU DOING??'
(enter fiction)
'Shutup you stupid bitch! i'm doing this as fast as i can, and with you
nagging me like you're my mother DOESN'T make it any faster!'
(exit fiction)
(enter reality)
'Yes, ma'am,' I mumble, seething underneath. Damn broad starts complaining
and then Dad walks up. (Thank God) 'Can i help with something?'
So he walks me through something i would have already been done with if it
weren't for that naggy whore, and I wander off to take out my frustration
with this cunt on a locker in the locker room.
Got home.. listened to my little sister brag about her new CD player.
Get pissed off. Walk into parents room : 'So how come she gets a new CD
player and you can't get enough to fix mine?'
Stupid little tramp gets a $250 system and my parents are too cheap to
fix mine, which has been broken for six months.
Argh.
I can't wait to move out.
vrs
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