Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Toxic Shock 044
.
.:::::. .::::::::.
...:::::::::.. ::::::::::::
..:::::::::::::::::.. ::::: ::::
.::: ::::::: :::. :::::. :
:: ::::: :: :::::::.
: ::: : :::::::::.
::: ::::::::
::: :::::
::::: : ::::
::::: oxic :::......:::: hock
.:::::::. :::::::::::
::::::::::: :::::::::
presents
Miscellaneous Oddity
by
Gross Genitalia
Toxic File #44
Centre of Eternity 615.552.5747 HQ of Toxic Shock and The Esoteric Society
>[TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS]<
The following shit has been found in various places, most of which came from
Truant Mag #2. I took to it quickly and thought I'd show you a week's worth
of findings.
THE RULES
-----------
1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can't know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must
immediately change some of the rules.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which
was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the
misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry
or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be
angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.
ODE TO THE ILLITERATE
-----------------------
Khstva or dmnop.
Hetae vsa num zrbt
Odre perfpav mittok;
Linos Blil Andrense
A nam vtie pto.
-- Tom Dungan
CLEARASIL MESSIAH
-------------------
Clearasil Messiah, he's come to save your face.
He's come to restore the social life of all the human race.
Acne lord, ance lord, come down and give us a hand
Smear on a generous portion of cream of the Clearasil brand.
Destroyer of blackheads, warrior against zits,
Wage the war, wage the war.
Clearasil Messiah, consecrate our faces,
Save us from impurity,
And give us all your zit-cream graces.
His only weapons are cream, soap, a washrag, and pin,
But in the war against acne you can bet your ass he'll win.
So if your face looks like pizza, and you're about to give in
Say an act of contrition for your acne related sin,
Cause with the Clearasil Messiah, the road to clear skin begins.
-- A Death Tongue song
X-LAX
-------
I think I'll have a beer
And go piss out my ass. -- Edge Man
BE AWARE
IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY
--------------------
Once upon a time there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly
south for the winter.
However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly
south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
1. Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
3. And if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.
>[TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS][TS]<
(c)1990 Toxic Shock. Thanks to Truant Magazine (is it still published?)
The Followers of Almighty Fetus Are:
Bloody Afterbirth
Gross Genitalia
Fetal Juice
