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The Neo-Comintern 185
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s u b v e r s i v e l i t e r a t u r e f o r
s u b v e r t e d p e o p l e
j a n u a r y 1 3 t h , 2 0 0 2
e d i t o r - b m c
- - - - ----==={ I N S T A L L M E N T 1 8 5 }===---- - - - -
w r i t e r s :
h e c k a t
b m c
- - - - ----==={ F E A T U R E S }===---- - - - -
Guest Editor's Note
by Heckat
The History of Gobbie Gee
by BMC
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e d i t o r ' s n o t e
- - - - ---==={PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING!}===--- - - - -
Today the N-Com has the pleasure of bringing you a tale of mirth and
revelry that has been brewing in the pot since before the year 1100. I
won't say much more, in order to preserve the purity of the piece;
however, I will leave you with an ancient limerick for your thorough and
intense pleasure:
Thar wunce was a slog dwarf of Got-ham
that was feared bye all paupers of Bot-tam
hee wund engle a lyre
but held dranc maest dearr
hees teeth war two longe spikes and rot-tum
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THE HISTORY OF GOBBIE GEE,
the Slow-Minded but Fast-Acting,
who for his behavior came to be
King of the Goblins.
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Now it must be said first off, and this is a measure taken to dispel any
false expectations, that this is not intended to be a tale of mirth; these
tales are not fictitions created for amusement, such as Merriments,
Conceits, Flashes, and Whimsies or Scoggin's Jests are; to the contrary,
all of these stories are based strictly upon fact. It should also be made
apparent that this book of stories is not writ with intent to ridicufy its
subject as Doctour Boorde did attempt (and yet did fail) to do to The Wise
Men of Gotam. To the contrary, these tales are true, glorious, and writt
in no spirit other than that of honour and respect. The accounts herein
detail the life of a young and gentlemanly goblin called Gobbie Gee of The
Forest Nottingham, the firstborn son of Gobblie Jobblins (a reputable
tradesman in the craft of bowing and fletching and farmer of cereal
crops), wand'ring ascetic, noble knight, defender of King Hemoglobe,
slayer of Proteus, and protector of all Gobleonia. Here thou will hear
tales from his mystical beginning, through his upbringing and training,
and finally of how he acquired the legendary status that brought him fame
from his place of birth to the distant reaches of Cincinnati, Nebraska and
beyond.
At this day it seems that all people are familiar with the name Gobbie
Gee, but many forget the tales of this greatest great goblin. I vow that
upon a time when the world was in a better frame, the tales of Gobbie
brought light to a child's face as though it did harness the energy of the
great yellow orb that circles above and below this beautiful land; these
tales were told before battle by generals to their soldiers to inspire
bravery, and maidens did receive such pleasure from these stories that
they did reject married life.
So when thy mind is like a cup that is half empty of inspiration, simply
read of these tales and thou will find it becomes, yes, now half full;
when the streets become plagued with vermin and pestilence, you will
retain good health; when the atmosphere does become poisonous, simply
read on to create a field of fresh air; when a curse is placed upon you,
say these tales aloud and, like an incantation from Gobbie Gee himself,
the curse will be lifted and you and your heirs will live in a state of
peace and contentment. Even when it seems that it is not the proper
occasion to read of the legend of Gobbie Gee, do so any way and it will
magically become appropriate. That being said, I urge you to read forth
and to share the tales within amongst your merry drunken kinsmen, friends,
fellow warriors, children, maidens, priests, strangers, lepers, dogs,
cats, bats, rats and especially the goblins, those who Gobbie smiles down
on from heaven and favours the most greatly.
Amen.
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OF THE BIRTH OF GOBBIE GEE
And His Kidnapping by
Oberon, King of the Faeries.
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On a time during the seventy-sixth harvest after the great flood, Fellow
Gobblie Joblins (a master of bowing and fletching by trade) did receive
news from the physical doctor that he was to beget a young son, the which
he did determine to call by the name of Gobbie Gee. Gobbie Gee was also
the name of the father of Gobblie's father's father. At hearing news of
this birth and the name of the child, the people of Nottingham did
thrill. Gobbie Gee the Elder was the subject of legend in those fair
streets and, in fact, he was the one who brought the ideas of a free
market economie to that forest town. Gobbie Gee the Elder did create the
Goblin Market, and hearing his name spake again as the Son of Joblins made
everyone verrie happy.
But one who did hear the name Gobbie Gee spake was made not happy by it.
For this person the memory of Gobbie the Elder was as bitter as wormwood.
He was known by mortals as Oberon, King of the Faeries. He did recall how
Gobbie the Elder did encourage or suggest the trading with people of other
lands and even cutting down Oberon's trees and selling them to the people
of other lands that would use them for evil ceremonies. But the forest
was Oberon's to protect and when Gobbie the Elder created the thing that
did make the size of the forest become thin, the King of the Faeries put a
curse upon the house of Gobbie. Oberon declared that all who did descend
from Gobbie the Elder would be nothing more great in life than single
people of business while other families conglomerated or joined to formed
big groups that over some time would become hard for regular persons to
compete with. This Oberon did intend to be the full punishment, but upon
hearing the name Gobbie Gee the Younger he became angered and decided to
do a thing that was rash.
The night that Gobblie Joblins did give birth to his son, Oberon did wait
outside with a changeling to leave in young Gee's stead. With time being
of short notice, Oberon could not get a changeling from his regular
supplier so he offered the job of changeling to an unemployed student
goblin who went by the name Hob Gobling (whose birthname was Hobert the
Third, son of Bobby Gob). With promise of victuals and days of leisure,
Hob did agree to this deal in an instant. That night, when Gobblie
Joblins fell asleep, Oberon made off with young Gobbie Gee and Hob Gobling
secretly took place in the father's arms.
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OF GOBBIE GEE'S TIME
Spent with Oberon,
and Why Gobbie Gee was
Returned to Gobblie Joblins.
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The first thing that Oberon did after abducting Gobbie Gee was to observe
him in order to learn whether or not Gobblie Joblins would be able to
notice any difference between Gobbie and Hob. After making careful sight,
Oberon noted that that both did look the same to him (although he did
claim that all goblins did). But Hob had a stronger physique and he did
stand at four cubits whilst the newborn Gobbie was only one cubit tall.
Other than this discrepancy, Oberon determined it would not be possible
for Gobblie Joblins to tell the difference between his own child and the
changeling. But that is where we will leave the story of Oberon for now.
Gobblie Joblins awoke to find Hob Gobling suckling at his bosom and he was
mildly shocked. He did delight to see that his son had grown as much in
one turn of the golden orb as most children do in three harvests. Apart
from this, Hob was fluent in several tongues and already had learned how
to use numbers. He also did studie and practice art and physical
medicine. A blessing, said Joblins, for I was told by my physical doctour
that my child would be cursed with a simple mind and also an acute
affliction of badness!
After a couple of days of bringing Hob to the market with him and teaching
him what he could about his trade, the entire town did buzz with news of
the greatly talented son of Gobblie Joblins. In fact, Hob did teach
Gobblie several ways in which to improve the way his bows and arrows did
work. The wares of Gobblie Joblins came to function so efficiently that
people from Gotam and York would travel to his forest town of Nottyngham
to purchase them, and he would introduce each one to his talented son who
would then play a song for them on the lute or calliope or perhaps present
them with a painting or sculpture. Praise to god and to the faeries and
to the sun and moon, said Gobblie, for it does appear that a chance at
success does at last appear to me!
That night when he returned home, Gobblie did find Oberon waiting for
him. I am Oberon, said Oberon to Gobblie. Gobblie, not being as well
versed in faerie lore as he should be, did not know who Oberon was, so the
greatest bower and fletcher in the forest of Nottingham sat down to tea w
ith the most powerful god of the forest and Oberon did tell him who he
was. Then Oberon did say he could not bear no longer to take care of
Gobbie Gee who did refuse to learn or to control certain processes that
Gobbie did insist were natural and not to be tampered with.
To this Gobblie Joblins did insist that Hob was by right his true child.
He did insist that he was responsible for his genetics and education and
that since he bore the child he must be rightful owner of it and not of
the sickly wretched red little lump of goblin matter that Oberon insisted
was the real Gobbie Gee. Then he did realize that although like Gobbie
all goblins in his family were red Hob was actually green and therefore
not his child. But still Gobblie did refuse to take Gobbie Gee. I will
take Gobbie Gee back on one condition, said Gobblie Joblins, you must let
me keep Hob Gobling as well. It was a great sacrifice for Oberon, but he
knew it would be a greater cost to be forced to keep Gobbie Gee and he did
concede and let Gobblie keep both of them. Oberon then did apologize for
his abducting Gobbie and did also thank Gobblie Joblins a good many times
for taking the burden of this child back.
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OF HOW GOBBIE GEE LEARNED
To Ride a Horse.
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On a day when Gobbie Gee had matured and grown for a good many circles,
Gobblie Joblins did decide that he was old enough to help him at the
Goblin Market. When Gobblie Joblins left for the market he wrote a
message to Gobbie Gee. That day when Gobbie Gee awoke he found the
message from his father telling him to ride the horse to market and bring
two large sacks of rice. When Gobbie Gee read the message, he became
confused. He had never ridden a horse but was intent on following the
commands of Gobblie Joblins.
First Gobbie Gee did approach the horse and tell it to lay down so he
could ride upon it, to which the horse refused to reply. Gobbie Gee then
demanded that the horse pick up the sacks of rice while he went to get a
ladder to climb onto its back. When Gobbie Gee returned, the horse had
not moved at all. Gobbie Gee understood that if he wanted the horse to
bear the sacks of rice, he must fasten them to it with rope.
First Gobbie Gee tied both sacks to the right side of the horse. The
horse leaned to the side and could not stand properly so Gobbie Gee
corrected the misbalance by tying two rocks to the other side. The load
became too heavy and the horse refused to carry it.
Feeling sorry for the horse, Gobbie Gee did remove the its burden and
fasten rice and rocks to his own back. Then Gobbie Gee climbed upon the
horse's back so the horse could carry him while he carried the rice and
rocks. At last Gobbie Gee climbed upon the horse and then he did poke it
with his golden spurs. The horse began to run backwards or at least it
did seem that way to Gobbie Gee who sat facing the horse's hind.
After several days of riding this way and that way through hill and
countryside and cities and towns, without ever knowing in which direction
he was going, it fell out so that Gobbie Gee did reach the Goblin Market.
Gobblie Joblins had spent nights looking for his disappeared son who he
did believe had been abducted by mercenaries or eaten by cannibals and the
two sacks of rice likewise eaten.
When Gobbie Gee did finally arrive, Gobblie Joblins was delighted by the
recovery of his rice. But when Gobblie Joblins opened the sacks he did
not find the rice but two large rocks. Gobbie Gee explained that riding
a horse was tiring and that he needed to eat the rice to keep his
strength. Gobblie Joblins did pretend to have compassion, but did also
secretly wish that Gobbie Gee had chosen to eat the rocks instead.
Gobblie Joblins then set the rocks beside his shop and in an instant an
alchemist did ask to buye them for a score of electrum and claim that they
were a rare substance known as nitre. Gobbie Gee observed the price that
the alchemist paid for the stones was equal to the worth of ten bags of
rice. To this Gobblie Joblins quoth, Shut up Gobbie Gee and fetch me more
of these rocks!
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OF GOBBIE GEE'S USEFULNESS
in The Marketplace.
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Gobbie Gee was told the next day by his father Gobblie Joblins to bring
six bags of rocks with him to the Goblin Market. Gobbie Gee was no longer
allowed to ride the horse (but do not fear for he could walk with two bags
of rocks over his shoulder and the market was a very short distance
away). Gobbie Gee did fill two sacks with nitre (as it was abundant
throughout the yard of Goblie Joblins). He then did carry them on his
back, but, before he could head toward the market, his brother Hob Gobling
interrupted him. Hob at this time did practice art and medicine and he
requested that Gobbie Gee travel to the Eastern Bazaar and fetch him some
charcoal for sketches and brimstone for preparing skin medication.
All though Gobbie Gee had to travel in the opposite direction to get these
things, everything was close together at that time in the world so he did
go to the Bazaar happily and it took him a very short time to get there.
After buying the items for his brother, Gobbie began home carrying the
nitre, charcoal and brimstone. As he walked he noted that there was a
stampede of buffalo in the distance and since he had never seen one before
he decided to get a closer look.
The whole herd of buffalo ran over Gobbie Gee and his burden, some in one
way and some in the other. At that time Gobbie Gee came close to death
but was still strong enough to gather the items that had all been trampled
into powder. He put as much as he could into the two sacks and returned
home. Hob greeted him at the door but was angered when he realized that
the supplies had not been delivered as he had requested. Hob became angry
and did cast one of the bags of worthless dust into the fire. When the
substance ignited it created a great explosion and destroyed the small
wooden house owned by Gobblie Joblins. Hob was horrified and Gobbie was
oblivious.
Minutes later, when Hob realized what had happened (and Gobbie was still
oblivious) he did seek out the second bag that Gobbie had brought home.
Hob Gobling did test it in many ways and thereby learned that this powder
was incendiary and would also blow up in certains. He decided to call it
paft-dust and declared that it would perfectly function with his new
creation, the which he called a truncheon. Me know there is already a
weapon called truncheon, quoth Hob to Gobbie Gee, but whan the world sees
this weapon, the people will forget about that old weapon entirely! (And
by my troth they surely did.)
Hob gaveth the truncheon to Gobbie Gee and told him to take it to their
father Gobblie Joblins. Gobbie Gee did then leave for the market and when
he arrived there Gobblie Joblins got angry at him and asked him where the
nitre was. Gobbie told him that he forgot to bring it because Hob blew
the house up. Gobblie Joblins was confused and furious and Gobbie Gee
told him not to be sad because of the great tool he had brought to give to
Gobblie Joblins.
Gobblie Joblins was not impressed and said that no tool could repair his
broken heart. Gobbie Gee then fired the truncheon, that which harnessed
the power of paft-dust, and projectyed with force a rock that hit the
towne alchemist and killed him. Gobblie Joblins was afraid of the power
the truncheon had. Then Gobblie Joblins became angry because the weapon
was greater than his bows and arrows and once the goblins had a chance to
get their own truncheons (Truncheons? quothe Gobblie Joblins) the arrows
and bows of his shoppe would no longer be worth anything in battle or in
the market.
Gobblie Joblins eventually realized that his sons were the creators of
paft-dust and truncheons and that he could help to build and sell
truncheons. No bodies else knew how to make them or how to make
paft-dust. After a very short amount of time of selling truncheons,
Gobblie Joblins became wealthy enough to buy a stone castle that could not
be exploded or burned down by paft or fire. His weapons became legendary
and to this day weapons designed and branded by Joblins and sons can still
be found in Gobleonia.
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OF GOBBIE GEE'S SERVICE
In the Local Monastery,
and What Reaction He Recieved.
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After Gobbie Gee did unwittingly kill the alchemist that lived in the
forest town of Nottingham, a replacement alchemist was needed. For this
Hob Gobling was chosen and this meant that he would spend the next four
turns of the orb away at universitie. Gobblie Joblins bade Hobert Gobling
farewell and asked that he take Gobbie Gee along with him and drop him off
at the nearest monastery. To this Hob agreed, understanding that Gobbie
Gee was too great for Gobblie Joblins to care for in his olde age.
In the morning Hob Gobling and Gobbie Gee began to travel South in the
direction of Hob Gobling's universitie. Before nightfall the brothers
came across a monastery. As the abbot welcomed them in, Hob noted that
the he was not a goblin but a human! Humans had magical powers at their
command. Hobert had heard tales of humans consorting with devils and
spirits and exchanging knowledge with dryads and nymphs and being in
league with trees and brooks and taking oaths of allegiance to the earth
and sky. The humans were rumoured to harness the powers of sun and wind
and perform feats most mystical through their cunning and ingenuitie. The
abbot gave Hob Gobling a hecatomb of copper in exchange for Gobbie Gee and
this pleased Hob as he could buy a new smoking pipe with the money. But
before Hob departed to leave for universitie he warned Gobbie Gee to be
careful of humans because of their magical and evil powers. As Hob
Gobling spake, Gobbie Gee nodded repeatedly and continued to do so even
after Hob left the monastery and continued on to his destination.
The next day at the monastery Gobbie Gee began training. The first thing
the abbot did was dress Gobbie Gee in sackcloth and make Gobbie take an
oath of celibacy. Both of these did Gobbie Gee embrace since the
sackcloth was more fashionable than his regular clothes and the oath of
celibacy would serve as an excuse for something that he had long been in
self-denial about. Gobbie Gee thanked the abbot for this elevation in
class and dignity by offering him a truncheon as gift. When the abbot
asked Gobbie Gee what it was and how it worked Gobbie Gee began to
repeatedly fire the truncheon at some monks who were meditating nearby.
After killing several of them (the which Gobbie Gee referred to as lickin'
shots) the abbot asked Gobbie Gee to stop and proceeded to give him his
first lesson.
You sweet lil goblin first of all I say
Kill one more and live not another day
Now watch and listen as I healeth they
Killed by demonic weaponry
To learn to revive they this is thy chance
So watch as I dream into the trance
And listen as I speak incantations
That will heal a wound from truncheon or lance
Gobbie Gee did not watch or listen well enough to learn how to restore
life but by mimicking as much of the ceremony as he could remember he was
able to heal small wounds. For example, he would often surprise one of
his fellow monks by stabbing him venially and healing him afterward. This
was practically a joke and was considered to be well and tasteful at first
but with time came tedium and many of the monks petitioned that Gobbie Gee
be removed from the monastery. When the abbot confronted him with this
news, Gobbie Gee responded by stabbing and healing him. At this the abbot
took Gobbie Gee's knife away and sentenced him to die.
Gobbie Gee smiled softly as the abbot began to chant the spell that would
end Gobbie's life. When the abbot had nearly completed it, Gobbie Gee
stopped him for a moment and asked for a glass of water. This destroyed
the abbot's concentration and bewildered him so he complied and went
through the back door to the well to draw a pail of water. The abbot took
a long time to do this and Gobbie Gee became bored and went for a walk.
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OF HOW GOBBIE GEE WANDERED
As an Ascetic.
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As Gobbie Gee left the monastery one monk began to weep for Gobbie's
safety. I will not allow thee to perish, said the monk. Gobbie Gee did
not understand his safety was as risk and stood in a state of non-moving.
Run, said the monk, or the abbot will certainly murder thee! Gobbie Gee
still did not understand and the monk decided that he would need to trick
Gobbie Gee in order to see to his safety.
The monk said, Hey why don't thou wander around the countryside as ascetic
that would be funny. So Gobbie Gee did just that. The first thing he
determined to do was to learn what an ascetic was and the next would be to
become one. As Gobbie Gee attempted to go back into the monastery to ask
the abbot what an ascetic was, the monk stopped Gobbie again and turned
him round until he was pointed away from the monestary.
He instructed Gobbie Gee to begin walking in a straight line and never
stop. Gobbie Gee agreed that he would fulfill this command forever.
Remember to eat and sleep, said the monk to Gobbie Gee as the little red
goblin ventured out to seek his fortune.
As Gobbie Gee wandered he passed people and cities and animals and forests
and never once did hee stop walking forward. For example, there once was
a time when Gobbie Gee approached upon a group of humans in the forest who
did attend the sermon of a mystical teacher. The teacher raised a lotus
blossom in the air and did not speak. The disciples stood in awe and
waited for the teacher to say something. Noticing the reaction the people
had to this sermon, Gobbie Gee became disenchanted with humanity and
walked up to the teacher, grabbed the lotus blossom and ate it, spitting
the chewed up pistil out all over the students in the front row. For this
the teacher heralded Gobbie Gee as the wisest saint who ever lived and
offered up his following to the young goblin. Gobbie Gee simply nodded
his head and continued walking.
Some of the students began to follow Gobbie Gee, and in time the group
came upon a small town where a prophet did perform miracles. It was a
great spectacle and people from all around did gather to be healed and
cured and blessed by this man who claimed to have mysticall powers.
Gobbie Gee approached as the man was restoring a blind man's sight.
Gobbie Gee considered this to be a small feat and proceeded to show how he
could remove the vision of a sighted man. To do so he struck at the eyes
of the prophet with his walking stick. All of the people who had gathered
were impressed by this display, and although Gobbie Gee offered to teach
the prophet of the miracle of removing life, the prophet declined this
demonstration and declared Gobbie Gee the greatest performer of miracles
to have ever lived.
With this accomplished Gobbie Gee had become convinced that he had
mastered the art of being a wandering ascetic. This was much to his
delight, as his monk friend from the monastery would now be proud of him.
Gobbie Gee thought deeply about his life and accomplishments as he
continued to walk. He reached the ocean's coast and continued to walk
until he was completely submerged. Indeed he did walk until he reached
the bottom of the ocean wherefore his followers could no longer follow him
for fear that they (like they believed of Gobbie Gee) would drown and die
without light nor air nor food.
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OF HOW GOBBIE GEE SAVED THE KING
From Revolt, and of his Reward.
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( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (
Gobbie Gee continued to walk straight underwater until his journey led him
to the city of Atlantis. When he arrived there the nymphs and octopuses
greeted him and told him to stop and visit with them. Upon this command
Gobbie Gee discontinued his straight line and began his life anew. As the
underwater creatures guided Gobbie Gee to the castle to meet the king,
Gobbie Gee looked around and saw a wide variety of creatures. Among them
were catfish and junipers and cod and sea elves and blue lobstars and sea
weegies. Gobbie Gee was very pleased by the sights of Atlantis.
Gobbie Gee was brought into the castle's throne room and it was here that
he met the immortal King Proteus. When Proteus questioned Gobbie Gee and
asked him about his political and cultural affiliations and allegiance,
Gobbie Gee did not answer and this angered King Proteus. Soon the king
learned of Gobbie Gee's powers to heal and to hurt. He forgave his anger
as he learned of these powers and decided that they would come in handy as
King Proteus launched his attack on Gobleonia. Thus King Proteus
recruited Gobbie Gee into the Atlantean army.
Although no histories of King Proteus exist, detail of the Protean rule
can still be found in the several ancient and nondescript myths known as
the Atlantean archives. It is known that Proteus was but a foul villain
and did illegitimately usurp the crown from the Weegie Knight. Proteus
was also a lout and a thief and when waging war would destroy anything he
could not enslave or sell. This is of significant matter because the war
he was about to wage against Gobleonia would prove to be the most fierce
and bloody conquest in the history of war if it were to succeed. Proteus
planned to murder every goblin and to wipe out the goblin culture entirely
so that no trace of their existence would afterward remain. If Gobbie Gee
did then know this, he would have attacked Proteus anon in defence of
justice and safety in the goblin empire. But in truth he did not know.
Gobbie Gee lived like a pharaoh under the sea for a lengthy amount of
time. He did not have to work because he was allowed to eat in the royal
stable and sleep at the foot of Proteus' bed. He did not have to bathe
because he was always under the water as such was the nature of the city
of Atlantis. Gobbie Gee did not have to worry about anything but being
Gobbie Gee and that was certainly no worry to him. While Gobbie Gee was
living well as the most regal king, the Atlantean army trained for battle
and Proteus did continue to make plans to attack the capital city of
Gobleonia.
When it was time to wage war on Gobleonia, Proteus ordered Gobbie Gee to
lead the troops to the capital of Gobleonia. Although Gobbie Gee did not
know the way, he attempted to lead the troops to the main city. He took
them on a lengthy voyage through the country meadows and over mountains,
banks, bush, and bogs, guiding them on twisting trails through hillside
and through desert and tundra where eventually the tired and weakened
troops were intercepted by the Gobleonia royal guard and all were arrested
and charged with treason except for Gobbie Gee who was made an honourary
knight of Gobleonia for his brave effort in misleading the Atlanteans
through every part of Gobleonia until their numbers were depleted due to
climate conditions and starvation and the goblin force had become powerful
enough to wage a successful counterattack. They took Gobbie Gee to
Gobleonia castle and he felt a great sense of accomplishment for having
finally discovered its location.
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
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OF HOW GOBBIE GEE USURPED THE KING
and How His Rule Began.
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( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (
When Gobbie Gee arrived at Gobleonia Castle, King Hemoglobe was thrilled
to see him and spared no expense. There was a great feast and the Muses
themselves were called in to perform that evening's music. Gobbie Gee was
declared an honourary knight and as the night went on, Gobbie Gee won the
court's favour with his antics. Many a glass of honey mead was drunk and
many toasts were made in honour of Gobbie Gee, who one knight declared to
be the strongest, bravest, wisest soul to have ever been born in the royal
country of Gobleonia. As the festival become intoxicated, King Hemoglobe
went so far as to announce that Gobbie Gee was to become honourary king of
Gobleonia for one turn of the orb.
This (The Festival of Gee) is still regularly celebrated and it is
observed out of respect for and loyalty to Gobbie Gee and in memory of the
merriest and most decadent celebration ever hosted in Gobleonia country.
The next day, as Gobbie Gee sat at the right hand of the throne, King
Hemoglobe was hung over and was holding open court to determine the fate
of the captured Atlantean soldiers and King Proteus. Hemoglobe allowed
them into his court one at a time and allowed them to plead their case.
After hearing what each had to say, he would turn to the counselors and
say, Execute Him!
After this happened many times, Gobbie Gee also learned to say this
phrase. At a point when a prisoner would plead their case, King Hemoglobe
and Gobbie Gee would speak in unison and both would sayExecute Him!
This pleased King Hemoglobe and after all of the prisoners had been taken
to the gallows, King Hemoglobe handed the throne over to Gobbie so he
could begin his honourary reign. With one phrase in his mind (which he
did not understand the meaning of) Gobbie Gee pointed at King Hemoglobe
and repeatedly said, Execute Him, Execute Him! This was considered highly
unorthodox and strange by the counselors of Gobleonia but since Gobbie Gee
was king they obeyed his orders and Hemoglobe was taken out of doors and
hung. Thus began the rule of Gobbie Gee, King of Gobleonia.
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __
)( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )(
(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)
OF THE FIRST DAY
of the Rule of Gobbie Gee,
and What Came After.
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( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( ( (
As Gobbie Gee was recognized as king of Gobleonia his subjects asked
important questions of him. Gobbie Gee, said they, how wilt thou rule
this fair country? As the advisors began to council him on the benefits
and malefits of royal providence and tyranny, Gobbie Gee did interrupt
them by saying, I declare that to-day is cookie day and that everyone in
this country of my owning will be given a cookie to eat to-day. For this
Gobbie Gee was commended as a hero for there was a great famine in the
West and his gift of food allowed the peasants to live another happy and
healthy day.
As great hero and savior of Gobleonia, Gobbie Gee became known as Gobbie
the Wise and his reign was the most glorious in goblin history. He was
king for a great many years and he did see the people of his land through
times of prosperity and fierce war. That is where the real story of
Gobbie Gee begins, for his life until this point is flavourless in
contrast to the amazing tales of battle and mirth that surround his
triumphant and good rule over the empire of Gobleonia.
As the end of the firste part of this story draws nigh, we must think back
upon his birth, his abduction, his young life, his devotion to the
spiritual, and his acquisition of the throne of Gobleonia. And thus ends
the first chapter of the story of this goblin of all ages. The second
part of this story will feature tales of the return of Hob Gobling and the
Dragonomachy and of the benevolence of Gobbie Gee and of his wisdom in
international trade and the details of his marriage and the naming of his
successor. If it please the reader, this book indeed will be followed by
a second, also written by the author hereof.
Amen.
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(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)(__)
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