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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 5 8
We Are the New International
June 17th, 2001
Editor: BMC
Writers:
Gnarly Wayne
BMC
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ Things That I Am Afraid Of: Telephones - BMC $
$ First True Love Affair - Gnarly Wayne $
`q p'
`nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'
EDITOR'S NOTE
(please do not read the following)
I'm not really a snake, but I hiss on my Ses.
*DIGRESSION* there is no way to write the plural of S and have it
make sense. Damn you, language! *END DIGRESSION*
It's not so bad, but the waitress looks at me funny when she brings
me my drink and I say "Thankssssss."
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;P THINGS THAT I AM AFRAID OF: TELEPHONES .b
`q by BMC p'
`nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'
Oh for god's love do I hate the telephone. What better way to violate a
person's privacy than by pressing a combination of buttons, creating a loud
and annoying ringing sound that they can not turn off without picking up the
phone, and then speaking to them after they pick up said phone, all the
while having no regard for what they might have otherwise been doing.
The phone is not a device of convenience, but convenience is the least I
require from an exchange of dialogue. If I am watching a moving picture or
writing a story about cats I do not want to be interrupted by anything. I
cannot think of any method of communication that is more intrusive and more
useless.
If oral transmission is so wonderful then why did they make books? And
movies? And television? And email? And music?
Oh wait, but you can "transfer" music over the telephone, right? Oh yes,
and I bet it would sound wonderful too. Have you ever had someone play a
song for you over the phone and even remotely enjoyed it? Ever said "the
bass sounds great"? NO. Because the telephone is a worthless invention and
Alexander Graham Bell was a hack who should have spent his time inventing
something that I would find to be useful.
For crying out loud, it's barely a step up from the telegraph, and at least
the telegraph allows you to pick your messages up from the dispatcher at
your leisure.
Now when somebody calls me they usually have no idea why I don't want to
talk to them. Reason number one is that it involves a telephone - an
infernal device that I hate and wish I could rid the world of entirely.
Reason number two - there is no reason number two. I just prefer exchanging
manuscripts, email, ICQ, mailing letters via Post Office, sticky notes, or
EVEN meeting face to face.
But actually, when I am walking down the street and I unexpectedly bump into
someone I do not know what to say to them and I stand there uncomfortably
until they go away. It's not out of dislike, I'm just not ready. It's too
much like the telephone. I don't know what to say to them. I can't think
of a way to prevent such chance encounters, but at least I can do something
about my telephone. I believe I may rid myself of the burden of phone
communication altogether sometime in the near future. In the meantime, just
please don't call me. It can be extremely upsetting at times.
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;P FIRST TRUE LOVE AFFAIR .b
`q by Gnarly Wayne p'
`nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'
His eyes drank in her beauty as she removed her sheer, see-thru
nightie. They embraced for what seem like an eternity and then looked deep
into each other's eyes. A soft kiss followed, gradually getting more and
more passionate as the lovers hands began to explore one another in
intimate detail. As they moved in complete rhythm, she spoke softly into
his ear whilst nibbling gently on it.
"I feel as if we are one when we are together like this. Our souls
join and become complete. Our love is immortal and indefinate. Our kindred
spirits will transcend all meaning of time and space and last throughout
the eons. I could not and never will love anybody or anything as much as I
love you right as this moment."
"Bo-o-ring.", I said.
"You fiend!", she barked. "See how you like my Super Fast Spin Blade
attack."
block block block block block block block block slice
"Ahhh... I hath been wounded.", I gasped. "But not mortally,
unfortunetly for you, my dear. Let's see how you handle a taste of my
-=*SUPER MEGA DEATH ATOMIC FROZEN LAVA FIREBALL*=-
"Aiiieeeeee!", she screamed.
"Finish her!", I said to myself.
"But first, I'm going to finish breakfast.", I replied.
munch munch munch munch
The End
P.S. Based on a true story. Everything is true except for the
relationship part.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 |
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2001 by The Neo-Comintern #158-06/17/01
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.
