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the unplastic news issue 08

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The Unplastic News
 · 5 years ago

  

The Unplastic News #8: The Psychic Net Godmother Issue
An Odd Quote Compilation.
January 1993
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Issue # 8
The Psychic Net Godmother Issue

"Proof that something wyrdly funky is invading the computer networks."

( this issue: 2,347 Lines Long )
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"We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge."

John Naisbitt
Megatrends


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January 1993 FREE the odd e-mail magazine w/soul
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

C O N T E N T S
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Editorial & Explanation of What You Are Reading
The Year In Review
A Look Ahead Through The Eyes of Various Seers
The Emergence of The Psychic Net Godmother
Bizarre Religious Meyham in These End Times
Millennium Madness
The Usual Non-Sequitur (Nonsectarian?) Quotes
Modern Cyber-Dieties Dancing Nude in Phoenix
The Unplastic News T-Shirt IS HERE
Ritual, Language, Revolution and Things With Mustard
Idiots With Power
And OH! So Much More!!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++
the unplastic news is available ++++
at the following ftp news stands: ++++
++++
redspread.css.itd.umich.edu in EFF.journals ++++
ftp.eff.org in pub/journals ++++
quartz.rutgers.edu in pub/journals ++++
====
or by subscription by sending e-mail to: ====
====
tibbetts@hsi.com ====
Perspiring Minds Want To Know ====
============================================================================


Good Morning Viewers!

As I write this, 1993 is off to a bang with bombs over Bagdad (again).

It is this Deja Voodoo that makes me think back to days gone by. You

know, I always seem to get nostalgic and/or nauseous at this time of

the year ... when I think back to where we have been and where we are

going and it all seems to congeal into one geletinous mass. And

speaking of geletinous masses, please enjoy this new issue of Unplastic

News. We originally attempted to collect our usual quotes and amass

a type of retrospective of the past year. We had hoped to put it into

some kind of perspective, but as it turns out we are more confused than

we were to begin with. We promptly decided to pass our confusion onto

you, the viewer. So, here it is. Issue #8. Quotes, snippetts and

chunks of 1992 and beyond. And somewhere in this, somewhere deep, is

the pumping of a digital heart. The pounding of a growing force which

has yet to be understood. Or maybe that is just the sound of the bombs,

because as I write this, 1993 is off to a bang with bombs over...



Thalonious Platypus Jr., III
Editor-In-Space
Kyoto, January 13. 4:13am

Embrace the Net WebSpirit!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
|| ||
|| ||
|| "All the knowledge in the world is not wisdom." ||
|| ||
|| Albert Einstein ||
|| ||
|| ||
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
\ /
\ Doubt is the beginning of wisdom. /
\___________________________________________/


"If you don't like the news,
go out and make your own."


radio commentator Scoop Nisker

OO----------------------------------------------------------------OO
||
||
oOOo

THE YEAR 1993 will produce extraordinary events such as
the discovery of a cure for AIDS
and a miraculous appearance by Jesus Christ...

In a recent conversation with a friend, Pope John Paul II admitted
to a divine meeting with the Virgin Mary. It was during that sensational
encounter that the Pontiff learned of the impending appearance of Christ.
John Paul told his friend that the miracle will occur on August 1 and
will be witnessed by millions.

The SUN
January 12, 1993


+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=+-=

Best Long Term Prediction (Sort Of)

>From an article on Sen. Ted Kennedy's Presidential aspirations,
by Lloyd Shearer in PARADE's "Intelligence Report" column, 1978:

Political prophets are making a long term prediction
that Kennedy's running mate in 1984 will be Bill Clinton,
a tall, handsom, 31-year-old former Rhodes scolar and
Yalie who is currently Arkansas' attorney general, most
probably its next governor and one of the most potentially
charismatic politicians in the country.


))--((...))--((...))--((...))--((...))--((...))--((...))--((...))--((...))


from the Loss-Of-Religious-Icons department...

MCDONALD'S STATUE GOES UP IN FLAMES
San Jose Mercury News - Wednesday June 19, 1991

PHOENIX - The kidnapping of a life-size Ronald
McDonald statue came to an unhappy end, with the
clown left burning in the desert.

The 300-pound statue, stolen Sunday from a
McDonald's in Mesa, was found in flames by a
sheriff's helicopter crew that night.

In a phone call claiming responsibility, a man
said the robbery was an attempt to get McDonald's
to offer better food for vegetarians.


___________________________________________________________________________
THEGODDESSOFTHENETHASTWISTINGFINGERSANDHERVOICEISLIKEAJAVALININTHENIGHTDUDE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"[The McDonald's Corp. shows] children in commercials that
hamburgers grow in hamburger patches and love to be eaten.

They don't tell children that hamburgers are ground up cows
that have their throats
slit
by a machete
or their brains bashed in by sledge hammers.

The original actor to play Ronald McDonald,
Jeff Juliano,
has evidently discovered the truth - he is now a vegetarian."


San Diego RESOURCES
for healing, growth and transformation
October 1992

_______________________________________________________________________________
WILLTHATBEELECTRODEINSERTIONORNONELECTRODEINSERTINGANDWOULDYOULIKEFRIESWITHTHAT
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


Remarkable breakthroughs in gene-splicing that will
greatly ease world hunger. Scientists will be able to
create giant cows that will provide barrels of milk,
ostrich-like chickens capable of laying giant eggs,
and pigs the size of hippos.

a prediction of Mother Teresa


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@


A name changes toys into tools.
- Skinny Puppy


_______________________________________________________________________________
SOMETIMESINMYBEDATNIGHTILIEAWAKEANDTHINKOFTHETIMEWESPENTINFIJIWITHTHEROBOTPHIL.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

URANUS CONJUNCT NEPTUNE

Ponder on This...
A Message to the Bay Area House Family

A Rave New World

On Tuesday, February 2 at 12:12 a. m. PST, the planets Uranus and Neptune
will form what is known in astrology and astronomy as a conjunction. A
conjunction is when two or more heavenly bodies occupy the same visual
area of the sky.

When this happens the energies of both planets are intensified and work in
unison. The Outer Planets, astrologically speaking, have a deeper,
longer lasting effects. Aspects (significant angles formed between two
heavenly bodies) involving the outer planets, bring about profound change
and events.
The last conjunction of outer planets involved Uranus and Pluto and
occurred on June 30, 1966. It was the catalyst for the "Summer of Love" in
1967 and Woodstock in 1968. Many of you know that what we are doing here
is special. It is not just about having a good time but something much
deeper, we are actually learning how to communicate and be with each other
in a very special way.


_____________________________________________________________________________
THEGENTLEHUMOFTECHNOLOGYLULLSMETOSLEEPONLYTOBEINTERRUPTEDBYTHEFARTINGOFTHEDOG
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's
worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"


_________________________________________________________________________
SLOTSINTOTABSCONNECTEDTOELECTRODESCONTAININGINFORMATIONTRANSFERREDBYELVIS
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

From Martin Konigsberg, replying to a reporter's question
about the scandal swirling around Mia Farrow and
Konigsberg's son, Woody Allen:

"I'm going to be 92 on Christmas Day.
Nothing bothers me anymore"



**<>--[]--<>**<>--[]--<>**<>--[]--<>**<>--[]--<>**<>--[]--<>**<>--[]--<>**<>--[]


In 1993:

The discovery of a race of giants in the Brazilian
rain forest stuns researchers who say the 17-foot
creatures are only part human and have super
powers - including the ability to read minds and
move objects just by looking at them.

Serena Sabak
Weekly World News Psychic


+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

In October, biologists at China's Northwest University in Xian reported finding
a 77-pound slimeball floating on a river in Shaanxi province. According to the
scientists, the slimeball, a pure white fungus, gained 22 pounds in the first
three days the scientists observed it, and has the ability to move across the
ground on its own.

Chuck Shepherd
NOTW

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=


Another Modern Diety (Coca-Cola) is experiencing change:

Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the
month. According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people
are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China.

The words "Coca-Cola" translate into Chinese as either
(depending on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax
tadpole"
.

Bite the wax tadpole.
There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?

The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's
hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to
bite a wax tadpole. Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad,
but broad satiric vistas do not open up.

-- John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle

________________________________________________________________________________
VANILLAWAFERS&MINTCHOCALATECHIPCOOKIESSPIKEDWITHSILICONSCHIPSANDGRASSHOPPERPARTS
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

You think YOU have marketing difficulties? Consider the case of Frank Purdue,
as reported in the New Haven Register yesterday. In an attempt to reach
the Hispanic market, the now-famous slogan "It takes a tough man to make a
tender chicken"
was mistakenly translated for publication as "It takes a
sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate"
.


??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


"Al Gore resembled a Vulcan
desperately in need of a blow job."


Bobcat Goldthwait


_______________________________________________________________________________
INTHEMIDDLEOFTHESILENTROOMHESPOKEPARANTEHTICALLYANDTHREFOREIHEARDNOTAWORDHESAID
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Too much information
Running through my brain.
Too much information
Driving me insane

The Police


//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
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"The term wyrd is the original form of today's weird, which means
strange or unexplainable. Wyrd had essentially the same meaning
more than a thousand years ago in shamanic Europe, but in sacred
rather than mundane realms. Wyrd was the unexplainable force -
the great mystery underlying all of existence - that was the
cornerstone of Anglo-Saxon shamanic practices."


Brian Bates (author of The Way of the Wyrd)
quoted in Shaman's Drum
Spring 1992

__________________________________________________________________________
ITRULYBELIEVEINANARCHYANDONLYWISHONEDAYTOBEABLETOAFFORDIT-BHATHRUMEDUK,PHD
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In 1993:

American auto makers introduce two exciting
new products to win back customers lost to the
Japanese: A solar-powered throwaway car priced
at $500 - and a flying car priced at $18,000.

Serena Sabak
Weekly World News Psychic


__________________________________________________________________________
TESTINGTESTINGTESTOSTERONETESTICLESTESTSIGHTTESTYDRIVINGTESTTESTOFTIMETEST
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

There are those we have talked to who claim
that language is a virus and that mis-interpretations
will multiply exponentially until all languages
merge into one and we will be free.

Here is support for that theory.


Phrases reinterpreted back into English as seen around Europe:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In Paris, a boutique advertised "dresses for street walking."

A tailor on the Greek island of Rhodes couldn't guarantee he could finish
summer suits ordered by tourists. "Becuase is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation,"
he said.

A Rome doctor specialized in "women and other diseases".

A Swedish furrier offered coats "made for ladies from their own skin."

Sign in Austrian ski resort urging guests "not to preambulate
the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."


Sign in Paris hotel: "Please leave your values at the desk."

An Acupulco hotel reassured guests about the drinking water:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

>From a Tokyo hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

Sign in German campsite warned:
"It is strictly forbidden on our camp site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, living together in one
tent, unless they are married with each other for that purpose."


Sign in Zurich hotel: "Because of the impropriety of
entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it
is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."


A Prague tourist agency urged tourists: "Take one of our
horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages."


A Hong Kong dentist advertised tooth extractions "using the latest Methodists."

A sign in the zoo in Budapest showed that times are tough
in Eastern Europe: "Please do not feed the animals. If you do have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."


An airline in Copenhagen vowed that when you go to the airport,
they would "take your bags and send them in all directions."

Baltimore Sun


><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


Languages that don't exist but probably should
Spawnquatic
Urtican
Canadian
Vatican
Elfin
Yeti


><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><


A 38 year-old man, unidentified in news reports, was hopitalized in Princeton,
W. Va., in October with gunshot wounds. He had been drinking beer and reported
accidentally shooting himself three times -- as he attempted to clean each of
his three guns. He said the first shot didn't hurt, the second "stung a
little,"
and the third "really hurt," prompting him to call an ambulance.


Chuck Shepherd
NOTW


________________________________________________________________________
JOHNWAYNEWASAFAGIWENTUPTOHISPLACEINBRENTWOODANDHEANSWEREDTHEDOORINADRESS
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Nostradamus also foresees:
A talented performer who shocks her audiences doing an about-face
and shunning fame for a life of serving the starving in Somalia.

Most researchers agree the celebrity is none other than the
reigning Queen of Sleaze Madonna, who's made millions
through flaunting her body and singing about sexual acts.

The SUN
January 12, 1993


oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO-Oo_oO
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Left out of Fox TV's Rock The Vote was Madonna's mention
of Michael Jackson's video in which Michael Jordan
attempted to show Jackson how to play basketball. "Michael,"
she reminded him, "white men can't jump."

The Realist
Number 122


~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/~\/
***************************************************************************

"In The End Days,
false prophets will appear,
and people will make neat movies about them."


Nostradamus' brother Euclid


"Jim Jones was a religious leader who called his parishioners
'family'...There was even a Jim Jones nude epic, called Love
Camp, in which the megalomaniac leader was a woman who forces
her flock to drink poison and make love in front of her while
some black queen serenades them with a rock song fittingly
called 'The End' ."


Dennis Dermody
Paper Magazine
October 1992

____________________________________________________________________________
WILLYOUCOMEOVERTOMYHOUSEANDFIXMYTOASTERWITHAPAIROFSCISSORSWHILEITISPLUGGEDIN
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Those like Stephan Hoeller who seek the hand of the Goddess in history
will invariably, I suspect, be disapointed. That's just not how She
does things.

Where was She when they were burning us? Why didn't She stop them? She
didn't intervene then because She was in the fire too, burning with us.
They tried to kill Her by killing us, but you can't kill the Goddess
and you can't kill her people. No, seek Her instead in the Cycle: She
moves, after all, from within.

Steven W. Posch
Forum
Gnosis Magazine No. 26


___________________________________________________________________________
DIVINEDIVIDEDIVIDENDROUNDTHEBENDLENDAHANDHOLDMYHANDHOLDMYGOLDREGINOLDDIVINE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

These are actual news stories from 1992, compiled by Bill Mandel
of the San Francisco Examiner.
------------------------------

Sonoma County viewers who'd paid $30 to see a Madison Square Garden
tribute to Bob Dylan on cable TV had their Dylanfest interrupted by 90
minutes of soft-core porn. Only one complained.

A San Francisco man dressed as Mickey Mouse on Halloween was beaten on
the street by a man who threatened to kill the would-be rodent "
if I
catch you dressed up like Mickey again."

One of the men arrested for looting in the L.A. riots is a $3 million
Lotto winner who receives $120,000 a year from the state.

A lawyer defended himself against charges of microwaving his ex-girlfriend's
kitten by saying he'd put the cat in the oven to keep it out of his way
and then accidentally turned the oven on.

A Los Angeles man on trial for harrassing ice skater Katarina Witt
demanded a jury of nymphomaniacs, atheists and agnostics to compose
"
a jury of his peers."

A Florida wedding reception was interrupted when the bride threw macaroni
salad at the groom and he responded with gunfire. At the hospital,
the wounded bride insisted on checking in under her new married name.

Mississippi State football coach Jackie Sherrill defended the castration
of a bull in front of his football team (which was about to play the Texas
Longhorns) as "
motivational and educational."

A Chicago high school teacher punished truants by making them listen to
Frank Sinatra records.

The CIA classified as "
secret" the report of its Openness Task Force.

The 1982 National Father's Day Association's Father of the Year went
to jail for failing to pay child support.

Joseph Hazelwood, captain of the ill-fated oil tanker Exxon Valdez, was
hired by New York Maritime College to teach students how to stand watch
on a tanker's bridge.

A young couple trading oral sex on a British train continued their frolic
when a family entered the compartment and sat down. Then the amorous pair
performed "
full sexual intercourse" in front of passengers who boarded
later. It wasn't until the lovers lit up post-coital cigarettes that
witnesses admonished them and rang for the conductor.


YVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYVYV
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New Sects Developing in The End Days !!

>From the Wall Street Journal, Dec. 10, 1985

"
Antarctic Life Proves Hard Even for Those Who Love Their Work"

... How boring is life in the Antarctic? People in one group wintering
at the South Pole in the 1960s watched the film "
Cat Ballou" 87 times.
People in another, after tiring of the westerns, Disney features and
pornographic films on hand, spliced the movies together into their own
production and adopted a vocabulary based on their creation that was so
strange that relief crews arriving in the spring could barely understand
them.


WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Title: Felton & Fowler's Best, Worst & Most Unusual
Author: Felton, Bruce and Mark Fowler
Publisher: Gramercy Publishing Co.


Worst Editing of a Film: A movie theater manager in South Korea decided that
the running time of The Sound of Music was too long, so he shortened it by
cutting out all the songs.


Most Unusual Cannon: The Canadian National Research Council has come up
with a pneumatic cannon capable of firing dead chickens at speeds of up
to 620 miles per hour. It will accommodate either the standard caliber
four-pound chicken for testing aircraft windshields, or the larger
eight-pound bird for testing tail assemblies.


Most Unusual Hotel: Hotel La Parra is located off the coast of Spain and
boasts a truly unique view, since the entire hotel is 49 feet underwater.
Getting there is half the fun, as there are no boats serving the hotel.
Guests must swim there, with their gear sealed in waterproof bags. La Parra
can accommodate up to twelve guests at a time and is said to be quite
comfortable.


______________________________________________________________________
1234567890123456789012345678901234567890123456789012345678901234567890
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


We are unlikely to get much respite from the onslaught of personal,
national, and world upheaval that have characterized the early 1990s.
Take a deep breath, relax and get centered. In all likelihood, even
bigger changes lie ahead. The revolution has really just begun. Almost
any careful reading of the news compels a singular conclusion - the
years leading to the Millennium are likely to be even more turbulent
and momentous than the years behind. As the outer world continues to
shift wildly, the extraordinary personal transformations that people
are experiencing will also intensify, for both the good and the bad.

Steven McFadden
"
1993: A Pivotal Year"
Earth Star (Dec92/Jan93)

________________________________________________________________________
LJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJLJ
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A horrifying earthly visitation by Satan himself,
who will perform several acts of untold horror
simply to prove he's still a force
to be reckoned with in the overall scheme of things.

a prediction of Pope John Paul II


^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/

"
What luck for rulers that men do not think."

Adolf Hitler

^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/^\/

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's
character, give him power.
-- Abraham Lincoln

___________________________________________________________________________
DIVINEDIVIDEDIVIDENDROUNDTHEBENDLENDAHANDHOLDMYHANDHOLDMYGOLDREGINOLDDIVINE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"
Satan has certainly been the best friend the church has
ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years."

Anton Szandor LaVey
The Satanic Bible

v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

Bizarre End-Of-The-Century Rituals Emerging
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

OWATONNA, Minn (AP) {found in a neswpaper from Buffalo, NY}

Roy Colette and his brother-in-law have been exchanging the same
pair of pants as a Christmas present for 11 years - and each time
the package gets harder to open. This year the pants came wrapped
in a car mashed into a 3-foot cube.

The trousers are in the glove compartment of a 1974 Gremlin. Now
Collette's plotting his revenge--if he can get them out.

It all started when Collette received a pair of moleskin trousers
from his brother-in-law, Larry Kunkel of Bensenville, Ill. Kunkel's
mother had given her son the britches when he was a college student.
He wore them a few times, but they froze stiff in cold weather
and he didn't like them. So he gave them to Collette.

Collette, who called the moleskins "
miserable", wore them three
times, then wrapped them up and gave them back to Kunkel for
Christmas the next year.

The friendly exchange continued routinely until Collette twisted
the pants tightly, stuffed them into a 3-foot-long, 1-inch wide
tube and gave them back to Kunkel.

The next Christmas, Kunkel compressed the pants into a 7-inch
square, wrapped them with wire and gave the "
bale" to Collette.

Not to be outdone, the next year Collette put the pants into a
2-foot-square crate filled with stones, nailed it shut, banded it
with steel and gave the trusty trousers back to Kunkel.

The brothers agreed to end the caper if the trousers were damaged.
But they were as careful as they were clever.

Kunkel had the pants mounted inside an insulated window that had a
20-year guarantee and shipped them off to Collette.

Collette broke the glass, recovered the trousers, stuffed them into
a 5-inch coffee can and soldered it shut. The can was put in a
5-gallon container filled with concrete and reinforcing rods and
given to Kunkel the following Christmas.

Two years ago, Kunkel installed the pants in a 225-pound homemade
steel ashtray made from 8-inch steel casings and etched Collette's
name on the side. Collette had trouble retrieving the treasured
trousers, but succeeded without burning them with a cutting torch.

Last Christmas, Collette found a 600-pound safe and hauled it to
Viracon Inc. in Owatonna, where the shipping department decorated
it with red and green stripes, put the pants inside and welded the
safe shut. The safe was then shipped to Kunkel, who is the plant
manager for Viracon's outlet in Bensenville.

Last week, the pants were trucked to Owatonna, 55 miles south of
Minneapolis, in a drab green, 3-foot cube that once was a car with
95,000 miles on it. A note attached to the 2,000-pound scrunched car
advised Collette that the pants were inside the glove compartment.

"
This will take some planning," Collette said. "I will definitely
get them out. I'm confident." But he's waiting until January to
think about how to recover the bothersome britches.

"
Wait until next year," he warned. "I'm on the offensive again."


}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


Another Dude Who Gives Out Presents
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

From: bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
To: /dev/null@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Mailing List)
Subject: Santa Manual

Subject: First Chirch of Santaism
Organization: Founder, First Chirch of Santaism

[From the "
Santa Manual" distributed by Western Temporary Services,
providers of 3000 Santas to department stores and malls nationwide.]

Santa Do's:

- Santa should watch parents for signals. Santa should never promise
anything.

- Santa should always speak of himself as "
Santa" or "Santa Claus";
Santa should never say "
I".

- Santa should use the "
Santa lift" to pick up children (Santa extends
leg; the child stands between Santa's knees and sits on the extended
leg; Santa pulls leg back to sitting position). This avoids quick
movements and saves Santa's back.

- Santa should use the term "
folks" when referring to family, because
of all the non-traditional families that exist.


Santa Don'ts:

- Santa should omit the loud, booming "
Ho ho ho's", because they often
frighten small children.

- Santa should avoid short, jerky, nervous movements.

- Santa should never show his mood. Santa must forget things that
upset him, because children will pick up on his mood.

- Santa should never be out of character when he is in costume.

- Santa should avoid references to the religious aspects of Christmas.
Religion is a personal matter; don't run the risk of offending parents
or confusing children. Stick to the universal aspects of Christmas.


Sometimes children will ask Santa difficult questions. Santa needs to
be prepared to answer them in ways that won't put the child's folks in
a difficult situation or cause any damage to Santa's image. The
following are some of the questions that Santa might be asked, followed
by acceptable.

Question: Santa, I just saw you at another store.

Answer: That was one of my Helpers. You know, Santa needs Helpers.

[Real Answer: That's right, I can travel faster than light and move back
and forth through Time.]


Question: Why didn't you bring me what I asked you for last year?

Answer: I was at the North Pole last year, and it must have been one of
my Helpers who saw you. I'll try to get the matter straightened out
this year.

[Real Answer: Because you were bad.]


Question: Santa, can you bring me a baby brother?

Answer: OK, my fine young lady, you want a baby brother. Well, that's
clear out of my department. I bring gifts. You'll have to talk to
your folks about a baby brother.

[Real Answer: Come back and see me in a few years and I'll give you your
own baby.]


Question: I want a horse for Christmas.

Answer: You like horses, don't you? Is there anything else you would
like for Christmas?

[Real Answer: Tell you what, put on these spurs and you can ride me like
a horse any time you want to.]


It is absolutely necessary that Santa be neat and clean in appearance.
For this reason, we ask you, as responsible adults, to bathe every day,
to use a good deodorant and to use mouthwash. Smoking is not
permitted, as children will smell smoke on your breath. Also, the
beard is flammable.

--
Matthew S. "
Opie" Warren warren-matthew@yale.edu


_____________________________________________________________________________
MYDOCTORWILLTALKTOYOURLAWYERANDTHEYWILLDOLUNCHANDTHEYWILLFALLINLOVEANDADOPTME
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And By All Means, Don't Act Like The Racist Santa of 1992:

A little kid lands on Santa's lap and they end up looking through
a coloring book with Santa saying something along the lines of
how the kid should just color in whatever he wants Santa to bring.
The kid colors in a monkey. The child was black and Santa asked,
"
Do you know what a monkey is? Look in the mirror and see."

paraphrased by an anonymous reader

=============================================================================

Nothing is sexier than the naked mind-
nothing more seductive than the inventive imagination.

Michael Grosso
The Journal of Divine Eroticism
Ecstasy Vol.II Number 1

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Ram Dass, author of Compassion in Action, appeared
at Saks 5th Avenue in Beverly Hills, extolling the
benefits of spiritual health, a positive inner spirit
and La Prarie's Age Management Serum.

The Realist
Number 122

____________________________________________________________________________
IFYOUTHINGWOODSTOCKWASBIGJUSTWAITTILLYOUSEEMYSISTERSBIRTHDAYPARTYATMCDONALDS
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In the late sixties, for instance, a group of four
hundred "
hippies" converged on a mountain top
near Boulder, Colorado, to await the imminent
collision of the asteroid Icarus with the planet Earth.
The Chicago Tribune headline shouted, "
We're Safe!
Icarus Misses Earth, but Hippies Stay Put."

Countdown to the Millennium
Stanley Young


_____________________________________________________________________________
FORDAYSATATIMEHENRYWOULDSTRIPHIMSELFNAKEDTAPEPINSTOHISBODYANDROLLINBUBBLEPACK
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


These are The End Times! (maybe)

The Jehovah's Witnesses continue to forecast the
exact date of the End [of the world], and have
struck out thrice more, in 1874, 1914, and 1975,
with no appreciable loss of church membership.

Countdown to the Millennium
Stanley Young


Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><Xx><


An Informed Prediction:
=======================

"
A woman priest is as impossible as for me to have a baby. In the year
Two Million, there will still be a Catholic Church and there will still
be an all-male clergy."

Auxillary Bishop Austin B. Vaughn of New York


______________________________________________________________________________
ILOVETHEREFOREIAMINLOVEWITHLOVEANDLOVEININLOVEWITHMYLOVEOFLOVEFORITSLOVELINESS
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"
My child and My children, the pages are turning fast in
the Apocalypse. Have you listened to My councel in the
past, My children? Are you making an effort to study the
Book of life and love, your Bible?"

Roses
The Messages of Our Lady and Our Lord to Veronica Lueken

______________________________________________________________________________
IHAVEJUSTRECENTLYREALIZEDTHATEVERYTHINGINTHEWORLDISPOISONOUSHAZARDOUSORBORING.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Everything you've learned in school as "
obvious" becomes less and less
obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no
solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid.
There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no
straight lines.

R. Buckminster Fuller


oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0oO0o0Oo0Oo0O
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and
heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope
of ever behaving "
normally."

Hunter S. Thompson
"
Fear and Loathing '72"


o0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0Oo0O


"
For the record, we're hackers who believe information should be free. All
information. The world is full of phunky electronic gadgets and networks
and we want to share our information with the hacker community."
-- Restricted Data Transmissions


"
They are satisfying their own appetite to know
something that is not theirs to know."
-- Assistant District Attorney, Don Ingraham


"
The notion that how things work is a big secret is simply wrong."
-- Hacking/Cracking conference on The WELL



from Phrack #41
December 31, 1992
phrack@stormking.com


______________________________________________________________________________
WHATDOYOUSMELL?ANORANGE.WHATDOYOUSEE?ANORANGE.WHATCOLORISIT?ORANGEORANGEORANGE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Implicit in the process of modeling is the separation of the subject
from the object, of the map from the territory. Problems arise when
the model comes to be regarded as more real than the modeled, and this
is more likely to happen when, as in our current relationship with the
natural world, the feedback loop is dismantled.

Ted Schultz
Gnosis #26

______________________________________________________________________________
YOUREMINDMEOFAMAN.WHATMAN?AMANWITHPOWER.WHATPOWER?VOODOO.WHODO?YOUDO.DOWHAT???
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


I'm a
man of the past
and I'm
living in the present
and I'm
walking in the future.

Peter Tosh
song: "
Mystic Man"


IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII



Bacchus, n.:

A convenient deity invented by the ancients as
an excuse for getting drunk.

Ambrose Bierce
"
The Devil's Dictionary"

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.

William James


_______________________________________________________________________________
AMANAPLANACANALPANAMA * AMANAPLANACANALPANAMA * AMANAPLANACANALPANAMA
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

A Brain-Computer interface is a staple of science fiction
writing. In it's earliest incarnations no mechanism was thought
necessary, as the technology seemed so far fetched that no explanation
was likely. As more became known about the brain however, the
possibility has become more real and the science fiction more
technically sophisticated. Recently, the cyberpunk movement has
adopted the idea of "
jacking in", sliding "biosoft" chips
into slots implanted in the skull (Gibson, W. 1984). Although such
biosofts are still science fiction, there have been several recent
steps toward interfacing the brain and computers. Chief among these
are techniques for stimulating and recording from areas of the brain
with permanently implanted electrodes and using conscious control of
EEG to control computers. Some preliminary work is being done on
synapsing neurons on silicon transformers and on growing neurons into
neural networks on top of computer chips.

Andrew Wright <Andrew.S.Wright@williams.edu>

On Designing a Brain-Computer Interface:
After all, computers were once science fiction, too.


JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ


"
Storm the reality studio and retake the universe."
William S. Burroughs


+--------------------------------------------------+
|"
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch." |
| --Lily Tomlin |
+--------------------------------------------------+


In 1993:

An amazing new "
behavior control" implant makes it
possible to quit bad habits like smoking, drinking,
cursing and procrastinating - without any effort whatsoever.

Serena Sabak
Weekly World News Psychic


&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%&^%

"
In the early 1980s, when I first talked with certain young computer
wizards about their dreams of immersing themselves in simulated
realities, it didn't occur to me that they would foment a technological
and cultural revolution in the 1990s."

Howard Rheingold
VIRTUAL REALITY


_______________________________________________________________________________
AMANOFLAMANCHAFORLUNCHAATTHISHERERESTARAUNTANDALLYOUCANDOISPRAYTOTHEFECALBUDDHA
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

If we do not change our direction we are likely
to end up where we are headed.

_______________________________________________________________________________
ANDITHOUGHTITWASTOUGHWHENWEWERELIVINGONTHATDESERTISLAND.ORWASITADESSERTISLAND??
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Infinite Intelligence in your subconscious mind
knows all and sees all. Call upon It and you will
receive an answer. It knows only the answer.

Joseph Murphy
The Amazing Laws of Cosmic Mind Power


000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Article 5424 in sci.virtual-worlds (moderated):
From: tolman@asylum.cs.utah.edu ( Kenneth Tolman )
Date: 14 Nov 92

****** DIRECT NEURAL - ELECTRONIC INTERFACING *********

>> Can someone tell me if there's any work being done at the moment on direct
>> hardware - wetware interfacing techniques? By this I mean methods by which
>> Virtual Reality environments may be manipulated directly by, say, an EEG
>> interpreter converting stimuli received from skull electrodes; or more
>> surgically invasive equipment a la Known Space-like 'drouds' or 'jacks'.

Here at the University of Utah there is a bioengineering
project which involves direct implantation of stimulating
electrodes in the visual cortex. I went to a lecture on
it, and suprisingly the researchers have little or no
awareness of virtual reality, they are interested in
providing sight to the blind.


_______________________________________________________________________________
THEENDOFHISTORYISUPONUSANDWEWILLRISEABOVEALLTHEHYPEANDBULLSHITANDEGGNOGWILLFLOW
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

We treat time as though it were linear,
one thing leading to another.
But Einstein showed that past, present,
and future need have no fixed status.
In theory, at least, it is possible to perceive
them in varying order - future before present, for instance.

Mysteries of the Unknown
Time-Life Books
Visions and Prophecies


___________________________________________________________________________
YOUCANTTELLMETHATYOUAREACTUALLYREADINGALLTHESESENTENCES.YOUGOTTABEKIDDING!!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

We're just a biological speculation
sitting here vibrating
and we don't know what we're vibrating about.

And the animal instinct in me
makes me wanna defend me.
It makes me wanna live when it's time to die.

Y'all see my point.
I don't mean to come on strong
but I am concerned.

Funkadelic


)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I see the eigenvalue in thine eye,
I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
Bernoulli would have been content to die
Had he but known such a-squared cos 2(phi)!

Stanislaw Lem
"
Cyberiad"

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

In 1992:

In the first half of this year the chemical factory Cindu exploded causing
several deaths and a chaos. It was confirmed yesterday that a simple typing
error led to this tragic accident. Apparently the computerized chemical
processing installation was fed with data in which a comma was placed at a
wrong digit, causing the wrong amount of chemicals to be mixed in the
installation. This led to an enormous explosion and the closure of the
factory.

from RISKS digest

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

"
...at the core of traditional Chinese philosophy is the notion of a
universe in flux, a continuing, eternal creative act. What is, is becoming.
What may be, may be. The future is not fact but potential, and
anyone who seeks to know the future is obliged also to seek the proper
way to shape it.."

Mysteries of the Unknown
Time-Life Books
Visions and Prophecies


_____________________________________________________________________________________
DANCETILLYOUDROP-DROPTILLYOUPOP-POPTILLYOUPRANCE-PRANCETILLYOULANCE-LANCETILLYOUDANCE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


President Bush made these comments during a campaign stop on August 27,
1988 at O'Hare airport. He spoke with Robert Sherman, chief spokesman
for American Atheists:

RS: "
Mr. President, what will you do to win the votes of Americans
who are Atheists?"

GB: "
I guess I'm pretty weak in the atheist community. Faith in
God is pretty important to me."

RS: "
Surely you recognize the equal citizenship and patriotism of
Americans who are atheists?"

GB: "
No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens,
nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under
God."

UPI reported on May 8, 1989 that various atheist organizations were still
angry over the remarks.

The exchange appeared in the Boulder Daily Camera on Monday Feb 27,
1989.


_____________________________________________________________________________________
IVEBEENWORKINGONTHERAILROADALLTHELIVELONGDAY,WELLNOTTHEWHOLEDAY-SOIWASLATEGIMMEABREAK
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In 1993:

President George Bush makes a shocking farewell speech
shortly before Clinton's inauguration in which he will admit
to three years of extensive negotiations with space aliens.

Serena Sabak
Weekly World News Psychic


_____________________________________________________________________________________
IVEBEENWORKINGONTHERAILROADALLTHELIVELONGDAY,WELLNOTTHEWHOLEDAY-SOIWASLATEGIMMEABREAK
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

alt.alien.visitors #11512
From: mt@space.mit.edu (Mary Terhune)
Date: Wed Dec 02 10:19:36 MST 1992
Organization: MIT Center for Space Research
Re: Finding a Guru

Someone asked about finding a Guru.
I have found such a realized Guru, Her name
is Gurumayi also known as Chidvilasananda.
She is the successor to Baba Muktananda and
the Siddha Yoga Lineage. She resides at
her Ashram in South Fallsburg, NY 914-434-2000.
I have known her for 6 years and you can know
her greatness just by being in her Presence.

Best,
Mary

______________________________________________________________________________
I'MNOTSUREWHATCAUGHTMYATTENTIONFIRST:THEBUZZING,THESMELLOFSMOKE,ORTHEBLOODYAXE
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

>From the random and haphazard ways we function now, the future may see
each of us as a musician playing the keys of a magic synthesizer. What
may be commanded from our fleshy instrument is not just sound, but all
the qualities of human experience.

Bruce Eisner
Ecstasy: The MDMA Story

/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_/?\_

"
We were supposed to use drugs to expand
our minds, not to escape reality!"

Robby Krieger


{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}

You can't yawn while you sleep.

{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}{[]}

We Gave B. Hathrume Duk the assignment of
analyzing the name JESUS and these are the
acronyms he came up with:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Jailed, Escaped, Slain, Undead Savior
Joplin's Excellent Song Urges Stoners
Jack Egged Susan's Upset Stomache
Jonah Entertains Sailing Under Stormclouds
Jeweled Emperor Stops Unconscionable Satanists
Jumping Every Second Undoes Stress
Jello Energy Stuns Underwear Sucker
Jets Envelope Sunshine Using Swoops
Jim Eats Shrooms Using Spoons
Javelins Emit Strange Unknown Sounds
Japannese Espouse Simple Unending Sushi
Jackals Enter Synagogue Upsetting Servants
Jerimia Engulfed Sammy's Ugly Sister
Jack-o-lanturns Editing Software Under Supervision

~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~@~


NEW!

Lucky Money
A Real, Legal U.S. Dollar Bill [with Jesus' picture on it]
YES! It's real, it's legal, it's printed in the U.S.A. Mint and you
could spend it, but you will never want to, because the very day
you receive your Genuine, U.S. Jesus Dollar Bill will be the
beginning of the LUCKIEST days of your life!

Write To:
Rev. Harris
Dept. WN4
6329 Mallory Drive
Richmond, VA 23226

(each bill costs $5.00)

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

In Dante's Hell, the Devil is in ice, not fire.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


In April, a Franciscan friar, the Rev. Bede Frrara, handed out coupons
in Somerville, Mass., offering his parishioners "
50 percent off" of the
penance for whatever sins they confess.
He said he thought his parishioners needed a boost because of economic
woes in the area and so offered them the opportunity to atone for a sin
by, for example, doing only 15 Hail Marys instead of 30.


Chuck Shepherd
NOTW

><><><><><><>><><><><><><>><><><><><><>><><><><><><>><><><><><><>><><><><><><>


Jiles Hamilton, Georgia alien and spirit channeler, has this to say:

"
Aliens are actually more fun to work with than spirits because
they don't run off at the mouth. With spirits, it's talk, talk, talk.
You can't get then to shut up."

San Francisco Cronicle
December 13, 1992


%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%


Many famous people have said interesting things upon
their deathbeds. W.C. Fields supposedly said, "
I'd rather
be in Philadelphia," but no one knows if he was kidding or not.

HARPOON Magazine


___________________________________________________________________________
WELLHELLODALIWELLHELLODALIITSSONICETOHAVEYOUBACKWHEREYOUBELONGWELLHELLODALI
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Who was it that said (on their deathbed),
"
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unplastic Prediction:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

John Lennon's Widdow will marry Cher's old husband

and become Yoko Ono-Bono.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another Prediction for the Last Decade of This Millennium:

"
Society is losing its middle ground," says Crystal Cross, owner of Primeval Body
piercing studio in Los Angeles. "
You're either gonna be weird, radical, and really
left, or weird and conservative and really right." Pick a side, and dress (or pierce)
accordingly.

Julie Caniglia
Utne Reader No. 55


/*************************\
********************* Yubba Dubba Diety *************************************
\*************************/

Bumper Sticker I saw on January 11, 1993:

Ready Or Not

Jesus Is Coming


*************************************************************************************

>From The Someone-Up-There-Is-Watching File:

On December 7, 1906, one Christopher Timms slipped on Mount
Elie de Beaumont, a 10,200-foot peak in New Zealand. He skidded,
bounced, plummeted 7,500 feet down the ice face into a crevasse.
His climbing companion was killed, but Timms lived. With bruises,
a concussion and injuries to one hand. Longest fall ever survived
by a mountain climber, according to the record books.

The Grab Bag
Examiner/Chronicle
December 1992


_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|_=\|


Idiot, n.:
A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human
affairs has always been dominant and controlling.


:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;


And what of that "
twenty year curse" that has claimed the lives
(by illness or assassination) of seven presidents elected at twenty-year
intervals, from Harrison in 1840 to Kennedy in 1960. How did
Ronnie escape this curse?


:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;:;


In the 90s, TV will D I E !!!!

Two Hundred frightened viewers have called consumer-safety offices
in Holland to report incidents of exploding TV sets. One senior citizen
was rescued from her smoke-filled apartment when her TV burst into
flames, and a housewife claims she had not even turned on her set when
it exploded, causing almost $22,000 in damage. Officials have not
determined the cause of this sudden outbreak, although some seem to
think the problem may be caused by remote controls.

The Examiner


}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}



"
I look back with some satisfaction on what an idiot I was when I was 25,
but when I do that, I'm assuming I'm no longer an idiot."

Andy Rooney


***************************************************************************


The WebSpirit does not eat peanut butter.


**************************************************************************

Celebrate The Reptiles Of Your Mind
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

After police pulled over Kevin Temple, 35, in a routine traffic stop in
Bronson, Fla., in October, a police dog sniffing the trunk became agitated.
In the trunk and back seat, officers found the following live animals:
48 rattlesnakes, a Gila monster, 45 non-poisonous snakes, 67 scorpions,
several tarantulas and small lizards, and a parrot. Temple said they were
just pets.


Chuck Shepherd
NOTW

***************************************************************************

The empires of the future are the empires of the mind.

Sir Winston Churchill
Speech at Harvard, 6 Sept. 1943


}}}]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}



In 1982 while employed at a audio/video/record store in New York City
I discovered that by staring at a live TV show while in a meditative
state that I could cause the TV camera lens at the TV studio to glow.
I worked facing a bank of sets all day long and by experimenting with
some Zen meditation techniques I discovered that the people on TV were
reacting to the fluctuations in my mental state. The effect looks like
a bright spot of light in the camera lens directed at the person.

Since 1983 I've been using the effect to wreak havoc in the incipient
mind of the media/state. I have learned to control the effect so that
I can induce more eye blinking, more stammering, etc. by changing the
brightness and location of the spot of light which I cause to appear in
the broadcasting TV camera.

In 1991 I decided to create an experiment which would be verifiable to
the public at large, so that I might prove the existence of the phenomenon
to the skeptical community. So, I came up with the Thursday test. Every
Thursday I illuminate the cameras of the CBS Evening News. Watchers of
the show can do various things to prove the veracity of my claims. They
can count the number of times Dan Rather blinks on Thursday as compared
with Friday or Wednesday. They can measure the reflected luminosity of
the spot of light on Dan's eyeballs or they can count the number of
mis-speaks.

I've been zapping all presidential TV appearances since late 1983. If
you watch the first 1984 Reagan debate you will notice my efforts. I've
zapped all of the presidential and vice-presidential debates this year.

Millions of people know about this phenomenon and harbor knowledge of it
through a "
cult of secrecy." There is no real conspiracy in the public,
it is just that people do not tell others of this story unless provoked.
There have been quite a few pop songs written in homage; these usually use
innuendo to refer to the phenomenon.

My intent on Internet is to inform the public of this process. My intent
is infinite and immaculate in its beautifully chaotic intentions. Wreaking
havoc with light. Photonic agents of bliss infiltrating the minds of
commerce and conspiracy.

Jeff Harrington
IdEAL ORDER
idealord@dorsai.com

***********************************************************************

Wedding guests in Morocco throw raisins.

<>..<>""<>..<>""<>..<>""<>..<>""<>..<>""<>..<>""<>..<>""<>..<>""<>..<>""<>

Comments on a Tim Leary prediction presentation:

"
You have to go out of your mind to use your mind," he exclaims at
one point, and a number of us cheer hopefully, wondering just how much
"
experimenting" he allows himself these days. He sees virtual reality as a
key breakthrough in consciousness expansion and human communication, and he
predicts than within two or three years, no one will simply give lectures,
which appeal only to the so-called "
left brain;" they will give full-blown
multi-media presentations that will appeal to both the logical and the
creative functions of the brain. *Everyone* will do this, he says; it will
be *the* way to give seminars. Leary's penchant for prediction has always
fascinated me. I'm reminded of one of his earlier predictions, that
reliable life extension techniques would be available during his lifetime.
These predictions haven't got much time to be fulfilled.

From: Scotto <MOORE7004@iscsvax.uni.edu>
To: LERI-L@iscsvax.uni.edu

|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/
|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\


The nice thing about standards is that there
are so many of them to choose from.

Andrew S. Tanenbaum

}}}}}}}}}}}}}---------++++++===={{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{



[In the 60's] there was madness in any direction, at any hour ... You
could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense
that whatever we were doing was `right', that we were winning ...

And that, I think, was the handle -- the sense of inevitable victory
over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we
didn't need that. Our energy would simply `prevail'. There was no
point in fighting -- on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum;
we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave ....

So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in
Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost
__see__ the high-water mark -- the place where the wave finally broke and
rolled back.
Hunter S. Thompson, "
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"


(*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*)


If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human
face -- for ever.

George Orwell
Nineteen Eighty-Four (1949)


It is only because miners sweat their guts out that
superior persons

  
can remain superior.

again George Orwell

**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**^**


Deep Thoughts
by
Jack Handey

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd
all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us.
It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.


If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are
all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were
swimming.


Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct
is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.


If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.


I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town,
we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.


One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my
little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out
warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried,
but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started
to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late.


If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is
"God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to
tell him is "Probably because of something you did."


He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made
a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she
disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust,"
some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the
others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."


As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very
pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!


To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and
the dancers hit each other.


Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.


thanks David Leslie
dleslie@usc.edu


*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8

96.37% of all statistics are made up.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


DLEIBOLD@VM1.YorkU.CA (David Leibold) wrote:

> In the current issue of that mad magasine [sic] of Christendom, {The
> Door}, one of their "Truth is Stranger than Fiction" items shows an ad
> which claims "The Virgin Mary Speaks to America TODAY / Toll Free
> Message 800-882-MARY"
.


(*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*)

Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where
the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I
break them right away.

J.D.Salinger


(*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*) (*)


John Lennon's assasin, Mark David Chapman, told investigators he shot Lennon in
1980 to play out th role of Holden Caulfield the troubled adolescent hero
of J.D. Salinger's "Catcher in the Rye."

Robert John Bardo, the stalker who killed actress Rebecca Schaeffer in 1989,
told a psychiatrist he carried a copy of the book to emulate
Lennon's killer when he shot her.

I personally carry a picture of Robert Bardo, but I am not sure who I am
going to kill yet.

B. Hathrume Duk

I carry a picture of B. Hathrume Duk singing with John & Yoko (in the give peace
a chance film) and I once wanted to kill my dentist.

Thaloneous Platypus

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.


oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"rock and roll is what grandparents listen to...."

fraser clark

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll


"The Beatles ruined everything"

Tim Leary

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll


From: bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
To: /dev/null@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Mailing List)
Subject: A kinder, gentler Cosa Nostra


>From a list of quotes, allegedly from real-live talk shows, submitted to
a *New York* magazine competition, as reprinted in the Dec. 11 San
Francisco Chronicle:

I think you'll find that many of us in the organized crime
community are increasingly sensitive to environmental and social
issues, and more willing to reach out to those who have
traditionally been excluded from participation.

Of course, no context was given, nor was any indication given whether
the competition was *really* for *actual* quotes, although some of the
other quotes have the ring of reality:

For those of us out here in the trenches, on the front lines, so
to speak, how much makeup to wear to a business meeting can be
crucial.

Other quotes, many of which also have the ring of truth:

And then I realized I had become addicted to my co-dependency
group.

--

There must have been some real reason you shot all those people.
Tell me, was it anger?

--

I've never denied the murders. Now I just want to put all that
behind me.



||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


"In order to know the material of which an idea is made, one needs only to let
fall upon it a drop of strong acid."


Eugene Zamiatin


||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

Ruth I McKay: misc.forsale strange sale 30 May 92 19:39
pak3@ellis.uchicago.edu (Philip Klatte) writes:

I am looking to sell my soul. It has been of great use to me and I
don't want to part with it but I am graduating from college and have
to cut back on possesions. I have had some attractive offers, so I
will accept only serious offers. Features include:

Strong morals/ethics (sorry, these can't be turned off)
Inner strength (hardly used)
All original packaging and manuals (not real impressive... :-( )

I am not fooling around. Please reply via E-mail.

Philip
pak3@midway.uchicago.edu

PS Exchanges are not out of the question.


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


AP 12/28 13:27 EST V0071
Copyright 1992. The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.
MANILA, Philippines (AP) -- Religious cultists convinced that flat tires
were the key to salvation deflated tires on scores of buses and cars Monday,
paralyzing traffic throughout the city. Police arrested 32 people.
Terrified motorists abandoned their vehicles and fled for cover as armed
police chased the cultists, who swarmed through the stalled traffic deflating
more tires. Other cultists flagged down buses and then let the air out before
drivers could stop them.
The mass deflating, which appeared to have been well planned, began during
the evening rush hour and created massive traffic jams. Hours later, traffic
was still at a standstill on major thoroughfares.
It was unclear what purpose the cultists thought was served by the bizarre
strategy. When pressed for an explanation, they said only that cult leader
Alelio Bernaldez Pen told them it was God's will.
"This is God's order to let out air," said Honora Dimagila, 44, who was
arrested Monday. "Air is from God. This is the solution to the crisis in our
country."



==============================================================================

That Damn Hundredth Monkey Story Again:

"There were these Japanese scientists in the '50s who left potatoes every
day for these wild monkeys on Koshima Island and then watched what
they did.

One of these monkeys learned to wash the potatoes and began teaching
this to the others. Then, when a certain number had learned, maybe a
hundred - scientists call this a 'critical mass' - an amazing thing happened.
Suddenly, all the monkeys knew how to wash potatoes, even monkeys on
other islands hundreds of miles away! Scientists consider this to be
conclusive proof of a telepathic 'group mind'."


Ted Schultz
The Fringes of Reason



"When a myth is shared by large numbers of people,
it becomes a reality."


Lawrence Blair



Ron Amundson on the whole Hundredth Monkey phenomenon:

I would express Blair's thought somewhat differently:
"Convince enough people of a lie, and it becomes truth."
I suggest that someone who accepts this view of truth
is not to be trusted as a source of knowledge. He may, of course,
be a marvelous source of fantasy, rumor, and pseudoscientific best-sellers.


________________________________________________________________________________
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzwhydotheynotputthesedamnkeyboardsinalphabeticalorder
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

On The US Role In Current Events:

Why do we have to be the Barney Miller of the world?

Eric Mielke

================================================================================


Hint from an installation manual
we received with a new phone.

1. Never install telephone wiring during a lightning storm.


______________________________________________________________________________

"Suppose you buy a robot. When you get it home, you discover that it does
nothing useful. It cannot even maintain its balance. It makes
irritating, high pitched noises, moves its limbs about haphazardly, and
leaks. And you discover that, for some reason, it is illegal to turn it
off. So you are stuck with this useless machine. . .I know someone who is
very much like that robot: my daughter, Robin."

James W. Kalat
Intro to Psychology
Second Edition

______________________________________________________________________________


This was in Ann Landers in today's paper. I thought it was classic:

Dear Ann--

On April 30 of this year, the LA riots were in full swing.
I was with a couple of friends and we got carried away with
all the excitement. One guy suggested that we join the rest
of the crowd and loot a Korean dry cleaners.

The scene was incredible. There were about 20 people grabbing
as much stuff as they could before the store was set on fire.
That's when I saw this great leather coat hanging not two yards
from me. I went to grab it and at the very same moment, ``Wanda''
reached for it, too.

She was beautiful, and she really wanted that coat, so I made
her a deal. She could have it if she would let me take her to
dinner.

We hit it off right away and I knew that night we were perfect
for each other. We plan to be married next April.

The problem is this: Many out-of-town family members will want
to know how we met. Should we tell them the truth? Should we lie?
We aren't convicted criminals. We both work and have no police
records.


Reply to "Pair steal more than each other's hearts":

What a charming way to meet people! Here I've been suggesting church
and temple affairs, volunteer groups and night school classes. You say
you have no criminal record? Too bad. You SHOULD, because what you
did was clearly criminal. Do you have any idea how hard those Koreans
worked to open their shops? Overnight, everything they had was gone,
thanks to animals like you. As for your question, sorry, pal, I'm
fresh out of cover stories.

Ann L.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

IN 1992:

Down in DC, prize chinese panda Ling-Ling died at the age of 23. Although
an autopsy hasn't been performed yet, many scientists have pointed
out that her death closely followed intestinal pains that struck the panda
after the announcement of President Bush's pardoning of the Iran Contra
villains.

B. Hathrume Duk

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1992 18:15:13 -0800
From: Randy Tinkerman <rmt@well.sf.ca.us>
To: sfraves@soda.berkeley.edu (San Francisco Rave List)


Regarding the suggestion to have groups of senders continuously pouring out
the good vibe during raves (and any other time for since we all live.)...

At Leary's Castalia experiments/retreats/rituals held at Zihuantanejo/
Millbrook/Hyperspace, at least one of the neo-pagans/avatars/zombies was
in ritual meditative retreat, in the "zoned-off" ritual center, meditating
for the welfare/enlightenment/sanity of the entire group. At least one
AT ALL TIMES. (Obviously, it must've worked. Heh<tm>)


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

"On yet another related note, the australian group Tlot Tlot ask people to
bring plastic toys to their concerts..."


Francois Dion
CISM@ERE.UMontreal.CA


[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]


There are COMPUTER PEOPLE called PLASTICS
They come from XNEON,
which is considered an asteroid of MARS

AGR1PPA 2.01 - NEW & IMPROVED (Fixes Bugs from Version 2.00)
(A Book of The Mentally Disturbed -- Even FUNNIER than the original!)
Text by US@phantom.com
Etching by THOSE_PEOPLE@phantom.com
(C)1992 THE POWER COMPUTER (In My Mind Since 1979)


[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]

customer, "waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
waiter, "thats ok, no extra charge for the fly."
customer, "WOW! thanks"
announcer, "Government mind control techneques [sic] as applied by
the food service industry. A sad but all to true reality of life."


U56673@UICVM.UIC.EDU

MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN

"This true story was sent to me earlier by Alekz Vermont, antoher
Johns Hopkins person only here temporarily."


an annonymous unplastic editor


I was making pesto in a blender -- one of the models where the jar
screws into a metal base which has the blades and bearings built into
it, and this base then sits on top of the drive unit.

Well, the blender was screaming away on high speed when I suddenly
noticed that the jar was unscrewing itself from the base. I dashed
across the kitchen and reached for it, just as the whole thing let go.
The jar toppled off before I could grab it, pesto exploded everywhere,
and the base flew straight up off the drive unit, blades still spinning,
right smack into the palm of my outstretched hand.

So there I was standing in the kitchen with my hand bleeding copiously
and a heavy horizontal band of pesto all around the walls of the kitchen
and across the front of my shirt. I was all alone in my house way out
in the mountain boonies, but I knew I needed stitches (at least 25
years later, I still have the scar).
I wrapped my hand up in a towel and I drove 15 miles of dark mountain
roads to the emergency room.

When I walked into the ER, the almost-a-doctor on duty sized me up, and
as he unwrapped the bloody towel from my hand he said "My gawd, you
smell REALLY DELICIOUS!"




>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Frisbeetarianism, n.:

The belief that when you die, your soul goes up
on the roof and gets stuck.

`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`

1992 In REVIEW
by
B. Hathrume Duk

Pierre Cuillford, creator of the Smurfs died of a heart attack at the age
of 64.

Queen Elizabeth II dubbed 1992 as an "annus horribilis."

Time magazine in turn dubbed 1992 as "annus terrificus."

In 1992, scientists announced that the overpopulation is on the rise
in a way much worse than they had earlier surmised. The population of the
planet is expected to double to 10 billion by 2050.

Two baby buffalo are on the loose in the suburbs south of Baltimore. The
two buffaloes are about four months old and each weigh about 400 lbs. Top
speeds up to 35 mph.

Together: Wayne and Garth
Not: Chuck and Di
Masters and Johnson (husband and wife team who authored
the famous sex manual)
Woody and Mia
Jim and Tammy Fae Bakker

A man called the police to tell them he was robbed during a drug deal.

A man determined to make "America's Funniest Home Videos" dressed up as a
cave man and tried to sit on Santa's lap at a mall only to be arrested for
tresspassing and indecent exposure.

And just to put a capper on to 1992, Todd Bridges from "Different Strokes"
was arrested for posession of speed and a 9mm pistol.


(--) (--) (--) (--) (--) (--) (--) (--) (--) (--) (--)


Of all the things in this universe,
said Albert Einstein,
the most difficult to understand is the income tax.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


"We will...have to recognize that the transformation of
consciousness and personality, whether by yoga or LSD,
is basically a religious problem... By now we should
have learned that prohibition simply passes control
[of such substances] to criminals and incompetent
manufacturers, and their use is forced into clandestine
circumstances where the psychiatrist and the minister
cannot even be asked to advise."


Alan Watts
In The New Republic

""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Copyright 1992 by UPI. Reposted with permission from the ClariNet
Electronic Newspaper newsgroup clari.news.top, et al. For more info on
ClariNet, write to info@clarinet.com or phone 1-800-USE-NETS.


NEW YORK (UPI) -- The American Civil Liberties Union Wednesday named a
number of government officials and private individuals, including Oliver
North and Washington State Gov. Booth Gardner, as ``1992 Arts Censors of
the Year.''

The watchdog organization cited those chosen as having ``shown
exceptional disregard for the First Amendment values of freedom of
speech.''

``All of the people and groups that we've named today, and many
others like them, are trying to impose their ideological, moral and
religious standards on a very diverse population,'' said Marjorie Heins,
director of the ACLU's Arts Censorship Project.

She noted that several of those named as arts censors ``are public
officials who have used the weight and authority of their offices to
wage campaigns against musicians, painters, sculptors and writers.''

The others, she said, ``are private individuals and pressure groups
who have advocated censorship in an effort to impose their morality and
cultural tastes on the rest of society.''

Those listed were:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
-- Anne-Imelda Radice, acting chairwoman of the National Endowment for
the Arts, ``who stated in testimony before Congress that she would veto
any grants for sexually explicit art or other projects that deal with
'difficult subject matter.'''

-- The Duval County, Fla., public school district, ``which has
censored more than 60 books over the years, and which, this past year,
purged the county's school libraries of titles by Stephen King and
African-American poet Nikki Giovani, not to mention the classic fairy
tale 'Snow White' banned because of 'graphic violence.'''

-- Omaha, Neb., City Councilman Steve Exon, and members of Omaha for
Decency, a private organization, ``who together organized a private
sting operation resulting in prosecutions against four local record
stores for selling 2 Live Crew's 'Sports Weekend' album to teenagers.''

-- The Maryland State Legislature's Frederick County delegation, which
reversed its plans to seek $500,000 in state funding for a local arts
center ``after the museum displayed a satiric, anti-Persian Gulf War
painting.''

-- The Washington State Legislature and Gov. Booth Gardner, who passed
a law imposing a mandatory labeling sytem, with criminal penalties, for
musical recordings deemed ``erotic'' by a state court.

-- Former Marine colonel Oliver North and Florida attorney Jack
Thompson, ``who led a campaign of harassment against musicians and
record companies over Ice-T's song 'Cop Killer,' and other music with
messages they dislike.''

-- Legal scholar Catharine MacKinnon and writer Andrea Dworkin, ``for
drafting and advocating legislation that would allow lawsuits to ban
sexually oriented entertainment, and to allow victims of sexual crimes
to collect damages from the producers and distributors of such
entertainment.''

-- The Rev. Donald Wildmon, head of the American Family Association,
``for a lifetime of disservice to the fundamental values of the Bill of
Rights in his pursuit of one overarching goal: the restructuring of
American law to reflect his own moral code.''


Collect by:
Carl Kadie -- kadie@cs.uiuc.edu -- University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign

[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]

All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.

[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]

"You must *become* the change you want to see in the world."

Gandhi

[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]
[=] [=]
[=] Well, That's All Folks! Send Us [=]
[=] Your Suggestions [=]
[=] Stay Tuned! For The Theme of [=]
[=] The Next Issue [=]
[=] [=]
[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]-[=]
[=] [=]
[=] ORDER YOUR UNPLASTIC T-SHIRT __ [=]
[=] () [=]
[=] T O D A Y <> [=]
[=] To Order QUALITY shirt: /\ [=]
[=] Send Check or Money Order for $11 /..\ [=]
[=] (includes postage & handling in U.S.A) / II \ [=]
[=] TO: _____/ OO \_____ [=]
[=] The Unplastic News /++++++++++++++++++\ [=]
[=] c/o Todd Tibbetts |__________________| [=]
[=] 306 Meyers Drive | | [=]
[=] Rocky Hill, CT 06067 _| |_ [=]
[=] Orders outside the u.S.a. will be subject to [=]
[=] a higer shipping fee depending on where we gotta [=]
[=] send it. In e-mail, tell us where you're from and [=]
[=] we will tell you how much extra we need. Thanks ! [=]
[=] [=]
[=] Allow 6 Weeks For Delivery in U.S.A. [=]
[=] [=]
[=] The shirt is Black and White with a groovie Myan god [=]
[=] juggling the continents ! [=]
[=] [=]
[=] Make out checks to Todd C. Tibbetts [=]
[=] [=]
[=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=][=]


Extra Special Thanks To:

Jesse Montrose <76646.3302@compuserve.com>
Keith Bostic <bostic@vangogh.CS.Berkeley.EDU>
Tina LaVour
kenney@hsi.com <Brian Kenney>
schaller@hsi.com <David Schaller>
Eric Mielke
warren-matthew@yale.edu <Matthew S. "Opie" Warren>
phrack@stormking.com
Amy Beth Sawyer
Andrew.S.Wright@williams.edu <Andrew Wright>
tolman@asylum.cs.utah.edu <Kenneth Tolman>
Nexus/Lexus Info-Banks
mt@space.mit.edu <Mary Terhune>
idealord@dorsai.com <Jeff Harrington>
Stacey Dorman
MOORE7004@iscsvax.uni.edu <Scotto>
LERI-L@iscsvax.uni.edu <Mailing List>
dleslie@usc.edu <David Leslie>
DLEIBOLD@VM1.YorkU.CA <David Leibold>
pak3@ellis.uchicago.edu <Philip Klatte>
rmt@well.sf.ca.us <Randy Tinkerman>
Christine Lugoffer
sfraves@soda.berkeley.edu <Left-Coast Rave List>
ne-raves@gnu.ai.mit.edu <Right-Coast Rave List>
Kara Mullane Chaplin Snap-Cracker Paris-in-Springtime Penis-pump Bonaventure
McCord Alexandra Rabbit-cage aux Merde de la Vingt et Une
CISM@ERE.UMontreal.CA <Francois Dion>
U56673@UICVM.UIC.EDU
info@clarinet.com <ClariNet>
kadie@cs.uiuc.edu <Carl Kadie>
phantom.com (MindVox People)
Megan Stanley

____________________________________________________________________________________
!@#~`$%^&*()_+}{-=][|\"':;<,>.?/!@#~`$%^&*()_+}{-=][|\"':;<,>.?/!@#~`$%^&*()_+}{-=][
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
II II
II "Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, II
II what *can* you believe?!"
II
II II
II Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward] II
II II
____________________________________________________________________________________
!@#~`$%^&*()_+}{-=][|\"':;<,>.?/!@#~`$%^&*()_+}{-=][|\"':;<,>.?/!@#~`$%^&*()_+}{-=][
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

Ralph Waldo Emerson






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