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The Neo-Comintern 181
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s u b v e r s i v e l i t e r a t u r e f o r
s u b v e r t e d p e o p l e
d e c e m b e r 1 6 t h , 2 0 0 1
e d i t o r - b m c
- - - - ----==={ I N S T A L L M E N T 1 8 1 }===---- - - - -
w r i t e r s :
h e c k a t
m a r g a r i n a c a t a c l y s m a
b m c
- - - - ----==={ F E A T U R E S }===---- - - - -
Beebread and Pea Pod Become Famous
by BMC and Heckat
Curfew at Sunset
by Margarina Cataclysma
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e d i t o r ' s n o t e
- - - - ---==={PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING!}===--- - - - -
Just overnight everything leaves, and nothing is ever OK again. Where
were you when I wondered where you were?
You were inside, inside your head, in your right mind, when you should
have been outside, observing, experiencing, manipulating.
And if you think that all of this is bullshit, it's because I don't
exist. And why should I? If you need an answer,
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BEEBREAD AND PEA POD BECOME FAMOUS
- - - - -- -------===={by BMC and Heckat}====------- -- - - - -
{for Bu Joe}
Beebread had locks of hair - just like anyone else I guess - and they
were long and brown and beautiful. Sometimes she would braid her locks
to look like the beaded curtains that hang in some doorways. This
happened to be a problem because people would try to wade through the
braids in Beebread's hair, thinking there was a room on the other side,
and they'd end up getting really tangled and lost and afraid.
Pea Pod was Beebread's best friend and he had hair too, but it sucked.
Both of them had lots of things in common and having hair was just one of
many. But this story isn't about hair, it's just about Beebread and Pea
Pod. Surely you have heard much about Beebread in the past, but since
Pea Pod is new to the world of fine literature it is only fair to say a
few words about him. His middle initial was P, so his full name was Pea
P. Pod, but he never used his middle initial because he thought it made
him sound silly. That brings us up to date with the story of Pea Pod's
life thus far, so let us continue with the narrative.
Beebread and Pea Pod met at the circus when their mothers bumped into
each other. They were watching camels and llamas walk ashamedly around
the big top ring while the ringmaster, Mr. W, yelled and shouted at
them. Beebread and Pea Pod were only 7 years old (that is, when you
added their ages together... to be precise, each was three and a half)
but they had a very strong sense of justice. Because they were very
small and telepathic, they had no trouble arranging a plan to get away
from their mothers, free the camels and llamas into the wild, and make a
fool out of Mr. W. in the process.
The failure of this exploit sealed their friendship, and from then on
their plans became more and more outrageous and hilarity often ensued.
For example, one time they were playing in Beebread's mother's parlour,
trying on different hats, and... oh, forgive me... the incident is far
too zany and incredible for any narrative to do justice to it. But there
was another time when... oh, but that story is too elaborate to
recreate. In fact, almost all of Beebread and Pea Pod's stories are too
magnificent to mention, but there is one story that is so mundane that it
does not escape the realm of possibility for a writer. It happened one
day when Beebread and Pea Pod were daydreaming and trying on different
hats (a favourite pastime of theirs)...
Pea Pod placed a pirate's hat on his head and began to walk with a limp
and talk with a harr harr harr. Beebread clapped her hands and kissed
his cheek and was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea. "Pea!" she
cried, "do you think we could be famous like those famous sea captains
and pirates that live out on the ocean?"
"No."
"But why not Pea? Whhhhyyyyy Noootttt????????"
Pea Pod was completely persuaded by this appeal to reason and agreed to
be come famous. Seconds later they were on top of the world, drunk with
fame and power (but not alcohol, remember that it would be another six
years until their ages added up so that they would be able to buy beer).
Pea Pod became corrupted by the immense control that he gained over his
life and began to demand that Beebread accept him as an equal, which she
agreed to with some hesitation. Moments later, their fame died and the
world wondered what happened to the once-famous duo. After living in
obscurity for several minutes, Pea Pod proposed that they attempt to make
a comeback.
Within the imagination of children, the life-span of a dream is a mere
moment. To Beebread and Pea Pod, a millenium had passed between their
rise to fame (about 10:00am), their ability to influence the world's
decisions and make all citizens bow to them (during Noodelz at lunch),
and their subsequent fade from the world's intent eyes (when their
mothers sent them for an afternoon nap). When they awoke at 3:00, the
day was still young and there was still plenty of time to accomplish
anything they decided to set their little minds on.
At quarter after three, Beebread and Pea Pod got engaged, and they were
married at four. This was not unusual considering that they had once
again become the two most powerful people in the world; what was unusual
about their wedding was that, since nobody had greater authority than
they did, they had to perform the marriage ceremony themselves. Minutes
later, they were separated and divorced but they decided to remain
friends for the sake of public image. The people accepted this state of
affairs and all scandal was avoided. Beebread and Pea Pod accomplished
everything and yet nothing in a short span of time, and their legend
lived eternally for the rest of the week.
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CURFEW AT SUNSET
- - - - -- -------={by Margarina Cataclysma}=------- -- - - - -
Curfew at Sunset:
Oak Trees With Auras Linked to Alien Abductions
(Area) -- Experts have detected traces of ectophytoplasmic
residue in area parks. The alarming phenomena was first
observed by area teenagers last summer but only yesterday
came to the attention of local authorities. One (anonymous)
teenager said, "I thought it was just a funny thing that
lysol did to my brain dude. That shit's fucked."
In addition to the mysterious tree phantoms, there has
been a rash of alien abductions reported in the city's
green spaces, and in response to the many panicked calls
from concerned citizens, the local authorities have declared
a state of emergency. A mandatory curfew has been imposed
in order to keep residents out of danger. Sherriff MacDom
warns that his monkies have been ordered to shoot to kill:
"If you're out there in the dark then you're an alien and you
ain't got no business there so we gotta kill ya. This
community don't want no aliens and I'm proud to be a part of
thi...". It is recommended that, for obvious safety reasons,
everybody stay indoors after sunset.
But scientist Dr. B. Ginmead of NASA denies the possibility
of any extra-terrestrial involvement: "Bud thas' imposshible!
Therrs no sudch thigks as aliensh." The visiting Doctor
Ginmead and his team of crack associates hope to establish conclusively whether the spooky ectoplasmic emissions are
indeed a threat to our community. Some of the questions
Dr. Ginmead and his associates hope to answer during their
stay in our gentle town are: Do oak trees worry about their
karmic burdens? Do oak trees like low-rider bicycles? If
you have an ectophytoplasmic impression of an oak tree as a
roommate, will it do the dishes when it is it's turn? If
not, can it at least make decent sushi?
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The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions.
Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or
anti-capitalist nature are wanted. Contributors are encouraged to
submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings
into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of
General Mirth. The more creative and astray from the norm, the better.
For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at
<http://www.neo-comintern.com>.
Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is
approximately 200-1000 words. Send submissions via email attachment to
<bmc@neo-comintern.com>, or through ICQ to #29981964.
Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The
Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for
publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern
Magazine.
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c o p y r i g h t 2 0 0 1 b y #181-12/16/01
t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n
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