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The Purple Thunderbolt of spode Volume 3 Issue 50
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SBI-Submarine Pens Proudly Presents:
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THE PURPLE THUNDERBOLT OF SPODE VOL 3, 50
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"Two years and REPLIES TO: HailOtis@socpsy.sci.fau.edu
still going strong"
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WRITE TO: IGHF/955 Massachusetts Ave., Suite 209/Cambridge, Ma 02139
Pope Jephe: jstevens@world.std.com
Doc Simpson: scott@plearn.bitnet
Subscriptions: HailOtis@socpsy.sci.fau.edu
Back issues ftp from quartz.rutgers.edu in /pub/journals/purps
####===================================================================####
INTRO
####===================================================================####
Deadlines! Deadlines! Always deadlines to meet. The eternal hammer of Brow
always threatening to fall. That's what it's like being Editor some times.
Still it's great fun.
Welcome to Issue Number Fifty. The golden anniversary issue as it were.
Yes, Purps is Fifty Issues old and still going strong. We've got more
subscribers than ever (and strangely enough the most subscribers appear when
an issue of purps is delayed by a week or two. I suppose this is OTIS's
gentle reminder to me that the herd of OTIS needs an issue.) and we're
available in more places than ever (see below for availability of Purps via
gopher.)
Fifty issues was easy. We can easily make 100. Yes it's optimism all the
way amazingly enough. We even now have access to a not one, but two unix
machines which might mean the Purps distribution list can finally get off
it's silly slow trickle distribution and back to it's wide bore shotgun
mailing like it used to have. We'll see though. At least we have the
hardware. Other odd plans for the future include perhaps and FTP server and
maybe even a OTISIAN mud or something like that. Lord knows.
Surprisingly enough this issue of Purps contains REAL honest to Heethor
facts about OTIS! Say it ain't so oh over worked editor, but it's true.
Recently the esteemed Doc Simpson send me a whole bunch of material, some
of which you can see below. We now had a real FAQ file just like all those
other electronic distribution thingies. We can now officially bitch at
people and tell them to go read the damn FAQ and stop bother us just like a
real electronic discussion list. (Not that we really would.)
Also included is an updated version of the Glossary, this again is thanks
to Doc Simpson who spend hours pouring over the Otisian archives in an
effort to bring forth this document of some magnitude.
Also we have yet more historic tales from the archives of Doc Simpson.
Okay one more paragraph were we mention him. Doc Simpson has expressed an
interest is setting up some sort of European Otisian something or other. If
you're in Europe you may want to drop him a line and see what exactly he is
up to.
Other than that, we've got a few other bits and pieces. I wanted to heavily
slant this issue toward educating the clamoring masses of OTIS so that's
what I did.
For those of you who send me submissions, keep them coming. I need them. I
have enough sitting right here to whack out yet another issue of Purps.
Life seems to be taking a turn for the better so maybe they will come out
more frequently.
Anyway on with the show, and remember that the Pope needs material for the
OTISIAN directory. Contact him if you'd like to make a submission in any
way shape or form.
####===================================================================####
Fragment #44, The Origin of the Parasols of Lemuria
####===================================================================####
...And when mighty Spode, God of Confusion, approached gentle Nepha,
Goddess of Chocolate Eggs, with the Purple Thunderbolt uncovered by any
garment but standing erect of Its own power, sweet Nepha was greatly
troubled, for It was 4 cubits in width and 44 cubits in length. In
terrible fear She smote It with Her spear and many-splendored Spode was
sorely vexed. And as He hopped about and bellowed as the majestic bull
does in summertime when it bottom is lashed by thorns, some of the Seed of
Spode was scattered upon the earth.
And behold, a child was born from the earth and Heethor, the Paisley
Goddess, in her form of Heethymthombang, Lady of Unexplained Plot Twists,
took this child and placed him in a chest. And
She-Who-Never-Straightly-Doth-Anything-Do took the chest unto Lemur the
Wise of Lemuria and spake thusly, "This coffer, receiveth you. Not at all
(nowise) may you inside it be looking (although pressing, temptation may
be) but good care of it should be taken." And snowy-haired Lemur took the
chest and placed hearty repast beside it every day but never dared to look
inside it.
However, sagacious Lemur's four foolish sisters, Lalune, Lamoure,
Lamachine, and Lecar, were very curious and peeked under the lid. The
annals of mortal men do not concur what it was they saw, for verily, no
mortal man has seen that sight and remained fit to describe it. Some say
that it was four great chartreuse snakes set there by Heethor to guard the
child. Some say that it was no infant at all but a fish with a very
pungent smell. Others assert that the chest contained nothing but bones.
Still others say that the child was fat, pink, healthy and normal except
that in place of human private parts he had a great writhing snake.
Whatever the contents of the chest, when the four matrons beheld it they
were struck stark mad and hacked their own baby boys to small pieces with
meat cleavers babbling that the helpless babes were horrid monsters. For
their infanticide long-lived Lemur had his stupid sisters eaten alive by
slithy toves.
And when the wheel of the seasons had turned four times the child from
the chest appeared fully clothed before wise Lemur and told him that
Heethor, the Paisley Goddess, in her form of Heethorandhafter,
She-Who-Talks-To-People-In-Boxes, had named him Erectos in honor of his
singular conception and had charged shrewd Lemur to adopt young Erectos as
his own son. Loyal Lemur faithfully bowed anew to the will of the Great
Goddess.
Erectos grew to be not only tall, handsome, strong, and swift but he
also proved to be rather clever. He invented many things: the feather
duster, shoe polish, toenail clippers, and the prophylactic. Some
speculate that the prophylactic was not really for birth control but to
disguise the deformation of Erectos' genitalia but this was in truth just a
nasty rumor started by some young blades who had difficulty satisfying the
young women after they had slept with robust Erectos. The pious people of
Lemuria were so impressed by virile Erectos' abilities that they elected
him to be their king.
Shortly thereafter deep-chested Brow, God of Mindless Violence,
appeared unto the perplexed people of Lemuria and spake unto them that if
they made sacrifices only unto Him and had no other Gods but He, then He
would make them victorious in every battle and masters of the whole earth.
But at the same time gentle Lotus, God of Peace, and Heethor, the
Paisley Goddess in her form of Hythorlinbeestee, Lady of Peace, Sisterly
Love, and Granola, appeared unto the people together and spake that if the
people did not believe belligerent Brow but behaved like proper peasant
people, performing pleasing sacrifices serving several dignified deities,
They would reward them with plentiful paisley parasols.
And the pious people were discombobulated by the awesome offers of the
Gods and asked their king, clever Erectos, to judge the matter. Faithful
Erectos, remembering the kindness shown him by his divine benefactrix in
the matter of his birth and infancy, chose the plentiful paisley parasols
of curvaceous Heethor without pause. Brawny Brow was bitter but bowed to
the judgement with good grace because of pressure from the other Gods.
However, shortly thereafter deep-chested Brow induced war- like
Welhung, King of Ethiopia and Brow's son by the nymph Abyssia, to wage war
on Lemuria over a matter of boundaries. The peaceful people of Lemuria
were oversoon overwhelmed by the bellicose battalions of the Brat of Brow.
Wise Erectos, seeing his people beaten, made a pilgrimage to the
Oracle of Nepha on Mount Dubedubedu to ask the sweet Goddess what must be
done to save his loyal subjects. The priestess of Our Lady of Chocolate
replied that noble Erectos must sever his famous genitalia, for
unencumbered by its great bulk and weight he should be invincible in
battle. Brave Erectos made the self- sacrifice and plunged alone into the
army of unwary Welhung with the wound still gushing hot blood. He slew 16
men with each great swing of his sword. With each thrust of his oaken
spear he skewered 16 more. 256 men were boiled alive in the river of his
scalding blood. 256 more died of shear fright at the look of righteous
anger on his countenance. At last none of mighty Welhung's army stood but
undaunted Welhung himself like a single ear of corn left unmowed in great
field by a mighty reaper at harvest when he pauses for a draught of sweet
cold spring water from the mountains.
Then tall Erectos and stout Welhung rushed to embrace each other like
lovers and met with a clap like thunder. They remained locked in unabated
combat for four days and four nights but as the dawn of the fifth day
prepared to leave the bed of night, emasculated Erectos slew wanton
Welhung, King of Ethiopia, and mounted his severed head on the top of his
battle standard to proclaim the glory of his victory.
At that moment deep-chested Brow, God of Mindless Violence, appeared
before the council of the Gods and demanded the right to execute his son's
murderer. As Heethor, the Paisley Goddess, was asleep at the time, no-one
objected. Deep-chested Brow then squashed unlucky Erectos like a bug.
####===================================================================####
Scary People
####===================================================================####
From: MFW3890@tntech.edu
Subject: Found Object
Date: 28 Mar 1993 14:52:34 -0600
The following advertisement appeared in the Friday, November 22, 1992
issue of the Harvard Crimson:
TOP TEN SCARIEST PEOPLE ON EARTH
10. Prune-eating Sumo wrestler.
9. High-rise window cleaner with bladder problem.
8. Near sighted knife juggler.
7. Megalomaniac Third World Dictator.
6. Grown men named "Biff."
5. Heavily armed hot dog vendors.
4. Carsick brother in the seat next to you.
3. Brain surgeon with hiccups.
2. Anyone with a cranky disposition and a chainsaw.
1. People who offer you rugs.
####===================================================================####
The Glossary
####===================================================================####
[Some of this originally appeared in an earlier edition of Purps. Doc
Simpsons has updated this greatly. No doubt you will be seeing this again
once more is added to it. If you read this carefully you should learn all
manner of important things about OTIS.]
A
AIRAMEKO - (see "Ancient Illuminated Rosicrucian Anti-Masonic
Elder Knights of Otis")
Akshak - Ancient Sumerian center of Otis-worship.
Aliens - A general group of non-human, non-terrestrial entities
who have played both major and minor roles in the history of
Otis. Throughout the ages, various government agencies have
attempted to intercept them before they contacted one Pope
or another. (Refer to the Roswell incident for more detail.)
Allie, Saint - Patron of Roads, Streets, Lanes, and Boulevards.
Ameks - One of the evil demiurges (see also "Veesa").
Ancient Illuminated Rosicrucian Anti-Masonic Elder Knights of
OTIS - One of the most dangerous and frightening of all of
the Secret Societies who are really running the world today.
The Elder Knights now have agents in virtually every major
government on Earth, and have recently become the real power
behind the Gnomes of Zurich.
"And a large Orange Drink" - A phrase used in a similar way to
the Judeo-Christian "Amen."
AntiChrist - A being of immense power who will one day rise up
and attempt to take over the Earth for its unearthly
pleasures. The only thing that stands in its way is Elvis.
Apendix - A human organ created by Otis in Sumerian times to help
with income tax forms. The income tax confusion, spurred on
by Spode, has unfortunately outgrown the rather small size
of this organ.
Arani - Divine Concubine of Otis.
Atlantis - Original home of Otisianism. (see "Eporopo")
B
Bar Trek - Ancient Otisian drinking game.
Base sixteen - The most natural and normal system of number
notation used by good Otisians worldwide for cheques, census
forms, tax forms, et c.
Base ten - An evil system of number notation invented and
propagated by Zakynthians.
Batrakhomuomakhia - the Histories of Early Atlantis.
Bauching - (see "Smashmas")
Bill - An important and symbolic character in the "Banquet of the
Gods."
Bissextile Day - February 29 when all good Otisians worship and
adore the Divine Bisexuality of Otis.
Blix - God of Pain.
Blue, Saint - Patron of Alleys.
B_b - the Name That Should Not Be Uttered.
Bonanza - A T.V. program space aliens use to learn English with.
(see also "aliens")
Borogove - A thin, shabby-looking bird with its feathers sticking
out all round, something like a live mop. Once common in
Atlantis, they are now extinct due to Zakynthian
over hunting.
B-Otis-2 - The Evil Anti-Otis, a snappy dresser. Some believe
that the "2" stands for "the second letter in the alphabet"
thus "The Name that Must Not Be Uttered." (see "B_b")
Others prefer to derive the name from the phrase "Be Otis
too" referring to the heretical Zakynthian belief that mere
mortals can attain the mystic powers of the God(dess) of
Life through black magic. The Anti-Plaidists hold that B-
Otis-2 and Reiod are identical. (see "Reiod")
Bowling - According to the Ancient Sumerian balag lamentations
(see Rhienhart) Otis was a fantastic bowler. The sport was
traditionally invented by Spode.
Brew Mare's Night - An ancient Otisian holiday in honor of
Rhotos, celebrated from sundown to sunup on the night of
October 31st when ferverant Otisians, having ritually
starved themselves for four days, ran howling and gibbering,
dressed in fantastic and obscene costumes through the
streets until they came upon the first female horse which
they tore apart with their bare hands, boiled in a soup, and
ate. Now celebrated with old cars.
Brillig - Four o'clock in the afternoon, a propitious time to
invoke Otis.
Brow - God of mindless violence. Call 1-800-URA-BROW to speak
with him in person. (See also "Isenbrau")
Brown Bucket - An Otisian heresy or offshoot, or perhaps
something altogether new. Members hold the Brown Bucket
sacred and refuse to discuss That-Which-Was-Contained-
Therein-When-They-Found-It. The bucket is also Fez shaped.
Refer to the "Brown Bucket Papers" for more detail. (see
also "fez")
Bulltha - an ascended master channeled by several devout
Otisians.
Buranun - One of the two sacred rivers of Otis in Sumer. (see
also "Idigna")
By the Balls of Brow - A magazine of unadulterated truth,
available from Pagan Publishing, 1409 Wilson Ave, Columbia,
MO 65201. Also an Otisian oath. (see "Brow")
C
Campaign for the Prevention of Inherited Flatulence - One of the
organizations Purps has made small (and entirely tax free)
contributions to. (see "Purps")
Cats - Small carnivores that live with us.
Caturkaya - The Four Bodies of Otis Doctrine. Otis is composed
of four mutually interpenetrating "bodies" consisting of the
Dharmakaya, the Nirmanakaya, the Sambhogakaya, and the
Mohakaya. (see all of the above)
Chad the Fuzzy, St. - Archbishop of Kenyon, Patron of Billiards.
Chad the Manly, St. - Bishop of Philadelphia, Patron of Grammar.
Chremes - Goddess of Low-Fat Dairy Products
Chucks - Extra-dimensional Angelic Beings that take on the form
of sports shoes in the mundane world to assist certain
Otisians in quests of cosmic importance.
Cicciolina, Saint - Patron Saint of Bringing Good Clean Fun to
Politics.
Clem - A maverick Otisian Missionary. Also an intelligence agent.
Confused - Something the typical Otisian usually is. (see also
"Spode," "Spode, The Game")
Creiza - Goddess off Eddittinngg.
Croom - Lesser breaches of proper doctrine. However, at least
one Otisian Matriarch has declared "It is better to commit
the daring crimes of froom than to participate in the pale
and unoriginal misdemeanors of croom." From the Atlantean
"Keroodi-feroomi."
Ctesipho - God of Twinkies.
D
Decimal - (see "Base ten")
Dentists' office reading - A coveted market for publications in
which Purps has attained a niche. (see also "Purps")
Desh - Otisian Hell for people who wear Hawaiian shirts. True
Otisians wear plaid and paisley. (see "Reiod," "Heethor")
Dharmakaya - the "essence body" of Otis, the universal principle
of Otisness.
Diller, Phyllis - A suspected Knight of Otis.
Disney, Walt - (see "Walt Disney")
Doc Savage - A crime fighter with mysterious ties to Otis. Some
believe his very existence in every shape and form carries
the word of Otis. He was born on the yacht "Orion" (a Greek
form of Otis) near the coast of Naxos (see also) Real name:
James Clark Wildman.
Dogma - It cannot be a whole without its Catma. That which is
shrouded in secrecy by the Otisian Elders. That which is
whispered across the desert sands by the Knights of Otis.
That which requires the sending of money to discover.
Dolphins - All secretly want to have sex with humans.
Dubedubedu, Mount - Site of the Great Oracle of Nepha on
Atlantis. (see also "Nepha," "Atlantis")
E
Eight, The - Also known as "The Eight Who Serve the Four" (see
also "Four, The") Traditionally counted as Arani, Heethor,
Nepha, Creiza, Mhari-Llyn, Brow, Reaf, and Papsucker. Some
sects recognize different rosters, however.
Elbo - Goddess of Angles and Grease.
ELF - Elvis Lives Forever. The motto of the Society of the Love
Children of Elvis who carry his DNA. Their aim in life is to
continue his spawn forever. (see "Elvis")
Elvis - Is alive and working for Otis. (see also "SBI")
Encolpius Ebriosus, Publius - Last Pontifex of Otis in Rome. He
was executed by the Roman emperor Theodosius in 391 CE.
Eporopo the Apostate - Caused Atlantis to sink.
Exekestides - God of Insurance Salesmen
F
Fawna - The Otisian Bimbo.
Fez - (1) The greatest of Four Great Tokens borne by the Pope.
It is vastly superior to the Brown Bucket in spite of the
perverted ideologies of certain heretics.
(2) The holy city of Otis in Morocco.
Fol - The last season of the Otisian year.
Four - Holy number of Otis.
Four, The - Otis, Lotus, Rhotos, and Spode. (see all)
Four Animals of Otis - Alternately given as "haddock, owl,
gerbil, and yak" or "uberlemming, kraken, gerbil, and yak."
Only the gerbil and yak are universally recognized.
Four Bodies of Otis - (see "Caturkaya")
Four Gates of Dream - Iron, Earthenware, Horn, and Ivory.
Fourism - The Otisian doctrine that four is the single most
important number in the universe. A radical variant of this
doctrine is that four and powers of four are the only
numbers in the universe. In all cases where there appear to
be, say, five apples, in reality either one apple is an
illusion sent by the Zakynthians or there are 16 apples, 11
of which happen to be invisible (due to a Zakynthian mind-
control device). Whether there can be one (four to the zero
power) of anything is a hotly debated subject.
Froom - Forbidden practices and extremely unorthodox doctrines.
Please note that all froom is optional. From the Atlantean
"Feroomi." (see also "Croom," "Genki")
Frop - An unspeakably toothsome herb of the Tibetan mountains.
Frued - God of Sexual Abstinance and Anal Retention.
G
Gates, Daryl F. - Renowned for his liberal drug enforcement
policies.
Gemstone File - The document containing the real truth about the
JFK assassination. Remarkably, to this day, all references
to Otis have been omitted.
Genki - The state of Pure Bliss and Utter Lack of Froom.
Gentle Persuasion - A book by OTISian Preacher Tim Howland.
Geoffe, Pope - (see "Jeffe, Pope")
Gilgamesh - One of Otis' drinking buddies from the old days.
Gobi Desert - Once a flourishing tropical paradise civilization.
Now only the Mysterious Stone Fezzes remain. (see "Fez")
God X - God of Comparative Shopping.
Goofy - God of Economics.
Goth-Aliman - Otisian Hell of the Nazi Biker Bitches.
GRA - Gastronomic Road Accidents. Every year over 15,000 people
are involved in Gastronomic Road Accidents (GRA's), many
seriously damaging their vehicles or persons.
Grbl - God of Suffering.
Great Purple Brotherhood - The great army of true and loyal
Otisians, in or out of physical bodies. More primitive
creeds have attempted to imitate this title but lacking the
scientific sophistication of Otisianism they have mistaken
the mostly ultra-violet color referred to in the title for
white and thus began the long and sad association of white
with "good" and black with "bad."
Green shoes - An important part of the Papal Regalia.
Groundhog Love Hodgepodge Extravaganza - A radio show of Otis
that preached dogma to the masses and saved many
individuals.
H
Hallucinogenetics - Something which needs inventing.
Hathormuta - Incarnation of Heethor as Protectrix of Yaks. Not
that Yaks need any special protection from Otisians as all
folktales about Otisian mistreatment of Yaks are pure
fiction. (see also "Heethor," "Yak")
Haystack Monument - Site of Pope Jeoffe 1 of the Infinite
Spellings and Preacher Tim of the House of Blue Light's
first vision.
Heethor - The Paisley Goddess, "She Who Never Straightly Doth
Anything Do." She is especially known for manifesting in
numerous incarnations, most famously Hythormadaralom (Lady
of the Pope's Robes) and Heethor Claus (who brings gifts to
good Otisians on the Wyntr Solstice).
Heethorandhafter - Incarnation of Heethor as She Who Talks To
People In Boxes. (see also "Heethor")
Heethormas - A common Otisian name for the Wyntr Solstice. The
full 16 Days of Heethormas are rarely celebrated anymore but
the lesser Four Days are still observed.
Heethor's Hernia - An Otisian oath.
Heethymthombang - Incarnation of Heethor as Our Lady of
Unexpected Plot Twists. (see also "Heethor")
Henry - God of Gerbils.
Hexidecimal - (see "Base sixteen")
High Altitude Tibetan Bovine - (see "Yak")
Himie Azif - Chief Architect of the Temple of Otis at Akshak.
Ho-ho - An ancient Otisian greeting for times of crisis and
sorrow. This was at one time a secret until leaked to the
general world by the traitor Nik who, to this day, must
suffer the "Curse of the Red Suit" because of his crime.
Hoochie Coochie - The Official Ritual Dance of Otis.
Hoosac Tunnel - The Tunnel of Spode in Williamstown, MA.
Host of Gambier - First humans to flee Khen-Yan and land on
Earth.
House of Blue Light - A mysterious structure of no real defined
purpose. Sacred to Otisianism as Mecca is to Islam.
Mentioned in a novel by Mick Farren.
House of Holiday Foods - A temple of Otis where one must know
certain mysteries to enter. Spode is said to have been part
of this House.
Humpy - The Stumpy Bear. Worshiped in bathtub shrines.
Hythorlinbeestee - Incarnation of Heethor as Lady of Peace,
Sisterly Love, and Granola. Often a consort of Lotus. (see
also "Heethor," "Lotus")
Hythormadaralom - Incarnation of Heethor as Lady of the Pope's
Robes. (see also "Heethor")
I
Idigna - (sometimes "Idiglat") One of the two sacred rivers of
Otis in Sumer, site of the Great Temple of Akshak. (see
also "Buranun")
Igehf - An ancient Sumerian temple of Otis.
IGHF - The Intergalactic House of Fruitcakes. (see "money")
Ijereja - The first priestess of Otis.
IKO - The Illuminated Knights of Otis.
Imrana - The Great Cosmic River that runs between the worlds.
Intergalactic House of Fruitcakes - The Papal See.
International Yak Liberation Front - One of the early Purps arch-
foes. Now safely in the custody of the Tibetan Authorities.
IRBESG - The "I-Was-Raped-By-Extraterrestrials Support Group"
Isenbrau, St. - 8th Century BCE incarnation of Brow as Patron of
Fermented Drinks. (see also "Brow")
Isis - A model goddess who, through her divine powers, ended up
having her own Saturday morning TV show.
J
Jaka - The Ladder to Otis, the 44-Fold Path to Genkiiness.
Jeffe, Pope - Current Pontiff of the Worldwide Temple of Otis.
John - God/dess of Mediocrity.
John, Rev. - Otisian Luminary and presidential candidate.
Official Keeper of Humpy the Stumpy Bear. Spoken of in the
Ancient Otisian Prophesies. (see also "Humpy")
Johnson, Euphemia, St. - Patron of Spontaneous Combustion.
Jordan, Adolf - Re-established Otisianism in the late 19th
century.
Jubela, Jubelo, Jubelum, and Jubelee - Plotters against Himie
Azif.
July 28 - Pee Wee Herman Day.
K
Kalighat - Temple in Calcutta. Otis manifestations have been seen
here during the Durga Puja. Manifestations always wear a
big white hat and an apron. In one hand Otis sometimes hold
a long metal scepter with a wooden handle at one end and a
large metal plate connected to the other.
Kenyon College - Location of the Gates of Hell. Property of
Disney. A land similar to Sumeria. Otis flourishes here.
Knots, Don - One-time consort of Eris Esoteric.
L
Libation - An excuse to get drunk.
Lingam - Ancient religious symbol seldom used in modern times.
Its keepers supposedly showed it to the founders of America.
Loaf Day - August 2nd, sacred to Lotus, when no good Otisian does
a lick of work. Food, drink, and the TV remote are all set
by the bedside the night before and the phone is taken off
the hook lest some Otisless scum interrupt the worshiper's
contemplation of peace.
Lotus - God of Peace. Sometimes known by the epithet "Possessor
of Dung." Also known as Zizyphus.
M
Maculate Conception - The First Dirty Thought of Mhari-Llyn which
resulted in the parthenogenesis of Otis.
Madonna - A symbol that appears in visions.
MANA-YOOD-SUSHAI - Creator of the Universe, a "deus otiosus."
Marmota Monax - An important church elder of the late Roman
Empire.
McDonald's - A popular fast-food restaurant run by aliens. (see
"aliens")
Mhari-Llyn - Goddess of Sex and Bodily Excretions.
Misgivings Day - The day after Thanksgiving. Otisians celebrate
by sharing their insecurities over a meal of raspberry tea,
pop-tarts, and corn flakes.
Mohakaya - the "confusion body" of Otis, the ineffable
"otherness" of Otis.
Money - Please send to 955 Massachusetts Ave, Suite 209,
Cambridge MA, 02139-9183.
N
Nan Shan Mountains - Site of an ancient Hun burial. Among the
plunder buried here was a set of clay tablets containing
prophecies by Onomacritus the Seer made just before his
execution by Darius of Persia. These prophecies are written
in a cipher only the Ancient Knights of Otis can understand.
Naxos - The "never-silent sands of Naxos" were the center of
Classical Greek Otisianism. The Great Temple of Otis on
Naxos was said to have been founded by Arijadene who brought
the cult from Crete.
Nepha - Goddess of Chocolate Easter Eggs.
Net, The - The newest realm of Otis' influence. The trail was
blazed by Pope Jeffe who will go down in history for it.
New Years Day - April 1.
Nirmanakaya - the "transformation body" of Otis, the physical
manifestations of Otis on Earth to give his/her devotees
deeper, more fulfilling lives.
Nysa - The Home of the Gods, identified with a mountain peak of
the same name on the now-sunken island of Atlantis.
O
Oannes - A late Babylonian form of Otis, half fish, half man.
Odysseus - An euhemerized Greek form of Otis, "Otis-Zeus" (the
zeta lost its dental aspect by dependent sound change) In
Homer's epic he admits his true name is Outis (see "Otos")
Ota - Swahili form of Otis, popular with the Mombasa underworld.
Otas - Lenape (Delaware) Indian form of Otis.
Otiosus - Latin form of Otis, demoted in the Empire to the God of
Leisure.
Otis - Ancient Atlantean God(dess) of Life. Call 1-800-444-OTIS
to speak with Otis live. (see also "Otis")
Otis - Sumerian version of the Atlantean God(dess) of Life,
identical in all respects to the original. (see "Otis")
Otisian Directory - Fine dogma from the Pope. (see "Money")
Otisrobes - Especially the Papal Robes but in a more general
sense, any ill-fiting and ugly garment.
Otos - Ancient Greek form of Otis. Also known as "Outis."
P
Padma - Hindu form of Lotus, still worshiped in India today
divorced from the rest of the Otisian pantheon. (see also
"Lotus")
Paisley Goddess - (see "Heethor")
Papsucker - Grand Vizier of the Gods and Watcher at the Gate.
Pee Wee Herman - (see "July 28")
Pope's Birthday Party - The most important celebration of the
OTISian year. Usually a good opportunity to witness an
assassination attempt on the Pope.
Purps - The Purple Thunderbolt of Spode. Also known as the
Purple Thunderbolt Sutra of Many-Splendored Spode. It is
currently available in periodical form on BitNet or InterNet
via HailOtis@socpsy.sci.fau.edu (see also "Spode," "SBI")
Pythia - A brown-suited priestess (possibly goddess) of the Brown
Bucket cult. (see also "Brown Bucket")
Q
Quadrinity - Usually refers to The Four (see) but sometimes used
for the Caturkaya (see also).
Quinapalus - A great Otisian scholar of uncertain date.
R
Ragnarok - The big KA-BLOOIE, the end.
Rath - A species of green pig sacred to Spode. The last
survivors were poisoned by Zakynthians in the Bay of Mome
affair.
Reaf - God of Mind-Altering Plants. Call 1-800-444-REAF to speak
with this very powerful deity.
Reiod - God of Plaid.
Rhodos - Center of Rhotos worship in Ancient Greece. (see
"Rhotos")
Rhotos - God of Death.
Robb, Reverend - Keeper of the Lemur Spirit.
Root Races - The four primeval races of humankind that all modern
humans are descended from: "Fat People," "Skinny People,"
"Tall People," and "Short People."
Rotary Club - A sub-division of the IGHF dedicated solely to
Rhotos. (see "Rhotos," "IGHF")
Rotomagus - Center of Rhotos worship (means "Rhotos the Magician"
in Latin) in Roman Gaul. (see "Rhotos")
Rubber Chicken - One of the Four Great Tokens carried by the Pope
as symbol of his power.
S
Sambhogakaya - the "bliss body" of Otis, the Otis that just wants
to party.
Sanat Kumara - Leader and pilot of the Host of Gambier.
Sannio - God of Sanitized Toilet Seats, Keeper of the Toilet
Mysteries.
SBI Industries - Makers of the world's finest submarine pens,
patrons of Purps (see), and possible home of Elvis (see
also).
Screaming Prophets of Otis Triumphant - A sect of Otisians who
shun the House of Holiday Foods.
Scrense - To remove the harmful effects of froom. (see also)
Senzar - The ancient Atlantean language.
Sers - Otis' half-brother, God of Mars.
Shark - Mother of the Divine Child.
Shaven Yak Day - An important Otisian moveable feast.
Sinister Ladies of Mystery - 12 dark planetoids orbiting the
Earth, invisible to current technology. They draw off the
pure and holy energy of Otis and reflect it back as froom.
Sister Mary Truman - Legendary leader of the neo-Jesuit
Apocalyptic Nuns. Knife fighter and former presidential
candidate. Involved in the infamous "Yak Tossing Scandal."
Slogath - One of the many Hells of Otisianism.
Smashmas - June 21, holy to Brow, when good Otisians everywhere
indulge in mindless violence. Especially popular is the
custom of "bauching," heaving some large, heavy,
complicated, and, ideally, expensive object (such as a piano
or stereo system) out of a high window, attacking the
remains with baseball bats and chainsaws, and then burning
any remaining fragments. (see also "Brow")
Soap - Goddess of Bureaucracy, not to be confused with the
substance they give you little bars of at motels.
SOG - Super Occult Genius, a power manifested by devout Otisians.
Somer - The second season of the Otisian year.
Spd - Egyptian name of Spode, identified with the star Sirius.
(probably pronounced "Sped")
Spering - The first season of the Otisian year.
Spinach - Otis' favorite food.
Spode - God of Confusion. Also, an ancient Otisian drinking
game. (see also "Spode, The Game")
Spode, The Game - A divine Otisian sacrament.
Spodos Kulikon - A Classical Greek form of Spode, chiefly
worshiped in that culture as the God of Drunkards.
Spontaneous Human Combustion - One of the Otisian mysteries or
sacraments.
Stone Fezzes of the Sahara - (see "Fez")
Subliminal Neckties - Looks just like an ordinary tie until you
put it under the magnifying glass and see the subliminal
messages imbedded in the weave. You'll be subliminally
testifying for Otis every time you walk up to a heathen.
Sumer - Ancient land where the worship of Otis flourished. Some
consider this time the Golden Age of Otis. (see also "Otis")
T
Ted - God of Normalcy.
Tim of the House of Blue Light, Preacher - Right hand man to Pope
Jeffe and author of Gentle Persuasion.
Tinfoil - Essential in stopping the brainwashing technology of
the Zakynthians.
Toilet Mysteries - The hidden inner teachings of the Illuminated
Knights of Otis.
Toilet Plunger - One of the Four Great Tokens carried by Pope
Jeffe.
Toveday - An Otisian holiday when toves are rudely awakened from
their wyntr hibernation to see how they will react. Since
the extinction of toves, badgers have been used in Europe
while bears or groundhogs are popular in North America. On
this day the priests of Spode chase naked women through the
streets with whips and the common people throw beans at each
other and cult images. (see also "toves")
Toves - Ancient Atlantean creatures something like badgers,
something like lizards, and something like corkscrews. They
made nests under sundials and lived on cheese. They are now
all extinct due to the Zakynthian Conspiracy.
Tutivillus - One of the Angelic Beings in service of Creiza.
Tyff, Saint - "She of the Bloody Pinking Shears," patron of
vengeance and castration.
U
Uberlemmings - Large, powerful lemmings with blue eyes and
lightly pigmented pelts who stand behind the other lemmings
and push.
"Utinam Brow rosum gardum proprium tuum visitant" - May Brow
appear and stay in your rose garden! A common Otisian
curse.
"Utinam OTISiani spatium proprium tuum invadant" - May OTIS
invade your personal space! A common Otisian greeting.
Ura - An Atlantean term roughly corresponding to "O, great,
wonderful, really neat-o, extra-special Lord(Lady) God ____"
(ex. "Ura Otis," et c.)
V
Veesa - One of the evil demiurges (see also "Ameks").
Vooti - God of Disease.
W
Wabe - The grass plot around sundials. (see also "Toves")
Walt Disney - A mysterious figure of Otisian legend. He is not
dead at all, as the media would have the world know.
Wayne - God of New Jersey.
Wednesday - The holy day of Otis.
Wyntr - The fourth and last season of the Otisian year.
X
X-Suh - A benevolent spaceman trapped in an Earth orbit. He
transmits advice on ether waves of the space-time continuum.
Y
Yak - A hairy high altitude Tibetan bovine animal that should not
be tossed under any circumstances. Any reports of Yak-
tossing among Otisians are vicious propaganda spread by our
enemies.
Yak Appreciation Day - March 18. Celebrated by heavy drinking
and howling "Yoooooooo!" from the top of the tallest
building available at midnight. (see also "Yak")
Yak Dung - A substance which is smoked in pipes. It is said to
bring clear thinking. (see also "Yak")
Yak Liberation Theology - An Otisian heresy popular in South
America, recently repudiated by Pope Jeffe.
Z
Zakynthians - Evil enemies of all decent Otisians.
Zakynthos - Ancient home of the vile Zakynthians. (see above)
Zante - (see "Zakynthos")
Zanzoona - A universal guide and master teacher, not a soccer
player.
Zech - The Love Bunny.
Zipper - A fastening device invented by Otis to help hold Papal
Robes together.
Zizyphus - See "Lotus."
####===================================================================####
Purps on Gopher
####===================================================================####
[Here's the info you need to get Purps off a gopher server. If you can't
figure this out use the veronica thingie and it will show you. Sadly at
this time the Purps archives need to be updated a bit. I think they only
have up to 46. I should be fixing this in a day or two.
What is gopher you ask. Gopher is the program that contacts servers all
over the internet and allows you to collect/read and find all manner of
amazing information. It is well worth checking out. Plundering gopher
space would no doubt yeild many a Purps submission.
If you can't find a gopher server to play with, write give a yell in our
direction and we'll see what we can do for you.
For those of the Kenyon Crew, Kenyon has a gopher server up and on line
now.]
Date: Sat, 12 Jun 93 03:13:21 -0400
From: "T.S. Davies" <tsdavies@mailbox.syr.edu>
Name=Purps
Type=1
Port=70
Path=1/e-serials/alphabetic/p/purps
Host=gopher.cic.net
Name=Purps
Type=1
Port=70
Path=1/Zines/Purps
Host=uglymouse.css.itd.umich.edu
####===================================================================####
The Day the Clown Cried
####===================================================================####
[Lulu originally pointed this out to me.]
From: revittej@ucsu.Colorado.EDU (REVITTE JOSEPH ALOYSIUS)
Subject: Re: weird movie legend (Jerry Lewis)
Date: Tue, 2 Mar 1993 05:04:40 GMT
dvand@ctp.com (Derek Vandivere) writes:
>In article <1993Feb28.003548.17186@netcom.com> rchao@netcom.com (Robert Chao)
> writes:
>>I have heard that Jerry Lewis was once in a film about a clown in
>>a Nazi death camp. The clown's duty was to entertain the children
>>prisoners as they waited to go off to die. I am not sure whether
>>Lewis played the clown.
>>Does this film actually exist? What do you know about it?
>>
>>--
>>Robert Chao
>>Oakland, California
>_Spy_ magazine, several months ago. The film (concept) exists, but hasn't
>been made. Apparently, Lewis wanted it to be his serious ouevre, and just
>didn't realize what a bad idea the movie was.
Actually, this infamous movie was filmed! According to the article in Spy,
(May 1992, "Jerry Goes to Death Camp!") the film was called "The Day the
Clown Cried" and was filmed around 1972. It exists in a rough cut! The
story was about an unhappy German clown sent to a concentration camp to
become sort of a genocidal Pied Piper, entertaining Jewish children as he
leads them to the gas chambers. The screenplay was written by Charles
Denton and Joan O'Brien and the film was directed by the nutty professor
himself. The movie starred Lewis, Harriet Andersson, and Sven Lindberg.
Harry Shearer is one of the few who have supposedly seen this picture and
comments "This movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and comedy are so
badly misplaced, that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be
like, improve on what it really is. 'Oh my God!'-- that's all you can say.
####===================================================================####
The FAQ
####===================================================================####
[This is the official Otisian Faq file. It should have all manner of
important answers to equally important questions. As was said in the intro.
This issue is designed to teach and illuminate.]
Fact File for Otis/Otisian/InterGalactic House of Fruitcakes
Version 1.0 by "Doc" Simpson
Q: Who is Otis?
A: Otis is the Ancient Sumerian God/dess of Life. Otis is also
sometimes said to be Atlantian or Extraterrestrial. There is
considerable confusion about the biological sex of Otis. S/He is
alternately male, female, hermaphroditic, and asexual. Otis is
rarely depicted as an anthropomorphic figure, more commonly S/He
is represented by the Otis Symbol.
Q: What is the Otis Symbol?
A: Four arrows pointing outwards at right angles. Three are
joined together at the center but the top arrow is drawn cut off
from the lower three. Some say that this represents the myth in
which Otis's head is cut off and never recovered. Others say it
looks pretty.
Q: What does this have to do with Otis Elevators?
A: Elevators represent the 44-fold path to Genkiiness.
Q: What does this have to do with Otis, Massachusetts?
A: Otis, Massachusetts is the site of the Haystack Monument where
the Great Haystack Monument Vision was revealed to Pope Jeffe and
Preacher Tim.
Q: What does this have to do with Otis in the movie Animal House?
A: That's Otis. He loves us.
Q: What does this have to do with Otis, the drunk, on the Andy
Griffiths show?
A: Otis, the drunk, represents the soul intoxicated by pure
joyful union with Otis.
Q: What is Otisianism?
A: The humourous religion that worships Otis. This religion is
notable for its general lack of ideology, its colorful mythology
and rituals, and its rapidly evolving dogma.
In addition to Otis, many other deities are worshiped. The
most important are Lotus, Rotos, and Spode. Recently, Brow and
Heethor have also risen to promenance. Other gods include Arani,
Creiza, Frude, Reaf, Papsucker, Nepha, Mharillyn, Reiod, and
Sannio among many others. In addition to Gods, many demi-gods,
heroes, and saints are prayed to for intercession with the Gods.
Special rituals are performed to avoid the influence of
Otisianism's many demons and devils, especially B-Otis-2, the
Sinister Ladies of Mystery, the Four Bad Horsies of the
Apocalypse, and the twin demiurges, Veesa and Ameks.
Q: What is the InterGalactic House of Fruitcakes?
A: The IGHF is the only fully-registered Otis-worshipping
organization on this pathetic little planet. It is currently
headed by Pope Jephe I. The address is: IGHF, 955 Massachusetts
Ave, Suite 209, Cambridge, MA 02139-9183, USA.
Q: Who is Pope Jephe I?
A: Pope Jeffe (who spells his name many different ways) received,
along with Preacher Tim, the Haystack Monument Vision that
revitalized the dying Otisian religion and built it up from
decaying rubble to the mighty edifice that it is now. His early
life is shrouded in mystery but it is said that his coming was
foretold by the alien intelligence X-Suh and that he manifested
many miraculous signs as a child.
Q: Why is Pope Geofe a pope? Is Otisianism a form of
Catholicism?
A: Pope Jeffie is the 13th modern Pope of Otisianism. The first
modern Pope was the great Victorian scientist and philosopher
Adolph Jordan. Although Jordan was a member of many religious
groups including the Theosophists, the Anthroposophists, the
Swedenborgians, the Rosicrucians, the Golden Dawn, the OTO, and
the Anglicans, he was never a member of the Roman Catholic
Church. He got the idea of calling the high priest of the newly
resurrected Otisian church "pope" from the fact that the last
Otisian high priest of antiquity, Publius Encolpius Ebriosus, was
a "pontifex" in the Roman "college" system. Jordan identified
this with the title "pontifex maximus" given to the Bishop of
Rome.
Q: Is this the same as the Cult of Otis?
A: No. The Cult of Otis worships a serial killer on death row in
Texas. There is a slight possibility that the Cult of Otis might
be related to the Black Brothers of Rotos, a monastic order that
worships the Black Armchair of Death. However, most Otisians
don't see very much funny in serial killers.
Q: Who is Lotus?
A: The God of Peace, Possessor of Dung, and an all-around sweet
guy. His main holy day is August 2nd, Loaf Day, when good
Otisians loaf off all day. Doing any form of unpleasant work is
considered an unpardonable sin.
Q: Who is Rotos?
A: The God of Death, King of the Underworld, Keeper of the Rubber
Chicken. His main holy day is October 31st, Brew Mare's Day,
when starved Otisians dress in wild costumes and make a ritual
meal out of any female horse in their path.
Q: Who is Spode?
A: The God of Confusion. His main holiday is May 1st, Bell Ring
Day, when some Otisians sneak up behind people and ring loud
bells while others have sex with nameless strangers. One of
Spode's most powerful incarnations, Edward Spodick of Hong Kong,
may be reached on BITNet at LBSPODIC@USTHK.BITNET
Q: Who is Heethor?
A: The Paisley Goddess, She Who Doth Never Nothing Straightly Do.
She has appeared in billions of different incarnations over the
years and her High Priest, Mal 3, is the editor of Purps. Her
main holy day is Heethormas, December 21st. She appears in her
avatar of Heethor Claus to deliver toys to small children.
Q: Who is Brow?
A: The God of Mindless Violence. His main festival is celebrated
on June 21st, Smashmas. Devout Otisians break large delicate
object into small fragments and dance naked around the burning
remains.
Q: Are there any rules in Otisianism?
A: Yes, four.
1. Never play cards with a man named "Doc."
2. Never eat at a place called "Mom's."
3. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than
your own.
4. Everything forbidden is optional.
Q: What is the meaning of the fez?
A: It is a very ancient Otisian symbol. The fez is always worn
by the Pope and many other devout Otisians. Giant stone fezzes
still stand in the Gobi desert as a testament to the great
Otisian civilization that flourished there before the Eye of
Rotos was turned upon it.
Q: What is the meaning of the yak?
A: The original Otisian Yak was the Wild Sumerian Yak, now
extinct thanks to Operation Desert Storm. However, Otisians now
use Tibetan Yaks for their rituals.
Q: Why do Otisians toss yaks?
A: Otisians do not now, nor have they ever, tossed yaks. That is
a very nasty unpleasant rumour started by their enemies, the
Zakynthians, to ruin their reputations. All reports of Otisian
yak tossing should be ignored as cheap fabrications.
Q: Who are the Zakynthians?
A: Evil people who sacrifice babies, torture animals, destroy
rainforests, cause unemployment and inflation, undermine family
values, and eat dinner with their salad fork. They have been the
mortal enemies of the righteous saintly Otisian religion for
11,000 years. The insidious mind-control devices that the
Zakynthians have installed outside of all major cities may be
counteracted with lots of tin foil.
Q: Honestly now, is there any historical truth in this stuff?
A: Of course, everything in Otisianism is true. However,
relatively little is documented in non-partisan sources. A quick
survey of easily verified second-party references is included for
the sceptical. Otis is mentioned in passing in cuneiform tablets
from Akshak but is given a much more lengthy treatment in Greek
mythology (spelled Otos). Arani (spelled Arinna) was known to
the Hittites and is attested to in the theophoric name "Aranare"
in Minoan Crete. Both Heethor (Hathor) and Nepha (Nephthys) are
well-known in Egyptian mythology. Spode appears in Egyptian
astrology (Spd) and in Hellenistic drinking rituals (Spodos
Kulikon). Rotos's name survives in the place-names Rhodos
(Rhodes) and Rotomagus (Rouen) which were important cult-centers.
Lotus (Padma) is still commonly worshiped in Hinduism.
Q: What makes Otisianism better than, or even different from,
Erisianism, the Church of the Subgenius, the Reformed Hassidic
Druids, the Church of Beaver Cleaver, or any of the many other
humourous religions around today?
A: Otisianism officially recognizes the Erisians as a sister
faith of great wisdom with whom the old Greek temples of Otos had
many ties in antiquity. However, now that the hippies are all
fat suburban bureaucrats or New Age gurus and LSD has become a
"dangerous narcotic" the wind is all out of their sails. None of
those who have laid claim to the name recently has shown one
sixteenth of the brilliance of the original Principia Discordia.
The SubGenii are over the hill but not dead yet. "Bob" is
held in orthodox Otisianism to be "the name that may not be
spoken." Any high school-educated McDonald's check-out clerk can
see the humour in a saviour named "Bob." For this reason (and
their adverts on MTv) the Church of the SubGenius will always
attract the bulk of the herd. As far as those who worship Otis
are concerned, they are welcome to them.
Otisianism is a gourmet taste, like snails or chocolate-
covered ants, that even the hard-core gastronomic adventurer may
pass up. Otisian doctrine is obscure, complex, and rapidly
changing. Hours of research may be required to discover that
obscene pun in Swahili or tasteless reference to Hurrian funeral
practice. One contributor's inside joke about Joseph Conrad may
be seized upon by a second contributor to be the basis of her
rewrite of a Bavarian fairy tale in a science-fiction setting.
This creates endless layers of silliness that not even the most
astute Otisian observer, certainly not the participants
themselves, could ever hope to completely untangle. Many items
of Otisian dogma are also propagated for a limited time only,
such as the Otisian Weekly Mailings.
Q: Are there any Otisian periodicals?
A: There are four important ones at this writing.
The "Otisian Directory" (and its occasional companion, the
"Otisian Yellow Pages") is put together by Pope Jefi himself.
This magazine is usually a mixture of Otisian dogma and art with
reviews of other zines and music. Often the reviews are shot
through with long digressions on Otisian theology, politics, or
autobiography by the Pope. The digressions are frequently more
interesting than the works being reviewed. The Otisian Directory
is about four bucks per issue from the InterGalactic House of
Fruitcakes, above.
The "Otisian Weekly Mailings" are solid dogma in collage
form, usually one page each, almost never once a week. Again,
the Pope writes this himself so its frequency is dependent upon
cash flow and work load at his day job. In theory, every Otisian
should fervently worship, for that one week only, the item or
concept expounded in the Weekly Mailing. Send "some cash" and
see how long he'll keep you on the list. Highly recommended.
"By the Balls of Brow" is edited by Rev. John, Otisianism's
US presidential candidate. It is a compilation of the very best
Otisian texts along with original art. "By the Balls of Brow"
seems to come out once a year and costs four bucks. It is
available from Pagan Publishing, 1409 Wilson Ave, Columbia, MO
65201 who also print a fantastic Call of Cthulhu magazine.
Highly Recommended.
"The Purple Thunderbolt of Spode" is affectionately known as
"Purps" to most Otisians. Purps is an electronic magazine
available on InterNet, BitNet, and associated computer networks.
It is edited by the infamous Mal 3. Great gobs of Otisian
mythology are first brought to light there and it constitutes
that fastest moving theological forum in Otisianism. If you have
access to such a computer net, Purps is a MUST! It is available,
completely free of charge, by writing to
HailOtis@SocPsy.Sci.FAU.Edu It is available in snail-mail form
(send SASE) from SBI-Submarine Pens, 4521 S. Ocean Blvd, Highland
Beach, FL 33487.
At least two magazines that ran early Otisian material, the
"Owl Creek Journal" and "Gateway," are now defunct but many more
are in the planning stage, including one in Polish from Doc
Simpson. Keep your ears pricked for new developments.
Q: Is there an Otisian book?
A: The "Peganagyo" (author unknown), the "Batrakhomuomakhia" by
Pigres of Karia, the "Verae Historia" by Lucian, and the
"Necronomicon" by Abdul Alhazred are all rather old Otisian works
that may be found in almost any university library worth its
salt. The complete works of Adolph Jordan are somewhat harder to
find. A new book designed to appeal to a modern age is, at this
writing, in the works. Please be waiting for what is sure to be
its world-shaking publication some time in autumn 1993.
*****************************************************************
Copyright Notice: This document may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means,
electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise
without any permission from the author providing this copyright
notice is included and no portions are altered, deleted, or
rendered unintelligible. S.P.Simpson 28 May 1993
*****************************************************************
####===================================================================####
Phone Sex
####===================================================================####
Subject: Re: Phone Sex Reaches Out to Girl Scout Callers
From: system@codewks.nacjack.gen.nz (Wayne McDougall)
Date: Tue, 23 Mar 93 16:31:38 NZST
sharonc@meaddata.com (Sharon Crichton) writes:
First heard this on the news this week. This came through on the UPI wire
and I thought readers would find it amusing.
HEADLINE: Phone sex reaches out to Girl Scout callers
Some callers who want to use an 800 number to reach the Girl Scout's
local office instead get to hear a seductive telephone sex service message.
The Girl Scouts' 800 number, which it used since 1984, was dropped
last year. But the listing remains in telephone books distributed last
month by Ameritech Publishing.
An unidentified sex line snapped up the number, which spells out
800-BAD-GIRL.
A voice greets callers with a "Hi lover. Call us love right now ...
for the wildest sex party ever."
Callers are then told to call another 800 number and instructed to
leave their phone numbers for a return collect call.
"We're not pleased at all," said Jane Crites, executive director of
the Applesee Ridge Girl Scout Council. "The message you get is surely not
reflective of the Girl Scout program."
AT&T told Girl Scout officials said they would try to persuade the
sex-line operator to agree to place a block on the line on the number in
northwest Ohio.
Callers from northwestern Ohio now get a recording stating that the
number was out of service in the 419 area code.
Ana Gabriel, an AT&T spokeswoman who would not reveal the identity of
the sex-line operator, said the company could not force the telephone sex
line to make the change. She said AT&T has a policy of waiting six months
before re-assigning telephone numbers.
####===================================================================####
THEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHEENDTHE
####===================================================================####
--Subink 1993
