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There Aint No Justice 001
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*-* There Ain't No Justice *-*
*-* #01 *-*
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*-* Phoenix Modernz Inc. 908/830-7960 *-*
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-How to Host a Bust-
Hiya... now, alot of you have probably never heard of me, or the organization I
founded back in 1989. Panther Modernz started out as a small H/P group, mostly
commodore users in the central Jersey area. As time went by, we either dropped
out, or eventually went IBM. None of this has anything to do with the main
thrust of this file, except to say that we were there.
In any case,back on May 30, 1991, I was busted. Now, I guess everyone in their
own mind has visions of how it will come to pass, but I must admit, I was
disappointed. I was just sitting at home, and had FINALLY gotten some offline
mail utility configured for my BBS, when there is this knock on the door....
I go answer it, thinking nothing out of the ordinary. Three suits and a half
dozen uniforms are outside the door. (Still no alarms going off inside, proving
my own hypothesis that only the stupid get caught). They push their way in,
handing me a warrant and explaining that they are here to search my apartment
for computers & telephone equipment. Now, at this point, my brain is in a
whirl... "Oh god," I am thinking, "now what the fuck am I gonna do?".
The suits identify themselves as Mr. (unintelligible) from US Sprint and a
pair of local detectives, which causes me to sigh a bit... local cops means
no major investigation. Anyway, the uniforms split up, searching such highly
obvious places as my bathroom and my jacket pockets for computers. The same
geniuses search my room tooth and nail, failing to find any of the 4 disks
scattered in plain view, nor the old radio shack tone dialer that was in a
drawer that they dumped out on my bed. They DID find a small bag of catnip,
which they advised me to dispose of before I got into more trouble than I
already was. I told them that it was catnip, and that they were welcome to
take it and have it analyzed. One of the detectives took it and threw it
away for me. How nice.
Next came the best part... the part where the cops disassemble and label all
the parts of your computer system. They were doing okay until they hit my
commodore 128D setup, and I literally had to stand over them to insure that
they A) Didn't break anything or B) got the names of everything right. The
total ignorance of the police when it comes to computers is astonishing
enough, but their "expert" from US Sprint was even worse. He tried labelling
my TurboCPU as a modem, and thought my external HardDrive was a floppy.
They even took the VCR I had hooked up to the Commodore's monitor simply
because it was connected to something the computer was connected to. I guess
they're busy watching porn tapes on it now...
Now, as far as hosting a bust goes, here are some basic tips. If anyone of the
officers who come to visit smoke, ask them NICELY to extinguish their
cigarettes or step outside with them. (If you have police in your house, you
are in enough shit without obviously trying to antagonize them!). When they
were disassembling my IBM setup, they also unplugged the air conditioner. I
saw no need to plug it back in. Let the fuckers sweat. I also got myself
something to drink, and made it obvious that they were welcome to go back to
the donut shop if they got thirsty. Cops are a nervous lot, so if you can,
try to stand over them, supervising their every move, and make absolutely
sure they mark everything down right. And don't answer questions about
ANYTHING! And don't lead them to anything, either. The idiots who searched
my place left so much shit behind that I almost did start believeing there
was a god, after all...
The police also tend to underestimate the time it will take them to figure out
what it is that you might have done. The detectives who visited me told me
they'd be back to me the next day to process me. When it finally came to pass,
it was five months later that they finally did book me. Its now three months
later and I still don't have a court date.
Some things to think of: the US Sprint guy who visited me considered my
printout of Internet sites to be a piece of classified material. He seemed
genuinely happy to find such an incriminating document. He also read every
piece of online mail I had on my system. Online mail has been afforded the
same rights as US Postal mail in many states... so he might well have
committed a felony right before my eyes. The 4th amendment guarentees the
rights of citizens against UNREASONABLE search and seizure. I don't dispute
their right to search, but for what they were lookimg for, copies of my
software would have been sufficient. Taking it may well be decided in court
to be a violation of my rights. The 1st amendment guarentees the rights of
all citizens to assemble. By taking the two computers I was running BBS's on,
the cops may well be found to have placed a prior restriction to free speech
on my users. This too may be a useful argument in court.
Another thing of note is that the terms you and I take for granted are all the
same to the gendarmes. I was asked what program I used to "hack" with. Now,
I don't know about you, but I don't "hack" via any program more complicated
than procomm. I deduced that he meant wardialling, and tried to educate him
on the difference, but it was useless. When dealing with the authorities, you
are often going to find yourself wondering if they can really be this stupid.
This is my first file in ages. TANJ is a new direction for me, and I am hoping
to go beyond "just" telecom oriented textfiles. Look for future releases later
in 1992.
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*-* Phoenix Modernz Inc. TANSTAAFL BBS:908/830-7960 *-*
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