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The Neo-Comintern 213
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The Neo-Comintern Electronic Magazine -- Installment Number 213
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`""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
Subversive Literature for Subverted People
Date: November 18, 2002
Editor: BMC
Writers: Margarina Cataclysma
BMC
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;P Featured in this installment: .b
$ $
$ Eurocoins - BMC $
$ Margarina Cataclysma's Advice Column $
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EDITOR'S NOTE
(please do not read the following)
Dear Readers,
This summer, I, BMC, went for a trip to the village of Gotham. As I was
on my way there, I got an email from Margarina saying, "Hey what are you
doing?" I replied, "Going to England." She told me to come and see her
in Brussels, where she was. So I went straight there.
I hung out with Margarina, I met Metal K. Dick, and I even got to take
several photographs of the Mannekin Pis. It was at this point that I
defected in my heart and became an honourary citizen of Belgium.
From this point forward, The Neo-Comintern is officially a Belgian
production, with no loyalties but to the Belgian crown. Furthermore, from
this point forward, only articles produced in the city of Brussels will be
accepted for publication in The Neo-Comintern. No more of this Canadian/
International crap.
So, without further hesitation, I bring you the first and greatest
installment of The Neo-Comintern: Edition Bruxelles, featuring the truest
son and daughter of Belgium, the BMC and Margarina Cataclysma.
Hail King Albert!
,o$o
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
Dear Everyone,
I have a very exciting story for you and it is about Belgium and it is
about Brussels (or Bruxelles, as the natives call it) so I really truly
sincerely hope that you enjoy it. It is mostly about how exciting the
money here is and how pretty and shiny and how very many different kinds
there are and how I have begun to collect them for myself to keep and save
and treasure.
There are eight different kinds of coins, all of which are very exciting.
Keep in mind that these are not common ordinary Canadian coins but in fact
special Euro coins! In this country of Belguim they are a part of the
E.U. (not the Etats-Unis, my friends, but the European Union!)! All
members of the E.U. receive many special benefits, the greatest one being
that they all use the same kind of nifty coins which are knows simply as
Euros. The crazy coins of the E.U. are called cents or Euro cents. I
call them Euro cents, and I think that Margarina Cataclysma and Metal K.
Dick do too. They are right here right now, but I won't ask them because
they are busy writing articles and washing dishes.
There are many amazing and fascinating coins in Belgium, all of which are
Euro coins. First there are three copper coins, then there are three
brassy coins, and finally there are two coins that are brassy and
silvery.
The Copper coins:
-First there is the Euro penny. This is like the Canadian penny, but it
is 1.5 times more valuable and much smaller. On the front it says "1
EURO CENT" and on the back there is a picture of King Albert of Belgium.
All of the Belgian coins have king Albert on them, but there are also
coins from other countries with other pictures on them! Do not fear, I
will tell you more about those soon enough.
-Next there is the 2 Euro Cent coin. It is funny. It looks like a
Canadian penny but it is worth a lot more.
-Most importantly, there is the 5 Euro Cent coin. It is the size of a
Canadian nickel, but it is made out of copper since Europeans don't think
it is worthwhile to use silvery metals in the production of nickels.
This is because Europeans are all very rich and throw all of their copper
coins away or even give them away to the poor.
The Brassy Coins:
-The Ten Euro Cent Coin: These coins are pieces of junk and really
annoying to fill our change purse with. Keep them stowed safely in a
sock in your backpack.
-The Twenty Euro Cent Coin: Much like the Canadian dime in the sense that
they are the coolest looking coins around. The 20-E-Cent piece has seven
ridges around the edge, and this is cool but the number 7 is of no
particular significance but that it is cool.
-The 50 Euro Cent coin: This is where things start picking up! This
coin is actually worth something and can be used to buy just about
anything you like when used in conjunction with other coins. Practice
makes perfect, so learn how to use it and use it well!
Brassy and silvery coins:
-One Euro: The base unit of the economy of the European Union! This in
itself should be enough to make this coin XXXtra special, but the One
Euro coin also looks snazzy as a sonofabitch. It's got a silvery centre
and a brassy ring around it. Who would have thought it possible to make
a coin with two distinct and seperate alloys in it? And yet, it's not
like the Canadian coin that has brass on the inside and silver on the
outside. No, this coin has silver no the inside and brass on the
outside!
-The 2 Euro Coin: This one looks, feels, and even tastes exactly like the
Canadian two dollar coin. The only difference is that the Euro and the
Canadian dollar have different values on the world market and that I am
holding a 2 Euro coin in my hand right at this moment and not a Canadian
"Toonie." Another advantage of the 2 Euro coin is that it doesn't have
an idiotic name like "Toonie" that you are forced to say when referring
to it. Two Euro coins are great when buying something inexpensive in
Brussels, because they will tell you how much you owe them in French and
you will have no idea how much money they are asking you for. Overpay by
as much as you feel comfortable with and let them provide you with as
much change as you are due. They will say "S'il vous plait." You, in
return should say "Merci."
After a week of overpaying and receiving lots of change from every
purchase, take it home and look at it. I believe you will find an Irish
Europenny, a French 2 cent coin, 5 cent coin, and Euro, a German 5 cent
coin and Euro, a 5-center from Luxembourg, a Spanish 5, 10, 20, and 50, a
10 and 20 from Italy, and a 20 cent and 2 Euro coin from the Netherlands.
These can all be especially helpful. You will get more Eurocoins from
other lands if you shop at tourist locations.
In closing, I would like to encourage all of you to invest in Euros. They
are the way of the future. I have obtained many Euro coins and I plan on
saving those that I do not spend.
Sincerely,
BMC
,o$o
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`"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""'
Dear Margarina,
I just went to the bathroom and I can't flush the toilet. Where is the
handle?
-Dingbat
Dear Dingbat,
You must be kidding me, open your eyes. There is no handle. Run to the
crick and bring back a bucket of eau, Dingbat. What is this, the modern
era?
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
I went out the other night to the Halloween bar, and now I can't stop
fantasizing about egg-laying demonic hyper-muscular satan women. How can
I begin to crawl my way back to human-human sexuality?
-Cog
Dear Cog,
I don't mean to be un-gentle, but really, when have you ever been at
human-human sexuality? The satan-bitch you are talking about is really
quite stunning, I agree, and she shan't be easily supplanted in your
imagination, I suppose. I would advise you to think about which of her
characteristics most appeals to you- egg-laying, hyper-muscularity,
what-have-you, and then simply find a pal who embodies or is willing to
emulate the thing you love most.
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
I have just taken the elevator up to the 5th floor and now I can't get
out. Why?
-BMC
Dear BMC,
Push on the door as if it were a door and not an automated thing. You
will be quite impressed with the result.
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
I have beeen spending the last few weeks at the Atomium, and I would like
you to tell me what kind of psychoactive drug will make the Atomium an
illustration of the wave model of atomic structure for me.
-sexyslut284@hotmail.com
Dear Friend,
You could try a bunch of things and then let me know how it turns out.
Perhaps your basic cornerstore inhalants might aid you. Whatever you do,
try to avoid hassles with the inevitably uptight Flemish clerk.
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
I am told that I am not allowed to submit articles that use the word
'bitch' anymore. Can you please find a way to get around this use of the
word 'bitch', bitch? Is the supression of my free speech the first sign
that BMC is merging under some sort of corporate-influenced mind-drone
control-factor that will slowly limit my freedoms and affect my mental
health, increasing the repressive nature of the self-editor?
-Bargarina Hzataslysma
Dear Bargarina Hzataslysma,
Yes.
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
I was arrested for exposing myself while trying to get money out of my
money belt. Can I claim insanity, or ought I TO DEFER THE CRIMINAL
CHARGES TO MY MOTHER?
-BMC
Dear BMC,
This really has been an exciting week for you, what with the elevator and
all. Once I had a money belt, too. It was cotton, and rectangular, and
had a zipper. It was an environmental model -- that is, it was not made
from bleached cotton but from un-bleached enviro-cotton. I hid it in the
secret pocket of my backpack. I eventually ditched it but I assume that
someday, somewhere, it will catch up to me, like useless objects tend to
do. Then I will kill it the death it deserves finally and feed its
emptiness to the satan-bitch in the basement.
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
Can you tell BMC to phone me? I have nothing to say. I hope that he does
not have anything to say either.
-Melatonin
Dear Melatonin,
What the hell are you talking about, you ninny?! Why would you want to
waste the BMC's precious most-valuable time like that when both he and you
could be out in the world doing things instead of breathing at each other
over miles and miles of cable, pretending not to be masturbating? I don't
get it!! Why??
What a waste!!
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
If I blow up the European Parliament, will little children everywhere,
hundreds of years from now, build effigies of me and set off fireworks in
honour or my audacity?
-Metal K. Dick
Dear Metal K. Dick,
I would certainly hope that the scenario you describe would come to pass.
I love the way you smell when you burn. I love the sparks that come off
your hair. I love to dance around your burning self.
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
Can you please keep BMC in Belgium for a while cause I have big plans.
Thanks, ok?
-Heckat
Dear Margarina,
I am very glad that BMC is there with you. Please keep him for another
two weeks, that is all I ask. I really like the peace and quiet.
-Cog
Dear Oaragarbg,
I was walking around today, and I was thinking about the words
'dialectic', 'delicto', 'delicate', and 'delectable'. Can you tell me
about these words?
-Albert Le Deux
Dear Albert,
Yes indeed these are words. Put them onto squares and arrange them before
you. Do not stack them.
Love, Margarina.
Dear Margarina,
How would you most like to spend an afternoon in Brussels? If someone
says to me that I am the Mannikin Pis of such-and-such, should I react
with rage or with joy?
-Joseph J. Moyle, Jr.
Dear Peter B. Cech,
I'd rather be called a Mannikin Pis than a Eurocrat.
When you are in Bruxelles, as the Bruxelleians spell it, it is nice to
stroll around and look at people. People are handsome and interesting.
When you get fatigued, say in the foot area or whatever, it is nice to sit
in a little cafe and have a Stella or a Mort Subite ou quelque chose.
Some people (me, for instance) like to have a little Pernod, some people
(not me) think Pernod is disgusting. Some people like to have fries. Me,
for instance, cause fries are superlatively great when doused with copious
quantities of sauce. Also they are a cheap source of potatoes. The
Mannikin Pis that you mention is indeed something that falls into the
things to see category. Not a very exciting thing really, but a thing
nevertheless. Mostly what to do in the afternoon depends upon the
weather. It rains quite a lot in Bruxelles. The really best thing to
do in Bruxelles is to have a mandatory naked day at your domicile and then
to not go outside at all, and not permit any sort of research-related or
edification-related forays by any of the residents of the domicile, and to
stay in your apartment listening to the cuckoos cuckooing in the greenery
outside your windows, and listening to the Eurocrats lunching on the patio
below. But that might seem a little blase to you.
Love, Margarina.
.d&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&b.
The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions.
Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or
anti-capitalist nature are wanted. Contributors are encouraged to
submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings
into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of
General Mirth. The more creative and astray from the norm, the better.
For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at
<http://www.neo-comintern.com>.
Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is
approximately 200-1000 words. Send submissions via email attachment to
<bmc@neo-comintern.com>, or through ICQ to #29981964.
Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The
Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for
publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern
Magazine.
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copyright 2002 by #213-11/18/02
the neo-comintern
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and
the content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use
of any part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in
Bruxelles.
