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The Neo-Comintern 132
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 3 2
We Are the New International
December 10th, 2000
Editor: BMC
Writers:
Reverend McSweeny
BMC
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ Cronos' Death and What Happened Afterward - BMC $
$ The Lettuce is My Savior, I Shall Not Want - Reverend McSweeny $
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EDITOR'S NOTE
Sleepytime tales:
"Bazaars, Emporiums, and Trading Posts"
Have something to do that day cause if not you will dwell on the
pointlessness and be unhappy for a long time it starts off with a sigh and
decays into a surprise pitfall into the dark cavern that opens up when you
take an open view of the world if you have that open mind you let
evertything in, and then when you start eliminating the things which seem
unlikely as everyone eventually does when you become reasonable you have
this big gap that collapses then it is empty and floppy and you could
probably store a few litres of water in there so what do you do but pray
that it can be filled back up by the fantasies that used to amuse you back
when you were naive does it ever fill back up well as logician and hero of
the masses richard billy soleau once said one never know perhaps those were
the most profound words i ever heard they were the words of authority the
voice of reason speaking to my generation giving
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;P CRONOS' DEATH AND WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARD .b
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Today when storytellers talk about the gods they say that there were twelve
main ones who dwelled on Mount Olympus, city of the gods. On a time there
was one chief god named Cronos, creator of all things. He ruled the world
from the City of Atlantis, which at this time was not underwater but in the
midst of the earth's great plains between the Americas and the Euro-Afrikas.
This is where Cronos created the first (and to this day, the most
interesting and beautiful) creatures, and the plants were not too bad
either. But creating was not what Cronos was doing on this day. He knew
his time was nearly ended and he had to hand control of things over to his
four great children.
"OK," Cronos said as he sat on his throne in the palace of The Gods, "I need
a few people to start doing stuff around here. I'm getting old and I am
almost done so I need you kids to take over the family business of running
the world." Hades, Zeus, Poseidon, and Proteus stood around, anxious for
Cronos to continue.
"You all know that I have brought you here to divide the world among you, so
I will be brief and lay down my final judgement. But before I do so, let me
tell you what ruling the world has meant to me. It has been a long time
since I was handed the world from my grandfather, Chaos, and I must say I've
done quite a nice job with it. I have transformed it from a swirling,
mind-numbing abyss into a very nice planet. Some of my favorite moments so
far have been the creation of trees, birds, water, and, of course,
hundred-handed ones. I have also created other timeless classics such as
humynkind, my many many many children that I produced with numerous
beautiful females, and the most flawless gem of all, the city of Atlantis!"
When the old man mentioned Atlantis, tension radiated from everyone in the
room because all knew that the fields and creatures of Atlantis were the
greatest features of Cronos' creations. There was a moment of silence, and
Cronos spoke again:
"My wisest, strongest, and most coolest son, Poseidon, I am leaving you in
charge of the seas. Everything that falls within the realm of water is
yours to command and to protect. I am also bequeathing to you the power to
live under the water and grant the same ability to others. This will make
it possible to build a great underwater kingdom, something that I always
wanted to do but never got around to.
"To my loving son Hades, I am leaving you the kingdom of the dead. Although
many people live on the Earth, there are more in the world beyond. This
kingdom is the largest because nobody can ever leave it. The afterworld,
Hades, is the property of you, my brilliant child. This is your reward.
Your responsibility, on the other hand, is to do some things which are not
as fashionable as you have become used to here in the holy Atlantis. You
will have to bring all of the dead souls to your city until either the last
mortal's life has passed or until you start making enough income that you
can afford to subcontract some assistants. Even so, there will still be a
lot of paperwork so complicated that no mortal will be able to understand
it, so, in other words, your hands are full forever m'boy.
"Zeus, I know how fond you are of the vacation cottage which we refer to as
Olympus, so that is part of your reward. You are in charge of everything
that I have not yet mentioned. You are also burdened with the greatest
responsibility of all, the irreverant race called Homo Sapien (Cronos was a
fucking asshole and liked to diss the humans a lot). Until this time I have
found it necessary to keep a close watch on them, because I suspect that
left unattended they would get into all sorts of trouble. The irony, my
son, is that if you wish to prevent the humans from destroying themselves
and the rest of the earth, you will have no time to spend at the getaway.
"That is all," said Cronos. Everyone looked at Proteus, who had not been
mentioned in the father's speech. He looked as though he were about to cry,
and the rest of the brothers knew fully well that he deserved nothing, being
no more than the insolent bastard son of The House of Atlantis. Then, as
though delivering the punchline of the world's first joke, Cronos spoke
again.
"...except for Proteus. Proteus, the vile and conniving child of mine who
has studied the lessons of war and struck many times at his brothers...
Proteus, who has repeatedly broken my heart, and who has caused suffering to
a family of gods... To Proteus, I leave..." And with that, he collapsed.
The gods gathered around their dying father and waited.
For many years the children stayed with their father in silent vigil,
waiting for his next word or his death. For years the activity on earth
became irratic. Glaciers began to melt and the oceans swelled. Humans,
having no way of dying while the city of the dead was out of service,
populated the shrinking masses of land until there was no room to move
around. Prometheus stole fire and mortals did not know how to use it
responsibly, so it caused pain and suffering among the mortals. They began
to fight among themselves, then they divided the world and created armies
and war. Things happened that Cronos would never have imagined possible.
The human race became savage and the beings were attempting to destroy each
other. For years the condition of the world worsened in the absensce of
gods, and in seventy years time Cronos spoke his final words and then his
life ended.
There was a great debate over his last words were. Although it is not
disputed that he delivered the responsibily of Proteus, each son of Atlantis
heard what he said differently. Proteus swore that Cronos said "Atlantis,"
the home of the gods, and the ruling power of the world. This meant that
Proteus was to be king of the gods! The others, however, distinctly heard
Cronos' words as "The Curse of The Mantis," something that was undoubtedly
bad, but a legend as of yet unheard of by the brothers. Proteus insisted
that Atlantis was his, and threatened to murder the other brothers if they
did not accept his judgement. The others left Atlantis and converged at the
Olympus Mountain cottage to discuss their lots.
Poseidon and Hades were both extremely pleased with their inheritances.
Poseidon had always loved the waters, having grown up near the coast of
Atlantis. He was intrigued by the idea of living beneath the seas, and he
was convinced that he could sculpt it into a great kingdom. Hades also was
excited to begin performing experiments on the undead such as forming a
group of zombie scientists and creating the world's first Monster Labour
Camps.
Zeus, on the other hand, was unhappy. He didn't want the burden of looking
after the world, so he asked the others for help.
"My brothers, is there any way that we could arrange some sort of
compromise?" Hades and Poseidon thought carefully. As Poseidon looked
down on the world, he saw all of the mayhem that was occuring as a result of
the absence of the gods.
"I have noticed that in our absence things have been changing. Perhaps if
we continue to neglect our godly duties for long enough," said Poseidon,
"the glaciers will continue to melt and the land will be submerged. When a
good deal of the world is covered with water, I will look after the
water-crested sections, and Hades can accomodate for the drowned!" This was
acceptable to all parties, since the ambitious Poseidon and Hades were eager
to expand their empires, while Zeus would be more satisfied after his
kingdom shrunk.
When the flooding was complete, Poseidon went to survey his mighty water
kingom. He walked and swam around, observing the many new hectares that had
been added to his kingdom. He stumbled upon a piece of land that he thought
he had seen before. There were magnificant towers and ivory walls, all
which seemed familiar, but hard to recognize at such distance. As he got
closer he recognized it all as the plains of Atlantis (now the underwater
plains of Atlantis). The kingdom was underwater and Proteus himself could
not deny that anything submerged in water was the domain of the mighty
Poseidon.
When Poseidon confronted him, Proteus attempted to commit suicide, but
Poseidon reminded him that Hades was still in Olympus on vacation. This
angered him further, and knowing that there was no escape from cruel reality
he decided to live recklessly. Knowing that Hades was not working, he rode
his three headed dog into Atlantis. He demanded that the entire sea be
handed over or he would kill Poseidon, and at that moment Hades appeared,
feasting on some sea weeds.
"That horse can't live underwater, you know." Hades said it calmly, and
Proteus wept as Hades made it die. The now-undead creature bacame property
of Hades.
"It's a dog," said Proteus.
"Oh. What's his name?" asked Hades, still munching.
"Dog," Proteus said loudly.
Hades said, "I think I like Cerberus better. That's its new name."
Proteus wept, and knowing that with Hades back at work death was possible
again, he tried to commit suicide.
"You're immortal, Proteus. You can't die anyway." said Poseidon. And then
he banned Proteus from the kingdom of Atlantis. Such is the way of The
Curse of The Mantis, and that is just the way it happened.
Epilogue, anyone? Zeus never really got into his job, and such is evident
by all of the confusion that exists the surface world. Hades has always
worked dilligently, as can be seen by the number of creatures that have
proven to be immortal (not many). Poseidon rebuilt the city of Atlantis
into a glorious kingdom, and Proteus went on to fail at a great many things,
the most significant being the founding of the ill-fated underwater city of
Cavercus. But you've heard many of those stories before and you will hear
many more in the future, so I will end the tale of Cronos' death here.
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;P THE LETTUCE IS MY SAVIOR, I SHALL NOT WANT .b
`q by Reverend McSweeny p'
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So I look up from the sheet, and what to my wondering eyes did appear?
Before I could check, I was answered in the most mellifluous of tones. "I'm
the Big J.C., yeah, you know me. I'm down with the... uh.. DDT."
Bewildered as I was by this turn of events, I thought it best to remain
neutral.
"Mauve?" I offered. Quite obviously impressed, Big J.C. ignored me
thoroughly.
In the satisfied silence, I took the opportunity to see just what I was
talking to. After perhaps 10 minutes of close scrutiny, realization slowly
dawned.
"What happened to the Royal boxes?" I demanded. No answer.
"Don't get me wrong, I prefer this new box. Much more sturdy, a nice shade
of brown... but why?" No answer.
Fuck this, I thought. I don't need to waste time on a bloody box of lettuce
anyway. I--my knee!.
I'd completely forgotten to put any money in. No wonder.
After depositing 1.74 bushels of funds, things started to get plastic again.
Asked why I wasn't impressed at seeing my Saviour, I began to think
something might be wrong.
"You do know that... how do I put this... you're a couple hundred boxes of
lettuce, don't you?"
"Yes. It's symbolic."
Perplexed by what this could possibly mean, I began gutting a lemur.
Inspiration half-struck.
"Like how lettuce is always on food, but it's not actually food itself?" I
half-suggested, in the proper manner I had practised daily in school.
"Yes, for you see I am -- no. You... Lettuce is like.." A look of genuine
confusion managed to wash over the boxes of lettuce. "I must admit that I
hadn't exactly thought this out properly. I remember the point, though.
You should repent. And... don't do drugs? Sorry. I've got to go"
This odd sequence of being first impressed and then disimpressed with
religion in such a short time left me feeling both hungry and purple. I
decided the one true way to right things was from the inside; I joined the
church. Today I may only be a Reverend, but soon I shall have attained the
rank of Saviour myself and will fix all that is wrong with this institution.
Love,
Reverend Merv McSweeney
the N-Com's 31337 undercover operative in charge of disestablishment.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| TWILIGHT ZONE (905) 432-7667 |
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #132-12/10/00
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
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