Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
Toxic Shock 023
.
.:::::. .::::::::.
...:::::::::.. ::::::::::::
..:::::::::::::::::.. ::::: ::::
.::: ::::::: :::. :::::. :
:: ::::: :: :::::::.
: ::: : :::::::::.
::: ::::::::
::: :::::
::::: : ::::
::::: oxic :::......:::: hock
.:::::::. :::::::::::
::::::::::: :::::::::
presents
How To Trash
by
K-Rad Awesome Stud Trashing Master
Edited by Bloody Afterbirth
Toxic File #23
#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%#@!^&*$%
Ed's Notes
Well, I'm here to tell ya.. This cat's a really COOL dude! He taught me
everything I know about trashing and hacking and phreaking and carding and
explosives and sex and reading and writing and masturbating and picking my
nose and washing my car and killing animals and shopping at Big Lots and
breaking into houses and stealing motorcycles and ... puff puff, I just can't
even BEGIN to name all the things this K-Rad ]<00L dude has taught me. But,
like all really COOOOOOOOOOOL people, he can't type or spell worth shit. He
never could, either! Isn't that COOL? But don't let that fool ya none, he's
a genius! Yep! And he fails all his classes, too! Man! It was really cool
the day he started a food fight by being a target for a bowl of jello! He's
such a stud! Well, here's his story, edited by myself.
^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$^&*#@!%$
Hey d00dz! This is the Stud trasHIng masTer and I'm going 2 tell you the
proper way to trash, my way! I know more about it than anyone else because
I've been doing it longer than ANYONE! As a matter of fact, I was the FIRST
to do it, it was MY idea! And if you don't like it I'll shove a pipe bomb up
your a$$ and blow your anus to Bufu Egypt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yeah!! No, nevermind!!
Ok. This is how I'm going to teach you how to trash properly. I'm going
to tell you exactly how it happened one night when I went trashing! I'm also
going to add notes to it!!!! This is the TRUTH! It's EXACTLY the way it
happened! Nothing has been changed!!! And if you don't believe me I'll kick
your a$$ because I'm bad as he[[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Alrightinessskibimo. Me and the boyz went cruzin' (That's me Stud
Trashing Master, The Pirate, Phreddy The Phreaker, Dave Letterman, Electronic
Rebel, Dispater, Nightcrawler, Tuc, all of cDc, Dr. Ripco, Video Vindicator,
King Blotto, Amadeus, The Ninja, Taran King, everyone in TES, Fatal Error, Big
Bad Barbarian, EZ Lay, K-Rad Kracker!) I know you're jealous because they're
all good friends of mine and you don't even know them!!! I'm so cool they
begged me to call them up!!! And while I'm at it, you know that BIG file
(over 23409898324 K!!!!) (ed:180K) called The Terrorist's Guide? Well,
*>>>****I****<<<* wrote it!!!! I know it says the author was Anonymous, but I
only did that because I'm soooo humble and now I thought the truth should be
out since I want all to know that I am actually telling the truth and that I
would not lie and that I really really seriously honestly know what I'm
doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, we all got into my k00000000l jammin and juked out car and they all
begged me to show them how a real dude trashes and so we drove out to the mall
and I showed them how to do it!!
Well, to make a short story long, we went to the mall about 2. (PM you
dumb fuck shitheads! You think my mom would let me stay out at 2am? not like
I care, I'd kill the fucking bitch if she got in my way and tried to tell me
what to do! I'm a grown up man and I'll do as I damn fucking well please
motherfucker fuck fuck fuck!)
There wuz people all OVER the place! I screamed things like "Worship
Satan Go To Hell Fuck Dead Animals Rape Old Ladies Eat Human Flesh Suck Cock
Lick The Shit Off My Asshole Hairs Blacks Suck Poor People Suck Old People
Suck Everyone Sucks But Me Eat Armpit Lick My Sweaty Balls!!!!!!!!" at
everyone and they all ran in terror becauze the knew I was satan and I was
going to kill them if they didn't fucking show me how scared they were!!!
Anywayzzzz I deftly snuck out of the car (I parked it real far from the
dumpster in the back of an empty parking lot so they'd think I had car trouble
and wouldn't be suspicious!!!!), I put on my ninja suit and chopped off a
security guard's arm for coming to close to the car. Then I RAN real fast so
noone would know where I was going and hid behind the trash can!!! Can you
belive how cool I am? I'm so amazing!
Then I JUMPED into the trash can and started digging through looking for
all kinds of neato shit! I think it was the dumpster for Sears and it was
really cool! It didn't have any food in it luckily or I would have to blow
the whole motherfucking mall to hell!!! I found a Telco manual on how to do
everything with Telco computers and it had 54 logins (private!!! Don't ask
what they are because they're all mine and I won't share unless you can give
me something cool in trade!! And I've already got Ultima MMMMC!!!!!) to the
local Telco! And I also found 500 credit cards! (Not those dumb fucking
carbons that all those wanna-be file writers find, and not those IMAGINARY
white slips that SOME dumb shits think usually go to banks! And all that shit
about them having a way of doing cards now without the carbon is total
bullshit! I know for a FACT that they aren't doing it! Honest!) And I also
found 5 addresses to hot babes and some pictures! Then I got 3 social
security cards so I'm going to collect on them! And I also found three dirty
magazines!!! They had cum stanez but I didn't mind because I would just lick
them off when I had imaginary sex with the centerfolds!! I only do that
because my girlfriend (Vanna White!!) told me it turned her on and so I'm
doing it for her!! She sucks a really good dick! And she is pretty good in
bed too! She told me I was the best she had ever had!!!!! Really! And I
also found a lineman's headset (a real one, not that bullshit that people put
in those fukt philezzzzz!) and a hardware blue box with instructions!!! Then
I found the login to the local Hardees! I'm going to call up and get 500
biscuits ordered and I won't be hungry for a really really long time after
that! And I found a plane ticket to Hawaii and I went and came back with
about 10 pounds of really good dope and me and the boyz got really fucked up
on it then I punched my button on my remote control and blew up the whole
fucking plane I put a bomb on!! I kill people all the time, it's so cool! I
like to watch people die, so don't you fuck with me!! (ed:He means it! He's a
really bad dude! I wouldn't mess with him! He almost killed me one day, with
a bUTTER kNIFE!!!")
And while I was sitting there drinking a coke that I found in the
dumpster (it was still cold and I melted all the germs with my heat-ray vision
so I was safe from disease!) and looking through all my finds (I usually find
much much more, but this time I was being careful cuz I didn't want the boyz
to panic when they saw The Fuzz!) And a Cop came up!! Oh I was scared--- I
mean, he started shaking and shit!! I jumped out of the dumpster and started
screaming things about death and blood and he got real scared he even turned
white and almost fainted!! Then he told me I was under arrest and he pulled a
gun on me!!!!!!
Well I knew I had to make an example of him so I kicked him in the nuts
and slashed off the arm that held the gun then I slammed his head into the
dumpster and then I dropped a gallon of Nitro Glycerin on him and blew him to
pieces!!! Then I went back to the car with all my neat things and we drove
off!!!!!!
Isn't that COOL? We jammed!! It was a totally happenin' evening, let me
tell you!! The other people didn't understand, they were in awe to be in the
presence of such glory and splendor and greatness, but I started being humble
about it and they finally began to comprehend how truly awesome I am!! The
Cult of the Dead Cow's people were real jealous and asked me to write some
files for them because they knew they would NEVER be as cool as I am so I
wrote about 50 for them real quick and they said thanks and left in complete
amazement at how great I am!! Then I told Dr. Ripco how to run his board and
he immediately changed everything!! Then he let me copy his drive (both of
his floppies!!! Now I've got more philez than ANY of you will ever have!!!)
for being such a coooool dude!! Me and the other cool katz did some neat shit
but I'll tell you dudez about it later on because I know you can't handle more
than one such cool thing at one time!!!!!!
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
This was a parody..hopefully that is obvious..Any mention of a true-to-life
individual or group was entirely intentional..I don't see anyone intelligent
taking it seriously, and noone else matters...
(c)1989 Toxic Shock
The Followers of Fetus
Bloody Afterbirth
Fetal Juice
Gross Genitalia
