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oo oo
oo the unplastic news issue #1 oo
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oo July 20, 1991 oo
oo oo
oo oo
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oo TTTTTTTTTT HH HH EEEEEE oo
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oo UU UU NN N PP P L A A SS TT II CC oo
oo UU UU N N N PPPPPP L AAAAAA SSSSS TT II CC oo
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oo UUUUUU N N PP LLLLL A A SSSSS TT II CCCCCC oo
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oo N NN EEEEEE WWWWWWW SSSSS oo
oo oo
oo ....... the unplastic news ........ oo
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__________________________________________________________
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=================================================================
"Free Speech Is The Right To Shout
'Theater' In A Crowded Fire."
-A Yippie Proverb
======================================================================
"After the ground war began, captured Iraqi soldiers said
any of them caught by superiors wearing a white T-shirt
would be executed because of the ease with which the
shirts could be used as surrender flags. Some Iraqi
soldiers carried bleach with them to make their dark
shirts white..."
Compiled by Chuck Shepherd
Funny Times
May 1991
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"I had never been too political, but I knew how white people
treated black people and it was hard for me to come back
to the bullshit white people put a black person
through in this country. To realize you
don't have any power to make things
different is a bitch."
----------> Miles Davis, the autobiography
A Touchstone Book, 1989
____________________________________________________________________________
"The truth of a thing is the feel of it,
not the think of it."
...........Stanley Kubrick
............................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
............................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!! "The world is moving toward the final medical epidemic: !!!!!!!
!!! thermonuclear war. Over the last thirty-six years, both !!!!!!!
!!! the U.S. and the U.S.S.R. have developed generations of ever !!!!!!!
!!! more deadly nuclear weapons. Today these superpowers have !!!!!!!
!!! between them some 50,000 such weapons. Weapons now being !!!!!!!
!!! developed by both countries will add thousands of warheads, !!!!!!!
!!! even though Russia and the United States now have enough !!!!!!!
!!! nuclear weapons to target every town with a population of !!!!!!!
!!! 10,000 or more. It is said that the Soviet Union has enough !!!!!!!
!!! weapons to kill every American twenty times, and that !!!!!!!
!!! America has enough to kill every Russian forty times. As !!!!!!!
!!! a physician, I know that people can only die once." !!!!!!!
!!! !!!!!!!
!!! STOP NUCLEAR WAR! A Handbook !!!!!!!
!!! !!!!!!!
!!! David P. Barash, Ph.D. and !!!!!!!
!!! Judith Eve Lipton, M.D. !!!!!!!
!!! !!!!!!!
!!! Grove Press, 1982 !!!!!!!
!!! !!!!!!!
!!! !!!!!!!
!@#$%^&*()_+}{":?><|~!@#$%^&*(()_+?><:"{}_%$#@*()+":';?/.,)(#$@!#@##$%$+_=-
"There must be more to life
than having everything."
===== Maurice Sendak =====
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"Once a woman is helped to see that her
perceptions are valid and that it is all
right to want to blame and feel like a
victim, she can begin moving into the
rage stage...
THE FIRST MYTH is that the White Male System is the only thing that exists...
THE SECOND MYTH is that the White Male System is innately superior...
THE THIRD MYTH is that the White Male System knows and understands everything...
THE FOURTH MYTH is that it is possible to be totally logical,
rational,
and
objective."
Women's Reality
An Emerging Female System in a White Male Society
Anne Wilson Schaef
Harper & Row, 1981
###########################################################################
"When the 'oppressors' become too strict, we have what is
known as a police state, wherein all dissent is forbidden,
as is chuckling, showing up in a bow tie, or referring to
the mayor as 'Fats.' Civil liberties are greatly curtailed
in a police state, and freedom of speech is unheard of,
although one is allowed to mime to a record. Opinions
critical of the government are not tolerated, particularly
about their dancing. Freedom of the press is also
curtailed and the ruling party 'manages' the news,
permitting the citizens to hear only acceptable political
ideas and ball scores that will not cause unrest."
Without Feathers
Woody Allen
Ballantine Books, 1972
**************************************************************************
"ELEVEN
Thirty spokes share the wheel's hub;
It is the center hole that makes it useful.
Shape clay into a vessel;
It is the space within that makes it useful.
Cut doors and windows for a room;
It is the holes which make it useful.
Therefore profit comes from what is there;
Usefulness from what is not there.
SIXTEEN
Empty yourself of everything.
Let the mind rest at peace.
The ten thousand things rise and fall while the Self watches their return.
They grow and flourish and then return to the source.
Returning to the source is stillness, which is the way of nature.
The way of nature is unchanging.
Knowing constancy is insight.
Not knowing constancy leads to disaster.
Knowing constancy, the mind is open.
With an open mind, you will be openhearted.
Being openhearted, you will act royally.
Being royal, you will attain the divine.
Being divine, you will be at one with the Tao.
Being at one with the Tao is eternal.
And though the body dies, the Tao will never pass away."
TAO TE CHING
Lao Tsu
Translation by:
Gia-Fu Feng and Jane English
Vintage Books, 1972
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"The less effort,
the faster and more powerful you will be."
......{ Bruce Lee }......
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Astronomer Harlow Shapley estimates that there are some (10 to the twentieth
power) stars within the range of our telescopes. When Shapley associates a
planetary system with only one in a thousand stars, we may assume that it is
a very cautious estimate...Without quoting fantastic figures or taking
unknown galaxies into account,
we may surmise that there are 18,000 planets comparatively close to the
earth with conditions essential to life similar to those of our own planet.
Yet we can go even further and speculate that if only 1 percent of these
18,000 planets were actually inhabited, there would still be 180 left...
...But what can have induced the pre-Inca peoples to build the fantastic
lines, the landing strips, at Nazca? What madness could have driven them
to create the 820-foot-high stone signs on the red cliffs south of Lima?
These tasks would have taken decades without modern machines and
appliances. Their whole activity would have been senseless if the end
product of their efforts had not been meant as signs to beings
approaching them from great hights. The stimulating question still has
to be answered: Why did they do all this if they had no idea that
flying beings actually existed?"
Chariots of the Gods?
Unsolved Mysteries of the Past
Erich Von Daniken
Bantam Books, 1968
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Jeremy Lynch, a photography student at Ryerson
Polytechnical Institute in Toronto, claimed in
November that Lake Ontario is so polluted with
mercury and iron that he has been able to
develop photographs using lake water captured
around factories without adding any chemicals.
A Toronto pollution control official said he
did not dispute Lynch's claim."
Compiled by Chuck Shepherd
Funny Times
March 1991
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{
"Cindy Havens had a problem. Her pet iguana, Pogo Longtail, refused to eat
any of the pet food she gave him. So Havens started feeding Pogo pot she
found growing near her house in Ottawa, Ontario. Everything was fine---until
she was arrested on possession charges. The Canadian police didn't believe
her tale. But Judge Bernard Ryan did. He concluded that the pot was
ditchweed and fined her a mere $500 for possession of more than a pound.
'Now every drug trafficker in the city will be buying iguanas,' the
judge joked."
High Times Magazine
December 1990
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
"Stay out of jail."
Alfred Hitchcock (as advice to young film makers)
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
"GILLIGAN'S
ISLAND
---------------
Comedy. The series, set on an uncharted
island in the South Pacific, follows the
misadventures of the seven members of the
shipwrecked S.S. Minnow, a sight-seeing
charter boat that was caught in and
destroyed by a tropical storm at sea, as
they struggle for survival and seek a way
off the island.
C A S T
=======
CHARACTER WHAT THEY ACTOR
NAME WERE NAME
Jonas Grumby the skipper Alan Hale, Jr.
Gilligan the first mate Bob Denver
Ginger Grant beautiful
movie actress Tina Louise
Thurston Howell III a millionaire Jim Backus
Lovey Howell Thurston's
wife Natalie Schafer
Mary Anne Summers a pretty
Kansas clerk Dawn Wells
Roy Hinkley the professor, a
brilliant scientist Russell Johnson
Wrong Way Feldman the pilot
(occasional visitor to
the island. His plane:
'Spirit of the Bronx') Hans Conried
Dr. Boris Balinkoff the mad
scientist from a
nearby island Vito Scotti
Theme: "The Ballad of Gilligan's Island" by George Wyle and Sherwood Schwartz
Giligan's Island - 30 minutes - CBS - September 26,
1964 to September 3, 1967 - 98 episodes - syndicated
Spinoff series: The New Adventures of Gilligan."
from the book:
Television 1970-1980
Vincent Terrace, 1981
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
"As a man abandons worn-out clothes and
acquires new ones, so when the body is
worn out a new one is acquired by the Self,
who lives within.
The Self cannot be pierced by weapons or
burned by fire; water cannot wet it, nor can
the wind dry it. The Self cannot be pierced or
burned, made wet or dry. It is everlasting and
infinite, standing on the motionless founda-
tions of eternity. The Self is unmanifested,
beyond all thought, beyond all change.
Knowing this, you should not grieve."
The Bhagavad Gita
translated for the modern reader by
Eknath Easwaran
Nilgiri Press, 1985
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
"Using words to describe magic is like
using a screwdriver to cut roast beef."
\\\ Tom Robbins ///
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
" 'So tractable, so peaceable, are these people,' Columbus
wrote to the King and Queen of Spain, 'that I swear to
your Majesties there is not in the world a better nation.
They love their neighbors as themselves, and their
discourse is ever sweet and gentle, and accompanied with
a smile; and though it is true that they are naked, yet
their manners are decorous and praiseworthy.'
All this, of course, was taken as a sign of weakness, if
not heathenism, and Columbus being a righteous European
was convinced the people should be 'made to work, sow and
do all that is necessary and to adopt our ways.' Over the
next four centuries (1492-1890) several million Europeans
and their descendants undertook to enforce their ways upon
the people of the New World...
...The Raritans resisted arrest,...The Dutch soldiers ran
their bayonets through men, women, and children, hacked their
bodies to pieces, and then leveled the villages with fire...
...The Five Nations of the Iroquois, mightiest and most advanced
of all the eastern tribes, strove in vain for peace. After
years of bloodshed to save their political independence, they
finally went down to defeat. Some escaped to Canada, some fled
westward, some lived out their lives in reservation confinement."
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee
Dee Brown
Washington Square Press, (1970) 1981
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
"According to Thonglor Markmee, a guardian of the
Erawan Hindu shrine in downtown Bangkok, increasingly
larger crowds have made impractical the traditional
nude dancing by females who visit the shrine to ask
for good luck. Instead, he reports, some visitors
seeking good luck have taken to leaving X-rated videos
inside the shrine.
=====++=====
In August, two Sweedish government nurses, working for
a 31-year-old mentally ill man on a holiday (which the
man paid for) to Turkey, accidentally lost the man at
Stockholm Airport but, after looking around for him for
'over an hour,' decided to take the holiday without
him. Though the nurses had the man's ticket and
passport, one said the man 'can cope by himself.' He
was later returned to the hospital 'in worse condition.'"
compiled by Chuck Shepherd
Funny Times
May 1991
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Zen, dude.
It is like looking for the spectacles
which rest upon your nose.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
I Q EXAM
==========
A government task force lead
by Education Czar Sargent Flip
Tojam is attempting to pass a
new law which will require every
U.S. citizan to take a new I.Q.
examination to test their innate
knowledge. Here are some of
the questions so you can cheat.
################
# #
# PART ONE # MATH COMPREHENSION
# # ____________________
################
QUESTION #1
===========
If Johny has twelve apples and Susan has four oranges,
how many pieces of fruit will they have and will they
be able to open a fruit stand?
A) 12
B) 7
C) Tuesday
D) Where did Johny get twelve apples? His
mother never has any fruit in her house.
QUESTION #2
===========
If a train leaves Chicago at 4:32pm traveling at 120
miles per hour and another train leaves New York at
4:33pm traveling at 6 miles per hour, what will they
be serving at the snack bar?
A) Since when does a train leave at 4:32pm?
B) Is that smoking or non-smoking?
C) Tuesday
D) Garbonzo Beans
QUESTION #3
===========
Work the following equation using fundamental math
skills. (Scratch paper will be provided.)
Equation: 123+456/(43536^23)-876.9988776655+
[125%*5423-$14]+666-.5*.6*.7*.8-1+
(142@654&*+0+0+0-9876^65%/14])()+2=?
A) Zero
B) Huh?
C) Tuesday
D) Now wait, Susan has how many oranges?
QUESTION #4
===========
Charlie has one million dollars. If Sigmund beats
Charlie senseless and takes the money, how much
interest will Charlie be losing over a three year
period at 7%?
A) Eight Zillion Dollars
B) What was Charlie doing with that kind of cash?
C) Tuesday
D) Zero
QUESTION #5
===========
If I intersect a plane with a binomial integer between
670 and 675, what time will it be when I'm done?
A) Ten minutes after the train leaves Chicago
B) Now, were Charlies apples Macintosh or Delicious?
C) Tuesday
D) How dare you intersect a plane without it's permission!
QUESTION #6
===========
If Pookie had a pizza which was cut into 15 slices and he
had seven friends over, what percentage of the entire pie
would each guest get?
A) None! I've met Pookie before and he's a
heartless bastard! He won't share anything.
B) Pepperoni or sausage?
C) Tuesday
D) Let's not talk about food while I'm taking a test
QUESTION #7
===========
If you have the number 123.76 and you multiply it by
334.87, which way will the decimal point move?
A) Right
B) Left
C) Friday
D) South
QUESTION #8
===========
If a river flows at 600 gallons per second and the wind
blows in the opposite direction at 85 miles per hour, how
old is my grandmother?
A) Listen, this is getting silly
B) 91
C) Sunday
D) Wind blowing at 85mph, now come on!
E) All of the above
F) Some of the above
G) Maybe one or two of the above
H) A and B
I) A and C, but sometimes B
J) Oh, I don't know
########################
# #
# PART TWO # VERBAL COMPREHENSION
# # _______________________
########################
QUESTION #1
===========
Shampoo is to a totally bald person as:
A) Peanut butter is to jelly
B) George Bush is to the U.S.
C) Waffle irons are to teddy bears
D) 7
QUESTION #2
===========
Doorknobs are to doors as:
A) Toes are to hands
B) Sex is to reproduction
C) Sex is to jello
D) Can I have a piece of Pookie's pizza?
QUESTION #3
===========
Read the following paragraph and answer the content
questions to follow.
When Bobo awoke, he found that all of his bacteria
collection had been stolen. He was pissed and vowed
to seek out and destroy the culprit. Bobo searched
day in and day out until he found the man who had
stolen his bacteria. The culprit's name was Fidel
Castro. (No, not the famous one.) Fidel stabbed
Bobo in the chest 365 times until he died.
A) What are the social ramifications of
Bobo's collection?
B) Why do you think the author chooses to have
Fidel stab Bobo 365 times? (Hint: 365 days in a year)
C) What religious imagery is present?
D) What was Bobo's last name?
QUESTION #4
===========
Define Genocide:
A) The side of a Geno
B) George Bush
C) When Genos kill themselves
D) A clay brick
QUESTION #5
===========
Define Reconnoiter:
A) To connoiter a second time
C) A new improved jelly-like bath shampoo
B) Something disgusting done with the pelvic region
Z) 7
QUESTION #6
===========
Define Limpkin:
A) When your family can't stand up by themselves
2) When a family member has a leg removed
C) How a German, learning English, pronounces napkin
D) Something disgusting done with the ear
E) Will this stuff really help me in real life?
Todd Tibbetts
Platypus Magazine, april 1989
123456789123456789123456789123456789123456789123456789123456789123456789
"Coltrane Live at Birdland Impulse A-50
John Coltrane, tenor and soprano saxophones
McCoy Tyner, piano
Jimmy Garrison, bass
Elvin Jones, drums
(I) (II)
1. 'Afro-Blue' 1. 'The Promise'
2. 'I Want to Talk about You' 2. 'Alabama'
3. 'Your Lady'
ONE OF THE most baffling things about America is that despite its essentially
vile profile, so much beauty continues to exist here. Perhaps it's as so
many thinkers have said, that it is because of the vileness, or call it
adversity, that such beauty does exist. (As balance?)"
Black Music
Leroi Jones
Quill, 1967
____________________________________________________________________________
"Until we loose ourselves
there is no hope of finding ourselves."
_____Henry Miller_____
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
"RAGE
=====
You are the dark song
of the morning;
serious and slow,
you shave, you dress,
you descend the stairs
in your public clothes
and drive away, you become
the wise and powerful one
who makes all the days
possible in the world.
But you were also the red song
in the night,
stumbling through the house
to the child's bed,
to the damp rose of her body,
leaving your bitter taste.
And forever those nights snarl
the delicate machinery of the days.
When the child's mother smiles
you see on her cheekbones
a truth you will never confess;
and you see how the child grows-
timidly, crouching in corners.
Sometimes in the wide night
you hear the most mournful cry,
a ravished and terrible moment.
In your dreams she's a tree
that will never come to leaf-
in your dreams she's a watch
you dropped on the dark stones
till no one could gather the fragments-
in your dreams you have sullied and murdered,
and dreams do not lie."
DREAM WORK
Mary Oliver
The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1986
OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
"After the success of "Coconuts" he [Groucho Marx]
bought a house in the suburban Long Island community
of Great Neck and inquired about joining a restricted
swimming club. The manager told him that the club
could not accept his application because of its policy against admitting Jews. Groucho thought for a moment
and asked, 'Well, then how about my son? He's only
half Jewish. Can he go into the water up to
his waist?' "
The Portable Curmudgeon
compiled and edited by:
Jon Winokur
New American Library Books, 1987
)( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )(
"the poetry reading
at high noon
at a small college near the beach
sober
the sweat running down my arms
a spot of sweat on the table
I flatten it with my finger
blood money blood money
my god they must think I love this like the others
but it's for bread and beer and rent
blood money
I'm tense lousy feel bad
poor people I'm falling I'm falling
a woman gets up
walks out
slams the door
a dirty poem
somebody told me not to read dirty poems
here
it's too late.
my eyes can't see some lines
I read it
out ---
desperate trembling
lousy
they can't hear my voice
and I say,
I quit, that's it, I'm
finished.
and later in my room
there's scotch and beer:
the blood of a coward.
this then
will be my destiny:
scrabbling for pennies in dark tiny halls
reading poems I have long since become tired
of.
and I used to think
that men who drove busses
or cleaned out latrines
or murdered men in alleys were
fools."
M O C K
I N G
B I R D
W I S H
M E
L U C K
Charles Bukowski
Black Sparrow Press, 1988
_____________________________________________%^*&$_________________-_____
"We find, in talking to nongay people about homosexuality, that there is
an enormous interest in what actually goes on in bed. We could
summarize the whole subject by saying that gay men do all the things
men everywhere either do or would like to do, and women offer each other
all the things that women everywhere like or would like to have done
to them. In most cases, lovers take turns being the active or passive
partner, but of course no hard and fast rules exist about who does what
to whom-it's a matter of individual preference. There is no way we can
describe everybody's love life because infinite possibilities for
variety exist, all of them doubtless practiced with vigor and
enthusiasm by any number of people.
But we can try, for the sake of parents who want to know, to be a
little more specific..."
Now That You Know
What Every Parent Should Know About Homosexuality
Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward
Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1979
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Life is all memory except for the one present moment
that goes by so quick you can hardly catch it going."
::: Tennessee Williams :::
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
+ +
+ +
+ "And I saw in the right hand of him who was seated +
+ on the throne a scroll written within and on the +
+ back, sealed with seven seals; and I saw a strong +
+ angel proclaiming with a loud voice, 'Who is worthy +
+ to open the scroll and break it's seals?' And no +
+ one in heaven or on earth or under the earth was +
+ able to open the scroll or to look into it, and I +
+ wept much that no one was found worthy to open +
+ the scroll or to look into it. Then one of the +
+ elders said to me, 'Weep not; lo, the Lion of the +
+ tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has conquered, +
+ so that he can open the scroll and its seven seals." +
+ +
+ The Bible +
+ Revelation 5 +
+ +
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality,
they are not certain;
as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality."
Albert Einstein
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOO OOO
OOO S T A Y T U N E D..... OOO
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OOO OOO OOO
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OOO OOO OOO
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--
Todd Tibbetts
tibbetts@hsi.com
