The Phone Losers of America 029

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The Phone Losers of America

 · 5 years ago

  

Õ029ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ029¸ 
³úúúÄ ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ p h o n e      l o s e r s     o f     a m e r i c a ÄÄÄÄÄ Ä úú³ 
³                                   Present                                  ³ 
³               Getting The Pay Channels For Phree - By ­)r. ­)r            ³ 
ÆÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͵ 
³                          Written On April 25, 1995                         ³ 
ÆÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͵ 
³ For Informational Purposes Only. We're Not Responsible For Your Stupidity. ³ 
Ô029ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ029¾ 

You know what I can't stand?  It's when you have absoPHREAKINGlutely nothing  
to do.  That's where TCI or your cable company comes in.  Are you tired of  
BASIC service? Well go ahead and read on...... 

First of all, take note of what channels you DON'T have.  Try some like HBO,  
Cinemax, Showtime, Disney?, Encore, Movie Channel, etc., etc.  These come in  
handy when you finally get them.  Next, it is very important you do this when  
no one is outside, otherwise the entire plan will be ruined. 

Go outside. Find where you cable relay is. Not the one on your house, dork,  
but the one in your alley, telephone poll, backyard, frontyard, or near your 
house. The BOX type cable relay is usually green or gray. These are the  
easiest to break into.  What you need is a hammer and a point (optional). What  
really works good is a geologist hammer. Anyways, enough on the history of  
hammers, hell just find a way to break the piss-ant lock on the cable box.  
Once you get the lock off (tough huh?) take a look at the cable relay. There  
is sometimes more than one cable line into the box. This is probably your  
neighbors cable. Find the one in the box that is on your side. Confusing?  
Here let me show you. 
              

             ffffffffffff 
            f   /\   /-\ f     f = frame of cable box 
            f  () | () | f     | = Cable line 
            f  () | () | f    () = Metallic tubes that block out channels 
            f  |  | |  | f     g = Ground 
            f  |  | |  | f 
            f  |  | |  | f 
            f  |  | |  | f 
            f  |  | |  | | 
  gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg 
               /^\   /^\ 
                |     | 
<-Your house--- /     \ --Neighbors house--> 
  
  
Ok James Bond, your operation is to remove the little silver looking tubes. 
These tubes block out channels like HBO and Showtime. Take off one of the   
little tubes. Close the box, go inside, turn on your T.V and flip through  
the pay channels to see which channels the Lucky Charm Elf left you. Ok, you  
keep removing them until you have every single pay channel imaginable.  
There is one problem with this plan, next time the cable man comes by and 
sees you have been ripping off over $50 worth the pay channels every month, 
he is going to be pretty pissed off. So he'll be thinking,"I'm gonna get them 
goddamned thieves!" He'll probably disconnect you cable. Just think about 
it. "Uhhh ohhhhh! this will be REEEEAAAALLLL HARD to reconnect." Just go out 
to the cable box and reconnect the disconnected wires. One way to get around 
this is to give everybody in your neighborhood free pay channels, that way  
he can't convict the culprit.  If you keep doing this every month w/o being  
caught then you got it made. Otherwise they will permanently disconnect your 
cable and take you to small claims court for every dollar worth of cable  
you stole. 

For you pissholes whose cable relay is on a telephone pole, you are going 
to have to steal some pole climbing shoes or get one long fucking ladder. This  
gets to be a real bitch.  Just find the cable wires leading into your house.  
Take ALL of the tubes off since you are sort-of in a hurry. Take your ladder  
down and go inside, make a glass of ice-tea and enjoy the cable. 

Since it is late at night, there will probably be some tit movies on Showtime  
or Cinemax.  Make sure you record them with your stolen VCR from Best Buy. You  
can later sell these tapes to horny Indians at school like Raj, Rajan, Hashiv,  
Tubah, Crewntol, and Bustav. See, not only do you get $50 worth of free cable,  
but can make $10-$20 off of movies too. See? Being bored can be fun! 

ÕÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍContactÍTheÍPhoneÍLosersÍOfÍAmericaÍNearestÍYou!ÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͸ 
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³ Phone Losers Of America            ÆÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍÍ͵ 
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³                                    ³ (Thanks to Disorder & Deadkat!)       ³ 
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