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The Neo-Comintern 183
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`::::::` e l e c t r o n i c m a g a z i n e
n e o - c o m i n t e r n . c o m
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s u b v e r s i v e l i t e r a t u r e f o r
s u b v e r t e d p e o p l e
d e c e m b e r 3 0 t h , 2 0 0 1
e d i t o r - b m c
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w r i t e r s :
a l t e r e c h o
b m c
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c - loser
by BMC
The Top 5 Reasons Why I Would Like to Kick the BMC's Arse
by AlterEcho
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e d i t o r ' s n o t e
- - - - ---==={PLEASE DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING!}===--- - - - -
I have been informed that there are several people in the zine world who
want to "kick [my] arse." Never being one to deny the world the ability
to verbally rape me, I've decided to print this letter to the letter, if
you catch my drift, biff.
So for all triple-slippin suckaz from continents all over the world, here
is another platinum hit for your spiteful ass.
PEACE!
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C - LOSER
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c omec loser
co mec loser
com ec loser
come c loser
come closer
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THE TOP FIVE REASONS WHY I WOULD LIKE TO KICK THE BMC'S ARSE
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After "knowing" the Boss MC for almost nine months now, I have come to the
conlusion that I would like to kick his arse. Certainly, this is no
decision that I have come to lightly, but rather, a conclusion reached
after years of arduous research and testing.
Right now you are probably thinking, "Hold on! I love the BMC! The BMC
is my most favouritest person in the whole entire world!" If this is
you, then have no fear, as for my very next article I will be including
my celebrated "Top 5 Reasons Why I Would Like to Make Love to the BMC on
a deserted Beach". So please stay tuned.
(Am I even allowed to say that in public?)
And without further ado, here is the 5th reason why I would like to kick
the BMC's arse:
5. In the last game of TEOS that we played together, BMC was named the
best pilot in the universe.
That, dear reader, is cause enough for anyone to filled with a
JEALOUS, SPITEFUL rage, surely. And if I ever come across your
spaceship 'Eos' ever again, I will blow that heap of spacejunk to
smithereens. DAMMIT I'LL BOARD THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING BOMB AND EAT ALL
YOUR PIE. WHY, I'LL SEDUCE YOUR SCIENCE OFFICER AND FEED YOUR CURSED
WEAPONS ENGINEER TO MY TWIN MUTANT EMUS!
But hey, it was all a bit of fun and I'm (almost) over it. The
therapy helps.
Here is reason number four. Treasure it, always.
4. BMC lives in the most evil and vile of empires, the continent of North
America.
As a creature from Paradise, I have eaten from the Tree of Knowledge
of Good and Evil, and my understanding of such matters far exceeds
your own. Obviously, the blight upon the aforementioned continent has
been brought upon the sons of Lucifer, aka the citizens of the United
States of America. And as everyone knows, our BMC is from beautiful
Canada. But I ask you, if Canadians dislike United States of
Americans so much, why don't they just pack up their country in their
old kit bags and move west? THEY DON'T WANT TO, is the correct
answer. And common knowledge dicates: "Educe the equine to element
aquatic, but ingurgitation must still be automatic." So nyah.
Reason number three. Shut up.
3. BMC is twenty-four. I am nineteen.
Surely this is self-explanatory, but for those of you who have the
intellect of half a glass of water, or maybe even Aerialisticish, I
will spell it out for you. Since BMC is five years older than I am,
it is likely that he will die five years before I will. As a suicidal
manic-depressive, this greatly offends me. How arrogant must BMC be
to think that he is worthy to pass on to greater things while I am
stuck here, in the chamber of false life, dripfed on recycled
nuitrients and trapped in but three dimensions? Very arrogant, that's
how much! Of course, on the other hand, this reason may just be a
RUSE, and in fact I may just be rubbing it in that BMC is really
almost middle aged! But how likely is that, I ask you?
The second from the first reason reads as follows:
2. The Boss MC has a girlfriend.
And from what he tells me, they seem very happy (apart from how he
wants to study psychology in sex so he can pick up underage gerls).
Far be it for me to begrudge anyone happiness, but frankly, it all
makes me very bitter and angry and miserable and how anyone is
supposed to work under those conditions is beyond me. Hence, it even
seems fair to draw a parallel between the BMC's happy relationship and
the success of his e-zine, and all I really have to say about that,
is if the BMC really cared about The Pleasure Zine he should lend me
his girlfriend for (at least) a week.
(Please note: The fact that I have now again contributed to the
Neo-Comintern and tainted its otherwise flawless literary values was
a secondary aside.)
And now, for the moment I'm sure you've all skipped ahead to read, the
climax of this article, Reason Numero Uno!
1. The Neo-Comintern installment number 85.
Have you read that shit? Highly unlikely. NO-ONE can read that. And
if anyone thinks they can, I'd like to kick their arse too, dammit.
Okay so here's how it went down. I decided to teach my friend how to
speak l33t. And installment number 85 of N-Com easily is the most
definitive guide of our generation. Containing the article
"Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Being Elite", written by -
yes, you guessed it - BMC, its five step plan seems comprehensive.
There are worked examples and easy tables to follow and even a brief
historical discourse. But step five shall haunt me for the rest of my
days. WHAT ARE THE FINAL FOUR WORDS OF L33TSPEAK GODDAMMIT??? I
SPENT AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR TRYING TO DECIPHER THAT SHIT BEST I COULD
COME UP WITH WAS THIS:
Question: What is black and white and weonea itnbe teesnr gdo-k!?!?!?!!
I mean, what the fuck?
And you know the worst thing about it? He never did follow up with
Esperanto.
The evidence lies in front of you. Clearly, beyond a shadow of a doubt,
on the balance of probablities, in the eyes of a reasonable person, BMC
deserves an arse-whupping as much as anyone. Will justice prevail? Will
AlterEcho, one day, stand face to face with The Boss MC, then running
around behind him and delivering the coup de grace? Only time will tell.
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The Neo-Comintern Magazine / Online Magazine is seeking submissions.
Unpublished stories and articles of an unusual, experimental, or
anti-capitalist nature are wanted. Contributors are encouraged to
submit works incorporating any or all of the following: Musings, Delvings
into Philosophy, Flights of Fancy, Freefall Selections, and Tales of
General Mirth. The more creative and astray from the norm, the better.
For examples of typical Neo-Comintern writing, see our website at
<http://www.neo-comintern.com>.
Submissions of 25-4000 words are wanted; the average article length is
approximately 200-1000 words. Send submissions via email attachment to
<bmc@neo-comintern.com>, or through ICQ to #29981964.
Contributors will receive copies of the most recent print issue of The
Neo-Comintern; works of any length and type will be considered for
publication in The Neo-Comintern Online Magazine and/or The Neo-Comintern
Magazine.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
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| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
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| Questions? Comments? Submissions? |
| Email BMC at bmc@neo-comintern.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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c o p y r i g h t 2 0 0 1 b y #183-12/30/01
t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n
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