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The Neo-Comintern 127
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t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 2 7
We Are the New International
November 5th, 2000
Editor: BMC
Writers:
Gnarly Wayne
BMC
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;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ N-Com Adventure - Gnarly Wayne $
$ Wiccaporn - BMC $
`q p'
`nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'
EDITOR'S NOTE
Oh my god, I opened up the local campus newspaper, and to my surprise
they had the following to say about the Neo-Comintern:
"hi there, i'm a reviewer for the sheaf, and this is waht i have to
say abuot the N-Com. it's stupid, infantile, the writers obsess about
obviously peurile issues, and their mastery of language is half-assed at
best. love, the sheaf. (sic all)"
In response, Margarina Cataclysma was quoted by The Neo-Comintern as
saying, "UH, Yeah, OK. What would YOU rather read, stupid sheaf-head?
Boring shit about school or other -actually INTERESTING FUNNY- stuff? You
fucking nazi whore. I hate the sheaf. It reports stuff two weeks late.
GAH! I don't even want to think about this. Piss off."
Margarina was also quick to add, "Once a clot is formed, contraction
of the platelets trapped within the clot shrinks the fibrin meshwork,
pulling the edges of the damaged vessel closer together. During clot
retraction, fluid is squeezed from the clot...."
There you have it - the critics have spoken.
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;P N-COM ADVENTURE .b
`q by Gnarly Wayne p'
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Welcome to N-Com Adventure.
What is your character's name?
- Tom Brown
Welcome, Tom Brown! What class character would you like to be?
writer editor
- writer
You write! What race would you like to be?
human
- Human, I guess.
You are human!
Front Door of the N-Com Hedquarters
You arrive at a run down shack. You can hear Sons of Prozac playing from
within. It's sounds as if it is playing live.
- enter door
Foyer of the N-Com Headquarters
A gold chandelier hangs from the impressive 60-foot high ceiling.
Priceless paintings hang from every wall, and in every corner of this four-
cornered room, a large pile of gems lies. A large staircase heads up to
the second level.
- walk staircase
You can't go in that direction!
- go staircase
You can't go in that direction!
- list exits
Possible exits are:
Staircase
- go staircase
You can't go in that direction!
- quit
You can't go in that direction!
- shut up, dumb game
You can't go in that direction!
- walk staircase
OK.
A figure starts to walk down the staircase to you. It is one of the highly
respected writers of the N-Com, the High Cog! He greets you with open arms.
- fight Cog
You win. You find nothing on his corpse, except a new article.
- get article
It sucks, as usual.
- destroy article and corpse
You get 500 experience. Welcome to level 2!
You gain:
10 hit points
10 magic points
a magic sword
a Staff of Ra
- wield Staff of Ra
You lost a Staff of Ra!
- find Staff of Ra
Nope! It's gone. Would you like to wield the magic sword instead?
- Nope
You wield a magic sword!
- Darn
ha Ha.
Anyway, you go up the stairs and find a long hallway with two doors in it.
One is labelled "Lair of the BMC" and the other is labelled "Wayne's Drinking
Emporium".
- enter Drinking Emporium
Wayne's Drunk Emporium
As you enter this diamond-filled room, you see a Wayne sitting in a
lawn chair, drinking Gin and Socko. He is reading the holy Quran. He offers
you a drink.
- accept drink
After several hours of drinking, you are very drunk with Wayne.
You have won the game!
- Cool
Just kidding, there is more.
- More drinking?
No. Wayne kicks you out cause he wants to drink by himself.
- OK, go to the BMC thingie instead
The dangerous "Lair of the BMC"? oooooh!
- Yeah, whatever.
Lair of da BMC
BMC is busy penning another pro-capitalism masterpiece when you stumble
in upon him. "What is this?", the BMC screams. "An intruder!"
Suddenly, you are surrounded by 17 gold men!
- fight gold men
You maim a gold man for 145 damage.
A gold man falls down...... dead.
A gold man hits you for 47 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 34 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 65 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 45 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 57 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 23 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 4 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 56 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 72 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 23 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 73 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 43 hit points.
BMC sells you some lemonade in a crystal glass.
You lose 20 golds.
A gold man hits you for 12 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 96 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 34 hit points.
A gold man hits you for 56 hit points.
You are in awful condition!
- invoke Staff of Ra
You invoke the Staff of Ra and DECIMATE all the gold men.
- I thought I lost the Staff of Ra.
oh..... whoops.
A BMC whips out his penis cage and dons it.
A BMC is glowing brightly!
A BMC has grown!
A BMC is enchanting!
- hide from BMC
A BMC is easily fooled!
You are now hiding from a BMC.
- hide until BMC dies
But a BMC is immortal! Why don't you pick a more plausible course of action?
- like what?
Like destroying all the print copies of the Neo-Comintern, including ones
already sold, then formating his hard drive, effectively destroying the
Neo-Comintern.
- OK.
A BMC stops you!
A BMC is glaring at you!
A BMC raises his fist!
A BMC sells you some lemonade in a crystal glass!
You lose 20 golds.
A BMC kills you!
Game is over.
- play again
Naw, I'm sick of it.
- But I must!
No.
- But I must!
Quit trying to be a stupid computer game.
- Sorry
You can't go in that direction!
- This game sucks
- Quit
C:\FUNGAMES
cd\piznorn
C:\PIZNORN
cshow nudelady.jpg
You wield the nude lady!
A BMC hits you for 187 damage!
You sure are bleeding!
- What's going on?
A BMC is kicking your ass!
- I wanted to masterbate to nudelady.jpg
A BMC has disarmed you!
A BMC is taking advantage of nudelady.jpg
- What?
A BMC has deleted nudelady.jpg!
- Nooooooooooooo.
You have won the game. You are now the leader of the Neo-Comintern.
T H E E N D
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;P WICCAPORN .b
`q by BMC p'
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Cog wrote a timeless classic back in good ol' issue 58, and it went
by the name of "Art Review". This article changed the Comintern forever, and
the two remaining fans referred to the article simply as "Wiccaporn". Ever
since the issue was put up on the site, we have recieved tons of mail asking
exactly what wiccaporn is, how to find it, and if we will please remove the
article from our site. Surprisingly, it seems that about 50% of people have
wiccaporn on their hard drive without even knowing it. So in the interests
of the pornography connoisseur, here is our guide to determining whether a
picture is regular pornography or wiccaporn.
1) Is it attractive at all?
If so, it is probably not wiccaporn.
2)i) Is there a body piercing?
If so, it could possibly be wiccaporn.
ii) Is it an action piercing shot?
If so, it is likely wiccaporn.
iii) Is the flesh being pierced by human teeth?
If so, it is probably wiccaporn.
3) Is there an animal in the picture? (Chris Otsig does count as a non-human
animal)
If so, it could be be wiccaporn.
4)i) Is there blood in the picture?
If so, it could be wiccaporn.
ii) Is it human blood?
If so, it is likely wiccaporn.
If not, it is probably wiccaporn.
5) Does Cog get aroused by and masturbate while looking at it?
If so, it is definitely wiccaporn.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #127-11/05/00
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.
