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Toxic Shock 042
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presents
People You Meet In Elevators
by Gross Genitalia
Toxic File #42
Centre of Eternity 615.552.5747 HQ of Toxic Shock and The Esoteric Society
[TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS]
Well hell I'll go to set a record. Seems Toxic hasn't been very active,
and I pray I can do better than my last 3 or 4 files. Kinda something to do
while bored. But think of the less obvious. Do you often take for granted
the people you meet in elevators? Of course, hey they're people too...
Don't you often get this creepy feeling when you're in the elevator with
a group of people...that you're BETTER than they are? Yeah, you think to
yourself "Yeah bastards, quit staring at me you losers cause I'm the only
person on here with a life" and then <DING> it's your floor off you go and
never give a second thought to it. Stop and think, I imagine they feel the
same about you as you do about them. Wouldn't ya like to crawl into their
minds and see what THEY'RE thinking?
A fun thing to do to fuck with these people, before you even meet them,
is to hold the elevator on the top floor for five minutes then let loose
and ride down to the floor of the angry bastard(s). It's a lovely, welcoming
feeling to have the door slide open and gaze into a crowd of onlooking,
mad-as-hell, heathenistic people waiting somewhat patiently to ride in a box
the moves in only two directions. Recently I did this, got to the floor,
stood among these people in the elevator (all of who were looking at me very
angrily), held the door open button, looked out expectantly, then got off,
only after punching the buttons for ten other floors.
Later in the day we all lined the walls of the elevator and rode to
different floors to greet people. We rode to the third floor and when the
door opened and the dude started to step in we all said, in unison,
"Welcome to our happy elevator!" The dude looked very startled and turned
to use the stairs. On another floor a woman got on and we all said "Hi,
and what is your name?" with big goofy grins on our faces. Lady hit door
open and got back off.
Seems older people are more prone to strike up conversations. You are
in a completely pissed mood because the pool has already closed up for
the night. Some old bastard gets on.
"Hello young man."
[Hello Gramps. Fuck off.]
"What floor are you staying on?"
[The basement. With your wife.]
"We're here for a Square-Dancing Convention."
[I asked.]
"What are you here for?"
[The 1001 Ways to Fuck Dead Animals Conference.]
No elevator trip is complete without punching every floor button before
you exit. And one needs exercise when on a vacation trip, so he must press
the up and down buttons on every floor while using the stairwell while
moving from floor to floor. When you get on you will have some very pissed
people to meet. "Hi, having a fabulous time are you?" "FUCK OFF KID!"
It's funny how we never give thought to such trivial things, such as
elevators. It's not often that you become friends with someone just by
seeing them on an elevator -- until you're STUCK on one with them. That
happened to me about two years ago. On with some guy in his forties. He
seemed pretty decent except he had the raunchiest looking greasy hair I've
ever seen on anyone except my 9th grade math teacher. Glad to get away from
that man. I tried not to talk to the dude too much but he simply wouldn't
shut up.
"When I was a kid your age..."
[Yeah, back in 1902...]
"...we could go to the picture show for 10 cents."
[It's called the MOVIES you fuckhead.]
"Coke was about that much..."
[Carbonated or white and powdery?]
"Life was so much simpler."
[Did I ask for your fucking life history?]
Seems like you always meet losers and degenerates on elevators, not
hot babes with huge tits. Senior citizens, tourists, little bratty kids,
NOT round-asses, finely tanned chicks.
I guess real people take the stairs.
[TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS]
(c)1990 Toxic Shock The Followers of Fetus
[have seemingly disappeared]
