Copy Link
Add to Bookmark
Report
The Phone Losers of America 042
⁄042ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒ 042ø
≥ ISSUE 42 - PHONE LOSERS OF AMERICA - ISSUE 42 ≥
≥ ≥
≥ Introduction...........................................................p39 ≥
≥ Geraldo Show Transcript...............................................p102 ≥
≥ Where's Dino?.........................................................p168 ≥
≥ 7-Eleven Halloween Terrorism..........................................p196 ≥
≥ Bus Boredom...........................................................p394 ≥
≥ CuervoCon Announcement................................................p416 ≥
≥ Letters...............................................................p523 ≥
≥ ≥
≥ ≥
≥ "Is your life still based around being a pain in the ass?"-Chris Tomkinson ≥
≥ ≥
≥ ≥
≥ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒ≥
≥ Released on December 10, 1996 ≥
≥ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒ≥
≥PLA is a publication of information, humor and satire. Nothing in any issue≥
≥is to ever be taken seriously. We are not responsible for your stupidity≥
¿042ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒhttp://www.peak.org/~bueno/pla.htmlƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒ042Ÿ
Wow, a whole six issues in one year. I'm really starting to slack off. That's
pretty lousy compared to the previous year's thirty-six issues. Maybe I'll
continue the trend and release about two issues in 1997.
Nothing exciting is happening in PLA Land. El_jefe, apok0lyps and z3nsless
loaded up their gear and moved to Corpus Christi, Texas to mingle with the
dead jelly fish and drunken mexicans at 7-Eleven. Me & Colleen & Emily have
relocated to Celina, Ohio just in time for the -172 degree winter. The police
seem to have given up finding those kids in the boatyard.
The time is almost here for the newest edition of the Phone Loser's quarterly
phone directory so submit your new phone numbers today. Since people only like
to submit numbers for the loser list, I've thought up a nifty new requirement-
if you want to submit a loser, you also gotta submit two pay phone numbers for
each loser. There, that'll teach you people. All numbers are verified so just
try to pull a fast one on me. I hope you all hate this issue and quit reading
PLA forever. -RedBoxChiliPepper
⁄ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒø
≥ Transcript of Geraldo Show ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
What follows is a transcript from the June 14, 1996 Geraldo show on computer
hackers that I taped and typed out a transcript of it. Since nobody would buy
the transcripts for $19.95 plus shipping and handling from me, I decided to
print it up here in PLA for free. So if you missed the actual show, read on...
[Theme song plays & Geraldo runs out around the audience. Applause.]
GERALDO (to the audience): Do you know who can access a computer to find out
how much is in your checking account? How much you owe on your credit card?
Where you shop? Who you've called on your telephone? Our guests today are
going to tell you just how easy it is and make you think twice before using
your credit card or making a phone call.
GERALDO (turns to introduce guests): This is Tsumushima Shumora, (stutters)
no, I mean Tmususoto Shimora...I...(laughs). How DO you pronounce your name?
SHIMORA: I'm not really sure.
GERALDO: Well, Shimora is the author of the best selling book, Takedown,
an autobiography which details Shimora's relationships, work life as a
computer security expert, ski trips, favorite coffee shops and in the last
couple chapters, the pursuit and capture of world-famous computer hacker,
Kevin Mitnick.
[applause]
GERALDO: Mr. Shimora, what possessed you to write this book and why do you
believe the world is interested in your social life?
SHIMORA: Well, actually it's a- (gets inturrupted by Geraldo)
GERALDO: Whatever. (introducing second guest) And here we have famous
mid-western computer hacker, Phillip, who goes by the aliases Lax Vaxen & Mr.
Hack and heads one of the more elite underground groups in the United States
known as the NOC Hackers. Phillip is going to demonstrate just how simple it
is to aquire information that most of you consider to be private.
[close up of Phillip typing away on a computer terminal. Camera
goes in on screen and you can see Phillip on IRC getting flooded
off by half the people in #hack.]
GERALDO: What are you up to right now, Phillip?
PHILLIP: Well, I've accessed a highly secret system on the information
superhighway that allows computer hackers to talk to each other. There's a
problem, though, because I keep losing my connection.
GERALDO: And what exactly do you talk about once you've accessed this
computer?
PHILLIP: Oh, you know...how to break into other systems and how to hack
boards and make red boxes and blow things up and stuff like that.
GERALDO: Red boxes?
PHILLIP: Yeah, it's a little device that makes secret tones to fool pay
phones into thinking you've put in money. (Pulls a red box out of the front
of his pants and holds it up for the audience to see.)
GERALDO: Could we hear the tones that this box makes?
PHILLIP: Well, it doesn't work right now because I haven't figured out how
to solder the new illegal crystal in and I keep melting the circuit boards
but when I finally get it, I'll be able to make free calls.
GERALDO: That's, uh, interesting. Our next guest, who we'll call Jim, wishes
to remain anonymous. He says that computer hackers have made a mess of his
life after he engaged in a war on a local computer service with hackers.
[camera focuses in on a man wearing a hat, dark glasses and
panty hose over his face.]
"JIM": They ruined everything I had. They called my house day and night, they
called the hotel I worked at constantly, they re-programmed the gas pump at
7-Eleven to dispense sugar instead of gasoline which ruined my car, they hacked
into the city's computer and ordered them to come to my house and take my
rotweiler away and have him put to sleep.
GERALDO: And the police could do nothing?
JIM: No, when I called the police, they looked at my name on their computers
which told them I was wanted in 36 states for assault with a deadly penis. I'm
still on probation for that and I'm not even responsible.
GERALDO: (gets that dramatic look on his face) Not even responsible. After
we come back, you'll meet FBI agent Mike Buford who'll tell you what's being
done to put a stop to this kind of electronic terrorism on the information
superhighway.
[commercial break]
GERALDO: Today we're discussing computer hackers on the information high-
way and how they affect your life. This is FBI agent Mike Buford who's been
with the agency for 12 years now in the computer crime division. Mike, how big
of a problem is this and what's being done to counter-attack these criminals?
MIKE: Well, Geraldo, I can't really say anything about that because it's a
secret.
GERALDO: Then why are you on this show?
MIKE: Well, me and my wife were planning on taking a vacation out this way
and when you offered to fly me out for free, how could I resist?
GERALDO: (gets a pale look on his face) ...Let's take a few questions from
the audience. (runs out into the audience and hands the microphone to a lady)
LADY: Yes, my question is for Phillip...By watching you type there, I noticed
that my 10-year-old daughter types faster than you. Does this make you feel
stupid and are you equally slow in other aspects of life?
PHILLIP: Hey, shut up. [laughter from audience]
GERALDO: (runs over to a man with greasy hair and a fishing cap.) Yes, how
about you, sir?
MAN: My question is for "Jim" - yeah, did they have a cellyalur phone or
caller I.D? Because the little cocksuckers that were on my fuckin' cordless
phone were sitting in a goddamn van across from my fuckin' house and they
were using computers and cellyalur phones to tap my number.
JIM: (breaks down crying) Yes! It was the cellular operator that called us
for over a month straight! (sobbing) Eventually we knew all of the cellular
operators by name. It was horrible. I'm not sure about the caller I.D., though.
MAN: Yeah, well all these little jackoffs could do was play their stupid
fucking games and I said, hey, come down here and I'll give you a hundred
dollars but they never showed up.
JIM: Sir, not to be rude or anything, but exactly what year of grade school
did you drop out of?
MAN: Yeah, like your the first fuckin' person to say that to me.
SHIMORA: Geraldo, I'd just like the audience to know that me and my girl-
friend did eventually get back together and we're doing great now and we plan
to get married in about two years.
GERALDO: Who cares, Shimora? (agreement from audience)
GERALDO: Phillip, do you ever feel that you're intruding on people's privacy
when you hack into a system and retrieve all of their personal information.
PHILLIP: No, I think what I do is protected by the 1st amdendment in the
Declaration of Independence, and besides, I can't always get all of their
personal information because they might not be listed in the phone book and
my CD-ROM phone books only give out their name, address and phone number. Then
I have to call the people a social engineer their credit cards and stuff out
of them.
GERALDO: And this works?
PHILLIP: Not yet, but I'm getting real close.
GERALDO: Phillip, I want you to pull up my personal credit history as an
example of just how easy it is for a high school kid to infiltrate today's
supposedly secure system.
PHILLIP: Okay, I'll get right on it.
GERALDO: We've gotta take a break now. When we return, you'll meet AT&T
spokesman, John Moro. After this.
[commercial break]
GERALDO: We're here with John Moro, a spokesman for AT&T who claims their
security is just fine. John, what's AT&T's yearly loss due to fraud by
hackers?
JOHN: Oh, I'd say around $893 billion or so. Down two percent since last
year. See, people expect a convenient phone system that's totally secure and
impenetrable to anything and that's just not possible these days with such
rapidly advancing technology. No matter how secure we make the system, there's
gonna be holes in it.
GERALDO: John, are you really a spokesman for AT&T?
JOHN: ...Well, no, actually I'm just the night janitor over at the main
office. See, they're a little short-handed this week and they asked me to
fill in for John. My name's actually Ed. Hell, last week I was mopping with
one hand and answering directory assisstance calls with the other. The hours
are good, though.
GERALDO: I see, well you're what I'd consider an inside source, then. What
do you see happening there? Do you think the phone company takes the proper
precautions to protect against hackers?
ED: Well, Geraldo, no I don't and I say this mostly because I'm pissed at
Robert because he keeps putting his chewed gum underneath his desk and it's
a sumbitch to scrape off. Other than that I'd say they're secure.
GERALDO: Ed, you're not operating on all six cylinders, are you? ...(turns
to Phillip) How's my credit history coming along, Phillip?
PHILLIP: It's no good, you're unlisted.
GERALDO: Unlisted? I thought you hackers were supposed to be able to get
unlisted privelidged proprietary information. Why can't you get my credit
report? Do you even have my phone number yet?
PHILLIP: Just give me some time! I don't work well under pressure.
GERALDO: (covers the microphone and mutters something to Phillip.)
PHILLIP: Hey, fuck you! I'm not a hacker, okay?!?! I'm nothing but a lame
wanna-be anarchist! I admit it, alright! Here, take your computer and shove
it up your nose! (Phillip picks up the monitor and throws it at Geraldo's
face, probably breaking his nose.)
The rest of the show was nothing but a test pattern so I can only assume that
the cable company was having problems or something. It was storming outside.
⁄ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒø
≥ Where's Dino ? ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
The most common question I've been asked over the past couple of years is
what ever happened to Dino Allsman? I get tons of mail from people asking me
for his phone number and/or address and asking if it was really a true story.
So here's the latest scoop on Dino:
While living in Corpus Christi, I called el_jefe and we decided to call Dino
Allsman but both of us had lost his phone number. So we called his wife,
Shana's, work and told the person there that I was Shana's dad and it's an
emergency that I get her phone number. The stupid blonde working there says,
"Sure!" and gives me the number. We tell her how incredibly stupid she is and
hang up.
Dino wasn't quite as agressive as we remembered him. Maybe we just wore him
out or something. We called him up and started our usual lame barrage of
"Roy! Roy!" and "How's the cordless phone, Dean-o," etc. and he didn't spend
much time with us, just called us motherfucking cocksuckers a few times and
slammed down the phone. Stupidly, I didn't tape any of it.
That was the end of that. A few months later when we left Corpus and visited
East Alton again, I did alot of cordless listening hoping to once again hear
Dino and perhaps even create a sequel to the story, but he never came on. I
did hear some little kids making prank calls, though, which was kind of funny.
A year passed and once again we stopped by East Alton on our way to Ohio. On
the very last day we were there, I turned on my scanner and guess who I heard?
Shana! And what was better is that she called Dino and they had a fight. I
guess Dino was at a drinkin' buddy's house or something and Shana called him
to yell at him because he always spends all their money by cashing checks at
Schnucks. She asked what the hell he wrote a check for $15 for and he claimed
it was for a gallon of anti-freeze. (About $3.99 for most people.)
The argument climaxed and right around the end Shana says, "Dino, I need to
know where you and me stand...I need you to meet me half-way here... .....
...Dino?..." And he replies (and I swear I'm not making this up), "Hold on, I
gotta find my cigarettes." The conversation ended abruptly shortly after that.
Not much more news since then. We left town that day and we'll probably check
in on him again. Someone should open an ISP across the street from Dino,
perhaps in the church, then set up a RealAudio stream of all cordless phone
activity in that area. That would rule. Anyone who does that get's a free PLA
t-shirt.
Dino sound clips are now available for you to listen to by pointing your
browser at http://www.bright.net/~bac/heardino.html or you can follow the link
from PLA's main page. Listen to Dino calls us jackoffs, hear him threaten us
with his 12 guage, cower in fear as he dials the authorities on us.
⁄ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒø
≥ 7-Eleven Halloween Terrorism - by Dairy Queen ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
Sweet Jesus, did I ever have a good Halloween. It all started off with me and
my friend, Peter, decideing to bust into my church and make prank calls from
there. (Don't think that I'm a bad guy breaking into a church, my Dad is a
minister and I know the secrets on how to get in.) While we were harrassing
our fellow St. Louisans, Peter remembered that he was supposed to call some
girl he knows that works up at 7-11. But when he called the girl did not
answer the phone but rather a mean sounding fellow named Eddie. He would not
put the girl on and he told us to fuck off. This is rude because we had yet to
try any shit on him. But now that he's been established as a prick-tease we
must hurt him. So I remembered your little idea on acting like you're going
to rob them. So I tried it, and he threatened my life. He talked like Robert
DeNiro, I was pictuing some tough older Italian Man. After this conversation
is when I called back and decided to stray from your plan and wing it on my
own:
EDDIE: 7-11, What?
JARED: That was rude, can I speak with your manager?
EDDIE: No he aint here.
JARED: How do you sleep at night knowing what you do to those little girls,
do you realize what their lives will be like for the rest of there
lives?
EDDIE: What little girls, what the fuck are you talking about?
JARED: Didn't you think that maybe one of those little girls has a brother?
EDDIE: I didn't do jack shit, stop calling me mofo. or I'll kick your ass.
JARED: Over the phone?
EDDIE: I get off at ten you meet me outside if you have some kinda problem
with me.
JARED: I'm gonna bring you down mother fucker, Im gonna rip off your head and
piss in the stump, I'll fuck your mother so hard that you'll be out of
a job.
It went on like this for 20minutes. I got so into it that I actually thought
that I was going to kill this man. I think he was crying by the end. The
conversation ended with me yelling "Youre going down like your sister at a
frat party." And he hung up.
By this time it was about 9:15, Peter's got some strict parents so I had to
get him back home. On the way we decide to stop off at the 7-11 at Olive and
Fee-Fee, to get a look at Edie.
In the parking lot there were four police cars, and a few of my friends' vans.
My friend tells me that his friend Edie who works there was being harassed,
and that he's afraid to walk home.
Peter and I say bye to our friend and continue into the store. There we find
a tall skinny black man, real sickly lookin, with skelotone make-up that had
run down from his eyes. He was crying. But he had stopped now and he was
bragging to this girl we know, "Mother Fucker must have a death wish
threantin my death."
Peter says, "You mean 'life', threatining your life, or a death threat."
Peter has a lot of Balls (13, in fact)
He told his side of the story to us, I was about to throw up out of fear of
the cops outside, and at how he was ruining my story. So Peter shook his hand
and we left. The next day at school Everyone was talking about boy Eddie and
how someone wants him dead.
I later found out that the story did not end there. As it turns out Eddie had
had some of his friends hanging out in the back room smoking some pot earlier
in the evening. They were apparently sloppy and left some roaches on the
bathroom sink. Well, one of the many cops that I puppeteered into going to
7-Eleven that evening found the leftovers. Eddie now works at Venture. This
is not the end.
⁄ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒø
≥ Things to do While Riding on the Bus - by Interphace & Kingpin ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
We all ride or at one time rode a school or other bus. Most of these have been
dirty, smelly, and hazardous. So what to do about this? Well, if you hate the
driver and the kid behind you is the biggest asshole alive, or maybe you're
just bored, then this file is for you. If you like riding the bus, stop
reading this and slap yourself across the face, you queer! Now, onto the
dirty stuff.
THINGS TO THROW OUT THE WINDOW
If its a really hot day and everyone behind you has their windows open you can
easily make their ride into a living hell. My favorite thing to do is to take
wonderful Sunny Delight and, when its windy, pour it out of the side of the
bus.It gets on the lower windows and your busmates! This stuff never comes off
and the more you wet it down, the more of a stain it becomes. It dosen't do
the windows too much good either. If you're really daring, replace Sunny D
with colored whiteout. Then watch the screams as it gets in their hair, mouth,
eyes, etc....
When you stop and there are cars next to you (also stopped) there are alot of
fun ways you can be a little bastard. Take some honey (or other sticky
substitute) and pour it on their windsheild. When they wonder what it is, and
turn on the wipers, all hell breaks lose. It smears and they can't see! (If
you've poured enough on) They'll probably drive anyway, not knowing that they
just drove over a dog, cat and senior citizen.
Fill up a powerful squirt gun (a super soaker XP 257 sprays like a hose and
kicks ass if you can smuggle it on the bus) with ketchup or mustard or other
condement. Find some poor sap with a business suit and his/her car window down
and yell, "Hey, Mr/Mrs! Bark like a dog and sqawk like a chicken or I'll make
it look like your a very messy eater!" If he's smart, he'll do it. If he trys
to put up his window, let that XP rip. This way is even better cause it gets
on his window and him. Here's another catch. After he's done sqawking, spray
him anyway. This puts him in a very bad mood for the rest of the work day.
Next, go to your local store and buy fake vomit, gak, slime, etc, roll them up
into little balls and when the cars are zooming past you in the opposite
direction, fling them right out in front of you and let the other car catch
them. This should make them screw up their driving and go off the side of the
road, into the later half of your bus, or (even better) crash into your school.
Have any leftover food? Throw that have bitten apple at the old lady crossing
the street, that pudding cup on your principal's head, a bannana right in
front of that happy-go-lucky jogger (this one takes real skill), and watch as
they chase after you in vain with their cane, pencil, headphones, etc..
NIFTY WAYS TO MESS WITH PEOPLE'S HEADS
If you see a biker who isn't carrying a shotgun (rare) ,yell "Hey buddie!
There's a HUGE wasp on your head, and it looks pretty damn mad!!" He will
frantically try to swat the imaginary bug while trying to keep control of the
bike. This is hilarious until he crashes into your bus and your bus driver
mentally flips, then flips the bus.
Write signs like "There's a BOMB on our bus and THAT'S why we're going so
slow!" or "This bus driver takes us to a cabin in the mountains and BEATS us!"
This will surely get paranoid loyal citizens to run to the nearest pay phone
to box a call to get you and your abusive bus driver some help.
Rapidly lick the windows and make horny gestures to the poor people behind
you. This is great for older people.
Just stare at the people behind you. They can't help but look back every now
and then to see if your still staring. It drives them nuts.
Like Beavis & Butthead did, moon the other drivers by sticking your ass in the
window and watch them hurl.
Ask all truck drivers to pull the horn. One time we did this and our driver
almost drove of the side of the road.
Yell to some dude on the sidewalk or in a vehicle, "Hi Uncle Ron! Hows Aunt
Pattie? Does she still drink out of the toilet? Did you ever get that hamster
out of your ass??" If they have name tags, even better.
Yell to a stupid schmuck who bought that god-awful McDonalds coffee or other
breakfast food, "Ya, Ah youst ta work at Mceedees! They put all sorts o hair
in their coffee. They also put spider eggs in their cinnamon rolls and kitty
liter in their hash browns!! Some guy even found a finger in one o dem
breakfast burritos..." No matter how hungary they are, they won't be able to
eat another bite and they'll put some hair in their coffee so they can sue
Mc's.
SURE-FIRE WAYS TO GET YOURSELF KILLED
Yell at the biker with a shotgun.
Find some gang members who are sitting there loading up some guns and yell,
"Bamm........Ya g! You ain't no homie from the hood!! Oh ya, AND I DID YOUR
MOMA!!" Keep this up until they spray your bus with an uzi.
Find some hics in a 4x4 truck and yell, "Ya..uh..You..uh..Yoo stuphid
bastard!! That peice oh shit is nothin compared to what ah got!! Why don't
you test my sayin and we'll RAM!" He'll ram your bus, hopefully, and either
your bus will withstand it and you can then get him to do it again, or you'll
both cause a major traffic jam, and a few extra deaths/injuries.
You know that pesky emergency door in the back? Well, when you've beaten the
alarm, just wait till you're stopped, and jump out. Or you can jump while the
bus is moving and that semi is behind you, if you don't feel you have alot to
live for. Another thing is to open it up and throw other students out. (Great
for getting rid of enemies)
THINGS TO DO TO THE BUS DRIVER
Get everyone to sing, "Its a small world after all" over and over till your
bus driver snaps, screams about everything bad in his/her life, and put the
pedal to the medal and drive off the road and into your local movie theater
thats playing Little white and the 7 dwarfs. Run up to the penthouse floor!!
Rated XXX!
If the driver has a little cup handy to keep water, pepsi, exlax, etc.. Pour
hard liqour into this. When they come come to your stop she'll be like
"AH AIN'T PULLIN THIS BUS OVER!!" (swig,swig) "WE'RE GOING TA TEXAS TO SEE
PAPPY AND MOMMA!!" This is also hilarious until you realize she won't make it
to texas without crashing through a few biuldings. If your lucky, she'll pass
out and you can drive.
When there is a Semi behind you and your on the freeway, yell to the bus
driver "Hey OH MY GOD!! THERE IS A LITTLE BOY/GIRL/BABY/PUPPY/(other) IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD DEAD AHEAD! STOP THE BUS!! QUICK!" Either she'll stop and
the semi will propell us to flip, go on, or if the bus is sideways when she
tries to miss the invisible infant, it will seperate us in half. (COOL) Or she
won't stop. In this case, make two large thumping noises and watch her eyes
get real big, and then she'll open the door and jump out, sacrificing herself
for her bad, bad deed.
Take a bunch of marbles and just dump them on the floor. They should travel
all the way up to the bus drivers seat. This will create a neat effect. She
either won't be able to step on the brakes or will just totally freak and
drive into some elderly home.
By now you should have either been banned from all the buses or killed in an
accident. Hope your not the latter and you enjoyed this peice of crap file..
This file is for humor purposes only. Blah Blah Blah. I really don't expect
you to open the back door and fling people out of it. But that makes your day,
be my guest.
⁄ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒø
≥ CuervoCon Announcement ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96
Tengo que hable con mi abogado.
----------------------------------------------------------------
What : A computer/telephony/security conference. (show this part to your
boss.)
Where: Fort Brown Hotel, Brownsville Texas.
When : 28 & 29 December, 1996
Who : The usual gang of cretins.
Why : It's winter, and it is 12 degrees outside. The dumpsters are frozen
shut, and there are icicles on the payphones. Brownsville is at the
Southern-most tip of Texas, right up against...Mexico. Yes, Mexico,
land of cheap cerveza, four-dollar strippers, and liberal drinking
laws. Mexico, where you too can own your very own Federal law
enforcement official for a fistful of pesos.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Speakers
Anybody wishing to speak at CuervoCon should send e-mail to the address at the
bottom of this announcement. Currently the list includes:
u4ea (by teleconfrence)
Major
Caffiend (About her Breasts)
----------------------------------------------------------------
Events
"How Much Can You Drink?"
"Fool The Lamer"
"Hack The Stripper"
"Hack The Web Server"
"sk00l"
"Ouija Board Hacking"
...as well as a variety of Technical Presentations.
----------------------------------------------------------------
General Information
The Fort Brown Hotel will have available to us 125 rooms at the holiday in @
$55 a room, and 75 rooms at the ramada for $45 each. The Fort Brown was
previously an actual fort when it was closed down by uncle sam. It became one
large hotel until it was recently purchased and split into the Holiday Inn and
the Ramada. The Fort Brown was chosen because it is across the street from the
bridge to Mexico. You can call the Fort Brown Ramada at: 210-541-2921 You can
call the Fort Brown Holiday Inn at: 210-546-2201 Call for reservations, make
sure to tell them you're with CuervoCon.
The con room or as the hotel named it, almost seems like for us, The "fortress
room" is ours on Satruday until 4pm, and all day Sun. If there is a problem
with regards to the 4pm Saturday issue, they will set us up at the convention
center free of charge , but that is away from the hotel, so we are hoping
there after 4pm crap will clear up and let us in. We are going to get it
opened on Friday night so we can hang around in it.
Brownsville is right on the Mexican border, adjacent to the Mexican town
Matamoris. The Gulf of Mexico is 25 miles away. Brownsville has a
population just over 100,000. The police force includes 175 officers,
and a wide variety of federal law enforcement agencies have a strong
presence there as well. The climate is semi-tropical, and the RBOC is
SouthWestern Bell.
Matamoris is the other half of brownsville. Home of over 1/2 a million people,
it is known since the early 1900's as a pit of sin. The federale's are not to
be fucked with and it is serviced by TelMex. It is known for it's bars, strip
clubs and Mexican food. Matamoros also has an airport in case you live in
Mexico and care to go, via Aeromexico.
Directions:
In Texas Driving - Go anyway you can to get to US 77 South. Take 77 South
till it ends in Brownsville. From there you will turn right on International.
Proceed all the way down international, right before the bridge, turn left.
The Fort Brown will be on the left.
For those flying in - We are going to try to have a shuttle going. Also just
tell the cab driver, Fort Brown.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Celebrity Endorsements
Here's what last years participants had to say about CuervoCon:
"I attended the CuervoCon 95. I found many people there who, fearing a
sunburn, wanted to buy my t-shirts!" -ErikB
"I tried to attend, but was thwarted by "No Admittance to The Public"
sign. I feel as though I missed the event of the year." - The Public
"mmmm...look at all the little Mexican boys..." -Netta Gilboa
"mmmm...look at all the little Mexican boys..." -Emmanuel Goldstein
"Wow! CuervoCon 95 was more fun that spilling my guts to the feds!" -
Panther Modern
"CuervoCon is our favorite annual event. We know we can give
security a day of rest, because you people are all too drunk to
give us any trouble..." - AT&T
"No moleste, por favor." - TeleMex
Don't miss it!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever hacked a machine in your hometown from a foreign
country?
Have you ever had to convert dollars into pesos to get your bribe right?
Have you ever spent time in a foreign prison, where your "rights as an
American" just don't apply?
Have you ever been taken down for soemthing that wasn't even illegal
half an hour ago?
YOU WILL! And the con that will bring it to you?
CUERVOCON 96
----------------------------------------------------------------
CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96 CUERVOCON 96
brought to you by
- S.o.B. - TNo - PLA - Phrack - The Guild - F.U.C.K. - SotMESC -
Contact Information
info@cuervocon.org
www.cuervocon.org - Look here for updates.
Voice mail system coming up soon.
⁄ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒø
≥ Letters ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
Ever wanted to bug the HELL out of sombody ? Intel has made this oh so easy.
In a few steps you'll be on your way to deliberately pissing sombody off.
1. Dial 1-800-321-4044
2. Press 2 (It will start ringing)
3. Wait for intel sound and press 2
4. Wait for beep, Press 2
5. Wait for beep, Press 2
6. Enter number for whom you wish to have them fax AREA CODE FIRST then
press 1
7. Wait for beep. Press 3
8. Hang up and Intel will start calling this person 3 times at 3 min
intervials
The Red Boxer
pme96@juno.com
[This kind of reminds me of the time I used U.S.West's faxback service and I couldn't
get my fax software to work right and U.S.West wouldn't stop until I successfully
received it. I spent two hours trying to get a fax just so my phone would stop
ringing. You're right, a faxback number is the perfect tool for harassment and I
think I'll try to put together a rather large list of them in the next quarterly
phone directory. Everyone, find a faxback number and e-mail it to me NOW.]
------------
hey... i got some cool #'s for the PLA directory. My friend and I read
your issue about taking over the Fred Myers store. Well, we went to
Lowe's (a hardware store) and noticed a fone there. we turned over the
little sheet that gives the ext #'s and it had PAGING on there. ususally
you just press PAGE on the fone, but this wont work from an outside fone
obviously. so you ask for ext. 89 and sometimes they'll connect you. Most
of the time though, they'll tell you they only have 3 digit exts. To get
around this, you just say something like the front desk told me this is
the ext. i needed to get. They'll usually connect you then. or ask for 890.
one time the guy connected me to security! Oh no! He asked what I was
trying to do. I said "get ext. 89" he replied "that's our paging system"
so i said in a deep ,suspicious voice. "exactly" well i guess he hung up
on me or something. the # is (704) 543 5600 . One good thing about this is
that the intercom is REAL loud. you can here it from across the parking lot.
it SO loud we can almost hear it from across the school.
Burke F.
------------
Waddap Redbox...
Well after viewing your list of *interesting* operator comments, I thought
I'd add some stuff that I've heard. These all happened in New York City
while attending the 2600 meeting there, go figure...
"Aww come on kid, you can do better than that!"
"Sir, you might try putting in real coins next time."
"Those tones seem a little off, you might want to tune your box."
"Nynex supervisor. Sir, if you want to make a call, you should really try
and stop ripping us off."
Happily hacking in NJ,
Phear
------------
RBCP,
On pla 42 could you put a note on it somewhere to send all virii,
harassing letter's and big files to take up hard drive to
walters@tcoe.trinity.k12.ca.us. Oh ya and tell the people to include
the message "Send a picture of yourself to Jeff!". I just love to piss
her off!
Thanks,
Jeff
⁄ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒContactƒTheƒPhoneƒLosersƒOfƒAmericaƒNearestƒYou!ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒø
≥ etext.archive.umich.edu............................pub/Zines/PhoneLosers ≥
≥ ftp.fc.net................................................pub/defcon/PLA ≥
≥ bueno@peak.org.........................................RedBoxChiliPepper ≥
≥ roy@icsi.interconnect.net.............................Zak a.k.a. el_jefe ≥
≥ collcard@big12.metrobbs.com......................To contact Colleen Card ≥
≥ apok0lyp@i1.net................................................Apok0lyps ≥
≥ http://peak.org/~bueno/pla.html.........Phone Losers of America Homepage ≥
≥ http://www.geocities.com/timessquare/3237/pla.html...........Virgina PLA ≥
≥ http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Pines/3411/..........Bay Area PLA ≥
≥ http://homepage.macomb.com/~syfert/pla/.........Phone Losers of Illinois ≥
≥ http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/5937/...Phone Losers of Wisconsin ≥
≥ http://www.pancreas.com/libs/pla.htm...........THe FLoaTinG PanCReaS BBS ≥
¿ƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒƒŸ
